I'm Not Strong Enough to Stay Away
by Garideth
Summary: Gari and Ella are best friends and hunters. Their one rule: avoid the Winchesters at all costs. But they find the Winchesters aren't all that easy to avoid. 5th season, after "Abandon All Hope." COMPLETE!
1. This Life

**I've considered going back and correcting these early chapters and flushing them out and just rewriting them so they aren't as god-awful as I feel they are, but then I got nostalgic. I realized that I like looking back and seeing how far my writing skills have progressed since I first started this story in November of 2011. I mean, back then, I thought I was a good writer, and I absolutely loved it, but now I have so much confidence in my abilities. I know I'm not the best out there—nowhere near it—but I do love my own writing style, and it seems like a few other people besides me do too.**

**So, if you're reading this for the first time, I have two things to tell you.  
>First: Welcome! If you're here, that means you love <strong>_**Supernatural**_**, so we should get along just fine!  
>Second: My writing <strong>_**does **_**get better. My chapters get longer and more detailed; my characters get more filled out and likeable; my story actually develops a story**_**line**_**. However (and I know this may turn some of you off), it doesn't really become something I'm totally proud of until about chapter ten. I took like a two-month break in between posting the ninth and tenth chapters, and I learned a lot and progressed talent-wise so much in that short amount of time. So, if you're willing to put up with not-so-terrible-but-not-so-fantastic-writing for about nine chapters to get to the good stuff, you're my new best friend, and I wuv you like Dean wuvs hugs.**

**Ah, but I ramble. This should be my longest Author's Note you new readers will see. (There's also one at the end of this, and I promise **_**that **_**is the longest one you'll see.)**

**I don't own **_**Supernatural**_**. But this whole chapter is MINE.**

"Will ya hurry it up with the damn spell already?!" Ella snarled at me, grimacing in pain. The knife wound was deep, and I knew it hurt like hell. "_Damn_, I hate demons!"

"Yeah, yeah. I know," I said calmly, lifting up the bottom of my friend's shirt to inspect the damage. I placed my hand over the gash and concentrated on healing it, and as the skin sewed itself together, Ella let out a string of curse words under her breath.

"Damnit, that _hurts_," she complained.

"Would you rather I _not_ heal it next time?" I asked her, raising my eyebrows.

"No…" Ella replied dejectedly. "Thanks, Gari," she added.

"What are friends for?" It was times like this when I really appreciated my powers. If I hadn't had them, we would've had to stitch the wound up ourselves, with Ella drinking her pain away. This method saved time _and_ a whole lot of hurt, even if Ella had a low pain tolerance.

"So're ya plannin' on perfectin' that demon-killin' thing anytime soon?" Ella asked me, resituating herself on our shared queen-sized bed. "'Cause that would be real helpful."

"Whenever I get the chance to practice repeatedly on a demon," I replied matter-of-factly.

"Well then, let's go hunt some more demons!" she suggested enthusiastically.

"Okay, I may have mysteriously awesome supernatural powers, but you still need to rest a bit, regain your strength."

"What're ya talkin' about? I feel completely fine, good as new!" Ella persisted. "See?" She jumped up from the bed, then swayed a little and fell back down beside me, contradicting herself. "'Kay," she amended shakily. "Rest sounds good."

I laughed, saying, "That's what I thought."

Ella grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV. "Hey, free HBO!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"_Game_ _of_ _Thrones_!" we squealed simultaneously. (I don't squeal for much—I'm just not that type—but this show is definitely an exception.)

"Sean Bean, here we come!" I crowed happily.

We were fortunate enough to catch a _Game_ _of_ _Thrones_ marathon, so we got to catch up on everything we'd missed. I know it's stupid for hunters to get addicted to TV shows, but Sean Bean was just _so _fucking awesome, especially as Boromir in _Lord_ _of_ _the_ _Rings_. And _Game_ _of_ _Thrones_ was very Tolkien-esque.

After having our fill of violence in Westeros, we decided to go to bed.

Ella was out within minutes. I stared at her sleeping form, wondering over our relationship. I wouldn't call it a friendship, really; it was more than that, more like… sisterhood. Ever since that one day ten years ago, when her father had saved me from a couple of vampires, we had become dangerously codependent.

I had acted like a fill-in for an older sister, for she had lost her actual older sister, Camilla, to a werewolf when she was ten and Camilla was twelve. I joined up with Ella and Greg when I was sixteen and Ella fourteen. I was the same age as Camilla would have been, had she been alive. Greg and Ella had accepted me eagerly, trying to fill the hole that Camilla had left. If it wasn't for them, I'd probably be dead.

Ella woke up suddenly and noticed me staring at her. "Whassa matter?" she asked groggily, rubbing her eyes.

"Nothing, Elle," I assured her quietly. "Go back to sleep." She nodded barely and closed her eyes again. "Goodnight, Ella," I whispered, then fell asleep as well.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

My dream that night was a memory from my childhood.

I was in my old house, the one that I had lived in until I was nine. "Garideth!" someone yelled, and I knew instantly what memory it was. _No!_ I thought, horrified. _No, no, no! Wake up, wake up!_ But of course, it was no use. Dreams aren't that easy to escape, especially when they're nightmares. I would know. "Garideth, don't make me come up there!" my father yelled again, and I trembled in fear.

"Coming, Daddy," I heard someone say feebly, then I realized that the words had come out of my mouth. I felt like my little nine year old self again, the same misery, the same loneliness, the same _fear._ I walked down the stairs against my will, as if someone else were controlling me. "Y-yes, Daddy?" I said, coming to a stop in the kitchen.

He was sitting there at the table, drunk worse than ever before, just how I remembered him. He raised the bottle to his lips and took a long swig before turning to me. "What took you so long?" he slurred angrily.

"I-I don't k-know," I stuttered, staring down at my bare feet.

"I'm hungry!" he barked, glaring at me.

"W-what d'you want to eat?" I asked, already moving to the cabinet.

"Surprise me," he growled. I stood on tiptoes to reach the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. It was what he always wanted when he was drunk. He'd been there enough for me to know.

Five minutes later, I heaped the whole thing of mac and cheese onto a large plate. "Here you go, Daddy," I said, shaking slightly. Just then, a spasm of fear shook me and the plate slipped from my fingers, splattering its contents and china fragments across the kitchen floor. My hands flew over my mouth in terror. "I'm so sorry, Daddy!" I said automatically. "I didn't mean to; it was an acci—"

I was cut off as he slapped me hard on the cheek, hard enough to knock me down. As I tried to get away, he grabbed me by my hair, pulling me up to face him. "You're just a little fuck-up, aren't you?!" he snarled. ""Fuck up everything, don't you?! You hadn't been born, your mother wouldn't have left, you little piece of shit!"

"Daddy, please!" I screamed, struggling with all my might. He let go of my hair and I scrambled to my feet, running to the pantry and slamming the door, then leaning against it to try to keep it shut.

"You let me in, Garideth!" my father yelled, beating on the door forcefully. "You let me in right now!"

I wrapped my arms around my legs and tucked my head down, tears pouring out of my tightly closed eyes. "Leave me alone," I whimpered. "Please leave me alone!"

A sudden pain started in my chest then, burning my insides like fire. I started screaming, squeezing my eyes shut even tighter, praying to a god I had never believed in that the pain would just _stop._

A light flashed so bright that it hurt my closed eyes, then the pain stopped, and so did my father's incessant pounding on the door.

Opening my eyes, I untangled my arms and legs and stood up shakily. "Daddy?" I called, hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't answer. "Daddy?" I called again when he didn't. I figured he had finally passed out, more than likely in a puddle of his own vomit.

I opened the pantry door warily and immediately started screaming again. There in front of me, where my father's unconscious body should have been, were the charred remains of a corpse. I knew at once that it was my fault somehow, and that just made me scream more.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I sat up abruptly, my heart racing faster than I would've thought possible. I glanced around wildly, for a second thinking that I was still in that house. I noticed Ella sitting at the table, papers spread out in front of her, staring at me worriedly. "Your dad?" she asked quietly.

I held my hand over my heart, waiting for it to start beating normally again. "Isn't it always?" I replied finally, not wanting to talk about it. I'd had that nightmare sporadically since the night my powers had manifested and I had accidentally killed my father. It was always the same, and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Hungry?" Ella asked me, gesturing to a paper bag.

"Nothing meaty, I hope?" I got up and walked to her, my breathing still coming a bit shorter than normal.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Ya been a vegetarian for the whole ten years I've known ya. When do I _ever_ get ya somethin' meaty?"

I smirked a little and sat down in the chair across from her, rummaging in the bag. "What do we have?" I asked, pulling out some pathetic-looking fruit salad stuff. I started picking out everything but the strawberries, finally just tossing the thing back in to the bag in annoyance.

"Well, conveniently enough, 'bout two towns over, there's been three unsolved murders. Doors and windows still locked, no sign of struggle or anything."

"Let's go, then!" I said, eager to leave this town and my nightmare behind.

We packed our bags and headed out to Ella's car, a blue convertible '69 Chevy Impala. She treated that thing like it was her baby, coaxing it into running even when there was no way it should still be working after all the shit Greg had put it through. She would always love that car more than anything, for it had belonged to Greg, and he had passed it down to his daughter the day he died. It was the only thing she had left of him.

My hand went absentmindedly to the amulet around my neck. I had taken it from my mother's jewelry box the night my father died. He always caught me staring at it, and that was another of the many things that made him angry.

I ran my finger over the pentagram etched into the center. This led me to believe that she had been a hunter, or had at least been knowledgeable about the supernatural. I felt as if I was honoring her memory somehow by hunting, even though I doubt she would've wanted me in the life. What parent would? But it was the only thing I could do to feel close to her, so I took it.

**Told you it's not that fantastic.**

**Also, since I did have a lot of people comment on the similarities of my characters and the boys, I'm going to do the whole "my own creations" speech.**

**Gari is, as you've probably noticed, a small form of self-insert. Any and all OCs are, no matter how amazing and detailed they may be. Obviously, I don't have her powers. You'll also find that she has quite a temper, which I also don't have, and she isn't insecure in the **_**least**_**, which I am. She is a vegetarian—**_**not **_**because I'm trying to make her similar to Sam or yada yada yada—but because I've always wanted to be a vegetarian, but I can't make myself give up meat, so I live vicariously through her. (Isn't that the purpose of an OC?) **

**Ella was inspired by a mixture of two of my friends and by the **_**Avatar: The Last Airbender **_**character, Ty Lee. I wanted Ella to be the exact opposite of Gari—whilst Gari is bitchy and pessimistic and hating the world, Ella is the perfect Southern Belle: optimistic and innocent and friendly. I felt like, at Gari's current state, she needed someone to balance her attitude out. (Plus, again, it's an OC fic, and I wanted Dean to have somebody. It also takes place during the fifth season, and I've never liked Lisa, so Ella is kind of her replacement.)**

**And as for the blue convertible 1969 Chevy Impala, that is NOT because of Baby. I've just always loved old muscle cars in general, and Baby is my favorite, and my dad's friend has a car like the one Ella and Gari have, and it's my second favorite, so I gave them that car. **

**Regarding personalities, I didn't plan for Ella to be similar to Sam and Gari to be similar to Dean. I just started writing, and that's how they ended up. But isn't there some psychological thing that says people will be attracted to those who remind them of someone significant in their lives? Most of the time, it means guys will go for girls who are similar to their mothers and girls will go for guys who are similar to their fathers. Well, the most significant people in Sam's and Dean's lives are each other, so it makes sense that they would be attracted to people who reminded them of each other. Okay, sorry, I'll stop with the psych discussion now, even though I love it.**

**Anyway, if you've taken the time to read this chapter (and both of my super long Author's Notes), I just want to thank you. Even if you aren't going to continue this story, thanks for taking the time out to read at least a little of it. And if you **_**are **_**going to continue reading, you officially have all of my love and devotion!**

**So drop me a review or a private message—a follow or a favorite would be almost as great—and maybe go check out some of my one-shots or my randomly updated Castiel story. **

**Thanks again, guys.**

**Dasvidaniya! **


	2. Shakin' Hands

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_**or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

"So _you_ found the body?" Ella asked the woman, using her business voice. The woman nodded, her head in her hands. "And will ya describe what ya saw?"

"But… but I've already told the Feds," the woman replied, sniffling. "Two of you guys came by earlier today; why do I need to tell you again?" Ella and I shared a knowing look. That meant there were other hunters here, investigating the same case. Normal Feds wouldn't investigate a case like this, not this early on, anyway.

"We like to go back sometimes and re-check the information," I told the woman gently. "Just to make sure we've got our facts straight."

She nodded slightly and took a deep breath. "Okay, well, I came home from working the night shift at the hospital and I walked in here and there she was, just… just laying there. Her throat was slit open and she was still… gurgling."

Ella made a face and I shook my head sadly. "We're sorry for your loss. We'll find out who did this as soon as possible," I told the woman, placing my hand reassuringly on her shoulder.

As we exited the apartment building, Ella said, "Spirit?"

"Definitely." I nodded in agreement, getting into the car.

"Yay, research," she said dejectedly.

"Yeah, like you do any of it," I retorted, pulling my laptop out of its case. "Man, I hope our hotel has Wi-Fi."

"Hey, um, Gari?" Ella said slowly.

"Yes, you can go to the bar down the street while I research," I said, instantly knowing what she was going to ask. "But you're leaving the car at the hotel. You can walk to the bar; it won't take but like five minutes."

"Yay, you're awesome!" Ella cheered, pulling into the motel parking lot.

"I'm aware," I replied, getting out of the car. "Got the room key?" She pulled it out of her pocket and handed it to me, then I unlocked the door and went inside, taking a seat at the table.

Ella took the elastic out of her hair and shook out her strawberry blonde curls. She pulled a tube of lip-gloss out of her pocket and smeared it on her lips, puckering them at me and giggling. Taking off her jacket, she said, "Don't be too long! Come have fun!"

"I'll try my best." I told her as I powered up my laptop.

"I'll find a guy for ya!" Ella said excitedly.

"Get outta here, hot stuff!" I said, rolling my eyes, and she laughed and left the room. I brought up a search engine and typed in the name of the apartment complex, searching for anything of importance.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I walked into the bar, looking around for Ella. I finally spotted her sitting up at the bar with one of the best-looking guys I had ever seen. He had short, blonde-brown hair and the face of a male model. The corners of his full lips were currently turned up in a slight smirk.

"Damn," I muttered under my breath in awe. At that moment, Ella turned and saw me, then started waving enthusiastically. I waved back half-heartedly, then found a table not too far from the bar so I could keep an eye on her. I didn't feel like conning some poor guy out of his money today; despite everything, I was still dwelling on my nightmare.

"It's annoying, isn't it?" a deep, soft voice said, making me jump. I looked up to see _the _most amazing guy in the world, no, the _universe._ He had shaggy brown hair that hung down into his eyes, soft hazel eyes that I could picture myself getting lost in, and his thin lips were curved in an engaging smile. He seemed nervous, somehow, like he wasn't used to just going up and talking to strangers. I couldn't imagine why—I would've thought girls would hit on him all the time. He was just so _dreamy. Okay, stop with the love-struck teenager thing, Gari. _"_Dreamy" should _not_ be a part of your vocabulary._

"Um, what is?" I asked stupidly, my mind going totally blank.

"Being the responsible one." He glanced to where Ella and her boy toy were sitting and rolled his eyes.

"Friend of yours?" I asked, and he nodded.

"My brother." He pulled out a chair at my table and sat down across from me. "I'm Sam, by the way," he said, smiling slightly.

"Garideth," I replied, smiling back at him. "But you can call me Gari."

"Interesting name," Sam said, raising his eyebrows, a normal response.

"Yeah, I know. Dunno how my mother came up with it." I shrugged. "But, hey, as far as I know, no one else has it. "

"I'll bet," Sam chuckled. "So what brought you to town?"

"Road trip," I said automatically. "My friend and I are touring the beautiful US." I couldn't help but roll my eyes a little. Sam noticed and gave me a questioning look. "I'm a bit of an anarchist," I explained, "and a conspiracy theorist and an atheist and pretty much anything else like that." _And _why _am I so talkative?_

He nodded in understanding and said, "Join the club."

I smiled and glanced up at the bar. Ella was laughing much too loud. She was definitely drunk. "Damn, that girl can_not_ handle alcohol," I muttered, shaking my head.

"Yeah, I noticed that," Sam agreed, giving me a lopsided grin that exposed all of his teeth, which stood out brilliantly white against his tan skin. My heart gave a weird little flutter in my chest. _Okay, not cool._

Just then, Ella and Sam's brother walked over to us, Ella leaning heavily against him and giggling drunkenly. "See you found some entertainment, too, Sammy!" Sam's brother said. "Atta boy!"

I huffed indignantly and almost rose to my feet, but Sam shot me an apologetic look and rolled his eyes conspiratorially, so I kept my seat. "Dean, seriously?" he said exasperatedly and a bit embarrassedly.

"Wait, your name's Dean?" I asked Sam's brother as the names clicked. "As in, _Winchester_?" _So _these_ are the other hunters._

"Dude, how's everyone know about us but we don't know _anyone_?" Dean complained. "I mean, _c'mon_!" Sam shrugged, unconcerned.

"Hey, Gari, guess what?" Ella said suddenly, slurring her words. "I had Sex on the Beach! It was _delicious_!"

"I'm sure," I said flatly. "C'mon, Elle, we're going back to the motel." I stood up then and noticed with a shock just how tall Sam was. _He has to be six-foot-four at least! Whoa. That's kinda perfect. What am I _thinking_? He's a _Winchester_!_ I placed Ella's arm around my neck and wrapped my arm securely around her waist to support her.

"But I'm not drunk!" she protested.

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," Dean mumbled, and I shot him a weird look, which he responded to with a sexy little smirk.

"I never said you were, babe," I told Ella, making my tone as gentle as I could manage. "But we need to go. We've got work to do tomorrow."

Ella sighed deeply. "'Kay…"

"You need help getting her to your car?" Sam volunteered kindly.

"Thanks, but nah, we walked from our motel," I replied. "It's the Blue Jay, right down the street."

"We're there, too," he said, and Dean shot him a reproachful look. "We'll help. It's no problem, really."

"No problem for you," Dean muttered, but he followed me out of the bar, anyway.

"I can walk on my _own_!" Ella said loudly, pulling away from me so forcefully that she lost her balance. Dean caught her with an irritated sigh.

"Thanks," I said gratefully, reaching for her.

"I got her," he said, softening his tone.

"Thanks…" I repeated. I was startled by how gentle he was all of a sudden.

We walked together in silence for a while, with Ella occasionally tripping and laughing at herself. Finally, Dean swept his arm behind her knees and picked her up bridal-style. She shrieked as her feet left the ground, then started hitting Dean's shoulder and yelling, "Put me down, put me _down_!"

"Shhh," Dean said, and she stopped fighting him immediately, staring up at him with wide, watery eyes. She was quiet from that moment on.

I held the door to our room open for Dean and he walked in, then laid Ella down gently on the bed. "Thanks," I told him. "Again."

He gave a noncommittal grunt, then said, "The case. What d'you have so far?"

"Oh, so we're working together, are we?" I teased, but he just stared at me steadily. "Okay…" I said awkwardly. "The first owner of the apartment complex had his throat slit by his wife, who wanted his money," I recited. "So I'm guessing his spirit came back for revenge and now he's slitting the throats of any money-hungry girl in the apartment."

"That what you found?" Dean asked Sam, who nodded.

"Pretty much," he replied.

"Okay, so are we working together or not?" I asked expectantly. "I'm still not clear on that." Sam and Dean shared a look, Dean clearly reluctant to work with anyone besides his brother. "Dude, if it's such a big deal to you, take the job," I said, slightly irked. "We'll find another, somewhere far, far away where we won't run into you again anytime soon." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, like I always did when annoyed or stubborn or angry or…. Well, you get the idea. "'Cause obviously you need some kind of purpose in your life, you and your father both."

Dean looked as if he was about to say something, then as my comment about his father was spoken, his eyes narrowed furiously and his full lips pressed into an angry line. I realized then that I had royally fucked up. I glanced at Sam, expecting the same reaction, but was surprised and confused to see only a slightly curious expression on his face. "Just, whatever, okay?" I continued hurriedly. "You guys take the job. We'll leave tomorrow. Forget about us. And Dean, anger management helps. Now will you get out?"

Dean muttered something under his breath, then nodded once and stormed out. Sam followed behind, saying, "Nice meeting you," with a slightly sarcastic tone as he shut the door behind him.

I exhaled deeply and fell back on the bed beside Ella's sleeping form. She instantly threw her arm and leg on top of me, making it impossible for me to get up. "Oh, well," I said to myself, then closed my eyes and went to sleep, erasing the meeting with the Winchesters from my mind.


	3. After All

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_**or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

A month or so later, Ella came walking out of a diner with a hurt expression on her face. "What's the matter?" I asked, instantly getting ready to go kick someone's ass for her.

Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as she said, "I saw this guy in there starin' at me, so I said hi, wonderin' what was up with him. He glared at me, lookin' like he recognized me from somewhere and said 'Son of a bitch! What the hell are _you_ doin' here?!' I didn't know what to say, so I just told him I was hungry and then he didn't reply, just made an angry noise, so I left."

I knew at once who she had run into. She didn't recognize him because she had almost no memory of that night. _Dean Winchester,_ I thought bitterly. _Huh. So we're on the same case again._ "Don't worry about it, Elle," I told her. "People are weird." She nodded, still looking puzzled and a bit offended, but she got into the car anyway and we drove to a motel.

Not five minutes later, someone knocked loudly on our door. _Shit._ "Open the damn door!" a deep, harsh voice demanded, presumably Dean.

I sighed deeply and did as he said, pinching the bridge of my nose between my forefinger and thumb stressfully. "What, Dean?" I asked, staring at the floor.

"How did you know—? Never mind. What the hell are you doing here?!" he asked forcefully.

"Hunting, just like you," I replied, staring at him evenly. "You aren't the only ones, y'know."

Just then, Ella walked up. "Who _are_ you?!" she asked Dean. "And how d'ya know-? Wait a minute." She paused as realization dawned on her. "You're that guy from the bar! You're Dean Winchester?!"

"Hey, Ella," he said, instantly turning on his charm and grinning widely. I raised my eyebrows in disbelief and his grin disappeared. "So just get outta town, alright?" he directed at me.

"No," I said firmly. "We left last time. It's your turn."

"C'mon!" Dean protested. "We'll get it done quicker! We're more capable!"

Ella gasped angrily and I clenched my hands into tight fists. "_What_ did you just say?!" I snarled dangerously. "And it better not be what I thought you said!" I jabbed my finger into his chest furiously and he actually looked scared, which filled me with satisfaction. I could feel my powers acting up as they always did when my emotions got out of hand. The sky outside grew darker as clouds rolled in and thunder clapped loudly, making Dean and Ella jump.

Then suddenly, a hand tightened on my shoulder. I glanced at the person beside me and saw that it was Sam. "Gari," he said, softly but sternly, like he suspected that _I _was the one messing with the weather. I was surprised that he remembered my name. "Ignore him. He's just talking out of his ass, like usual."

For some reason, I instantly calmed down. The sky cleared and Sam and Dean looked up, confusion etched on Dean's face and confirmation on Sam's. _ Oh, God, please don't let him figure it out, or at least don't let him say anything to Dean._ I stared at Sam's hand on my shoulder, eyebrows scrunched in puzzlement. I shrugged his hand off and cleared my throat. "We _aren't_ leaving," I told Dean. "_You _are."

"Dean, c'mon," Sam said. "What does it matter? We'll find another case." Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Sam shot him a "would you just shut up?" look and he closed his mouth angrily.

"_Fine_," he growled, then turned and stormed to a gorgeous black Impala (not sure what year—'67, maybe?—Ella was the car expert). Sam shot me an apologetic look, then followed Dean to their car.

I shoved past Ella and flopped down on the bed angrily. "Ugh! That… that… that _dick_!" I exclaimed, jumping right back up to my feet. "'We're more capable!' Is he fucking serious?!" Ella quietly watched me pace back and forth, one eyebrow cocked in amusement. "I'm gonna kill him!" I stated. "Next time we see them, I'm gonna kill him! And his brother, too, for good measure! Nothing good comes from being around a Winchester, _nothing_!"

The amusement faded from Ella's eyes at my last sentence. "Maybe they're different," she said softly, with a slight trace of hopefulness in her voice.

"Yeah, Dean's _totally _different," I snapped, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"He's just… a guy," Ella said lamely. "They're natural dicks; he's no worse than any other one."

"'We're more capable!'" I reminded her harshly. "That's the most unbelievably _sexist_ thing I've ever heard!"

"What if it wasn't about us bein' girls?"

"Then it's the most_ narcissistic _thing I've ever heard! And why are you trying so hard to defend him?!" I glared at her accusingly. "After what John did?!"

"He was my dad before he was yours, Gari!" Ella yelled, finally getting angry. "I still feel his loss every day! Every _single_ time I get in that goddamn car, I wanna cry my eyes out! But if I can give John's sons a chance, well, so can you!" I bit my lip, unable to think of a good defensive argument. "And what about Sam?!" she asked. "He seems _nothin' _like John _or _Dean! He's the complete opposite! Are ya just gonna judge him for his daddy's actions?!"

I didn't reply; I couldn't think of what to say to that. The answer, though, was yes. Yes, I would continue to judge John's sons, even Sam, because of what their father did. But I couldn't say that to Ella. She was too forgiving; she wouldn't understand. I didn't easily get over grudges, especially not one as major as this.

_The Winchesters better hope they don't run into me again, _I thought darkly, grinding my teeth. _I don't need powers to make them beg on their knees for their father's forgiveness._


	4. Back Off, Bitch

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_**or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

A couple of weeks later, our fight had been completely forgotten. By Ella, at least. Like I said, she forgave people easily, and I didn't.

We were currently in a small town in Alabama, population like 500. Three people had been attacked, two of them killed, and the survivor swore that it was a swamp monster. (What the hell, right? But I guess that's Alabama for you.) I figured that it was just a vengeful spirit. As far as I knew, swamp monsters didn't exist.

Ella and I decided we would go check it out that night. The cops actually had the swamp roped off, like _that_ would keep people out. Still, they were also watching the borders, so it would require a bit of sneaking around, which was fine by us.

We checked into our motel room before going to the swamp, just in case we came back bloody. We also used that as a chance to gear up, you know, the usual: shotguns filled with salt rounds, iron, knives, etcetera, etcetera.

"I need a vacation," Ella said as she loaded her gun. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows skeptically. _ Yeah, right. She loves the job,_ I thought. "I mean, I know I love the job and all," she continued, "but c'mon! We travel the country on a daily basis, but we never actually had a _real_ vacation! And seein' the Largest Ball of Twine three times with Greg didn't count!" she added as I opened my mouth, and I grinned.

"We're hunters, Elle," I said. "Monsters don't take a vacation, so neither do we." _Unfortunately._

"I know, but wouldn't it be nice to just take some time off for ourselves?"

"I know what you mean," I admitted. "It _would _be nice. But it's our job…"

"…to steal and rob… graves?" Ella suggested, and we busted out laughing.

"Only sometimes," I joked. "Well, c'mon. We've got a terrible beastie to kill."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"My _God,_ I hate this," I grumbled, pulling my boot out of the muck for the millionth time.

"Ditto," Ella agreed, sweeping her flashlight around. "Hey, what's that over there?"

I followed her line of light and squatted down. A large chunk of flesh lay on the ground in front of me, and I had to hold my breath against the stench. "Ugh," I groaned. "Looks like they missed a spot."

Ella came over to me and stared down at the flesh, trying not to gag. "Ya'd think I'd be used to this by now," she whined, daintily holding her nose and turning away.

"Yes, you would," I said, laughing a little. Suddenly, I heard a splash from behind us. "Shhh!" I told Ella urgently, standing up. "Put that light out!" I whispered, and she obeyed without question. "Did you hear that?"

"Who's over there?" a voice called. "We saw your light; we know you're there! You shouldn't be here, it's dangerous. Let us take you home." The voice and the kindness behind it struck me as oddly familiar.

Footsteps came toward us and a large beam of light illuminated us. "Son of a bitch!" a different, unmistakable voice cursed, and I groaned.

"For once, we agree," I said dryly, crossing my arms and staring into the face of Dean Winchester.

"Hey, y'all!" Ella piped up, obviously trying to make up for our last meeting. Dean grinned and winked in her direction and she actually _giggled_. I shot her a disbelieving look and she shrugged apologetically.

"Well, you just can't stay away, can you?" Dean asked me, smirking.

"What can I say, I have a knack for finding assholes," I retorted, smiling sweetly. "One of my many talents. I'm also fluent in sarcasm and Elvish."

"Can we just… put aside our differences or something?" Sam implored. "At least until we get outta this damn swamp?" He glanced down at his muck-covered boots, then back up at me. I was totally unprepared for his puppy-dog eyes, which somehow dissipated my antagonistic attitude at once.

_Damn, how can an expression _that_ adorable come from a fucking _Winchester? I thought, annoyed at how easily his eyes had disarmed me. "Fine," I huffed at last. "But after we get outta here, _beware_."

Sam chuckled at that, a completely unique sound, and I was surprised at how much I liked it.

"Oh, I'm so scared," Dean muttered, rolling his eyes.

"You should be," I said threateningly, glaring at him.

Just then, an inhuman shriek echoed through the darkness. The four of us froze instantly, Ella turning her flashlight back on and whispering, "That didn't sound like a spirit…"

"No, it most certainly did not," I agreed slowly, hating the way that my voice shook, even if it was only a little. Facing a spirit: no big deal. Facing an unknown, apparently quite dangerous and large mystery creature that you have no idea how to kill: actually quite daunting.

"Something's moving over there," Sam said quietly, shining his light toward a dark, hulking figure.

"What the hell is _that_?!" Dean exclaimed as the creature came into view. It was taller than Sam (in other words, _colossal_), covered in muck and weeds, and it was loping toward us with a slow but steady limping gait. "It looks like a—"

"Swamp monster!" Ella and I said simultaneously.

"Anyone got any suggestions on how to kill it?" Ella asked, her country accent flaring up even more in her paranoia, and the boys shook their heads, still staring at the creature in disbelief. "Anyone?" she tried again. "Well, then. I suggest we get the hell outta here!"

At that, we took off running, going as fast as we could through the muddy terrain. And then, of course, I fell, face down into the filthy, watery ground. _Only clumsy at the worst moments, aren't you?_ I sat up, spitting the gunk from my mouth, then froze as I heard a menacing growl behind me. I turned slowly and gazed up (and up and up and…) into the face of the monster.

As it stretched its gigantic, gnarled arms down to me, a gun fired and it stumbled backward. Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me to my feet. "Run!" Sam yelled, his hand grasping tightly around my wrist, dragging me along behind him. We kept running until we made it out of the swamp, coming to a halt beside their Impala. "You okay?" he asked me, breathing hard.

"Yeah, thanks," I panted, smiling, but figuring it probably came out more like a grimace. Just then, I noticed that his hand was still around my wrist, and I pried it off uncomfortably.

His hand fell to his side awkwardly. "Sorry," he said with a trace of bitterness in his deep voice.

I scrunched my face up and closed my eyes, sighing. _I can't believe I'm about to say this_. "No, _I'm_ sorry," I said finally. "That was rude of me."

"Just a little," Sam replied, the corners of his mouth twitching upward a bit.

"_There_ ya are!" Ella said, sounding relieved as she walked up to us, Dean right behind her and covered in swampy goo.

"And I thought _I _looked bad," I commented with a wry smile.

"Shut up," he snapped, making me smile more. "C'mon, Sammy," he said, turning to his brother. _Sammy? Really?_ "Let's go back to the motel and call Bobby. Maybe he knows how to kill this damn thing." Sam chuckled and followed his brother, getting in their car.

"Bye!" Ella shouted enthusiastically and I gave a little half-wave as they drove away, to which I could've sworn I saw Sam smirk triumphantly. I rolled my eyes, but there was still the trace of a grin on my face.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"You're fucking _kidding_ me!" I exclaimed angrily as we pulled into our motel's parking lot, taking a space right beside a jet-black Impala. I kicked the dashboard of our car furiously.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Ella said indignantly. "Watch what you're doin'! She's precious." Her voice got all soft at the end and she kissed two of her fingers, then placed them tenderly on the dash where I'd kicked it. "It's okay, baby. It's okay," she cooed at the car, and I rolled my eyes. "What's the big deal?" she asked me. "So they're at the same motel; so what?"

I grumbled to myself, getting out of the car and slamming the door a bit harder that necessary. I entered our room and flipped on the light, then let out a startled yelp as I saw the Winchesters sitting in the two chairs at the table. _I should've expected that_, I thought, annoyed. "Y'know, you could've waited until we got here," I said calmly, trying to make my heart start beating normally again. "Not that I would've let you in."

"Exactly why we_ broke_ in," Dean replied, grinning in the sort of self-satisfied way of his that made me want to punch him. But Sam's calm, almost _friendly_ expression infuriated me even more, for some reason.

"What, d'you think we're 'cool' now, just 'cause you saved me?" I snapped at him, and his brow crinkled in confusion. He actually looked kind of… hurt. I felt bad immediately, without knowing why, and wished I could take it back.

"Dude, what's up with you being such a _bitch _all the time?" Dean asked harshly, getting to his feet.

Ella walked in right at that moment. "Hi, y'all. What's-?" She stopped talking as she noticed my and Dean's furious expressions. "Oh, no. What now?" she asked exasperatedly. "Y'know, never mind. I don't wanna know. I'll be in the shower, cleanin' this icky stuff off me." She strutted past us into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. Within seconds, I could hear water running.

"What's up with _you _being such an arrogant, self-centered _dick_ all the time?" I retorted, resuming our conversation as if Ella had never interrupted. I saw Sam fidget uncomfortably out of the corner of my eye, but I continued. "Oh, I forgot," I said scathingly, answering my own question, "that's just being a _Winchester_, isn't it? Just like your father!"

"Okay, either you stop talking about our dad _right now_," Dean threatened, "or I _make _you stop!" I raised my eyebrows skeptically. As if he could. I was about to say just that when he continued. "Did your daddy not love you enough or somethin'?" he mocked in a babyish voice, and my body went numb with rage. "Man, I thought _we _had daddy issues, but then I met _you_."

That did it. I snapped.

Before I knew what I was doing, I pulled my arm back and punched him as hard as I could, hearing a satisfying _crack_ as his nose shattered beneath my fist. "_Daddy issues_," I hissed. "Don't you _dare_ talk to me about_ daddy issues._" I turned on my heel and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

The wind hit me repeatedly as I walked, trying to knock me over, and I grinned in a twisted way. I couldn't care less about controlling my powers at that moment, not when it was all I could do to control _myself _from going back in there and stabbing Dean in the throat.

I was walking without knowing where I was going, still fuming, yet grinning every time I heard thunder clap or saw lightning flash. I was so enraged that I couldn't even form a coherent thought.

I stopped at the edge of the parking lot and sat down on the curb, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs, as if I could hold myself together that way. Tucking my head down, I tried desperately to rid my mind of all emotion.

A hand touched my shoulder gently and hesitantly. "Go _away_, Ella," I snapped without looking up, then I bit my lip. I hated being mean to her—she was just so easily hurt—but I didn't_ want_ to be comforted, and I knew she wouldn't understand that. And besides, she'd forgive me later.

"It's me," Sam said quietly, and I glanced up in surprise. He was now sitting on the curb beside me, staring at me with worry in those deep, beautiful eyes. I hadn't even heard him walk up. _Shows how out of it I am_, I thought darkly. _ "_You okay?" he asked.

"Second time you've asked me that tonight," I said. "Answer's different this time, though. Why are _you _here?"

"I can leave…" he said, sounding slightly offended and beginning to stand up.

"No!" I yelped, then started kicking myself for seeming so desperate. "I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to know."

"I was just checking on you," he replied, sitting back down. "Make sure you didn't do something stupid, like go after a mysterious swamp monster without a clue how to kill it." He gave me a small, lopsided grin and I let out a strained laugh.

"It crossed my mind," I admitted sheepishly.

"So… you wanna talk about what happened back there?" Sam asked seriously. "Nice punch, by the way."

Ignoring his question, I half-grinned and said, "Thanks."

He raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Look, I get that it's a touchy subject with you, and you barely know me," he said slowly. "Just know that you don't have to face everything alone. I mean, I'm sure Ella knows, but you can talk to me, too." He brought out his puppy-dog eyes again and I could literally feel my heart melt.

Before I could stop myself (you have to realize I don't do this often), I flung myself at him, my body wracked with angry and despairing sobs. I _never_ cried—I hadn't cried since Greg died—yet, here I was, crying into Sam's massive chest.

He was shocked and rigid at first, then his arms hesitantly wrapped around me, holding me to him. I couldn't tell you how long we stayed like that. But I realized that _that _was what I needed: someone to let me deal with my problems in whichever way I needed to, someone to just be there when I needed, even if it meant just holding me while I cried, instead of someone trying to make me feel better, like Ella did.

I finally pulled away from Sam and wiped my eyes. "Sorry about that," I said awkwardly, my face flushing as I stared at the _gigantic_ tear stain on his shirt. "I'm not normally like this. Actually, I'm _never_ like this."

"It's okay," he assured me, grinning. "You're kinda alright when you're not being a bitch."

I laughed a little and hesitated for a minute, then asked "You really wanna know?" He nodded, so like the fool I was, I told him everything.


	5. False Pretense

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_**or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

"Ya did _what_?!" Ella yelped, staring at me in shock with her mouth wide open.

"Well, not _everything_…" I said sheepishly. "I didn't tell him about my powers or anything. Just… everything else." I grinned and shrugged, feeling like a scolded child.

"So how's he think your dad died?" she asked, still sounding angry.

"He doesn't. I told him I ran away," I replied calmly.

"And… he knows what John did? He knows that he killed Greg?" Ella asked, this time quietly, staring down at her hands. I knew that she was hiding tears.

"Yeah, he does. And he apologized repeatedly for it to the point where I had to tell him to shut up. And… I think… I think I forgave him, Elle," I admitted, and as I said it, I knew it was positively true. "With that pathetic, vulnerable puppy face staring at me, it would've been hard not to." I couldn't help but smile, thinking about that face. "You were right," I added. "He may be John's son, but he's _definitely_ not John."

"Glad ya realized that," Ella said, smiling appreciatively.

"Now, Dean, on the other hand…" I trailed off, cursing him internally. "How's his nose, by the way?" I asked, grinning mischievously.

"Completely shattered and swollen so much ya'd think he got hit with a Stingin' Jinx," she told me, shaking her head in disappointment.

"_Excellent_," I replied, grinning widely and bouncing up and down on the bed. I may have forgiven Sam—I actually kind of _liked _him—but Dean would have to do a _lot_ to make me even _consider_ forgiving him.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Sam and Dean had placed a call to Bobby Singer, an older hunter who I'd only ever heard of, never met. He told them that the swamp monster could be killed with fire, of course, and if they'd taken the time to think with their upstairs brains for once, they'd have figured it out on their own, the idjits. I liked this man already.

He also knew who we were. "Greg Harken's kid?" he'd asked. "She still with that other one?" By "other one," I'd guessed he meant me. "Garideth, that's her name, right? Kinda hard to forget a name like that."

To which Dean had muttered, "Hard to forget a fist like that, too." He hadn't planned on Bobby hearing that, however.

"She decked ya?" Bobby had asked, laughing. "I gotta meet this kid. I like her already." And then Dean hung up on him, grumbling about how no one was ever on _his_ side.

I loved the way he acted around me, walking on eggshells, like he was scared I'd punch him again at any moment. I must admit, I _really_ enjoyed that, milking it a little, like suddenly jumping at him with my hand clenched into a fist. It made Sam crack up every time, which only added to Dean's annoyance and to my good mood.

We went back to the swamp that night, each of us armed with a homemade blowtorch and a flare gun. We split up into two groups: Ella and Dean, and Sam and me. I wasn't too happy with this situation—nothing against Sam or anything—I was just used to working with Ella, and only Ella, and when she'd suggested she pair up with Dean and I with Sam, it kind of annoyed me. _How can she stand to be around him?_

"So, are we still good or are you gonna have another random mood swing and punch me?" Sam asked warily, but with a slightly joking tone.

"We're good," I assured him, smiling in what I hoped was an encouraging way. He returned the smile warmly.

Suddenly, loud footsteps thundered, shaking the ground, and we both turned and saw the swamp monster galumphing toward us. We simultaneously lifted our flare guns, hoping to stop it before it got near enough to touch us. Sam shot his and it set the monster on fire instantly, but it kept coming so I shot, too. The monster slowed a bit, but still came at us.

Just as Sam raised his blowtorch, the creature swung at him, sending him flying, then turned to me. I ducked its outstretched arms and lit my blowtorch, grinning satisfactorily as the swamp monster immediately went up in flames and exploded, then I grimaced in disgust as the pieces rained down on me. I wiped the remains from my face as I went to check on Sam.

"Now it's my turn to ask," I said, helping him up. "You okay?"

He chuckled and said, "Yeah, thanks."

"Sammy!" Dean yelled in his deep voice, and I saw his and Ella's flashlight beams coming toward us.

"I love that he calls you Sammy! I think I'm gonna start calling you that. It's cute, like a chubby twelve year old," I joked, and he glared at me, but the force of it was lessened by the fact that he looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"You get him?" Dean asked Sam as they reached us.

"No, Gari did," Sam corrected, grinning sheepishly. "I got thrown into a tree…"

Dean stared at me for a minute, then forced out, "Thanks." He avoided looking at me, staring at the muddy ground instead.

"Don't strain yourself, sweetie," I teased him. "And you're welcome."

"Hey, Dean…" Sam said hesitantly.

"What?"

"…I lost my shoe…" Sam looked down dejectedly, and sure enough, he was missing a shoe, his sock covered in swampy muck.

He glanced back up shamefully, and my heart melted into a little puddle. I even heard Ella say, "Aw!" quietly and when I looked at her, her hands were over her mouth and she was gazing at him as one would gaze at an especially adorable puppy. _He _does _remind me of a puppy_, I thought. _That's so not fair! He shouldn't be allowed to be that adorable._

Dean sighed in exasperation, then huffed, "Again? Sammy, you didn't even lose a lucky rabbit's foot this time!" Sam looked down again and it was all I could do not to hug him and never let him go.

Thankfully, I was able to restrain myself when I noticed how dirty Dean's clothes were. "What happened to you, fall in the water again?" I smirked. He scowled and walked away, Ella following after him and shooting me a reproachful glare. I rolled my eyes and shook my head in exasperation, laughing a little at her attitude.

"She's kinda obvious," Sam commented suddenly, and I nodded in agreement.

"And _he's_ kinda clueless," I added.

"That's not like him."

"First time for everything. Let's see how this unfolds, shall we?" Sam laughed and nodded, and I grinned. "Now, c'mon, Cinderella," I teased. "We gotta get you home before midnight!" He glared at me and I laughed at my own joke, then he reluctantly joined in.

As we followed Dean and Ella out of the swamp, I couldn't help but realize just how much Sam was growing on me. _Stop it, Gari_, I reprimanded myself. _He may not be like John, but that doesn't mean it's cool to staring having feelings for him!_

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"I made out with Dean," Ella said suddenly as we were driving to the next hunt.

Unfortunately, I had just taken a big gulp of water and happened to do a spit take all over the dashboard. "You did _what_?!" I spluttered, wiping my mouth.

She shrugged ashamedly and stared at the road. "S'not a big deal," she defended lamely.

"Not a big—_what_?!" I exclaimed. _It isn't a big deal that she locked lips with the son of her father's killer, who happens to be _exactly _like his dad?! _"How on _Earth_ is this not a big deal?!" I asked, totally astonished.

"It was just one kiss!" Ella protested. "…that lasted a bit longer and got a bit hotter than I expected…" she added quietly.

I gaped at her in disbelief, at a complete loss for words. "When did this happen?!" I managed finally.

She fixated on the road ahead with an extreme amount of concentration. I glared at her expectantly and she finally caved. "After ya punched him… right after I got out of the shower… I had clothes on, though!" she added hurriedly, glancing at me in panic, then looking back at the road.

I was furious. "Even after he said that to me?!" I almost yelled. "Did he tell you _why_ I punched him?!"

"Yeah…" Ella said hesitantly.

"But you still did it?!"

"Gari, please! I'm sorry!" she whined. "I dunno what came over me! One minute, I was helpin' him stop his nose from bleedin', and then it stopped, and the next minute, well… I dunno how it happened!" She looked at me with tears in her eyes and I suddenly thought of Sam and his puppy dog eyes.

I shook my head rapidly to clear it, then looked away from Ella. _I know she's boy crazy, but _Dean_?!_ I thought disbelievingly. _ After everything?! _

However, I had basically already forgiven her—she was Ella, after all—I just wanted her to realize how wrong her actions were. Acting angry was the only way she'd learn her lesson. "Remember our motto, Ella?" I asked her, and she nodded, looking relieved that I was no longer acting angry.

"No attachments!" she recited loudly. "Just salt, sex, and single-malt whiskey!"

"Atta girl," I praised, grinning. "So say no to Dean, okay? And any other assclown like him."

Ella nodded eagerly. "So… does this mean I'm forgiven?" she asked, imploring me with wide, innocent blue eyes.

I pretended to think about it for a minute, then said, "Well, I _suppose_…" A bright smile lit up her baby face at my words. "On one condition."

Her face fell a bit. "And what's that?" she asked warily.

"Promise me you won't do it again."

"Cross my heart and hope to die," Ella promised, doing the actions as well, then giggling to herself.

I sighed. _Yeah, right_, I thought. _Let's see how long it'll last._


	6. I Wanna Watch You Burn

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

My phone rang, sounding out "Youth Gone Wild" by Skid Row. I flipped it open and held it to my ear. "It's Gari," I said, sighing. We had been working nonstop for the past month, and I was _so_ not looking forward to another job any time soon. Just last week, Ella and I had been to Texas, Iowa, and Maine. It was _exhausting._

"Turn around," a deep, familiar voice commanded, and I glanced back behind us. Sure enough, the Winchesters in their trademark Impala were right there. Sam was grinning adorably and Dean was giving me an _extremely_ sour look.

I rolled my eyes and turned back around to face the road, sinking lower in my seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ella trying not to smile with all her might. _Great._

They followed us into a motel parking lot and pulled into the adjacent spot. "Hey, y'all!" Ella said excitedly, getting out of our car. "What're ya doin' here?"

"Demon hunting," Sam replied with the slightest "duh" tone to his voice. My eyes narrowed into a glare, staring indignantly at him through the car window, then decided it was probably a subconscious thing that meant no offense. "Isn't that why you're here?"

"Dammit!" I cursed loudly, slamming my door (I do that a lot). Sam gave me a bewildered look and Dean glared at me from the interior of his car.

"We were hopin' to chill a few days," Ella explained apologetically. "We been huntin' like crazy all month—monsters are _everywhere_ all of a sudden. Didn't even notice the signs."

"We'll take care of it," Dean said, finally getting out of the car and walking around to stand beside Sam, keeping his glaring green eyes trained on me the whole time. I smirked and rolled my eyes, thinking, _Of course you will._

"Nah, we're here; we'll help!" Ella volunteered, and I groaned audibly.

"We can handle it," Sam said softly, staring at me. I looked away stubbornly, knowing that if he used those puppy dog eyes, I'd change my mind in a heartbeat.

"No, really, it's fine!" Ella persisted. "We _want _to!" I glared at her disbelievingly. _Who is this "we" she speaks of? _I_ certainly don't want to work with them again._

"You mean _you_ want to," Sam contradicted. "Garideth obviously doesn't." He had never called me by my whole first name before, and I found (unfortunately) that I loved the way it sounded coming from his perfect mouth.

And then, of course, it happened: I made the mistake of glancing over at him and got caught in those eyes, like I knew I would. All of my resolve disappeared and I heard myself say, "Ella's right; we'll help." I still had an angry tone, however, which made Sam laugh (and made my resolve weaken even more).

"You sure?" he asked, still giving me those puppy dog eyes.

"Yeah," I grumbled. "Hard to say no with you looking at me like that."

Then the most adorable thing happened: Sam blushed. Like, full on deep red cheeks and everything. I'd never seen a guy do that before, but seeing Sam do it made me wish I'd seen it more often. He ran a large hand through his hair uncomfortably, letting his chocolate brown locks fall messily into his eyes, then shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground in embarrassment. I once again had the strangest urge to hug him.

Ella, oblivious as always, said, "So let's go check in!" She grabbed Dean by the arm and pulled him after her, giggling happily.

Dean glanced back over hisshoulder and said to me, "I know what you mean!" Sam blushed again and I laughed lightly, popping the trunk open to get our bags.

He just stood there awkwardly, looking like he was trying really hard to think of something to say. "Are we still okay?" he asked finally.

I glanced up at him questioningly and said, "Of course; why wouldn't we be?" He shrugged and so did I. "Okay, let's go." He nodded, slinging a camouflage backpack over his shoulder.

We reached the lobby as Dean and Ella walked out. Ella tossed a key at me and I caught it with my free hand. "Room 1408," she told me.

"That's promising," I replied darkly, and she laughed. We left the Winchesters, whose room was in the other direction, and walked an _unbelievably_ long way to reach our room at the far end of the building. "I can't believe we're doing this voluntarily," I muttered, plopping down on the bed with a sigh. "I can't believe _you_ volunteered _me_ without asking."

Ella rolled her eyes and said, "Stop bein' so gloomy. Ya know ya secretly like workin' with them." I opened my mouth to correct her, but she beat me to it. "Well, ya like workin' with _Sam,_ anyway."

She was right; I _did_ like working with Sam. I just liked being around him, period. But what I didn't like was that he and his brother were a package deal. I'd rather never see Sam than have to see Dean, too.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

The first thing I noticed was that Dean's nose had a slight crookedness to it. I smirked a little at the sight of it, proud of my handiwork. It was a shame, though: the kink in his nose marred his previously perfect features. I almost regretted it—almost.

I laughed a bit and he glared, instantly knowing what I thought was so funny.

"Hey, Gari," Sam said warmly from the worn out armchair that he was lounging on. He smiled at me brightly and my heart skipped a beat. _What the hell was that?!_ I thought bewilderedly. I shrugged internally and walked over to him, stepping over his long legs and perching lightly on an arm of the chair. He fidgeted just a little bit and I had to contain a grin. Apparently, I made him nervous, too.

With a nonchalant tone, I said, "Hey, Sammy." Sam grinned, rolling his eyes. Dean stared at the two of us in disbelief, an angry comment sure to come. "He still whining about his nose?" I asked Sam before Dean could say anything.

"Hey!" Dean said indignantly. "First of all, I thought I was the only one allowed to call you 'Sammy?!' And second, I thought you were supposed to have my back; y'know, like, when someone_ punches me in the face_, you're supposed to punch _them_ in the face!" He glared at me, scrunching up his face angrily, then wincing as his nose crinkled.

I busted out laughing and Sam chuckled. "Yeah, but you deserved this one," he said, making me laugh more. "And I can't really do anything about her calling me 'Sammy.' I don't feel like getting punched." I smirked a little, still feeling proud of myself.

"Where's your sister?" Dean asked suddenly, subtly changing the subject with a hopeful glint in his eye.

I rolled my eyes, not bothering to go into the whole "not my sister but might as well be" speech. "Car wash," I told him. "She'll be back soon."

I watched Dean carefully, looking for any sign of excitement, but he kept his face perfectly neutral. "That's cool," he said simply, and I raised my eyebrows skeptically.

"About Ella…" I began, deciding there was no better time for this conversation than the present. "We need to talk."

"Yeah?" he asked, confused.

"Outside." I stood up and glanced at Sam, who was giving me a very curious but slightly knowing look. I walked to the door, opening it and waiting impatiently for Dean to get off his ass. Shooting Sam a "what the hell?" look, hestood up and followed me out of the motel room.

I spun on my heel and faced him once we reached the parking lot. He stopped walking and looked at me with a confused and slightly wary expression. "I know what you two did," I said, arms crossed in front of me.

The confusion on his face cleared up immediately, but the wariness greatly increased. "Yeah, and what about it? Jealous?" he teased, also crossing his arms, but in a defensive way.

"I don't approve of this in the least, and I don't see _why_ she wants you, but she does. She said she'll never do it again, that she'll stay away from you, but I know she'll eventually cave." Dean smirked and started to say something—presumably snarky—but I held up my hand to stop him. "I'm not finished yet. I _don't_ approve—I would rather her be with a shifter or even a _vamp_ than with you—but that doesn't mean I won't allow it. I will, as long as it makes her happy. But the minute she decides she's through with you—and believe me, she _will_, eventually—you aren't gonna bother her anymore. That means no more hunting together, either."

He rolled his eyes and said, "Are we done now?"

"Almost." I had kept my voice light throughout the whole conversation, but now I made it deep and threatening. "If you _hurt_ her," I snarled, stepping closer to him and letting a sick smile cross my face as the wind picked up and whipped my hair around in a wild storm. "Mentally, physically, _whatever_—just know that it won't be just your nose that gets broken next time." A clap of thunder sounded, making Dean flinch.

"Am I supposed to be scared or something?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow in disbelief.

"_You should be,"_ I growled. "You think all of those monsters you face are bad? They are nothing—_nothing_—compared to me." To emphasize my point, a flash of lightning struck, actually hitting a tree on the edge of the parking lot. Dean jumped this time, but I didn't even blink, glaring at him as if he was the lowest creature on Earth because, in my opinion, he was. "_Got it_?"

He nodded and said, "Yeah, but next time, could you speak a little louder? The mysterious thunderstorm kinda makes it hard to hear." I scoffed at him, though at first, I was worried that he was suspicious of my powers, too, but with another look, I realized he was still clueless.

And despite his trademark smartass response, I could see the slightest trace of fear in his eyes. No matter what he said or how much he protested against it, I knew he wouldn't forget my threat, and I knew he understood that it wasn't empty.


	7. Miss Murder

**Oh, another AU thing about my story: Bobby isn't in a wheelchair. I didn't mean to leave that out, but when I went back and realized that I hadn't put that in there, I decided it would be too much trouble to change everything to fit his predicament. So just pretend that he was stabbed in the fifth season premiere, but he wasn't paralyzed.**

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_**or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

Demon hunting was a bitch. You had all of these signs that the demons were in a certain town, but had no clue _where_ in the town they could be. They could be anywhere: in a bar, in a grocery store, even in a _nursery, _and the only way to find them was to go out and search _everywhere_.

We'd been looking for two days; we'd scoured every bit of that damn town at least three times and still found nothing. I was starting to think that the Winchesters had imagined the signs.

"Drop what you're doin'," Ella ordered, busting through the door and making me jump out of my skin.

"What is it?" Sam asked, sitting aside his laptop and standing up.

"We found somethin'," she replied. "And you're not gonna like it."

"Since when do we _ever_ like demons?" I asked, rolling my eyes and standing up as well. Sam stared down at the floor somewhat guiltily for some odd reason, and I wondered briefly what it was.

"Just… c'mon," Ella said, sounding _way_ more serious than usual. "You'll understand when we get there. Hurry up, Dean's waitin'." She turned and walked out the door, a deeply troubled look on her face.

_What's freaking her out so badly?_ I wondered. Ella being serious was _never_ a good sign, and I had a nagging feeling that something horrible was going to happen.

Sam glanced at me in bewilderment and I shrugged, then slung my bag over my shoulder and walked outside with him following close behind.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

As we walked toward the house—a cute little cottage with a white picket fence—Ella and I held back a bit. Well, actually, I _made_ her hold back. I wanted to talk to her. "Ella, what's wrong?" I asked her quietly so the Winchesters wouldn't overhear us. "You're never bothered by demons."

She shook her head firmly and pressed her lips together into a thin line, then picked up the pace, falling into step between the brothers. _Is she seriously avoiding me?_ _What can be so bad that she's acting like this?_

"C'mon, Sammy," Dean said. "Me and you'll take the back."

"Oh, so we're the distraction?" I asked, eyebrows raised and arms crossed.

"Pretty much," he replied, and I couldn't think of anything to say to that. I made a face at him and cocked my gun, preparing for whatever had Ella so freaked. "Meet ya in the middle." With that, he and Sam circled around the house, disappearing from my sight.

"You ready?" I asked Ella, and she nodded weakly, looking like she was going to be sick. "Hey, are you okay?" I questioned, concerned. "You don't have to go in there; I can be a distraction alone."

"I'm fine," she half-snapped at me. "Let's just go." I gave her my signature "bullshit" look, but she ignored me, walking up the porch steps. I followed right behind her, straining to hear the slightest sound.

Ella tried the doorknob and found it unlocked. We shared suspicious looks, then cautiously went inside.

I kept my footsteps as light as possible, wary of creaky floorboards. We passed through the kitchen and dining room with no sign of any life. I was starting to get worried. However, as soon as we stepped into the living room, I knew something was very wrong.

"Hello," a small, innocent voice said from behind us, and I spun around quickly, raising my gun. A young girl, no more than six or seven, was standing in front of us, smiling sweetly. "I'm Lucy. What are you doing in my house?"

Ella shot me an oddly tense, fearful look and I stared back at her, totally confused. "Um… we're… uh…" Ella stuttered, trying and failing to come up with a good excuse. Abandoning her attempt, she started murmuring an exorcism under her breath.

"Uh, uh, uh," Lucy said with a sly grin, and I jumped back in alarm as her eyes turned pitch black. She slung out her hand and Ella flew into a wall. I glanced back toward her to make sure that she was okay, then turned back around to face the small child. I could feel Lucy's power pushing against me, but I was immune. I always had been. Another upside to my mysterious powers, I suppose. "Well, well, Garideth," she mused, training her empty eyes on me, "you _are_ special. Pity I have to kill you."

"Yeah, pity," I mocked. "'Cause I know you assholes totally _hate_ having to kill." I rolled my eyes and smirked.

"I may not be able to use my powers on you," she said, a malicious undertone to her sweet, little girl voice, "but Ella, on the other hand…" She twisted her hand and Ella started screaming. I cringed, wishing for the millionth time that I were capable of working alone so as to keep Ella out of danger. "Well, you see what I mean."

"Stop it! Let her go!" I begged, instantly dropping my fearless façade. I could feel that this demon was different, her power felt stronger and more evil than the others that I had encountered. I knew facing her alone would be near impossible. I needed backup. _Where are Sam and Dean?! _I thought desperately, wincing as Ella screamed again.

Just then, the boys came through the door, but they weren't alone. It seemed that Dean's plan had failed. They had gotten themselves captured before even reaching the big dog. Ella screamed again and Dean struggled fruitlessly against his captor. "Let her go, you ugly bitch!" he demanded, and I was struck by the fact that he really did care.

Lucy turned to him and approached him slowly. I glanced around the room, looking for any way of escape. "You're in no position to be giving orders, Dean," she said, smiling in a sickeningly sweet way.

"What do you _want_?!" I cried, and Lucy spun back around to face me.

"World peace," she replied, still smiling.

"Cut the bullshit, would ya?" Dean snapped. While she was focused on him, my eyes strayed to Sam and I almost gasped aloud. His eyes were half-closed and one side of his face was drenched in blood. It looked like the demon that had him was more supporting him than restraining him.

That did it. This demon bitch had hurt both Ella _and _Sam, and now she was going to pay. Dismissing the fact that I would have a lot of explaining to do if we made it out of this, I mustered up my powers inside me, getting ready to do something I'd only done a few times before, and _never_ in such a life-threatening situation. "_Lucy_," I called out, loud and strong.

She spun around, noticing the tone of my voice. At that moment, I unleashed my powers on her. She gasped, her hand going to her throat, and I heard Ella fall to the ground behind me. _Good_. "What are you _doing_?!" Lucy choked, coughing up black smoke.

"It's kill or be killed, sweetie," I said, grinning despite the pain this was causing me, as well. Blood poured from my nose into my mouth as I focused everything I had on sending the bitch back to Hell.

Dean used my attack on Lucy as a distraction for his captor. He pulled a knife from nowhere and shoved it backward into the stomach of the demon, who flashed a strange orange light, then fell over, dead. Before Sam's demon had time to react, Dean finished it off, too. He caught Sam just before he hit the ground, saying, "Sammy?" worriedly, then sighing with relief as Sam grinned weakly back at him.

"I meant what I said, Garideth," Lucy told me, her little girl voice full of something that sounded vaguely like pride or awe. She had stopped spewing smoke, and I was extremely confused. This had never happened before. "You _are_ special. And even with your mother being the failure that she was—" She coughed a little, then continued. "But you're just not special enough. Shame, though. You had potential." Lucy grinned maniacally at my dumbstruck expression—_What does she mean about my mother?!_ "Don't be discouraged," she assured me. "Your powers truly _are_ amazing. I'm just a bit _more_ amazing."

As she advanced on me, a man in a trench coat suddenly appeared. "_Lucy_," he said in a deep, self-assured voice.

Lucy stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. "_You_. How did you know-?" The man walked up to her and placed a hand on her forehead. Her eyes, mouth, and nose were illuminated by a blinding white light that momentarily flashed brighter, then faded away as she fell to the floor, her mouth frozen in a never-uttered scream.

"'Bout damn time!" Dean said angrily, turning to the strange man. "What the hell took you so long, Cas?!"

The man called Cas ignored Dean's ungrateful attitude with an impressive amount of self-control that I could never even dream of possessing. "It's not safe here," he said. "More will come."

I blinked in confusion, and when I opened my eyes, we were in a completely different house and Cas was gone. The house was in much worse repair than the other one, and old books cluttered every surface. This was the house of a retired hunter, had to be.

An older man walked around the corner, and I figured that this was his house. "Thought I heard someone," he said in a deep, gruff voice, then noticed Sam's bloody face and Dean supporting his body. "What happened?"

"Tell ya later," Dean said haughtily, and the man nodded, regarding Ella and me with curiosity.

"Bobby Singer?" Ella asked suddenly, walking over to the older man, who nodded. "I'm Ella. Ella Harken. You helped my dad out a while back."

"You're Greg Harken's kid?" Bobby asked, surprised. "Nice to finally meet you in person." He chuckled. "So you must be Garideth," he said, turning to me. "Vulcan, right?" I nodded. "Heard ya decked Mr. Dumbass over there. Been wantin' to do that for a while now. Thanks for that." I grinned widely and nodded again.

"Bobby, can you give us a minute?" Dean asked with a slight edge to his voice. Bobby gave him a weird look, but did as he said and walked out of the room. Dean then walked over to Ella. "You okay?" he asked, and she nodded, smiling feebly. "Good. What about you?" he asked me, and I raised my eyebrows in shock.

"_Me_? I'm fine," I replied, totally freaked out.

"Good," he repeated, coming over to me. "Then I don't feel bad about doing this." Just as I was about to ask what he was going to do, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pinning my arms to my sides, and started dragging me toward what I figured was a basement door.

"What are you _doing_?!" I shrieked, straining against his grasp. "Let me go!"

"Can't do that, sorry," he replied, opening the door. I was right; it _was_ a basement.

"Dean, let her go!" Ella pleaded, tugging on his arm.

"I gotta do this, Ella," he said calmly.

"Let me _go_!" I screamed, picking up my feet and kicking against him.

My screaming seemed to snap Sam out of his semi-conscious state, for he looked up in alarm. "Dean, what are you doing?" he asked, jumping up from his seat and swaying slightly_. Sam's coming to my rescue. Dean won't go against Sam _and _Ella, will he?_

"You saw it, too, Sammy. I know you did," Dean said, carrying me down the basement steps.

"Saw _what_?!" Ella and I yelped simultaneously.

She continued to pull on his arm, yelling, "Dean, _stop_!"

Sam stared at me uncertainly, a torn expression on his face. "I don't think she would," he said finally. "It could be something else, Dean. It doesn't have to be _that_."

"Then what else could it be, Sam?" Dean fired back. We had reached the bottom of the stairs now, and he was dragging me toward a metal door, like one on a panic room. I did _not _want to find out what was behind it.

"Dean, stop," Sam said, stepping in front of him. "I really don't think she would. She's stronger than me. I mean, look at her." I couldn't bother to wonder what he was talking about. "You remember me," Sam continued, "I was screwed up. But she's not doing it, Dean. I'm positive."

"I wanna believe you, Sammy, but what else can it be?" Dean said, making to move around Sam, but Sam just followed his steps.

"Why can't you just _trust_ me for once?!" Sam asked fiercely, backing up to the door and blocking it with his large body. "Haven't I proved myself to you enough already?! I haven't fallen off the wagon; I've been with you every step of the way!"

"This isn't about me not trusting you," Dean protested. "It's about me not trusting _her_."

"Hey!" I exclaimed, struggling to break free again. "How about you let me go and you can fight out this family drama on your own?!"

"Shut up, Gari!" Dean commanded. "Look, Sammy, I get that you're relating with her or whatever," he said, suppressing an eye roll. "Yeah, you're both freaks, that doesn't—" He stopped abruptly, realizing that he had royally fucked up just a moment too late.

Sam's face was full of rage. He grabbed Dean's arm and pried it off me, then pulled me away from his brother. I went to smile at him gratefully, but he lunged at Dean, shoving him forcefully into a wall. "_Don't call me that_," he snarled, his fists clenching subconsciously.

"What're ya—?" Ella began, but Dean pushed her gently out of the way.

"Stay outta this," he said angrily. He lunged at Sam, throwing a punch that Sam dodged just in time.

"Guys, chill out!" I said, stepping in between them.

"Stay outta this," Sam echoed, trying to get around me.

"STOP IT!" I yelled, shoving them both away from each other. "I'll go in the damn panic room if you just STOP!"

Sam grabbed my arm and growled, "No way am I letting you go in there."

"Take it easy, Sammy," I replied, patting his cheek lightly and giving him a small grin. "Once Deano is satisfied that I'm not doing whatever he thinks I'm doing, I'll be good to go."

"You heard the lady," Dean said, smirking victoriously, and I almost changed my mind. Sam let me go reluctantly, and Dean opened the panic room door and ushered me inside.

I turned on my heel once inside and raised my eyebrows, then asked "So how long am I gonna have to stay in here?"

He slammed the door and locked it, then opened a grate near the top. His green eyes peered through the door, gleaming triumphantly. "Until it's outta your system," he said unconcernedly.

Sam's soft hazel eyes appeared in the grate, gazing at me apologetically. "I'm sorry about this, Gari," he said softly. "Really. I promise, I'm not gonna let him keep you in here long. I'll convince him you're not on it somehow."

"Not on what?!" I questioned angrily. "What are you two talking about?! You act like I'm doing drugs or something!"

Sam was quiet for a minute, then simply said, "I'm really sorry," and closed the grate.

"Sam, wait!" I yelled. "Sam, come back! What's going on?! Sam!" I yelled for him until I was hoarse, then yelled some more. It was no use. He wasn't listening, and I was trapped.


	8. What?

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

Three hours later, I was sitting on a cot in the middle of Bobby Singer's panic room, like I had been since I'd quit yelling.

I was furious. Not only had I been locked in a panic room for no reason _at all_, but Dean wouldn't even _tell _me what his supposed reason was!

_What the hell did Dean mean by "get it out of your system?!" Get _what_ out of my system?! What, does he think I'm some kind of druggie or something?! Am I being _detoxed_?!_ This irritated me so badly that I could think of absolutely nothing else.

Just then, the grate opened and Dean's green eyes stared through, still gleaming triumphantly. "Comfy?" he asked sarcastically.

Ignoring his snide remark, I stood up and walked over to the door. "Why did you put me in here? I went without a fight; you at least owe me an explanation."

"You can drop the act," he said with a roll of his eyes. "You know why you're in there. You're all hyped up on demon blood, and you're not getting out till it's outta your system."

I was too baffled to protest. "Wait, _what_?!" I asked, completely and utterly clueless. "_Demon blood_?! What are you _talking _about?!"

"Don't act like you don't know," Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes again. "You're immune to demon powers and you made that little girl cough up smoke with your _mind_. You got another explanation for that?" He cocked an eyebrow expectantly.

"I—" _What can I tell him? That I was born with some freaky powers that enable me to do all sorts of weird shit, including telepathically killing demons? Yeah, right. He'll kill me if I tell him that, and he wouldn't even wait for me to elaborate. God, hunters are so narrow minded._ "I… can't tell you," I said finally, looking down at my feet.

"Hmph. That's what I thought. Gotta hand it to ya, though, Gari. You're pretty good at acting clueless," he said, and I could just see the corners of his mouth turn up in a twisted smile. "Have fun in there." He started to back away then, and I panicked.

"I'm not acting!" I protested frantically, almost pressing my face against the grate. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about!"

"_Right_," he said, drawing the word out. He closed the grate, chuckling to himself.

"_Dean!_" I yelled. "Dean, come back!" I heard him start to ascend the stairs. "Dean! At least tell me if Sam's okay!"

I heard him come back down the stairs and the grate re-opened soon after. "Why d'you wanna know?" he asked curiously. "You hate us, remember?"

"I just hate _you_, dumbass," I snapped, rolling my eyes.

"Um, why?" he asked, looking truly puzzled. "I haven't done anything to you."

"Oh, really?" I said scathingly. "Hm, well, first you told me that I wasn't as capable a hunter as you are, then you brought up my dad, then you somehow got Elle on your side, and now, well, now _you locked me in a fucking panic room for no goddamn reason!_" I was literally shaking with fury and annoyance. _How thick can you get?!_ I fumed in my head. "Now, will you _please _just tell me how your brother is so I can stop worrying about him and go back to doing more important things, like plotting your death?!"

"Sam's fine," Dean said curtly. "We've had worse." With that, he shut the grate again and stomped up the stairs.

"My _God_," I raged aloud, "when I get outta here, I'm gonna kill him." And boy, did I mean it.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I started dreaming almost immediately. However, this dream was different that any other I'd ever had before.

I was in Bobby Singer's living room, sitting on the worn out sofa beside Dean. _Why Dean? Why not Sam? I hate Dean; you'd think my subconscious mind would've picked up on that._

I was slumped in my seat, arms crossed tightly across my chest in some form of defiance. "Why are y'all doin' this?!" I shot at Dean, and as soon as I noticed the high-pitched, Southern accent that escaped my mouth, I realized that I wasn't _me_, I was _Ella_.

At that moment, I knew that I wasn't having just a random dream and that the conversation that I was witnessing was actually currently going on at the moment. _Well, there's another thing to add to my list of reasons why I'm a freak._

"Dean, this is stupid," Sam said quietly, still looking majorly pissed, though he seemed to have gotten control of his anger. "She doesn't even know what's going on. You really think Gari could hide that from her?"

"You hid it from me," Dean shot back, and Sam narrowed his eyes.

"You really think Gari _would_ hide it from her?" he amended tersely.

"Personally," Dean replied, "I think she's capable of anything. Remember how it changed you?"

Sam purposely ignored the question, saying instead, "We should at least tell her your theory."

"What theory?" Ella asked curiously.

"Yeah, I guess so," Dean agreed, turning to Elle. "Ella, Gari's been drinking demon blood. That's how she was able to resist that demon's mojo and how she was hurting it with her mind."

Ella busted out laughing, and I couldn't help but think, _Atta girl_. "'Gari's been drinkin' demon blood?'" she mocked, using a deep voice in an attempt to imitate Dean. "_Really?_ That's ridiculous!"

Dean gave her an odd look and Sam rolled his eyes at Dean, obviously saying, "_See_?"

"Um, Ella, I'm serious," Dean said slowly, and Ella laughed even harder, holding her stomach and almost rolling around on the couch.

"Really now? And how d'ya figure?" Ella asked, still giggling. "S'there some kinda test?"

"No, there isn't," Sam answered, looking pointedly at his brother. "There is no way to tell _for sure_."

"But I'm goin' on instinct here," Dean said stubbornly. "And instinct says she is."

"Your instinct's not always right," Sam contradicted. "You thought Cas was some high-level demon, remember?"

Dean chose to ignore Sam's point, turning to Ella again. "You trust me, right?" he asked, giving her his own, weaker version of Sam's puppy dog eyes. _Nope, won't work_, I thought smugly.

"Yeah, I do," Ella said finally. _Huh?!_

"Then trust me on this," he said. "And even if you don't agree, at least lemme keep her in there a few days. Just to be sure." _Oh, God,_ I thought, horrorstruck, as he placed his hand on her thigh and looked at her pleadingly. _She's gonna cave! No, no, no!_

"Alright…" she said reluctantly. "Five days. That's all. She gets out after that."

"Deal," Dean said, smirking victoriously. Something told me he wouldn't keep his word. _Maybe it's my _instinct, I thought mockingly.

"Can I go see her?" Ella asked.

"I don't really think that's such a good idea," he replied. "Bobby'll take care of her. Don't worry."

She nodded, having complete faith in Dean. Sam rolled his eyes and looked away from the two of them, clenching his jaw in annoyance. _Well, at least you're still on my side, Sammy,_ I thought with a mental sigh as I woke up.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Two days later, the panic room door opened and Sam walked in. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, gazing around the room with a bitter look on his face.

I sat quietly for a minute, watching him as he seemed to be lost in memories, none of which could be too good. "Hey, you okay?" I asked him finally.

"Hm?" he said distractedly. "Oh, yeah. Ha, that's what I was gonna ask you."

"Well, I'm just peachy," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "This shithole is just fucking fantastic." He gave a small chuckle, then let his eyes jump from the Devil's trap on the floor to the one on the ventilation fan in the ceiling. "Hey, Sammy?" I said hesitantly. "What happened? You know, to get you in here?"

"Uh, it's… complicated," he said reluctantly.

"C'mon, Sammy. You can tell me." He didn't reply, but he looked like he was thinking really hard about something. "You were on it, weren't you?" I asked, biting my lip in fear of how he was going to react. "Demon blood? That's why Dean thinks I'm on it, isn't it?"

He sighed deeply and walked over to me, sitting down on the other end of the cot. He ran a hand through his shaggy hair, something I knew he did whenever he was majorly stressed or uncomfortable. Funny, I had only known him for a little while, but I had been subconsciously watching him so closely that I knew all of his habits. _Yep, I'm definitely attached._

"Yeah," he said at last. "I used to…. Well, that's why he…"

"Hey…" I said softly, hesitantly reaching out to lay my hand on his forearm. "You don't have to tell me. Just knowing you actually believe me is good enough, okay?"

He shot me a furtive glance, then looked away again. "Long story short," he said, "I have demon blood in me already. This demon named Azazel fed his blood to me when I was six months old. When I was twenty-two, I started having these death visions in the form of nightmares, and then they started happening when I was awake, too. I even moved a cabinet with my mind once. About two years ago, I met this demon, Ruby, and we—well, _I_—thought she was good. I mean, she helped us out all the time, and she was different. Dean never trusted her, but I did. God, I was an idiot. She showed me this way to kill demons with my mind—like you do—but I had to power up first. By drinking—"

"Demon blood…" I interrupted, finally realizing why Dean thought that of me. "Oh. I get it now. And, what? He detoxed you or something? Like he's trying to do to me?"

"Yeah, the Devil's traps and everything bugged the demon part of me. Plus, I had withdrawals from not getting any more of…. Well, I started hallucinating and having fits and finally, I got out."

"But how? It's locked from the outside."

"Castiel let me out. He's the guy who saved us from Lucy. He's an angel."

"An angel?!" I said incredulously. "No _way_. There's no such thing."

"That's what Dean thought, too. Until we met Cas."

"But if he's an angel, why the hell would he let a half-demon out?! It doesn't make sense."

"Well, that was before Cas was really on our side. See, the angels all wanted the Apocalypse to happen. 'It is written' and all that crap."

"But what do you guys have to do with the Apocalypse?" I felt strangely calm for some reason. Yeah, it was insane. I was sitting in a panic room in an old man's basement conversing about the Apocalypse like it was no big deal with an ex-demon blood junkie. But I didn't think about how weird it was. I just wanted to understand Sam, and even Dean. By what Sam had said so far, I knew they didn't have an easy life—no hunter did, but theirs seemed worse.

Sam laughed uneasily and ran a hand through his hair again. "The angels told Dean that he was supposed to 'stop it,' that he would have a very important part to play. But they didn't tell him what to stop, or when. And Cas let me out because… because I was supposed to start the apocalypse." I was shocked so badly that I couldn't even form a coherent thought; I just sat and stared, waiting for Sam to explain further and for my mind to process his confession. "Lilith—another demon—was breaking the seals. There were 600, but only 66 had to be broken. I thought I was stopping her from breaking the last seal and releasing Lucifer from his cage, but Lilith _was_ the final seal, and when I killed her, I set the Devil free."

I was dumbstruck for a moment more, then finally managed, "But it wasn't your fault! It's not like you _knew _Lilith was the final seal! You thought you were saving the world, Sam! How can anyone blame you for that?"

"People see the world in black and white, Gari, you know that. And the road to Hell—"

"Oh, shut up!" I snapped angrily, leaping to my feet. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Sammy! If you feel regret, then go find a way to fix it!"

"We tried," he protested weakly. "We used the Colt, but it didn't work."

"The Colt?!" I repeated disbelievingly. "_The_ Colt?! And it didn't work?!"

"He said it couldn't kill five things, and he just happened to be one of them. We risked our lives and got friends, good people, killed. For _nothing._"

I didn't know how to respond to that. "Did you at least kill that demon bitch—Ruby, wasn't it? She's the one who told you to stop Lilith, right?"

Sam actually cracked a small smile at that. "Yeah, she's gone. Stabbed with her own knife. Thank Dean for that."

"I just might," I said thoughtfully.

"C'mon," he said suddenly, standing up.

"Where are we going?"

"To try to convince Dean that he's wrong."

"Sounds like a hopeless case," I said with a grin.

"Probably. But who knows?" Sam opened the door and walked out of the panic room with me right behind him, rejoicing at the possibility of getting out. But my happiness was short-lived.

"What d'you think you're doing?" said Dean, stepping out from the shadows. _Shit._

"Shit," Sam cursed quietly, echoing my thoughts.

"Why'd you let her out?" Dean asked him, eyebrow cocked expectantly.

"I told you, Dean. She's not on it." Sam stepped in front of me, halfway blocking me from his brother's view.

"How can you tell?"

"I just can, okay?" he said defensively. "I know the symptoms, remember? She's been in there two days, and she's not having withdrawals or hallucinations or fits or anything." He crossed his arms, striking a very impressive figure (he was like 6'4", after all).

"Maybe she hasn't been in there long enough," Dean contradicted.

"Cut the bullshit, Dean. I started hallucinating just a few hours after I went in. She's been in there two days. Think about it."

"You should listen to him, Deano," I piped up. "He makes a valid point."

"You shut up!" Dean snapped at me. "This isn't about you!"

"Uh, yeah, dude. It kinda is," I replied with an eye roll. "You're discussing whether _I'm_ drinking demon blood. It's completely about me." That stopped him talking for a minute, and I couldn't help but smirk a little. "You're sure there's no way I can prove I'm clean?"

"No, there isn't," Dean said flatly.

"Dammit, Dean!" Sam exclaimed. "She's not on it!"

"I don't care what you say, Sammy. She's goin' back in there, and if I have to, I'll put you in there, too."

As soon as Dean said that, I made up my mind that I was definitely going back in that panic room, no matter how much Sam fought for me. I wasn't letting Sam go back in there, not after everything that must have happened to him.

"Alright, I'll go back in," I said, and Sam immediately opened his mouth to protest. "Sammy, really. There's no point in both of us being locked up for no reason. Though I bet it'd be a hell of a lot more entertaining."

Sam blushed faintly and Dean looked quite disgusted, which I thought was hilarious. "Then get your ass in there," he said finally, making a face.

"Gari, you sure about this?" Sam asked me, giving me a slightly less powerful form of his puppy dog eyes that made me feel like a giddy teenager.

"Totally," I assured him with a careless shrug. "But, Dean?" Dean gave me an amused look and nodded. "Can you bring me a book or something? If I'm not getting your little brother, I'm gonna need something else to entertain myself."

I figured the look of absolute revulsion on his face would be enough payback for the time being.


	9. I Never Told You What I Do For A Living

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

That night, after finishing one of Bobby's many occult books, I had another of my weird dreams.

I was seeing through Ella's eyes again, and again she was in Bobby's living room in the exact same position as last time, arms crossed and all. "You're jokin'," she said in a shocked voice. "_Seriously?_"

"Well, yeah, we're not just gonna stop hunting 'cause she's 'indisposed,'" Dean said matter-of-factly. Seriously_? They're going on a hunt without me?_ I thought disbelievingly.

"You did for me," Sam said quietly, an edge to his deep voice. _C'mon, Sam! Fight for me!_

"Well, that's different!" Dean replied. "You're my brother! She's just some random bitch we met on a hunt!"

I could tell already that he said the wrong thing. Not many things could cause Ella to get truly angry, but when she did get mad, it was actually quite frightening.

Her tiny fists clenched together and she sprang up off the couch, glaring up at Dean. "I'm tired of you antagonizin' her all the time!" she exploded.

"_Me?_" Dean exclaimed. "She's the one who broke my nose!"

"Yeah, 'cause you were eggin' her on!" Ella retorted. "If you'd just learn to shut your mouth, it wouldn'ta happened! And, admit it, part of the reason you latched on so hard to your crap theory about the whole blood thing is 'cause of your grudge against her!" Dean started at her stupidly, obviously wondering where this ferocious counterpart of her came from. "You always talk about how family's important to ya—how it's like everythin'—but did you ever think that Gari is _my _family? And I'm hers? We're all each other's got!"

Dean was in a shocked silence for a minute (and Sam was trying very hard not to laugh at this), but of course, it didn't last. "I know that, Ella," he said finally, sounding very exasperated. "But it doesn't change anything."

"Well, then, I'm stayin' here!" she shot back angrily. Sam nodded firmly in agreement, a small, triumphant grin on his face.

"No, you're not. Neither of you are. You'll let her out. Bobby'll take care of her."

"I'm stayin' _here._" Ella repeated adamantly.

"Ella, you're coming with us," Dean said forcefully. "Even if I have to hogtie you and throw you in the trunk."

"Good luck doing that to me," Sam said amusedly, raising his eyebrows skeptically.

"Sam, we've already talked about this. The only way you're staying is if you're locked in that panic room with her."

Sam looked very much like he was about to start throwing punches, and as hot as that would be, I really didn't want to be the cause of more family drama. _Just go with him, _I thought resignedly. _It's not worth you getting locked up, too._

Ella stomped her foot stubbornly—which was actually kind of funny to me—but I could tell that her will was breaking. She could only deal with so much conflict for a short amount of time, and I knew she hated arguing with Dean. "Dean-!"

"Bobby'll take care of her," he repeated, cutting her off. He could tell she was caving, too. "C'mon, Elle. D'you really wanna ride in the trunk all the way to Virginia?"

"Fine!" she huffed, uncrossing her arms and plopping down on the couch. "But I'm not happy about it." Dean smirked slyly as if to say "I can fix that" and Ella giggled. I shuddered internally, thinking, _Ugh, this must be how Dean feels when I flirt with Sam._

"Okay, so are we doing this the easy way?" he asked her.

"Yep, easy way!" she replied, standing up. "You gonna tell Gari?"

"Yeah—"

"I got it," Sam interrupted, walking out of the room before they could say anything.

The sound of the panic room door opening woke me up.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"Um, hey," Sam said, walking in and looking super uncomfortable. "We—"

"I know," I said, then realized that I wasn't supposed to know they were going yet. "You're going hunting, right? I figured," I covered smoothly.

"Yeah. Vengeful spirit in Virginia."

"So, what, you're coming to say bye or something?"

"Yeah, I guess. They wanted me to tell you that we're going."

"How did your brother talk Elle into leaving me?" I asked, pretending to be curious.

"He threatened to hogtie her and throw her in the trunk," Sam replied awkwardly, sitting down beside me.

I busted out laughing, still finding that funny, and finding it even funnier that Ella had actually believed Dean would do that to her. "Wow, okay. Guess I can't be too angry at her then, with that threat," I said, still laughing a little.

"I can try to get you out if you—"

"Sammy, stop," I interrupted, holding up my hand. "I feel like a home wrecker, and I'm not even dating one of you. This whole 'family drama' shit has to stop."

"Ha, this is nothing," Sam said, chuckling. You should've seen some of our other fights. He decked me for getting possessed once. Yeah, I shot him, but how was that my fault?" he asked innocently.

I laughed and said, "Wow, you guys have some adventures, don't you? But seriously, go kill a ghost—ignore how impossible that sounds—and have fun! I'll still be here when you get back."

He chuckled and gave me a lop-sided grin. "What's with the submissiveness all of a sudden?"

"Submissiveness?" I echoed, seemingly offended. "Hey, can you blame me for not wanting to get tied to this cot right here?" _Oh, God, wrong choice of words_, I thought as soon as I saw Sam's expression. _Shit, what the fuck did he see in here?_ "Hey, if that—"

"Don't worry about it."

"Sam, I—"

"Gari, don't worry about it. Seriously. It's nothing."

"Liar."

He grinned slightly and was about to say something when we heard Dean call out, "Sammy! Get your ass up here! Let's go!"

"Are you _sure_ you don't want me to try to get you out?" Sam asked me, ignoring his brother. "Dean's not as tough as he thinks. I can take him."

"Aw, that's sweet," I said, smiling. "But no thanks. Go have fun." On a sudden whim, I leaned over and kissed his cheek lightly. "Now get outta here!" I ordered, pushing him off the cot.

Without a word—but with an adorably deep blush on his face—Sam walked out, closing and locking the door behind him.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

The next day, I was reading through another of Bobby's occult books when the door opened. _Oh my God, they're back! _I thought irrationally, becoming slightly disappointed when Bobby Singer himself walked in.

"Hey, kid," he said, giving me a small, apologetic smile. "Ya hungry?" I nodded and walked to the door, making sure to reach out of the panic room to show him that the Devil's traps had no effect on me. He noticed, to my intense satisfaction. _Maybe he'll see how ridiculous Dean's stupid theory is._

Bobby handed me a brown paper bag and a soda, and I took it gratefully. After a moment of consideration, I handed back the soda and asked, "Got any beer?"

He chuckled and said, "Yeah, gimme a minute." He stood up and walked up the stairs, leaving the door wide open. I stared longingly out of the room, deliberating on whether to make a run for it.

_But where would I go? It's not like I could follow the others to Virginia. Dean would kill me on the spot._

Bobby came back down the stairs, holding two beers and wearing an extremely surprised expression. "Thought ya woulda tried to make a run for it," he said.

"I thought about it," I admitted. "But I've never even seen the outside of your house. I don't even know what _state_ I'm in."

Bobby chuckled again and said, "South Dakota. Sioux Falls if ya wanna go into specifics." He opened one of the beers and handed it to me.

"Hm, PBR," I said appreciatively. "Good choice."

"Sam's favorite, too. Dean'll drink just about anything."

I laughed and opened the paper bag, pulling out the burger within and trying not to make a face. _Ew, meat, _I thought disgustedly. I took the patty off and put it back in the bag casually, receiving an amused look from Bobby. "Vegetarian since forever," I explained, and he nodded. I bit into the makeshift veggie burger and chewed it thoughtfully. "So," I said, swallowing, "how long d'you think I'll have to stay in here before Dean realizes that I'm _not_ some demon blood junkie?"

"I dunno," he replied. "Sam was in here a couple days before he started havin' fits, but he was hallucinatin' real soon after we got him in."

"I haven't had hallucinations or _anything_, and I've been in here for three days. You'd think he would've noticed that."

"Ah, he's stubborn," Bobby said, taking a swig of his beer. "But he can't keep ya in here forever. He'll come around. Hell, Sam'll make sure of that."

I smiled at that last part, laughing lightly. "I think part of the reason I'm in here is because I broke his nose…" I mused.

"Yeah, that'd do it," he agreed, laughing with me. Suddenly, a phone rang from above us. "Hold on a sec," he said, getting up and starting up the stairs. He disappeared from my sight and then I heard a thud and a loud exclamation of "_Balls!_"

"Bobby?" I called. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I guess," he said dismally. I heard a grunt and then he said, "I'm stuck."

"Huh?"

"The step collapsed and my leg is stuck," he replied, sounding very irked.

I shook my head in disbelief. _Great._ I stared through the doorway, trying to see the stairs. I couldn't. _What am I supposed to do?_ I wondered. _What if he freaks out that I came out of the room? Ah, hell. Forget it._ I stepped out of the panic room and walked slowly to the stairs, busting out laughing as I saw Bobby.

"Shut up," he said gruffly, though he chuckled in spite of himself. "Help me out, would ya?"

"Sure thing, old man," I said, walking over to him. We both grabbed his leg and pulled, but it didn't work. "Dammit, Bobby!" I said, laughing again.

"Here's your chance to escape," he told me, grinning. I shook my head, concentrating on freeing his leg. "Why not?"

"I'd kinda like it if he trusted me," I said quietly. "Well, it's not like I need his approval or anything, I just figure it would make stuff a hell of a lot easier. I mean, I sure as hell don't like him, but I'm tired of him being so suspicious of me all the time. So I figure if I stay in that shithole until he lets me out, he'll realize I'm one of the good guys. Sam called it 'submissiveness,' but I call it my master plan." I shrugged and gave Bobby's leg a final tug, grinning as it came loose. "Victory!" I cheered.

"Thanks," Bobby said, rubbing his leg with a thoughtful expression.

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

He was quiet for a minute, then he said, "You're somethin' else, kid. Ya know that?"

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked him, eyebrows raised skeptically.

"Not really sure yet. I'll let ya know when I do."

"Okie dokie," I said, and something about that made him grin. "For the moment, I'll take it as a compliment. And you're something else yourself, old man."

"Thanks?" he said questioningly, and I laughed, then turned and walked back to the panic room. "Try not to get stuck again," I called over my shoulder, smiling as I heard him grumbling to himself. _Looks like I've made a new friend._

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"Can I ask ya somethin', kid?" Bobby asked me the next day. According to Dean and Ella's deal, I had only one more day in the panic room, if Dean kept his word. _And if they get back on time,_ I thought hopefully.

"Sure thing, old man," I replied, crossing my legs Indian-style on the cot. "Ask away."

"What happened to you when you were little?"

I blanched. I hadn't expected _that_ question. I was about to answer with the same edited story that I had given Sam, but I hesitated. I _really_ didn't want to lie to Bobby—he had been so great to me—but I didn't know how he would react to the truth, and the possibilities frightened me. "I… can't tell you," I said finally.

"Can't be that bad," he persisted. "Not bad enough to get ya locked in there for real, is it?"

I bit my lip and didn't say anything. The half-smile on his face faded and he stared at me worriedly. "You promise not to lock me up?" I asked after a while. He nodded curiously, brows furrowed, trying to figure out where this was going. "You promise not to shoot me?" I asked, and he nodded slightly, obviously wondering whether he should make that promise.

I took a shaky breath, closed my eyes, and said, "Well, first of all, I know how I can kill demons with my mind _and_ how I'm immune, and it's not by drinking demon blood. But I'll get to that later."

Crossing my arms over my chest, I began, "My mom left practically right after I was born. My dad seemed to feel like it was my fault, though how could it have been? I was just a baby. Anyway, once I was about four years old, he started taking his anger out on me. And he was always angry, and he was always drunk, which made it even worse." I paused for a minute, fiddling with my mother's necklace. "I pretty much learned to fend for myself. I was six years old and was already cooking dinner. Granted, it was only mac and cheese, but still."

I sighed and bit my lip. _Moment of truth._ "Then, one day, when I was nine, he came home worse than usual. It was the anniversary of when my mom left. I made my dad mac and cheese, like usual. I dropped the plate because I was shaking so badly, and he exploded. Looking back, I remember him saying it was my mom's favorite plate. He knocked me down a couple of times, but I finally made it to the pantry and blocked the door." Bobby was staring at me with a knowing look in his eye, and I couldn't decide whether to be encouraged by that or not. "It was awful," I continued. "He kept yelling and beating on the door and I just knew he was going to break in. I closed my eyes, preparing for the worst, then I felt this horrible pain, worse than any I'd ever felt, and there was this bright light, then it was gone and he was quiet. After a while, I opened the door and found his body, charred and smoking. I knew I'd done it, but I didn't know _how._"

"And ever since then, I've had these weird, unexplainable powers that manifest mostly randomly and are a _bitch _to control." I glanced at Bobby as I finished, waiting for him to do something, like shoot me. "Well?" I asked finally. "What d'you think?"

He considered me for a moment, then stood up and said, "I think ya needa get outta that room and come upstairs. Dean can get over it."


	10. Misguided Ghosts

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_**or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

I had a major case of cabin fever—well, Sioux Falls fever would probably be a more appropriate term. I wanted to leave _so badly._ Ella and the others were taking _way_ too long for my liking. Those eight days felt as long as a year.

Bobby could tell how restless I was getting; he finally told me to go pick one of the working cars in the junkyard (a black '65 Mustang GT—it was _beautiful_) and kept sending me into town on meaningless errands, just to get me out of the house.

Bobby and I had bonded. Ever since I told him about my past, he treated me like the daughter he'd never had, and I treated him like I had Greg. Of course, Bobby couldn't replace Greg in my mind—no one could—but he was close. I now officially had my own room in his house, and the upstairs bathroom was mine, too. It was actually starting to feel like home.

He'd told me about what got him into hunting. We'd gotten bored one day and started asking each other questions, and that had accidentally slipped my lips. I told him he didn't have to answer—a hunter's reason was completely personal (I knew that better than anyone)—but he told me anyway.

It was his wife, Karen. She had been possessed by a demon and he didn't know how to stop it. He'd been forced to kill her, then promised himself that nothing like that would ever happen again. So he started educating himself on the supernatural and had become a hunter.

After he finished telling me about it, I realized something: all the hunters I'd ever met had some dark, depressing reason to start hunting or were either raised into it for that reason. If Greg hadn't found me, I would never have become a hunter. I was only nine—my powers scared me; that was all. I didn't know about the secret monster world, so I had never considered it a cause of my condition.

But the more I learned about the occult and all of the evil in the world, the more I wondered where my powers had come from, and whether I was meant to be good or I was meant to be evil.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I was headed out the door to go to the store for more beer the next day when I heard it: the sound of a car's motor as it pulled into Singer Salvage. My heart leaped at the possibility that Ella and Sam were back, but I tried not to get my hopes up. People came to Bobby all the time for advice; this was probably just another rookie looking for help.

To my delight, a shiny black Impala pulled up in front of the porch. Ella was out of the car and hugging me before the car had even stopped. "I'm so happy to see ya!" she gushed, squeezing the life out of me. She stood on tiptoes, just barely reaching my ear, and whispered, "I _never_ wanna go on a hunt without ya again! It felt so _weird _without ya there to have my back!"

"Good to see you, too, Elle," I choked, and she let me go, smiling brightly. "Hey, Sammy," I said, waving a little at him. He grinned and waved back, looking adorable, as always.

"How the hell'd you get out?" Dean asked angrily, slamming his door and storming up the steps to grab my arm tightly.

Sam was there in an instant, pulling me away from his brother.

I shook both of them off and said, "Bobby let me out."

"Yeah, right," Dean said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Don't believe me? Ask him yourself." I caught Sam's eye and grinned, then turned and walked back into Bobby's house. The others followed right behind me.

"Thought you were gettin' beer," Bobby said without looking up from the book he was reading as I walked into the living room.

"Change of plans," I said carelessly, suppressing a laugh at Dean's incredulous expression.

Bobby glanced up at me and noticed the others standing there. His eyes went to Dean and he muttered, "Balls!" under his breath.

"What the hell, Bobby?" Dean exclaimed. "Why the hell'd you let her out?"

"She ain't on it, Dean," Bobby said calmly, standing up. "I kept her in there four days and she didn't even hallucinate once. And the Devil's traps didn't bother her."

"The deal was five days!" Dean shot back.

"Watch it, boy," Bobby warned, then he pulled a card that almost made me laugh. "Listen to your elders, ya idjit. I say she ain't on it, so she ain't on it."

Dean looked like he wanted to argue, but what could he say? Now I had everyone on my side, and he was alone with his stupid theory. Plus, as Bobby had pointed out, the older hunter was more experienced and knew a hell of a lot more than Dean.

Finally, after a minute, Dean turned to me with a glare, saying, "Okay, fine! But I still don't trust you!"

"Works for me," I replied, giving Bobby a grateful smile. _Yeah, Dean still doesn't trust me, but at least I'm outta that shithole!_ I rejoiced in my head. _Freedom!_

"Hey, um, Ella," Sam said, jolting me out of my celebratory thoughts. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" Ella nodded and followed him outside, shutting the door firmly behind her.

I felt kind of selfish for it, but I couldn't help thinking, _Haven't they been together this whole time? When do I get to have a private conversation with Sam? And what the hell could they be talking about?_

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Something was wrong.

Ever since the others had gotten back from Virginia, Sam and Ella had been acting weird. They got angry easily, and we were all constantly bitching at each other because of it. Dean was still the same obnoxious asshole, though, so at least that was normal.

_It's probably nothing, _I thought. _We're always around each other; we're bound to fight sometimes. _I tried to ignore the familiar feeling of warning in my gut, telling me that this wasn't just tension.

Sam and Ella were spending a lot of time together, and though I hated to admit it—even to myself—I was jealous. They were always sitting close together and whispering, only to stop abruptly whenever anyone walked in on them. Dean was starting to notice it, too.

"What's up with them?" he asked me, staring over at our siblings. (Yes, I'm aware that Ella isn't my actual sister, but remember, I grew up with her, so she might as well be.)

"No clue," I said pensively. "They've been like this ever since you got back. What were you hunting again?"

"Just these two spirits of a couple who killed their families, then themselves. They took revenge on whatever families lived in their house." Dean shrugged. "No big deal. Simple salt and burn."

"You sure?" I pressed.

"Yeah, why?"

"I dunno, I just… never mind. It's probably nothing. Forget it."

"No, what?"

"No, it's nothing," I insisted. "And _why_ am I talking to you, anyway?"

"'Cause I'm all you got," he replied with his trademark smirk, "now that Ella's Sam's new favorite."

I glared at him and snapped, "And why would that bother me?" Dean shrugged again and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Ugh! You're unbelievable!" I stormed off, leaving him grinning satisfactorily.

He was right, though. _I guess there's a first time for everything,_ I thought, extremely annoyed that he saw how jealous I was that easily. _He has to be jealous, too, though, doesn't he? I mean, he and Ella have _something_ going; whether it's anything like a relationship, I dunno, but it's _something_. It has to bother him that she's so focused on Sam now._

The more days that went by, the more peculiar Sam and Ella became. On one hunt, Ella simply stood by and watched while a ghost attacked me. I would've died if Dean hadn't jumped in and saved me.

Another time, Sam had tried to strike up a conversation with me in the middle of a demon attack. This time, Dean was the one who needed saving. I could see how much that bothered him. He and his brother depended on each other, even more than Ella and I did.

I was pretty sure that he was finally coming to the same conclusion as I had: whatever they had been hunting hadn't been a simple salt and burn. No, it had been much worse than that, and it had done something to Sam and Ella.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Sam and I were researching one day (oh, look, another thing that was normal) and I finally got up the nerve to talk to him about what was going on.

"Hey, Sam," I said hesitantly, and he glanced at me curiously. "Are you, y'know, feeling okay?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I bit my lip, worried by his overly defensive tone.

"Are you sure?" I pressed quietly. "Ever since you guys got back form Virginia, you and Ella—"

"Dammit, Gari, I said I'm fine!" he snapped, and I instantly recoiled as if he had slapped me. He snatched up his laptop, slammed it shut, then stormed out of the hotel room.

Okay, now I _knew _there was something wrong. _Very_ wrong. Sam would _never_ talk like that to _anyone_—except maybe Dean—and I really liked to think he especially would never talk like that to me.

I had to get to the bottom of this, and it seemed like there was only one other person who could help me.

I figured Dean would be at the nearest bar, and I was right. He was sitting beside a trashy young blonde whose super tight pink t-shirt aptly labeled her "Jailbait." She was giggling like crazy at something he had said, and he was wearing a self-satisfied grin. _Oh, this is gonna be fun,_ I thought deviously.

Throwing my long, _natural _blonde hair over my shoulder, I pranced up to Dean and Jailbait. I placed my hands over Dean's eyes and, in the perkiest, most annoying voice I could manage, said, "Guess who?"

Jailbait gave me a very confused look and Dean said, "Um…?"

"It's me, silly!" I exclaimed, giggling obnoxiously and sliding my arms around his neck. "Who else would it be?" I asked, then kissed his cheek.

Jailbait stared at him, utterly shell-shocked, and he stared back with the exact same expression. "Um…?" he said again.

"So who's your friend?" I asked, still attached to him. "I'm Gari," I told her, smiling brightly.

"I'm… uh… Tori," Jailbait stuttered, taking in my appearance. I was wearing a lacy black tank top, black skinny jeans, and my studded boots. As I shifted my hands, the bells on my hunter's bracelet jingled, drawing her attention, and she stared at the pentagram warily, obviously thinking, _Devil worshipper._ I normally hated when people thought that, but for now, it worked to my advantage. "So, um… are you two… together?"

Dean started to shake his head, but I said happily, "Yep, for six months now!"

"Oh, uh… congratulations… I'm gonna go…" Jailbait Tori said. "It was, uh… nice meeting you."

"Bye!" I waved enthusiastically as she quickly walked away, then I released Dean and took the seat that she had vacated. "Dude, I was starting to think she would never leave," I said, going back to my normal voice. "And I was _so _not looking forward to the prospect of snogging you."

"Snogging?" Dean asked confusedly. "Y'know what, never mind. What the hell was that?"

I shrugged innocently and said, "It was fun."

He was struck speechless for a minute, then finally asked, "_Why?_"

"'Kay, look. We've _got_ to do something about Sam and Ella," I replied, completely serious now. "Sam just almost freaking _punched _me 'cause I asked him if he was okay." A thoughtful expression crossed Dean's face. "What is it?" I asked.

"Think I know what it is," he replied. "You know ghosts can possess people, right?"

"Yeah, but I thought spirits were usually tied to the place of their haunting."

"The keyword there is 'usually.' If there's remains or something, the spirit can go wherever."

"So you've seen this before?"

"Yeah, 'bout a year ago in Indiana. Basically the same thing as a normal haunting. Gotta burn the remains."

"Didn't you do that already?" I asked him.

"Yeah, we burned their bones, but we might've missed something. Lock of hair, some other kinda DNA. We figure out what that is, we're set." He shrugged as if it was no big deal, but of course it was. It could be _anything._

"Okie dokie then," I said, and he gave me a weird look. "Let's get this over with. We're starting to get along, and I don't like it. The sooner we fix Sam and Ella, the sooner I get to go back to antagonizing you."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"I can't believe we're doing this," I said, shaking my head. "This is so _stupid._" I stared out of the window of Dean's Impala, crossing my arms across my chest in annoyance. Sam had insisted on riding with Ella, and it had pissed both Dean and me off majorly. "You really think it's a good idea to go hunting with them like this?" I asked skeptically.

"They'd get suspicious if we didn't," he replied.

"I'd rather them get suspicious than get us _killed,_" I muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.

He smirked a little and nodded. "I know," he said. "But if they realize what we're doing, it'll be a hell of a lot harder to do."

He had a point. "True," I agreed. "So… where are we going?"

"Nebraska," he replied. "Vampires." He grinned and I rolled my eyes.

I _hated_ vampires with a passion. Well, I hated _actual _vampires (I loved _Dracula_—the novel, not the movie—_Underworld_, _Van Helsing,_ et cetera). It was all because of those teen vampire novels, too. Once _they _came along, fan girls everywhere went crazy, and real vampires used that unhealthy obsession to broaden their covens… or quench their thirsts.

"You sure you wanna be hunting _vampires_ with them like this?" I asked him.

"Why not?" He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Fine," I huffed, sinking lower in my seat. "But if you get bitten, don't come crying to me."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Ella's mass of strawberry blond curls disappearing out of the barn window. _She left us!_ I thought, shocked, then I lost consciousness.

When I came to, I noticed that I was no longer in the barn, and I wasn't in our hotel room, either. I was on a bed, though, so I figured Dean had checked in to a new hotel.

I saw him sitting on the other bed, and he realized that I was awake. "You okay?" he asked me, actually sounding worried.

"Yeah, thanks," I said, sitting up slowly. I closed my eyes at the throbbing pain in my head. "What happened?"

Dean glared down at his hands, which were clenched into fists. "Sam and Ella booked it as soon as the bloodsuckers showed," he said, his voice thick with fury. "There were only a few—three or four, maybe—but we were still outnumbered. One came up behind you. You know the rest."

"Are they all dead?" I asked, and he nodded. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm fine," he said gruffly, forcing a grin, but it looked more like a grimace. "Pissed, but fine." His hand went to his neck, on the side that I couldn't see, and when he pulled it back, it was covered in blood.

"You've been bitten!" I gasped, jumping up from the bed and stumbling a little. "They didn't—?"

"No, they didn't turn me," he said, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

As I stared at him, I noticed how pale he was, and that his hands were trembling. "Dean, how much blood have you lost?" I asked, sitting down beside him.

"I've had worse," he said, putting his hand over the bite again. "It's nothing." His shaking body betrayed him, however.

"Let me see," I said.

"I said it's nothing, Gari!" he snapped.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away from the bite. I gasped a little at the sight of it. It wasn't a clean bite, to say the least. As soon as the pressure from Dean's hand had been removed, it began pouring blood as if it were fresh. "Is there a towel or something I can use to stop the bleeding?" I asked him.

He jerked his hand away from me and pulled off his shirt. _Damn…_ I thought, biting my lip and trying very hard not to stare. He was _ripped,_ and I had to appreciate that.

"Here," he said, thrusting the shirt into my hand and staring at me expectantly. A sly grin crossed his face as he noticed what I was looking at. "Like what you see?" he asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

_That_ made me stop staring. I slapped his arm and said offhandedly, "I've seen better." He chuckled and rolled his eyes, as if to say "_Right."_ I then found myself wondering if Sam was as muscular as his brother, then shook my head to clear my thoughts. _Focus, Gari,_ I reprimanded myself.

I pressed Dean's t-shirt to his neck and told him to put a lot of pressure on it. I had to figure out what to do.

I could take him to the hospital, but they would ask questions that we could _not _answer. I mean, how awkward would _that_ conversation be? "_Well, hello, doctor…. Oh, this? Yeah, he was attacked by a ravenous vampire. Could you patch him up, please?" _Yeah, _that _would end well.

_There _is_ one other choice…. But how will he react? He might lock me up in the panic room again or shoot me or something worse…. _Using my powers was basically signing my own death warrant. _But it's either this or a hospital, and since their angel friend isn't around…_

"'Kay, you can take your shirt back now," I said, finally having made up my mind.

He gave me a bewildered look and exclaimed, "_What?_ Take me to a hospital or something!"

"I thought it was nothing," I said mockingly, and he frowned. "Just… trust me, okay?"

Dean stared at me for a minute, then did as I said. I raised my hand and placed it over the wound, closing my eyes in concentration. "What are you—?" he began, then broke off as my powers came into effect and his skin started knitting itself back together.

After a couple of minutes, I pulled my hand away and stared at his neck, wiping the blood on my hand off on the bedspread. "There!" I said satisfactorily, smiling at my handiwork.

"'There,' what?" he exclaimed. "What did you just do?" His hand went to his neck and he froze in shock. "What—? How—? _Huh?_" he stuttered. "What did you _do?"_

"I healed you," I said simply, shrugging. "That should be proof enough that I'm not drinking demon blood, shouldn't it?"

"But _how?"_ he gaped, still feeling his neck.

Here it was again: the moment of truth. "I… have these powers," I said hesitantly. "I've had them since I was nine." I could practically _see_ the wheels turning in his head, deciding whether I was friend or foe.

_I made a mistake,_ I thought, getting anxious. _I shouldn't have done that; I should have taken him to the hospital or something; I could've dealt with the awkward questions; God, I'm so _stupid _and now he's gonna fucking _kill _me! _I started playing with the bells on my bracelet, biting my lip nervously. He started to put his hand down and I thought, _Oh, God, here it comes, he's gonna shoot me! _I squeezed my eyes shut, not about to watch him pull a gun on me.

After a minute, I slowly opened my eyes and was surprised to find him just sitting there, staring at the bloody t-shirt in his hands. I kind of wanted to say something, to prompt him to make a decision, but I was worried that that would prompt him to make the _wrong_ decision.

He looked at me for a minute and I could clearly see the conflict in his green eyes. _Here we go,_ I thought, preparing myself for the worst.

"Thanks," Dean said quietly, and that was it.


	11. Suicide & Redemption

**Okay, this is the chapter where I actually start feeling a bit proud of my work. I start liking my storylines, and I start making my characters more complex, and my OTP (my "own true pairing," as I like to call it when they're my homemade ship) finally gets a little bit of something. Now, I'm not saying it's fantastic, but this chapter is where I feel like my story takes this sharp upward curve for the better. (Ahhh, but the last six or so chapters are my favorites!)**

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_**or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

Dean and I had called a truce. After saving each other's lives, we figured we were kind of even. Plus, we couldn't afford to be at each other's necks while Sam and Ella were in danger.

Anyway, the next day Sam and Ella found us. (I don't like saying that—"Sam and Ella"—it just sounds wrong.)

Dean and I acted like nothing happened, like they hadn't left us to die. Apparently, according to Dean, it was all part of the plan. He told me we had to catch them unaware, like when they were sleeping. We were planning on doing it that night. All we had to do was find the item on both of them and burn it. Totally simple, right?

But it's never simple, is it?

The Winchesters had a room that was adjoined to ours. Dean and I had made sure that both of the doors connecting out rooms were unlocked so we could help each other out if it was needed. I could see the door from my position on one of the twin beds. I stared at it, waiting for Dean to open it. That was my signal.

At about 2:00 a.m., the door creaked open the slightest bit. _Here goes, well, everything_, I thought, quietly getting out of bed. I tiptoed over to Ella's bed and took a zip tie out of my pocket.

As I reached for her wrists, her eyes popped open, and I had a split second to notice that her previously sapphire blue eyes were now a dark chocolate brown before she attacked me.

She threw me across the room with inhuman strength and I gasped in pain as my back hit the doorknob of the adjoining door. She stood up and walked over to me, lifting me up by my neck and slamming me against it. My hands scrabbled against her fingers and I gasped for breath, kicking wildly (it was a wonder how she held me high enough off the ground).

NotElla dodged my kicks easily, and I soon lost my strength. "Not a very nice wake-up call," she said, smirking.

"Wh-who are you?" I rasped, feeling extremely lightheaded.

"I'm your worst nightmare," she replied.

"So… cliché," I choked out, forcing a sarcastic grin.

"You're going to die, Gari," the NotElla said, her face twisting into a grin of her own. It pained me seeing that grin on her face—on Ella's face. It should never have been there. "And so is Dean. And Carl and I will live on as Sam and Ella, and no one will ever know the difference."

"Your husband's name is _Carl_?" I said, coughing. "That's _great._" She narrowed her eyes. "Oh, and we have friends. They'll know. They'll come after you."

"_Silence_," the NotElla snapped, tightening her grip. "And don't bother trying to use your powers against us. It won't work. You've realized that already, haven't you? Your powers only work on humans and demons. And we aren't totally human. Not yet." _Damn, how did she know that?_ "Ella is in here with me. She's going to watch herself kill her friends."

"Get out of her, you bitch!" I spat, then she slammed my head against the door and knocked me out.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I woke up with a huge gasp, my hands flying up to feel my throat. I knew there would be bruises from the NotElla's fingers, but it didn't really bother me. I'd had worse.

I looked around at my surroundings and noticed that I was no longer in our motel room.

The room I was in now looked like something from an abandoned warehouse or a horror movie (but those two kind of go hand in hand, don't they?). The floor was made of cement, and the walls looked like they were, too. Water was trickling down the wall beside me, forming a small pool of stagnant liquid.

I scanned the room for a way out and thought I could make out a door in the shadows across from me. I also saw something else—a man—and I gasped in shock.

"It's about time you noticed me," Sam—I mean, NotSam—I mean, Carl?—said, moving into the light.

I got to my feet shakily, using the wall for support. "Well, you _were_ shrouded in shadow," I said smartly, hating the raspy sound my voice made. "I thought Ella was supposed to kill me?"

"Nell," Carl corrected. "Her name is Nell."

"You guys have some lame-ass names," I replied with a grin, but he ignored me.

"She _was _going to kill you—both of you—but I wanted the pleasure of killing _one _of you. She figured Dean would be a bigger challenge. And it's kind of poetic, isn't it? Being killed by your 'significant other?'" Carl shrugged, grinning affectionately at the thought of his wife, and moved further into the light. _Significant other? _

Something glinted in his hand, and with a deep sense of dread, I noticed that it was my dagger. _Now _that_ is poetic. I'm gonna be killed with my own knife. Wow. _

"So why kill us?" I asked, trying to stall. "Why not just take off?"

"And you wouldn't come after us?" he asked skeptically.

"True," I admitted. "We'd never stop looking for you. But you'll still never stop being hunted. There are others who'll wonder what happened to us."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Carl said carelessly. He stepped closer to me and I tried to step back, only to hit the wall. "Sorry it had to come to this, Garideth."

I laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, right."

"You're right, I'm not sorry at all."

With that, he lunged at me and I barely dodged the blade. As I did, I realized that he had a _major _advantage. He was so _big_; even thought I was tall for a girl (almost 5'11"), he still had a major height advantage on me, being in Sam's body, who was like 6'4". Plus, I was all shaky from being knocked out and had the worst headache imaginable. _Oh, _and_ he has my dagger. Can this get any worse?_

"C'mon, Sam, snap out of it!" I pleaded. "You're stronger than this!" Carl swung at me again and I ducked just in time. I rolled out of the way and tried to make it onto my feet, but instead stumbled against a wall.

"That won't work," Carl said smugly. "Even coming from you." _Wait, what? _He seemed to sense my confusion, for he smirked triumphantly and said, "Can't you tell? He's really carrying a torch for you."

"You're lying, trying to catch me off guard, just like a demon," I said, despite the faint blush burning on my cheeks. Of course, I was becoming very attached to Sam, and I knew he liked me enough to make him nervous, but I didn't know the extent of his feelings. _And I really don't need to be thinking about this right now!_

"I'm not; it's the truth," he assured me eagerly, finally having found a way to mess with me. "See, I have access to Sam's thoughts—only his current ones at the moment, but once Nell and I kill you and Dean and perform the ritual needed to complete the change, I'll know every thought, every emotion, every _memory _that has ever entered his brain."

"That'll never happen!" I snarled, walking to the middle of the room. I was ready to get this over with, whatever the end result might be.

"Yes, it will," Carl said confidently. "Because the only way Dean can get close enough to Nell to find her remains is to kill Ella, and the only way _you _can get close enough to _me _is to kill poor, vulnerable Sammy here."

_God, he's right,_ I thought dismally. _I can't kill Sam, even if it means Carl will kill me._

He stepped forward and I fell automatically into a defensive stance, watching him closely for the slightest giveaway of his next move. He walked around me in a complete circle, and I rotated on the spot. "What are you waiting for?" I prompted. "_C'mon!_"

"I like taunting you," he replied nonchalantly, grinning in a twisted way. "It's amusing, seeing as you're so very easy to upset. But you're right, I've drawn this out long enough."

Before I even had time to react, he was there, slamming me back against the wall. My head made contact with a sickening thud, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the pain.

The blade slid smoothly into my stomach and an agonized cry of "Sam!" was ripped from my throat. Thick, warm liquid ran down my hands, which were clenched around the hilt of the dagger.

The twisted grin faded from Carl's face, and his eyes became clouded with confusion. Then I noticed that they were back to Sam's original hazel color and wary relief surged up inside of me.

"Gari?" he asked uncertainly, then stared down at his hands, which were also wrapped around the knife. "Oh, God. What did I—?"

I coughed a little and blood splattered my lips. "Shit," I breathed. I tried to pull the knife out of my stomach, but Sam stopped me.

"No, don't," he said calmly, but I could hear the panic in his deep voice. "We gotta get you outta here." He slid his arm behind my knees and started to pick me up, but I let out an involuntary cry and he gently sat me down, then knelt down in front of me. "Shh, shh, it's okay," he said worriedly, seeming to be assuring himself more than me. "We'll wait a minute, then try again, okay?"

"Are you really… _you?_" I asked weakly, feeling a cold sweat break out on my forehead. My hair stuck to the bit of blood on my lip and I sluggishly raised my hand to brush it away.

He beat me to it, one corner of his mouth twitching upward the slightest bit, and said, "Yeah, I am. For now."

"Remains?" I asked. Sam pulled a necklace out of his pocket and pried it open, revealing a fingernail clipping. "Ew, _really?_ They kept their _fingernails?_"

Sam chuckled a little. "D'you have a lighter?"

"Yeah," I answered, moving my hand down to my pocket, but again, he beat me to it, his hand lightly grazing my upper thigh. My heart skipped a beat, and I couldn't believe that he had that effect on me, even at a time like this.

He set the fingernail clipping on fire, then slipped the lighter back in my pocket. "Okay, I'm gonna try to move you again. I gotta get you to a hospital."

"No, Sammy," I protested, intercepting his hands as he reached to pick me up again. "Find Dean." I noticed with a slight shock that our hands were coated in blood—_my _blood. "Ow," I said, surprised.

"Yeah, right, like I'm leaving you here," Sam said, rolling his eyes.

"No, you don't understand! Ella—Nell—Dean!" My words started jumbling together in my haste to get them out. "Go! Now!"

"I know, Gari, I know," he told me. "I could read his mind, too, y'know."

"Then you know—you gotta—now!" I tried again, but he shook his head defiantly.

"I'm getting you outta here first," he said.

"I can't be-!" Sam slid his arms under me and lifted me off of the ground. I cried out in pain and tears streamed down my cheeks. He clenched his jaw tightly, and I tried so hard not to make a noise. I buried my face in his chest, tightening my arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "Just hold on." He carried me outside and opened a car door, then gently placed me inside. I realized we were in Dean's Impala and figured that Carl had stolen it. I curled up in a ball and closed my eyes tightly, steeling myself against what I was about to do. I exhaled shakily, then jerked the knife from my stomach, crying out again. Sam slid into the driver's seat and asked sternly, "Why the hell'd you do that?"

"Don't… don't want a knife jutting outta my stomach. It's uncomfortable." I managed a small smile and wrapped my arms around myself.

"Hold on, okay? There's a hospital not far from here." He glanced over at me, then cranked up the car and slammed his foot on the gas.

"Dean's gonna kill me for getting blood in his car," I groaned.

"I _stabbed_ you not ten minutes ago and you're worried about _that?_" he asked disbelievingly.

"We… we called a truce," I replied. "Don't wanna ruin it. And hey, _you_ didn't stab me."

"Yes, I did," he said, and I frowned at the huge amount of guilt in his voice.

"_No_," I said fiercely, breaking into a small coughing fit and briefly closing my eyes again. "_You _didn't. _Carl _did. Your body, maybe… but not _you._"

He nodded hesitantly, then said, "He said you couldn't heal yourself. What did he mean?"

"Well, since I'm dying…" I said, instantly regretting it as I saw his horrified expression. "I mean, since Dean will tell you anyway… I've got these powers." I paused for a second to catch my breath. God, I was _so _exhausted, and feeling weaker by the minute. "It's how I kill demons with my mind. I can heal people, too—among other things, including accidentally affecting the weather—and you, being the genius you are, have probably figured all of that out—" he nodded once "—but none of my freaky powers work on me."

"That kinda sucks," Sam said, and I laughed, only to start coughing again. More blood landed on my lips and I frowned deeply. He reached over to me, then dropped his hand helplessly. When I glanced up at him, he gave me those pathetic puppy dog eyes that I loved so much, and I couldn't help but to smile. "What?" he asked. "Why are you smiling?"

"No reason," I said, still smiling, then I became thoughtful. "Hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you… y'know… snap out of it?"

He ran a hand through his shaggy hair, looking kind of uncomfortable, and said, "Carl let slip that strong emotions make it hard for him to keep control. So once I realized—" He broke off and glanced at me again, guilt still filling his beautiful eyes. "Well, I gained control."

"Oh," I said simply. Suddenly, the pain got worse. I choked out a sob and curled up even tighter, squeezing my eyes shut for what felt like the millionth time.

"Gari?" Sam asked worriedly. "Hold on; we're almost there! Stay with me!"

"What about your angel friend?" I said through gritted teeth. "Can't he heal me?"

He sighed deeply. "He's cut off from Heaven. After he rebelled for us, he lost most of his powers. He can still teleport—for now, anyway. It's kinda inconvenient."

"Understatement," I coughed, and he forced a grin. I fell silent, breathing deeply and focusing on anything but the pain. _It'd be so _easy_ to give in, _I thought wistfully. _All the pain would go away..._ My breathing slowed down and I started to give in to the darkness threatening to overcome me.

"Gari, open your eyes!" Sam commanded, shaking me roughly.

I grimaced and snapped—more like croaked—"Can't you just let me die in peace?"

My attempt at humor failed miserably and Sam shook me until I did as he said. He stopped the car and turned it off. "We're here; just hold on."

"Stop saying that…" He got out and came around to my side, then opened the door and lifted me up and out of the car. I bit my lip to stop from crying out again and immediately started coughing, getting blood all over his shirt. "…Sorry…" I muttered.

He ignored me and walked quickly toward the hospital doors, yelling out, "Hey! I need help!"

About five doctors rushed up to us, all asking frantically, "What happened?"

"Mugging," Sam lied smoothly. "She got stabbed, and she's lost a lot of blood."

"How long ago did it happen?" one doctor asked.

"Thirty minutes, maybe. I think he stabbed a vital organ or something, I dunno." A nurse rolled up a gurney and one of the doctors tried to take me from Sam. I tightened my grip around his neck, not about to let them separate us. "No," he said, sounding panicked. "I'll carry her."

"What's your relation?"

"She's my girlfriend," Sam said automatically. "I can't leave her." He was doing a very good job of acting like a distraught boyfriend, and I made a mental note to commend him on his acting skills if I lived through this.

"Alright, follow me," the same doctor said. He led us to an empty room and said, "Put her down right here." Sam laid me down on the hospital bed and I reluctantly released him. "I'll be right back," the doctor said. "You're welcome to stay for the moment." He left the room, letting the door slam behind him.

"'Kay… I'm in good hands," I said weakly. "Now, go find Dean and Ella. You've gotta… you've gotta make sure they're okay." I coughed roughly and curled up into a ball on the hospital bed. Sam's brow furrowed and he took my hand, squeezing it tightly. I smiled slightly at him, though I figured it looked kind of creepy with my bloody mouth. "…Nice acting, by the way."

"I'm not leaving you, Gari," Sam said, as if my request was the most ridiculous thing in the world. "And who said I was acting?"

I chose to ignore that comment, and how my heart leaped when he said it.

"Sam Winchester," I said forcefully, thankfully keeping my voice steady and not breaking into a coughing fit, "I promise you, if Dean and Ella _die_ because of this, I will haunt your stupid ass for eternity, and every time you get rid of me, I'll find another way back!" And there came the coughing fit, and it was even worse than the others.

He stared at me in shock and concern for a minute, and all I could think was, _He's wasting time!_

"Are you sure, Gari?" he said finally, glancing at the door. He kept saying my name, and it was distracting me. I loved how he said my name. _No! No time for that kind of thinking! Make him leave!_

"Of _course_ I'm sure!" I rasped. "This… this is what I've been telling you to do since, well…. For a nerd, you can be such a _dumbass!_"

He actually grinned at that, and I felt a small smile form on my lips as well. "They'll take care of you," he assured me. "You'll be fine. After I find Dean and Ella, we'll come back for you, okay?"

"Just _go,_ Sam!" I ordered, though not as forcefully as I'd hoped. My voice was fading even more now, and I was starting to see little black spots everywhere.

"Alright, alright," he said, starting toward the door. He hesitated for a minute, then turned back to me.

"What are you—?" I began, but he interrupted me, briefly pressing his lips to mine. I was stunned, too stunned to react, and then it was over.

He gave me a genuine smile, said "See you soon," then ran out of the hospital room.

My heart fluttered wildly, and I just had time to think, _Didn't know my heart had that much strength left in it, _before I finally sank into a blissfully peaceful oblivion.


	12. By The Way

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

You know that weird state of being stuck between consciousness and unconsciousness? Well, I was experiencing that like _mad._ I could hear the doctor and a nurse conversing over me. I didn't know how long I had been in the hospital, but as far as I knew, the others hadn't come back yet.

"I… I don't understand," the doctor said, sounding utterly bewildered. "There was a gaping _hole _here an hour ago!"

"Are you sure this is the right girl, Dr. Dillamond?" the nurse asked.

"Unless I'm mistaken, this is the only Patricia Benatar in the hospital." I heard some papers shuffling around, then the doctor said, "It's just impossible!" I felt hands on my stomach, right where my injury should be. "I don't understand…" the doctor repeated.

"Did her boyfriend leave a phone number?" the nurse said.

"No, Nessa, he just left. Didn't say anything. The whole thing's really weird."

"You don't think… you don't think _he _did it, do you?"

"I'll admit, it's crossed my mind," Dr. Dillamond said quietly. "They could've got in a fight and he lost his temper, then once he realized what he'd done, he brought her here. I've seen it before."

"Well, what do we do?" Nessa asked.

"Run a few more tests, then wait till she wakes up and ask her what really happened." There was a brief silence and I could feel them staring down at me. "Go on home, Nessa," Dillamond said finally. "It's late. I'll take care of her."

"Thanks, Doc," Nessa replied, and I heard both of them walk out.

Suddenly, I experienced an odd sensation, almost as if I were flying. "Garideth Vulcan," a deep, monotonous voice said, and it struck me as vaguely familiar. "Garideth Vulcan," he repeated, "open your eyes."

I obeyed the voice slowly and reluctantly. I let out a shriek as I saw a pair of baby blue eyes not five inches from mine. "What the fuck?" I exclaimed. "Ever heard of personal space, buddy?"

"My apologies," the man said, stepping away from me. "Is this more appropriate?"

"It'll do," I replied, exhaling deeply in an attempt to get my heart rate back to normal. I looked around and realized that we were in my and Ella's motel room. "Oh, hey, Cas. I didn't recognize you at first. You scared the shit outta me, by the way."

"My apologies," he said again.

"Nice trench coat," I commented, raising my eyebrows. "I meant to tell you that last time, but, well, y'know, I was busy getting thrown into a panic room for no reason."

"Thank you," Castiel said.

"So, what, you transported me here?"

"Yes."

"Glad to see you still have that heavenly power," I muttered, and he looked very offended. "Sorry," I said immediately, and he nodded. "How did you know that I was gonna be healed by then?"

"I have been watching you," he said simply.

"Kinda rapey, but okay." He gave me an odd look, then shook his head. I had the feeling he was kind of used to my attitude and way of speaking, seeing as it was so much like Dean's. "So, where is everyone? Is Elle alive? Is Dean? Did Sam find them? Is Ella back to normal?" Once I started asking questions, I just couldn't stop. "Did Nell succeed? What—?"

Castiel cut me off, a confused look on his face, and said, "Would you repeat the questions more slowly and individually, please?"

I grinned apologetically and said, "Just tell me what happened."

"They are alive. Sam arrived just as Dean burned the spirit's remains. They should be here very soon." Castiel gazed at me patiently, seeming to be asking if I had any more questions.

"So now we wait?" I asked, sitting down on one of the beds.

Castiel nodded and started to sit down beside me, then the door was thrown open and Ella rushed at me, knocking me down flat on the bed. "Gari!" she exclaimed, smothering me in a hug. "You're okay!"

"Still kinda sore, Elle," I said, my voice muffled by her thick, curly hair.

"Sorry…" she said, getting off of me.

I stood up, then pulled her back into a hug. "God, I missed you, babe," I whispered, feeling myself tear up a little.

"Missed ya, too, sis." She actually started to cry, and that only made me hug her tighter.

It was about then that Sam and Dean walked into the room. A blush sprang to my cheeks at the sight of Sam, and I carefully avoided looking at him, but not before I noticed hat he was blushing, too.

I instead trained my eyes on Dean and saw with surprise that he actually looked kind of relieved. "Aw, Dean, I think you might just _care _about me," I said teasingly, and he rolled his eyes, trying not to smile.

"Yeah, yeah," he said. "Well, we're supposed to be in a truce, so I guess I should care a _little._"

Ella shot him a startled look and said, "Y'all called a truce?"

"Yeah, well, when you two got possessed, we figured we'd better set aside our differences," I explained, then added, "at least until we got you back to normal." I smirked at Dean and he chuckled a little.

"So, Gari," Dean began, "how the hell'd you get outta there so fast? Sammy told me you can't heal yourself."

I opened my mouth to reply, but Ella interrupted me. "Ya _told_ him?" she exclaimed. "I wanted to tell him for _ages!"_

"Well, it was kinda necessary, seeing as you two let him get bitten by a crazy vamp," I said scathingly. Ella frowned and stuck out her tongue at me. "Anyway, back to Dean's question. I dunno how I got better so fast. The doctor was freaked. They were planning on running all these tests before Cas came and got me. I mean, I've always been a pretty quick healer, but never that quick."

A puzzled silence fell over us all until Cas cleared his throat. Funny, I had forgotten he was there. "Yeah?" Dean said rudely.

He fixed the brothers with an unsettling stare, then asked, "Have you any lead on how to kill the D—?"

"_Not now," _Dean barked, a panicked look on his face.

"Dean, you've been putting this off for long enough," Castiel reprimanded him. "Lucif—"

"I said _not now,_ Cas!" Dean said angrily. "Don't make me sigil your lily-white ass outta here!" Cas shot him a deeply offended death glare, then disappeared with a sound like the flapping of large wings. "_What?_" Dean asked, staring at my and Ella's curious expressions.

"Why'd ya yell at him?"

"What was he talking about?"

Ella and I stared at each other, both having asked different questions at the same time. "Well?" she prompted. "Why'd ya yell at him? And threaten him?"

"And what was he talking about?" I persisted.

"It's nothing," Sam said quickly.

"_Right,"_ I said sarcastically.

"You're such a _liar!"_ Ella said, hands on her hips. "C'mon, tell us!"

"It's nothing," Sam repeated. "Forget it." I opened my mouth to argue, then he turned on his puppy dog eyes and I lost my train of thought. "Please?" he asked.

"Dammit!" I cursed, and Sam grinned triumphantly. "Hey, can we make a new rule that he can't do that puppy thing in the middle of an argument? It gives him a totally unfair advantage."

Sam laughed and said, "Seriously?"

"I second that!" Ella said, sounding extremely frustrated.

"It'd be fair…" Dean said thoughtfully. "Hmmm…. Yeah, I'm good with that."

Sam laughed again and said, "Okay, fine!"

"'Kay, so, what were we talkin' about again?" Ella asked, then whined, "Dude, that was _so_ unfair!"

I decided to let the matter drop for the moment, but I knew what Castiel was talking about and I planned on grilling Sam about it later. Even his puppy dog eyes couldn't keep me away from that subject.

Just then, Dean's phone rang. "Yeah?" he said as he put it to his ear. "Hey, Bobby. Yeah, we're good. So what ya got?" Dean rolled his eyes at something Bobby said, then replied, "Sure. Witches. So Cal. Got it." He hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. "Let's get packin'!" he said with false enthusiasm.

"Doesn't anybody ever say goodbye anymore?" Ella asked no one in particular, shaking her head in mock disappointment.

"Goodbyes always make me think of _Peter Pan_," I mused. Ella made a horrified expression, then we busted out laughing, much to the confusion of the boys. "Okay, let's go," I said finally as I caught my breath, and Ella nodded happily.

Five minutes later, we were on the road again. It felt so good to be back in our car, and even better to be back with Ella.

The first thing we did was hook up my neon pink iPod Nano and start blaring Nirvana with the windows down. We passed the boys, singing "Heart-Shaped Box" at the top of our lungs and bursting into peals of laughter at their bewildered expressions.

Ella grabbed my hand and entwined her fingers in mine. "M'glad you're okay," she said quietly, just loud enough for me to hear her over the music.

I squeezed her hand and said, "Me, too."

"I dunno what I'd do if Sam—"

"_Carl,_" I corrected automatically.

"—had killed ya."

"You'd get eaten," I said, shrugging. "Or repossessed. Or get your heart ripped out. Or drown. Or—"

"Shush, you!" Ella said, laughing. "I mean it, though, Gari."

"I know you do, Elle," I said. "You're too paranoid to be a hunter," I teased.

"Made it this far, haven't I?" she retorted.

"Only 'cause of me," I shot back. We laughed a little, then broke into the chorus of the song, happy to be enjoying Kurt Cobain's voice and each other's company.


	13. Oh, Me

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

My phone rang just as we were driving into Small Town, Southern California. (It's bad that I don't even know the name of the town, isn't it?) "Yeah?" I said into the mouthpiece.

"Pull in at that Bed and Breakfast," Sam told me, and I relayed the orders to Ella, snapping my phone shut.

We pulled in and they parked right beside us. Ella jumped out immediately, then ran around to my side and started tapping on the window. "Hurry up, hurry up!" she said excitedly.

"Where's the fire?" I asked amusedly as I did as she said.

"I'm just real happy we're back together!" she explained, smiling brightly and hugging me.

"Okay, Elle, really," I said, hugging her back briefly. "I've been good for a while now. You don't have to hug me at every stop we make."

"I know…" she said, releasing me. "But I can't help it!"

I laughed a little and said, "Go get our bags, you weirdo!"

We met Sam and Dean at the door to the quaint building. "What's with all the hugging?" Dean asked Ella. "And do I get one?"

Ella giggled girlishly and said, "Course ya do!" Dean caught her as she was pulling away and kissed her for way longer than necessary.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably and Sam looked away, blushing the slightest bit. "What?" Dean asked, smirking.

"Get a room!" I snapped playfully as I reached for the doorknob, but someone on the other side beat me to it.

"Oh, hi!" the person said gleefully. It was a young woman of about my age, with straight brown hair and large green eyes. She was stunningly pretty, and I could easily see Dean screwing things up with Ella for her. I made a mental note to keep an eye on him. "I thought I heard someone out here!" she gushed. "I'm Britt, by the way!"

"Um, hi," I said, much less enthusiastically.

She smiled at me briefly, then turned her eyes to the Winchesters (of course—no girl in her right mind could ignore them). She looked Dean up and down appreciatively, her eyes resting on his model-esque lips for the shortest second.

Her eyes then moved to Sam, and they widened slightly. A sultry smile crossed her lips, and she shook her hair back over her shoulder. "Hi, there," she said. "What's _your _name?" _Oh, great,_ I thought, already planning Britt's death. _She touches him, she dies. It's decided. He's _mine_._ I froze, shocked at my own thoughts. _Wait, wait, wait. What the fuck am I thinking? _

"Um…" Sam said, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

"We need two rooms, please," Ella interrupted sweetly, giving me a warning glance. Britt stared at Sam expectantly, completely ignoring Ella. "Um, 'scuse me?" Ella tried again. "Hello?"

"Oh, sorry," Britt said, frowning slightly. "Sure, follow me!" Her annoyingly happy persona reappeared and she pranced back inside.

Dean raised his eyebrows at Sam confusedly, and Sam shrugged. I was actually feeling pretty proud of Dean at the moment. He hadn't drooled over Britt at all, and whether it was because of my threat from so long ago or because he actually _wanted_ to be with Elle, I was impressed.

And I know, I know, I should've taken comfort from the fact that Sam had avoided answering her and had squirmed under her unabashed stare, but I was still insecure. He'd kissed me once, and we hadn't talked about it. I couldn't claim him. Not yet. _Claim him? Okay, really? What's wrong with me?_

Britt handed Ella a key and pointed her down the hall, telling her to keep walking to the end, then pointed the boys in the complete opposite direction. _Of course,_ I thought scathingly. _Keep us separated. That'll work._

I followed Ella into our room and threw down my bag angrily. "Ugh!" I exclaimed. "I know you're not supposed to judge on first impressions or whatever, but ugh!"

"Ya just don't like all the attention she's givin' Sammy," Ella said slyly, giving me a knowing smile.

"No, I don't! But that's not the only reason!"

"Then what's the other reason?" Ella asked skeptically.

"Okay, you're right," I admitted, sinking onto the other bed. "I don't like it at all. Even though he ignored her. Still. Ugh!"

Ella giggled a little, then said, "You and him act different 'round each other all of a sudden."

"How so?" I asked, careful to keep my voice neutral.

"Y'all are all uncomfortable around each other now. Plus, ya always blush when y'all see each other. Y'all used to seem so… I dunno, natural, easy, whatever." _Wow. I _really _underestimated her observational skills._

"I have absolutely no clue what you're talking about, Elle," I said innocently, shaking my head.

"You're lyin'," Ella accused, hands on her hips. "What happened with you two? Did Carl rape ya or somethin'?" she gasped, eyes wide with fear.

I rolled my eyes at her ridiculousness. "No, Elle, I was not raped by a possessive ghost."

She sighed in relief, then asked, "So what happened, then?"

I sighed deeply. _I'm gonna regret this._ "You know when he stabbed me?" She nodded, getting excited. "And then he took me to the hospital, and then when I finally convinced him to go, he… he kinda… kissed me."

I closed my eyes and covered my ears against her squeal of delight.

"It's about time!" she exclaimed. "That's just _awesome!_ I mean, even besides the thing about y'all kissin', 'cause now you can't get mad at me for sleepin' with Dean or—!" She slapped her hands over mouth in alarm, obviously not having meant to let that slip out.

"You did _what?"_ I asked, shocked. "_When?"_

"Um… in Virginia…" she said meekly. She grinned at me embarrassedly and shrugged. "I'm sorry, I just… I couldn't help it! He's just so amazin'! And he was amazin' in bed, too, let me tell ya—"

"Ah, no, no, no, no, no!" I yelped, covering my ears again. "Don't wanna hear it! Nope!" She smiled apologetically and I took my hands off of my ears. "So lemme get this straight," I said slowly. "While I was rotting away in a panic room, you were getting it on with _Dean?"_

"Basically…" she said quietly. "Please don't hurt me!"

I had to laugh a little at that. I could tell she really was sorry, not sorry for doing it, but sorry for enjoying herself while I was indisposed. "I'm not gonna hurt you," I said finally, rolling my eyes. "But kissing—not snogging, just _kissing—_Sam is nothing, _nothing, _compared to screwing his brother. You do realize that, correct?"

"Yeah…"

"So I can still be mad at you."

"I know…. Are ya?"

I sighed. "No, I'm not. Irked—and a slight bit disgusted, maybe—but not mad."

"Yay!" Ella squealed.

"But you are _not _to say _anything _about Sam and me to _anyone, _especially Dean—even if he tries to seduce it out of you!" I said forcefully, then, with a wry grin, asked, "Got it memorized?"

"Did ya really have to bring Axel into this?" she asked plaintively. "Ya _know _how emotional I get when it comes to him!"

"I apologize," I said solemnly. "And now, a moment of silence for our dear Axel." I bowed my head with a mischievous grin and Ella slapped my arm playfully.

"You're such a dork," she said, shaking her head in mock disappointment.

"You're the one who still cries over a videogame character," I reminded her.

"Shush, you!"

Just then, there was a knock on the door. I opened it, expecting Sam and Dean, but was surprised—and annoyed—to see that it was Britt. "Yes?" I prompted.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm making dinner since you and your friends are my only guests tonight. It'll be ready in a few hours. I hope you'll come!" she said, smiling brightly.

"Um, thanks," I said, and she flounced away. "I guess…" I shut the door and turned back to Ella. "I still don't like her," I said.

Ella rolled her eyes. "Get over it. Her thing for Sam shouldn't worry ya. I'm more worried 'bout Dean bein' stupid."

"He won't do anything," I promised. "I'll keep him in check." Ella giggled and nodded. "Still, though, I don't think it _is _just about Sam. Something about her is almost sinister," I said thoughtfully.

"Or she's just too peppy for ya," Ella suggested.

"I put up with you, don't I?" I retorted.

"Yeah, but you're obligated to do _that,"_ she laughed, and I couldn't help but to smile.

"D'you wanna go?"

"Not really, but I'm _starvin'."_ Her stomach growled to enforce the words and she grinned. "See?"

"What if she poisoned the food or something?" I said. "We have Pop Tarts; we can share with the boys! That way no one has to die!"

Ella rolled her eyes. "You're such a conspiracy theorist! Is this a government thing, too?"

"It _could _be!" I exclaimed. "They know about my powers and they want to abduct me and experiment on me! _They know!_" I jumped on one of beds and hid my head under a pillow for a minute, then finally busted out laughing.

Ella joined in, falling down beside me. "It's okay!" she gasped out gleefully. "Sammy'll protect ya!"

At that moment, there was another knock on the door. I leaped up to open it, still laughing, and this time it was the Winchesters. They gave me weird looks and I immediately started laughing even harder.

"You feeling okay?" Dean asked, keeping his distance from me.

I couldn't speak from laughing so hard, so I just nodded and sat back down on the bed.

"So… are we going?" Sam asked slowly.

"It's a date!" I panted, finally catching my breath, but at the look on Sam's face, I busted into a fresh round of hysterics, Ella joining in. _It's so great to have her back,_ I thought happily, momentarily forgetting my bad feeling about Britt.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I knocked softly on the boys' door, then twisted the knob and found it unlocked. I stepped inside and saw Sam sitting on one of the beds, his laptop open beside him.

He looked up when I came in and smiled slightly. "Hey," he said. "What's up?"

"Is Dean here?" I asked.

"No, why?"

"Good." I sighed in relief, then went and sat down beside him. "I do _not _wanna be around him right now."

"Why?"

"Ella told me what they did…" I shivered and Sam laughed. "Plus, she started to tell me how good it was…. In a word: ew."

"Yeah, okay, I don't blame you for avoiding him." I laughed lightly and then fell silent, thinking about what I was going to say. He picked up on my mood immediately. "What's wrong?" he asked concernedly.

"Um, we need to talk. About…" _Oh, this is gonna be awkward._ I laughed uncomfortably and said, "I really don't know how to say this…"

Realization dawned on him and his eyes widened slightly. "Yeah?"

"At the hospital… what was that?" I asked.

"What d'you mean?"

"What I mean is…" I sighed deeply and bit my lip. _Here we go._ _Maybe if I just rush through it, it won't be as awkward. Man, this is gonna make me sound like an overly analytical teenager. _"Did it mean anything?" I said finally, then, of course, kept talking.

"Or was it just because I was possibly gonna die? I mean, I get it if that's the reason or if maybe it was because we obviously kinda have something or maybe I'm just delusional and we don't, but if it _did _mean something, I really wanna know because I really do like you a lot and I kinda sorta hate myself for it because I don't like getting attached to people and I've never felt like this before so I don't really know how to react to this, so could you please clear that up for me, seeing as I'm really super confused and—"

Before I had time to react, Sam grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. He pushed my hair back over my ear and kissed me, softly at first, then rougher as I responded.

My only thought was, _Okay, our first kiss was _nothing _compared to this. _ My hands subconsciously fisted around his shirt, holding him to me.

We pulled apart finally, breathing hard. "Whoa," I said brilliantly, then, realizing I was almost on top of him, I blushed and moved away quickly. "So… I'm gonna say it meant something, then?"

Sam chuckled, then opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but Dean busted in right at that moment. "Hey!" he said happily, giving us both a huge grin. "Who wants food?"

Sam and I glanced at each other briefly, and I smiled. _Okay, _now _I can claim him. Yes, Britt, now_ _he's officially _mine.


	14. Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

I sat down at the antique hardwood table beside Sam, watching Britt very closely. She was giving off this vibe that just screamed, "I'm going to scratch your eyes out with my perfectly manicured nails!" I looked around at the others, but they didn't seem to be feeling the same. _Looks like I'm alone in this,_ I thought.

Britt was yammering on while the rest of us just sat there awkwardly. "I'm so glad to have company!" she gushed. "In a small town like this, I hardly ever get guests! Thank you guys so much for finally giving me something to do!" With that, she looped her arms around Sam's neck and hugged him.

My hands involuntarily clenched into fists and I could feel my temper rising. _Back _off_!_ I snarled in my head. _Oh, I am going to _kill _her! _Ella shot me a warning look from across the table and I took a deep breath, trying to control myself.

Sam shrugged Britt off uncomfortably and she stepped back, still smiling brightly. "This is just _amazing!_" she said happily. "I _love _cooking for lots of people! It's one of my favorite things to-!" She was cut off as a pot full of soup exploded in her face. She let out a shriek and I tried my hardest not to grin. _Well, I didn't mean for that to happen,_ I thought. _But it was still pretty awesome!_

"My bad," I said quietly, just loud enough for only Sam to hear. He tried to suppress a laugh, but still let out a strained chuckle. Ella gave me a reproachful look, while Dean just looked clueless. I couldn't take it anymore. I busted out laughing at the look on Britt's face, choking out, "I'm sorry! It's just—your face! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" Britt said, her annoying voice muffled by the towel she was using to clean herself. "Good thing it's a cold soup or that would've been painful!" She giggled and my jaw almost dropped—_How the _fuck_ is she still this happy?_ "I've never had that happen before…" she said, puzzled.

"It's a mystery," I said, and the corners of Sam's mouth twitched.

"Oh, well!" Britt said dismissively. "Dig in!"

Dean did as she said almost immediately, saying, "This is _awesome!_" appreciatively around a mouth full of food. Ella glared at him and angrily bit into a roll. "What?" he asked innocently.

By then, everyone had been eating for a while except me. "What's the matter?" Britt asked. "Why aren't you eating?"

"Why aren't _you?"_ I retorted.

"It's rude to eat when not all of your guests are," she told me, and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, see, I'm not really all that hungry. I had some Pop Tarts earlier." Ella snorted into her salad at that, receiving very weird looks from Sam and Dean, and I smirked.

"Come on, you have to eat _something,"_ Britt pleaded. "I made all of this food, and I'll be so sad if it goes to waste!"

"Judging by how much Deano is scarfing down, I seriously doubt you'll have that problem," I said scathingly.

"Hey!" Dean said, sounding offended. Suddenly, a pained expression crossed his face and he clutched at his stomach. "What the-?" He fell off of his chair, unconscious.

"_Dean?"_ Ella gasped, then she, too, clutched her stomach and fell.

"Elle!" I yelped, leaping out of my chair.

"What did you _do?"_ Sam coughed out. His eyes rolled back into his head and his face dropped to the table.

"What the fuck is _wrong _with you?" I exclaimed, a huge amount of panic and rage in my voice. "What did you do to them?"

"Sleeping draught," Britt replied offhandedly, her previously peppy voice now deeper and _much_ less annoying. "Now, sit your ass down in that chair… or I kill them."

I hesitated. It was totally against my nature to obey crazy bitches, but I could tell that she wasn't joking. _Okay, so I'll just do what she says for now. I have to figure out what she's up to._ "So you're the witch," I said. "Figures."

"I'm really kinda disappointed it took you so long," she said with a shake of her head. "You shouldn't ignore your instincts, Garideth. They're never wrong."

"I never told you my name," I said slowly. "How do you-?"

"Everyone knows your name, Gari," she said unconcernedly. "Every _witch,_ anyway."

"Um… why?"

"You're sort of a legend."

"_Why?"_ I repeated.

"For your past."

"Will you stop being so _cryptic?" _I snapped. "It's getting old fast!"

"Your mother… do you know what she was?" Britt asked quietly. I shook my head slowly, thrown off guard by her sudden change in mood. "She was one of us, and she was _so powerful._" I gasped in shock—_My mom was a _witch_?_ "She was our leader, but she betrayed us. She _failed _us." _Maybe she left, _I thought desperately. _She realized what she had become and left. She _wasn't _evil; she couldn't be._ "She had one goal," Britt said, standing up and walking over to Sam's limp form. "One purpose: to kill Samuel Campbell, _before _the demons could get to him."

"_Who?"_ I asked, totally clueless.

"Your little boy toy's granddaddy," she said, running her fingers through Sam's shaggy hair. I swallowed harshly, thinking, _Self control. Don't ruin it. I have to find out what she's talking about._ "He became possessed with a certain yellow-eyed demon, and Samuel's daughter—Sammy's mom—made a deal with him. We saw it coming, saw how _huge _of an advantage it would give the demons, so your mother was supposed to kill Samuel before Azazel—the yellow-eyed demon—could get to him. We didn't know for sure if killing Samuel would stop Azazel, but it was worth a shot. Little Sammy would never have been given demon blood. We could've stopped the Apocalypse."

"So… why didn't she… kill him?" I stuttered out, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my mother was one of the things that I hunted, and part of that had been passed on to me.

"She told me she couldn't," Britt said, actually sounding slightly sad. "She told me she was tired of killing people. She said she had to stop, for her baby. For _you."_ My eyes widened the slightest bit, and Britt continued. "She told me that she didn't want this life for her little girl, that she wanted you to be _normal. _So, she left us. Then, when she found out that she could never really leave, she left _you, _and He killed her. But you're _not _normal. She died in vain."

"Figured that out on my own, believe it or not," I snapped sarcastically. "And who's He? The demon that gives you your powers?" Britt nodded. "Why did you want to stop the Apocalypse? And why did He? Isn't Lucifer like the monsters' Messiah or something?"

Britt laughed mirthlessly. "How very wrong you are. Lucifer _hates _humans, which you probably already know. We witches _are _humans—partially. We'll be eliminated right after the normal humans. And Satan hates demons almost as much as he hates humans. So He will be killed right after us. It would be catastrophic for all of us—humans, witches, and demons alike."

"But then why would—Azazel?—want to raise Lucifer?"

"You expect me to know how a demon's mind works?"

I was silent for a minute, then asked, " Why do I have these powers?"

"There's a theory on that, actually," Britt said. "We think your mother's powers were passed on to you—accidentally, of course. It's never happened before. Plus, the demon blood He fed you could've had something to do with it. He stole that idea from Azazel, by the way."

"I have… demon blood in me?" I asked, overwhelmed by the flood of information that I was receiving. "So… so Dean was right, in a way. That's how I can kill demons with my mind. But, wait… Sam had to _drink _demon blood… I've never—"

"There's a theory on that, too. We think your witchy powers from Mommy make it so you don't need any 'Vitamin D,'" Britt said, smirking a little at her own joke. "Your powers were enhanced by the demon blood, and vice versa. You're probably one of the most powerful beings the world has ever known, and you don't even know your full potential."

"If I'm so powerful," I said, "why don't my powers work on myself?"

"They do—sort of. Don't you remember?"

_Well, yeah, I guess that explains my super quick healing._ "If my mom was a witch and I have her powers, does that mean I belong to Him, too? Whoever He is? Is _He _the source behind my powers? Can He take them away?"

Britt was silent, thinking deeply. "I don't think so…" she said. "If so, I'm pretty sure He would've taken them away by now. Unless He has plans for you..."she mused. "Then again, what plans could He have? Your boys have already started the Apocalypse and Sammy's Lucifer's vessel and he'll give in soon; it's been seen. We even know the _location. _There's nothing we can do about it."

I could tell that she was mainly talking to herself then, so I wasn't paying that much attention. Instead, I was worrying about Sam and Ella and Dean and how the hell I was going to get us out of this mess. However, when I heard her say Sam's name, I glanced up sharply, then gasped aloud as she finished talking. She then seemed to remember that I was still there.

"You didn't _know?"_ she asked gleefully. "Oh, that's _rich!"_ Britt started laughing, a little bit maniacally. "You've been traveling around with the Devil's Own! _And_ the Michael Sword! Your little Sammy here," she said, playing with his hair again and smiling at my anger, "is Lucifer's vessel! And Lucifer will take him soon! In Detroit! And that will _ruin _us! So if I kill him now, we'll be safe!"

"There's _no fucking way_ I'm letting you hurt him!" I snarled, jumping to my feet.

That did it. I had been sitting still, biding my time while I gained information. Now, I was ready to fight.

I concentrated my powers on Britt and they slammed into her forcefully. She smashed against the wall with a thud and let out a sound that was half groan, half laugh.

"You really _are _powerful," she said appreciatively as she stood up. "You just don't have the experience that I do." A sudden, splitting pain started in my head and I let out a cry of agony, dropping to my knees.

"_Stop!"_ I shouted, and she did immediately.

"How did you-?" Britt started. "Why can't I-?" She shook her head and exhaled deeply. "Doesn't matter. I've got other tricks." A chair slammed into me and knocked me back onto my ass.

I could feel my powers threatening to lose control as I stood up and, for the first time in my entire life, I let them loose completely.

A gigantic crack split the ceiling with a thundering noise, raining plaster down over us, and we both looked up, momentarily distracted. Doors and windows flew open and the food exploded, shooting mashed potatoes and some kind of casserole all over the room. A loud clap of thunder shook the small building, then the shaking continued. _Am I causing this? I've never caused an earthquake before! _I briefly wondered what would've happened had I been outside. My powers were always stronger when I was out in the open.

"_Stay!" _I commanded, smirking, and she was held to the wall with an invisible force. "I should kill you," I said darkly, walking over to her. "_God,_ I wanna kill you."

Britt looked scared now. _Good, _I thought menacingly. _She should be. _"I was your mother's most faithful follower!" she said quickly. "Her closest friend!"

"You were gonna kill Sam and you tried to kill_ me," _I growled, "even despite your 'bond' with my mom. It's kill or be killed, right? You'll never stop. That's just who you are, who _all _of you are. All of you _monsters."_

"You're one of us, Gari. Remember that," Britt sneered through her fear. "You're a monster, too."

I let out a wordless cry of rage and defiance, then, without knowing how I knew to do it, twisted my hand. Her neck broke with a loud cracking sound and her lifeless body slid down the wall to the floor. I grinned a twisted grin, then spun around with the sudden sense that someone was watching me.

The grin slowly faded off my face. "Sam…" I said, shocked and uncomfortable. _Oh, God. _"How long have you-?"

"Long enough," he said quietly.

"Sam, I had to kill her!" I said, immediately jumping to defend myself. "She was gonna kill you! She was gonna kill all of us!"

"You kinda enjoyed killing her, didn't you?" he asked tersely, not looking at me. "It looked like it."

"You didn't hear what she said to me, Sam!" I said angrily. "About my mom, about me—about you!"

His head jerked up sharply at that. "What did she tell you?" he asked urgently.

"A lot of things," I said evasively. "But you're not that innocent, either." Dean groaned a little, and I knew he was starting to wake up. I stepped closer to Sam, who was still sitting down, and put my hands on the armrests, making it impossible for him to get away from me. "Dean and Ella can't know about this—especially Dean," I whispered quickly. "You _know _how he'll react. The only thing they need to know is that Britt and I were in a horrible fight and she was winning and at the last moment, I gained the upper hand and had no choice but to kill her, okay?" _I hate asking him to lie for me, but what else can I do? _"Please, Sam," I implored. "_Please."_ I held my breath, anxiously awaiting his answer.

He stared at me for a long moment with those deep, gorgeous eyes, then finally said, "Okay."

I exhaled slowly, relieved. "Thanks," I sighed, and he nodded. "I promise I'll explain everything later. I _swear." _He gave me a look that clearly said, "You better."

"Ugh…" Dean said groggily, and I stood up straight and turned away from Sam. "What the hell happened?" Ella woke up then, too, looking around with wide-eyed cluelessness.

"The food was poisoned. Sleeping draught," I explained, shooting an I-told-you-so glare at Ella, who shrugged sheepishly. "Britt was the witch, of course."

"So what happened to her?" Dean asked, slowly getting to his feet.

"Dead," I said shortly, glancing at Sam and willing him not to say anything. He mercifully stayed quiet and I breathed a sigh of relief. "So, can we go now? Bed and breakfasts have now officially made my 'Least Favorite Places in the World' list." Dean nodded and we went back to our rooms to get our things.

_God, I hope Sam will keep his mouth shut, _I thought as I got into our car._ My life kinda depends on it._


	15. Unholy Confessions

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

We were two states over, checking into what looked to be a simple spirit. Sam and I were sitting on the couch in his and Dean's motel room, looking up information, while Dean and Ella were out investigating.

Sam and I hadn't talked at all since leaving California, and I was currently in the process of trying to think of something to say. I knew I owed him an explanation—and a major one at that. He had lied to his brother for me, and I hated making him do it.

I sighed deeply in frustration and he glanced up for the smallest second, then quickly looked back at his computer screen. _Dammit, _I cursed internally. _Why won't he even _look _at me? I told him I'd explain! _I sighed again. _Guess I should go on and get it over with. _

"She told me what you are," I said, having made up my mind, then started kicking myself for my wonky choice of words. _Great, offend him before he even knows what you're talking about._

Sam's head jerked up instantly. "What d'you mean?" he asked, trying and failing to sound nonchalant.

I replied with my own question. "Why didn't you tell me you were Lucifer's vessel, Sammy?"

"Oh," he said, frowning. "That."

I gazed at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue, but he didn't. "_Why?"_ I prompted. "I know about everything else; why didn't you tell me about this?"

"It's not really that important," he shrugged. I rolled my eyes in disbelief. "I didn't wanna freak you out. I like having you around, and I thought you'd run if you knew."

I tried not to show how happy that confession made me. _He kept it a secret 'cause he likes me! _I rejoiced in my head. _He was scared that I would leave him! _"That's mental," I scoffed. "Your blood drinking didn't turn me away, did it? So why would you possibly being evil devil spawn bother me?" His face fell a little at that, and I immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry," I said hurriedly. "I didn't mean… That came out wrong. I could never… You're _not _evil, Sam; I know that. It was a joke—an awful, stupid joke. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said quietly. "I mean, I get it. That's the most popular theory—that I'm seriously evil. Can't really blame them. I've done a lot of shit I'm not proud of."

I moved closer to him and placed my hand on his forearm hesitantly, trying awkwardly to comfort him. "Hey, don't worry about it," I said. "If anyone should be apologizing for anything, it should be me. I'm always putting my foot in my mouth. And there's an assload you don't know about me, too. Emphasis on 'assload.' So, secret for a secret?" He nodded. "Okay…" I said hesitantly. _What first? Should I tell him something Britt said or tell him about my father's death? Which am I less freaked by?_ Okay, I didn't really have to even think about that one. _Daddy it is._

"Okay," I said again, steadying myself. He stared at me with those gorgeous hazel eyes, waiting patiently. "I… I didn't run away when I was little, like I told you I did. Well, not at first, anyway. My powers manifested that night, and I kinda… I accidentally killed my father."

Sam didn't react how I expected him to. There was no shock, no anger, no grabbing his gun, just… acceptance. "I kinda figured," he said. "When you told me that you ran away, I knew you weren't telling me everything, but you told me that much, so I didn't wanna push you. And even before you told me about your past, I had already guessed about your powers. You really need to learn to control your temper, y'know that?"

"Shut up," I snapped, shoving him playfully, and he chuckled. "And, so, that was kinda pointless. Okay. Damn."

He laughed again and said, "No, I mean, you trusting me enough to tell me that… Well, thanks." He grinned, looking a little embarrassed. "So, my turn, I guess?" I nodded. "You already know about Lilith and Ruby and my whole blood thing." I nodded again. "Well, when Lucifer first rose, he started coming to me in my dreams. He told me that I was his vessel and I had always been 'the one.' Since I raised him, it made it even more concrete. The whole Winchester bloodline is supposed to be special somehow. It's supposed to be my destiny or something."

I didn't respond at first, processing what he told me. Then something Britt had said struck me. "She said something about a sword…" I began slowly.

"Ah, the Michael Sword," Sam said with a slight mocking tone, and I nodded. "It's another term for Michael's vessel. It's Dean, of course. We never catch a break, do we?"

"Wait a minute. So, you and Dean are destined to fight to the death as _Michael and Lucifer_?" I asked, shocked.

"Pretty much," Sam said, shrugging as if it was nothing, but I saw right through that. "The final battle will end the Apocalypse, and, depending on who wins, the world will either become paradise or hell."

"Wow. And I thought _I _had a rough life," I mused. "But shouldn't you be Lucifer's meat suit by now?" I asked curiously.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he snapped, his eyes hardening with pain and anger.

"Wait, what? What did I say?" I exclaimed, confused by his sudden mood swing. "He should've possessed you by now, shouldn't he? I mean, unless you've got a charm or tattoo or something, but he's Satan, so I doubt that would really work."

A look of clarity crossed Sam's face and his expression softened. "Oh, I know what you mean now," he said, chuckling tensely. "Lucifer isn't some high-level demon; he's an angel. And angels need permission from their chosen vessels. So I have to say yes for him to take over."

"Oh," I said, understanding now. "Why'd you freak out on me like that?"

Sam sighed and said, "I didn't know that _you _didn't know about angels needing permission. So, when you asked why I wasn't Lucifer already, I thought you meant that you didn't think I was strong enough to deny him."

"Why the fuck would you think that?" I asked, slightly offended by his assumption.

"Because that's what Dean thinks, and you two are practically the same person." I was about to argue, but he was right. That was probably why Dean and I butted heads so much. "He thinks I'll give in," Sam continued. "I can't really blame him—I mean, it pisses the _hell _outta me, but I haven't really given him much of a reason to believe in me lately, have I? What with Ruby and everything." He looked down at his hands dejectedly, his shoulders slumped, and, even without the puppy dog eyes, I didn't think I'd ever seen anything more pitiful and heartbreaking in my whole life. It was worse than seeing Ella cry.

"Hey, I know I haven't known you _near _as long as Dean has," I said softly, "but I _know _you're strong enough. You're the strongest person I know; to have been through all of that and still keep going takes an _unimaginable _amount of willpower. You _won't _say yes, Sam. I know it."

I don't know how it happened, but it did: I ended up in his lap with my arms around his neck and his hands tangling in my hair. I realized every time we kissed, it was at least ten times better than the last. We became more and more closely entwined and his tongue entered my mouth, causing me to let out a small moan of pleasure.

Just as his hands were straying under my shirt, I heard the jingle of keys and we sprang apart, both breathing hard. I slid away from him and grabbed my laptop, then propped my feet up on the coffee table and tried to look inconspicuous. "Stop blushing!" I hissed at Sam, trying my hardest not to laugh. "You're gonna give us away!" He blushed deeper for a second, then gave me a sexy half-grin that almost had me jumping back into his lap. Ella and Dean entered the room then and gave us suspicious looks, but thankfully didn't say anything. "So, what'd you find?" I asked casually.

"Nothing," Dean huffed. "Not our kinda gig. They caught the guy right when we got there."

"So we're hitting the road, Jack?"

Dean smirked and said, "Sounds like a plan." He sighed. "Man, I really wanted to burn something," he said, disappointed. "C'mon, let's get outta here." He slung his still-packed bag over his shoulder and walked out. Ella followed right behind him.

As soon as they left, I inched closer to Sam, wanting to finish what we started. I pulled him to me and couldn't help but smile a little against his lips; I'd waited so long for this, and I'd never wanted anything more.

This time, we were interrupted by a loud knock on the door and Ella shouting, "Hurry up!" impatiently.

I reluctantly detached myself from Sam and stood up, sighing longingly. He chuckled and gave me that tantalizing half-grin again, looking very proud of himself, and stood up, too, towering over me.

I slapped his arm and said, "Don't look so cocky; you might turn into Dean!"

He laughed and shook his head, saying, "No way. I'm way hotter than Dean."

"I'm telling him you said that!" I said loudly, then took off running, slinging open the door and sprinting toward the parking lot. I could feel Sam behind me and I sped up, trying fruitlessly to outrun a human skyscraper.

"Get back here!" he laughed. Right as I reached Dean and Ella, Sam's arms went around my waist and lifted me off the ground. "Gotcha!" he said triumphantly.

"Ah! Put me down!" I shrieked, kicking wildly. Dean and Ella stared at us like they'd never seen anything weirder in their entire lives. "Dean!" I gasped. "Sam says he's—" One of Sam's hands covered my mouth, making the rest of my statement come out in an unintelligible mumble, and he laughed.

"What?" Dean asked slowly, taking a wary step backward.

I tried to speak around Sam's hand again, but still couldn't. Finally, I managed to bite his hand and he released me with a yelp. I stuck my tongue out at him, then said to Dean, "Sammy says he's hotter than you!"

"Well, now, is that true, Sammy?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow and trying to look stern. I could tell he was really thrown off by my change in attitude and by Sam's interaction with me.

"So what if it is?" Sam said defiantly, smirking and trying not to laugh.

Dean failed to think of a reply, instead simply saying, "Bitch."

"Jerk."

Ella and I looked at each other and shrugged, then she said, "Floppy-wanded dementor buggerer."

"Blast-Ended Skank," I replied without hesitation, and we both busted out laughing.

The boys gave us bewildered looks, then simultaneously shook their heads. "You ready to go yet?" Dean asked me.

"Just one sec," I replied. "Gotta put my stuff in the trunk." I headed back to Sam and Dean's room and smiled as Sam fell into step beside me.

"I'm gonna get you back for that," he warned, grinning.

"I'm counting on it, Sammy," I said slyly, winking at him, and he blushed a little. "Oh, and for the record, you really are _way _hotter than Dean."


	16. I Live With Desertion

**The title and artist of the song at the end are included in the chapter, but, for those of you who somehow missed that, the song is "If You Only Knew" by Shinedown.**

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

"What is it, Sammy?" I asked, finally responding to the curious stare he'd been fixing me with for the last five minutes.

"Hm?" he said. "What d'you mean?"

"You've been staring at me for ages, and it's kinda making me uncomfortable."

"Oh, sorry." I sat patiently and waited for him to explain. "I was just wondering… What did Britt say to you about _you?_"

_Shit. Not that. Anything but that. _I had been purposely avoiding talking about Britt for the past few days, hoping he would forget that I had promised to share my newfound information. Apparently, I had no such luck.

"Oh, um… a lot of stuff. It's not really all that interesting." Sam raised his eyebrows skeptically and I sighed. "Well, let's just say my worst fears about my powers were confirmed," I said finally.

"What 'worst fears?'"

I settled further back onto the lumpy couch cushions of our current motel room and sighed again. "Sam…" I half-whined.

"You promised," he reminded me helpfully.

"Yeah, I know that. But you're gonna get freaked out. And you better not tell Dean! He will _definitely_ start reevaluating his decision to trust me!" He gave me those puppy dog eyes and I slapped his arm. "What did I say about doing that? It's so not fair!"

"Sorry," he chuckled, but I could tell he wasn't sorry at all. And really, I didn't actually want him to stop using that adorable expression, even if I lost every single argument we ever had.

"Fine," I relented. "If you _must _know, Britt told me that my mom was a witch." Sam's eyes widened slightly, but he didn't say anything, so I continued.

"She was the leader of a coven and when she found out she was pregnant with me, she tried to leave. She couldn't escape, so she eventually left me. She thought she was protecting me…" I looked down briefly, then looked back up at Sam. He gave me an encouraging half-smile and I couldn't help but return it. His smile was just infectious. "Well, the demon who gave her her powers killed her, of course."

_It shouldn't be this easy to talk about my mom's death,_ I thought guiltily. _It should bother me at least a little, shouldn't it? _I hesitated then, and he noticed. I leaned back against him and loved how he fidgeted a little. He was still so nervous, even though we'd made out a few times before, and it never failed to improve my mood. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. _Why is this the part that bothers me so badly? _I wondered. _Sam knows how this feels; he's got demon blood, too. We can relate, right? _

"Garideth," he said softly, jolting me out of my thoughts. My heart skipped a beat at how he said my name. _Okay, _so _not helping, Sammy. If you wanna know what's going on, never say my name again. It's _way_ too distracting. _"Just tell me."

"Okay, then. Mr. Head Demon fed me his blood, just like Azazel did to you. That's why my mom's powers passed on to me. It awakened the traces of her magic in me or something, I dunno." I watched him expectantly, but he didn't react at all. "What's wrong?" I asked, getting worried. "It's not that bad, is it? I mean, it hasn't really affected me all that much."

"So Dean was right, then," he said, and I blinked a few times, caught off guard. _Right about what?_ I wondered bewilderedly. "You really _were_ drinking it. And I _defended _you." He looked at me, his hazel eyes filled with hurt and a slight bit of disgust. He started to move away from me, but I grabbed his arm.

"Sammy, wait a minute!" I said hurriedly. "I wasn't drinking demon blood! Britt explained that, too!"

"Oh, yeah? And what did she say?"

"She said I don't need the blood because my powers give me all the juice I need!" I wasn't about to tell him that Britt's "you don't even know your full potential" speech pretty much implied that drinking demon blood would make me even more powerful. It didn't matter. I was never going to do it. "You know me! I wouldn't lie to you, Sammy, you know that. Especially not about this." _Technically, withholding information isn't _lying, I reassured myself, but I still felt bad about it.

He stared at me for a minute, then said, "You're right; I'm sorry."

I smiled a little. "It's okay," I said, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

He grinned adorably and opened his mouth to say something, but Ella and Dean came into the room at that exact moment. "Dean, what's wrong?" Ella whined, tugging on his sleeve.

"We gotta go," he said angrily, gently jerking out of Ella's grasp.

"Okay, where to?" she asked, her wide eyes making it clear that she was willing to do whatever he said.

"'We,' as in, Sam and me," he replied slowly, not meeting Ella's gaze.

"What d'you mean?" she asked him, narrowing her eyes. "We been with y'all for _ages _and now you're just gonna ditch us?"

"It's complicated," he said lamely and Ella and I rolled our eyes simultaneously. "Sammy, I gotta talk to you," he said, turning to us. "_Outside."_ Sam gave his brother a questioning look, but, with a clueless shrug in my direction, obeyed without question.

"What the_ hell?"_ Ella exclaimed as soon as the door shut. "How could he-? How could they-? _Ugh!"_ I sat quietly on the couch, watching her rant. "And why aren't _you _angry about this? With you and Sam hookin' up all the time now, I reckoned you'd be pretty damn pissed!"

I shrugged and said, "Did you really think this whole barbershop quartet thing we had going would last?" She didn't answer, but she didn't have to. I knew what she was thinking already: yes, she _did_ think it would last because that was just Ella, always deluding herself into thinking things were perfect and that they would stay that way. "Maybe it's for the best; we were _both _getting too attached." _Me, especially._

"I wish ya'd stop actin' like ya don't _care!" _Ella snapped. "You're not foolin' anyone, Gari! Not Sam, not Dean, and certainly not _me!"_

"I _do_ care, Ella!" I retorted, jumping to my feet. "More than you know! But I'm not gonna get worked up about this because it won't solve _anything! _They'll leave regardless! Get your head outta the clouds for once, Elle, and stop pretending the world isn't an awful place when you _know _it is! People _leave, _Ella. _Hunters _leave. It's what we're good at." I sat back down on the couch, crossing my arms and legs in frustration.

Tears welled up in her big blue eyes and I knew I had gone too far. She turned away from me and wiped her eyes. "I don't care what ya say, Gari," she choked out, sniffling loudly. "I'm not givin' up on him."

_Looks like there's always a goddamn foot in my mouth. _"Ella…" I started slowly. "Elle, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." She turned back to me and a tear ran down her cheek. I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her down beside me. "Hey, I'm sorry," I repeated pleadingly. "I was lying; that's what I love about you, that no matter what, you believe the world is a beautiful place and know that things will get better." I put my arm around her and squeezed her tight. "They won't be gone for long; you _know _Dean's whole purpose in life is to make you happy." She laughed at that and wiped her eyes. "Forgive me?" I asked, and she nodded and hugged me.

Just then, the boys came busting in. "We heard yelling," Sam said, his eyes scanning the room for signs of possible danger. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," I replied, trying desperately to keep the melancholy note out of my voice. I met Sam's eyes and he seemed to know what I was thinking: _Will they _really_ come back?_

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"Why are you following us?" I asked the demon sharply, but he just sat there and stared at me. "Answer me!" I commanded, clenching my fist to better focus my powers, and the demon screamed in pain and anger.

"Nice trick," he panted once I'd stopped, "but that won't work on me."

"Wanna bet?" I clenched my fist again and closed my eyes, finding a kind of sick enjoyment in hearing the bastard scream.

"Alright!" he yelled finally. "Alright, I'll talk! Just—stop, please!"

I did as he said, dropping my hand to my side. "A demon with manners," I said mockingly. "Now there's a first."

"Lucifer told us to keep tabs on you," the demon rushed out.

"_What? Why?"_

"I don't know, I don't—" I clenched my fist again and the demon yelled, "Okay, okay! He wants to know when the Winchesters are coming back!" I relaxed my hand then.

"Well, they're not," I replied, letting the actual doubt I was feeling flood my voice so as to better fool the demon. "We parted ways. For good."

"Yeah, _right."_ The demon rolled his eyes and smirked. "You really think lying to a demon's a smart idea?"

I ignored that comment and asked, "Why does Lucifer care whether they're with us or not? It doesn't change anything."

"Lucifer thinks Sam's less likely to cave when he's with you. He can barely even reach Sam in his dreams anymore. That puts him at a disadvantage, and he's not happy."

"What a pity," I said, rolling my eyes. "Well, thanks for your help. I'll be sure to think of you the next time I torture a demon."

"Are you gonna let me go?"

"Are you fucking _high?" _I asked with a disbelieving laugh. "I can't have you running back to the big guy and telling him what we know." The demon blanched and I grinned. "If you think about it, I'm actually doing you a favor. I'm sure if your boss found out, he'd tear you one hell of a new one and make you _wish _I'd killed you. So, I'm providing a service for a service."

I closed my eyes and stretched out my hand, focusing my powers on the demon smoke inside of the human vessel. The demon started coughing and the smoke poured out of his mouth, burning into nothing as it touched the ground. The human slumped over and I checked his pulse, then smiled in satisfaction. I'd only ever killed two vessels before, and that was when I had first started out.

"Hey, Elle!" I called, and she entered the room.

"We clear?" she asked.

"Yeah, he's alive," I replied. "Care to get him outta here? I've gotta make a call."

"Sure thing," Ella said, walking over and untying the man, then half-carrying, half-dragging him out of the room. "Be back in ten!"

I heard the door shut and pulled out my phone, going through my contacts until I found Sam's number. After a moment of hesitation, I hit "Send" and lifted the phone to my ear.

"It's Sam," his voicemail said curtly. "You know what to do." I sighed. I'd really wanted to talk to him. I missed hearing his voice.

"Hey, Sammy, it's me," I said into the mouthpiece, knowing that I didn't have to give my name. "We've got demons tailing us, watching us on Lucifer's orders. They're supposed to let him know when you come back to us. Apparently, you're less likely to say yes around me—um, around us." _Shit, _I cursed internally. _Please don't pick up on that. _"I just wanted to warn you."

I pressed "End" and slid my phone into my pocket, sighing even more deeply than before. They'd been gone for almost three weeks, and we hadn't heard one word from them. I was starting to worry.

By then, I had told Ella about the Apocalypse and that Sam was Lucifer's vessel—I didn't tell her any of the back story (so nothing about Sam actually _starting_ the Apocalypse), but I told her enough for her to understand what was going on.

She had made a very valid point: if this was the Apocalypse, why did everything seem so _normal? _We'd expected numerous natural disasters and monsters acting up everywhere, but everything was exactly the same as it had been before, just with the looming threat that Lucifer was out there somewhere, biding his time.

What would happen if Sam said yes? Would that be when the _real _Apocalypse began?

We couldn't afford to find out.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

My phone rang and I groaned, rolling over to look at the time_. 4:03. Great. Now I'm awake_ and_ I have a Shinedown song stuck in my head._

"Hello?" I said groggily as I answered the phone and tried not to drop it.

"Gari? It's Sam."

My eyes popped open all the way and I sat up, instantly forgetting how tired I was. "Sam?" I said, kicking myself at the painfully apparent relief in my voice. "What's up?"

"The message you left me…"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I need you to tell me everything the demon said. Can you do that for me?" He sounded just about as tired as I was, and I wondered what they'd been up to.

"He said that Lucifer was keeping tabs on us," I answered readily, just so glad to be talking to him again. "So that he'll know when you two get back."

"And why's that?"

"Lucifer thinks you're less likely to say yes when you're with us."

"Is that what he said?"

"No, not _technically." _I bit my lip in hesitation. _Oh, God, this is gonna be awkward. _"He said that you're less likely to say yes when you're with _me."_ I paused to see if he would say anything, but he didn't, so I continued. "He said that, ever since you got with me, Lucifer can barely reach you in your dreams, and that he's unhappy at the disadvantage that causes." There was still silence on the other end. "Sam?" I said quietly. "Is that—is that true? He can't even reach you in dreams when you're here?"

"Yeah, it's true," Sam replied finally, though he sounded very reluctant to admit it.

"Have you been having them more since you left?" I asked softly, not sure if I wanted to know.

"Once or twice," he admitted, sighing.

"Well, y'know what that means, then, right?" I said fiercely. "You've gotta get your ass back here faster than a speeding bullet so we can kick Lucifer outta your head. I know there's no _way _you'll say yes regardless, but…" I hesitated a moment, then resumed talking. "But I'd feel a hell of a lot better if you were back here, and I know Elle would feel better if Dean was, too."

"Yeah, I know," Sam said. "I'll—_we'll _get back as soon as we can."

"We'll be at Bobby's," I told him. "I haven't seen him in a while and I miss the old man. We'll probably stay for a while; there hasn't been a lot of supernatural activity lately, despite the fact that it's the end of the world as we know it."

He chuckled at that and I felt a grin spread across my face. "Okay, well… we'll be there soon," he assured me. "Don't worry."

"Yeah, _that'll _happen," I said sarcastically, then hung up and put my phone back on the bedside table.

I snuggled back under the covers and closed my eyes, though I knew I wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon. "If You Only Knew" started playing in my head, and I mouthed the words to myself.

"_It's 4:03 and I can't sleep. Without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea. If I drown tonight, bring me back to life. Breathe your breath in me. The only thing that I still believe in is you. If you only knew…"_


	17. Never Meant To Be So Cold

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

I knocked on the door as Ella was getting out of the car. She joined me on the steps and asked impatiently, "What's takin' so long?"

I was about to reply when the door opened and there stood Bobby Singer. "Gari?" he said, sounding pleasantly surprised. "How's it goin', kid?"

"Pretty good, old man," I replied, instantly feeling at ease with the experienced hunter.

"Where're Sam and Dean?" Ella piped up. "They've been gone for weeks!"

"How should I know what those idjits are up to?" Bobby said dismissively, but I could see that he was hiding something.

"'Cause ya _always _know," Ella said, hands placed stubbornly on her hips. "You're probably the one who made them leave!" she accused.

"I just gave 'em information," Bobby said defensively. "It was their choice what they did with it."

"Ya coulda made them take us," she mumbled rebelliously, her bottom lip jutting out in a small pout. "They listen to _you."_

"Not all the time," I contradicted her. "Dean was still gonna throw me back in the panic room, even though Bobby was on our side. The only reason he didn't try was because he was outnumbered."

"True…" Ella admitted sulkily. "But ya coulda _tried, _Bobby."

"I told ya, Ella," Bobby sighed, "it's their business. Only reason I knew about it's 'cause I'm the only brain they got. Now, d'ya wanna come inside or d'ya wanna stay out on the porch till they get back?" He opened the door wider, staring expectantly at Ella.

"_Fine," _she huffed finally, stomping through the door and up the stairs, grumbling to herself the whole way.

"Bobby, what _are _they doing?" I asked quietly once I could no longer hear Ella. "They're hunting something, aren't they? Something major?" He didn't reply, though he looked like he wanted to. "I know about Lucifer—about _everything,"_ I said, and his eyes widened slightly. "Bobby, they're not—they're not going after him again, are they?"

"What kinda idjit d'ya think I am?" he asked indignantly. "D'ya really think I'd risk that after what happened last time? We lost some good people that night, and I'm not real eager to do it again any time soon."

I breathed a sigh of relief and said, "I'm sorry, but what was I supposed to think, with you being all mysterious? I _am _a hunter, y'know. I tend to jump to the worst conclusions."

"I know, kid," Bobby said. "Look, I'd tell ya if I could, but I can't. If the boys want ya to know, they'll tell ya themselves."

"Once they get back," I said deviously, "they'll tell me whether they want to or not. For I have my ways…" Bobby chuckled and I laughed, glad to be back in Sioux Falls, the closest thing I had to a home.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I woke up abruptly, lifting my head from the book I'd been reading, and rubbed the crick in my neck. Something had to have happened to wake me up, but I wasn't sure what. All was quiet in Bobby's house.

I stood up slowly and headed toward the stairs, deciding I'd be able to sleep better in my bed. Suddenly, I heard a loud creaking sound and, figuring that had been what woke me up, went to investigate.

I pulled my dagger out of my boot, its familiar shape comfortable in my hand. I heard the noise again and realized it was coming from the kitchen. As I rounded the corner, I saw a huge figure and instantly lunged at it.

"_Shit!" _the figure cursed as my knife made contact. _Wait a minute, _I thought, _I know that voice…_

"_Sam?" _I flipped on the light and saw the overgrown hunter clutching his arm where I'd cut him. "Fuck, I'm sorry!"

"It's okay," Sam chuckled, but it sounded forced. "Should've expected that."

"Where's Dean?"

"Car," he said tensely, jerking his head toward the front door. _Oh, God,_ I thought. _What happened now?_

"Lemme see that," I said, reaching for his arm. I put my hand over the cut—which, thankfully, wasn't too deep—and my powers took effect, knitting the skin and tissues back together.

"I will _never _get used to that," he said, shaking his head, and I grinned, but it faded a little as I noticed how jittery he was. His eyes kept darting back and forth from me to the front door and his foot was tapping nervously. _Seriously, what the fuck? _

"So, how'd the hunt go?" I asked casually, wondering if he'd tell me what they'd been hunting or if I'd have to cajole it out of him.

"Fine," he replied shortly, and I knew that I would have to go about this in a different way. "Just a normal hunt. How've you been?"

I shrugged. "Ella's pissed," I said, seemingly off-topic. "She figures if we're that easy to leave behind, we should move on." I knew that was a lie—Ella would never say that—but I was trying to get him to tell me the truth. _Whatever works, right?_

"Oh?" Sam said, leaning against the counter, still only halfway paying attention. "And what d'you think?"

"I think that's just how hunters are," I replied lightly. "Always eager to ditch everything and run away. Especially those driven by life-long, revenge-filled obsessions." I hadn't referenced John in a very long time, and rarely ever to Sam, so I was curious to see how he'd react. _Don't worry about insulting him, _I mocked myself. _He's only the only guy you've ever actually cared about._

I was pleased to see that it had the effect I had expected. "Gari, c'mon," Sam said pleadingly, finally giving me his full attention, and I looked away before I could see those puppy dog eyes. "If I could tell you and I knew you'd leave it alone, then I would. But you won't. Dean and I have to deal with this on our own."

I crossed my arms and looked down at my feet. "It's about Lucifer, isn't it?" I asked softly, biting my lip. "That's why you won't tell me?"

"Yeah," he said quietly, "it is. And, yeah, it's exactly why I don't want you involved. You'd just be one more person put in the line of fire because of me."

"I don't care," I said stubbornly. "I wanna know. You've told me the whole back story—I'm already a part of this. I've been a part of this from the get-go."

"I'm sorry, Gari, but no," Sam said, turning away.

I grabbed his arm and he spun back around to face me, about to say something, but I beat him to it. "D'you not get it?" I asked him angrily. "D'you not get what you're putting me through? If you keep going off without telling me anything, how the fuck will I know where to find you? And what if, one day, you don't come back?"

Tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked them away rapidly. No_, _I thought adamantly. _I am _not _crying in front of him again._ I gazed up into his eyes, watching the conflict that was going on behind them and hoping desperately that he'd give in.

He stared down at me for a long time, then sighed, looking pained at the thought of what he was about to say. "If I don't come back," he said finally, "then you know what happened."

At that moment, Dean entered the house, looking very disheartened. He stopped at the sight of us, his eyes going to me and filling with what (surprisingly) looked like concern. "Hey, you okay?" he asked me, and I nodded weakly.

"Yeah, Dean," I replied, my voice muffled by restrained tears. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Sammy…" he said slowly, looking at his brother.

Sam tensed, looking ready to bolt, and said, "Yeah, I know." He reluctantly headed toward the basement door and Dean followed him, dragging his feet and looking almost as reluctant.

"What's going on?" I asked, clearing my throat. Both brothers ignored me, even when I started following them down the stairs. Sam hesitated at the panic room door. "Guys, what's going on?" I repeated, an immense amount of dread filling the pit of my stomach.

They continued to ignore me. "You ready?" Dean asked his brother, and Sam nodded, swallowing fearfully. Dean opened the metal door and waited.

"_No," _I said, utterly shocked. "No _way. _Dean, you can't—"

"Gari, stop," Sam interrupted. "I—I need to go back in."

"No, you—_why?" _I asked bewilderedly, crossing over to stand beside him. "There is _no way _you're going back in there!" I spun to face Dean, clenching my fists angrily. "You're crazy, Dean! You _can't _do this!"

"Garideth," Sam said with a note of determined finality. "I started drinking it again. I need to go back in."

I froze, his words not fully processing. "You… what…? Sam, you…" I shut my mouth with an audible click and once again felt myself tearing up. "How _could_ you?" I whispered.

"Gari…" he said pleadingly, reaching out to me.

I shied away, swallowing back the bile rising up in my throat and shaking my head firmly. "N—no," I stuttered. "No." _How could he do this? _I wondered. The world started spinning around me and I made myself focus on his face. _He was detoxed. Dean detoxed him. He didn't want it anymore. He told me he didn't want it anymore. He told me he was done._

Sam drew his hand back, and I closed my eyes tightly. I knew I was hurting him. I knew if I let myself look into his beautiful eyes I'd have to forgive him. But I couldn't let myself forgive him._ Not yet. He hurt me, too. He _lied _to me. About _this. "Alright," he said quietly, turning to Dean. "I'm ready."

I opened my eyes just in time to see the door close on him, just in time for him to give me one last pleading look, and I turned my back on him.

"C'mon," Dean said to me, and I numbly followed him up the stairs. The words _How _could_ he? _kept running through my head, and I didn't notice that Dean had stopped until I ran into him.

"Sorry," I mumbled. Only then did I notice just how awful he looked. _Selfish, _I reprimanded myself. _Sam's his _brother. _Stop with the self-absorbing. _"Dean, are you-?"

"No, Gari," he sighed. "I'm not okay. I don't know the last time I was okay. But y'know what? I'll manage."

"How long will it take for Sam to…?"

"I dunno." He stared at me for a minute, then said, "It's not his fault, y'know."

"How is it not his fault? He _chose _to drink it, didn't he?" Dean defending Sam's actions was the thing I least expected, and it caught me totally off guard.

Dean sighed. "Not really." I gave him a questioning look, waiting for him to explain. "You really wanna know what we were hunting?" I nodded. "Famine."

"Like… the Horseman?" I asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah. Like the Horseman."

"But what does that have to do with Sam's… addiction?" I stumbled over the word, still feeling kind of nauseous.

"Famine was infecting people, making them crave different things. Cas got addicted to red meat 'cause of his vessel. Sam got addicted to demon blood."

"And you?" I asked. "What did _you _get addicted to?"

He looked away from me for a minute, seeming to steady himself, then looked back at me. "I didn't," he said simply.

"And how's that?" Dean shrugged. "Dean," I said softly, "what happened?"

"Apparently, I'm dead inside," he said off-handedly.

"Do what now?"

"That's why Famine didn't affect me. I'm the broken shell of a man." He laughed mirthlessly and ran a hand over his face. "I mean, I guess I—I felt it, I knew, I just never acknowledged it. And with Ella, I mean, I thought it was getting better, but it's not. It never does."

I had absolutely no clue what to say. "Dean, I—"

"Save it, Gari," he snapped, a little less forcefully than usual. "Don't try to give me some bullshit story about how it'll get better."

"I wasn't going to," I whispered. "'Cause it probably won't. I'm a realist, Dean. Usually more of a pessimist. Y'know Murphy's Law? It's like, 'Anything that can go wrong, will.' That's my motto. So, I'm not gonna try to reassure you. I'm gonna let you deal with it in your own way, and I'm gonna deal with my issues in my own way, and we're gonna fake a smile for Ella so she has no clue what's going on. Then, when Sam is clean, we'll go kill something. 'Cause that's just what we do. Okay?" I had the sudden, surprising urge to hug him, and I acted on it.

After a minute of shock, he hugged me back. "Thanks," he said quietly. "Now, can you let me go? I'm kinda freaking out here."

I laughed a little and released him, stepping back. My smile faded and I found myself staring back at the basement door. _'It's not his fault,' _I thought, recalling Dean's words. _Dean said it's not his fault. It was Famine. He didn't do it on purpose. He's still my Sammy._ I almost smiled at that thought, but I held it in, not wanting to make Dean curious.

"Can I… can I go see him?" I asked hesitantly. "I want to apologize. I feel like such a bitch—" Dean opened his mouth as if to interrupt me, but I kept talking "—more so than usual," I amended, and Dean smirked satisfactorily, but it was soon replaced by an apologetic frown.

"I don't think that's such a great idea…" he said slowly.

"Oh, c'mon," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm not gonna let him out. I want him to be clean, too." Dean stared at me for a minute, considering my words. "Dean, c'mon. I _swear _I won't let him out. You have my word."

A few months ago, he would've laughed and made some snarky comment about how my word was total bullshit, but now, things were different. We trusted each other.

"Alright," he said finally, sighing deeply. He turned and walked toward the front door and I stared after him questioningly. He didn't notice.

When he went outside, I walked over to the window and watched him walk into the middle of the yard. He stopped and looked up at the sky, and I could've sworn I saw tears in his eyes. It made my heart hurt, and I realized just how much Dean had grown on me. He was like a brother to me now. Seeing him cry was unsettling. He wasn't supposed to cry. He was supposed to be the strong one.

Dean started talking to no one, still looking up at the sky, and I realized with a jolt that he was praying. _Dean Winchester _was praying.

Knowing that I had witnessed something I wasn't supposed to see, I turned away and walked down the basement stairs, trying to think of an appropriate apology for what I had said to Sam.

I reached out to the handle of the metal door and hesitated. _What if he's having a fit or a hallucination or something? _I thought fearfully. _How am I supposed to handle that? _With a shaky breath, I opened the door and stepped inside, partially closing it behind me.

Sam's head jerked up, and there was a slightly wild look in his eyes. "Gari…" he said slowly. "Are you… are you _real?"_

_Oh, God. It's already started. _I plastered on a smile and walked over to him, sitting on the edge of the cot. "Yeah, Sammy, of course I am," I said lightly.

My words had the opposite effect of what I had intended. He slid away from me and said warily, "That's what the other you said, too."

I bit my lip and closed the space between us, putting a hand on his arm to stop him from moving away again. "Hey, Sammy, I promise it's me," I said softly. "I promise." He seemed to relax the slightest bit, still looking cautious, and I realized that I was shaking. _Stop it, _I ordered myself. _Relax. You just have to be patient. He'll know it's you eventually. _"What did the other me do to you?" I asked hesitantly, and he tensed up again. _Nice job calming him down._

"What you're doing now," he said quietly. "You started talking to me like now."

"And what's so bad about that?" I asked.

"Prove you're you," he ordered, the crazy look in his eyes getting stronger.

"_Sam," _I said firmly. "Look at me." He reluctantly obeyed and I put my hands on either side of his face, ignoring how he fidgeted. "Do I look like a hallucination to you? Do I look fake?" He shook his head. "Do I _feel _fake?"

He shook his head again. "But the other you didn't either."

"Sammy, you _have _to believe it's the real me, okay?" I persisted. "You can get past this. C'mon, look at me. Ignore how cheesy this sounds and look into my eyes." He smiled the slightest bit and did as I said. I kissed him lightly and said, "It feels real, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does," he agreed.

"So you believe me?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Okay, good. Now that _that's _over with, on to more important things." I put my hands in my lap and crossed my legs Indian-style. "I need to apologize."

"For what?" he asked, sounding truly curious. "I would've freaked out, too. I know how that must've looked to you."

I stared at him, shocked, then finally managed to say, "I don't deserve you in the _least." _He chuckled a little and I blushed, not totally meaning to say that, even though it was true. "So, um, d'you… How long d'you think it'll last?" I asked, changing the subject. "You staying in here?"

"Not sure," he said, his smile disappearing. "Never got to ride the whole thing out last time, thanks to Cas. Don't worry about me, Gari," he said as he noticed the look on my face. "I'll be fine. Once it's outta my system, we'll go kill something and forget about this, okay?"

I nodded and said, "Okay."

Just then, Sam's whole body tensed. He stared right over my shoulder, his jaw clenched and his eyes filled with absolute terror. "Not again," he whispered, his voice trembling.

"Sammy?" I asked, looking around, but no one was there. _He's hallucinating again. Oh, God. What do I do?_ "Sammy, what d'you see?" He didn't answer, just continued to stare over my shoulder. "_Sam!"_ I snapped, and his eyes darted back to me. "_I'm _real. Whatever else you're seeing right now _isn't. _D'you hear me? _It's_ _not real." _

"Get out," he pleaded quietly, and it took me a minute to realize that he was addressing me. "Please, just get out. I don't want… just go, Gari."

"Sam…" I said reluctantly.

"_Go!"_

I winced, hurt by his tone, but did as he said and stood up and walked out.

Before I shut the door, I looked back at him. He was still staring at the same spot on the wall with the same exact expression. With all the willpower I had, I shut and locked the panic room door, then ran up the stairs as quick as I could.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, and then Sam started screaming, answering his question.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and put my hands over my ears. After it stopped, I asked shakily, "Can't we do _anything _to help him?"

Dean shook his head, looking slightly nauseous. I knew the feeling. "He's just gotta ride it out. What happened down there? You look like hell."

"Same to you," I snapped. "He's started hallucinating already. He didn't know if I was real. He said I'd already come to talk to him. It must've been something bad. He was scared of me…" I bit my lip and hesitantly asked, "Does it get worse?"

"Yeah, it does. He'll start having fits eventually."

"What if this kills him, Dean?" I whispered. "Last time, you never got to finish. So, you don't know what to expect."

"He'll be fine, Gari," Dean assured me, and I allowed myself to believe him. "Why don't you try to get some sleep?" he asked, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You look like you need it."

I nodded and walked up the stairs to my bedroom. I lay on the bed and curled up, not bothering to take off my clothes. As Sam let out another scream, I knew full well that I wouldn't be sleeping at all.


	18. I'm Sorry I'm Bad

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

Sam started having fits after about two days.

We were alerted by the sudden lapse in his screaming, then Dean exclaimed, "_Fuck!" _and sprinted down the stairs, Ella and I following close behind. Dean yanked open the door and rushed to his brother, who was seizing on the floor. Right before Dean reached him, Sam lifted up off the ground and slammed into a wall.

"What's going on?" I yelped fearfully as Dean managed to grab Sam's wrists.

"The blood's fighting back," Dean growled, trying desperately to keep calm, but it wasn't working. "Here, help me get him to the cot. Ella, see those handcuffs?" Elle nodded. "I'm gonna need you to hook them around his wrists and ankles."

"You're gonna tie him down?" I asked incredulously, stopping right as we were about to lift Sam's still-seizing body onto the cot.

"He'll hurt himself if we don't." I swallowed roughly and nodded, then helped Dean lift his brother. We held him down while Ella latched him to the cot. "Okay, we're good," Dean said, running a hand over his face like he always did when stressed. "C'mon," he said to me.

"I can't just _leave_ him!" I protested, dropping down beside Sam and grabbing his hand. "Sammy, c'mon, stop it!" I whispered urgently, but he continued to jerk and twitch.

"Gari," Dean said, softening his tone, "there's nothing you can do. He's just gotta ride it out." _I _can't _leave him! _I thought desperately. _There's gotta be _something _I can do! _"He's gotta do this by himself," Dean continued. "C'mon. You, too, Ella."

Ella turned to look at him, tears streaming down her pudgy cheeks. She had been watching Sam the whole time, and it was clear how much it was bothering her to leave him, too. I hadn't realized how much she really cared about Sam. I mean, it was Ella, so she cared about everyone, but she _really _cared.

"O—okay," she choked out finally. She let out a small sob and slowly left the room.

"C'mon, Gari," Dean repeated.

"_No, _I'm not leaving him!" I cried, glaring up at Dean from my spot on the floor. He sighed deeply and wrapped his arms around my waist and arms, rendering me totally helpless. "No! Dean! Let me _go!" _I sobbed, struggling fruitlessly as Sam's hand slipped from my grasp.

Just then, a huge spasm shook Sam, causing him to rise up, his back arching off of the cot, then slamming him back down. "_Sam!" _I kicked against Dean's legs as he carried me up the stairs. "You're _killing _him, Dean!" I yelled. "You're killing your _brother!"_

He dropped me on the old couch in the living room and took a step back. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, then dropped my head. I cried openly, my whole body wracked with sobs. _He _has _to make it through this! We can't have come this far for nothing! I _can't _lose him!_

I felt the couch sink down and knew that Dean was beside me. He hesitantly placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "He's gonna be okay, Gari." He was trying to be reassuring, but the words sounded empty and hopeless. He must have realized this too, for he chose to remain silent from that moment on.

After a minute, though still hiding my face, I said, "You'd rather him _die _than be drinking demon blood?"

"It wouldn't be him," he said quietly. "You should've seen him when it first started. He wasn't right. He wasn't _Sam."_

"I could deal with that!" I snapped, finally looking at him. "I'd rather him be like that than be _dead!"_

Dean sighed and shook his head. "You didn't see him."

"I don't _care!" _I hissed. "I can't—I can't lose him, Dean," I finished quietly. I hadn't meant to say that, but there was no turning back now. "The people in this house—Bobby, Ella, you, and Sam—you guys are all I have. Losing Sam… I just can't."

Dean stared at me, shocked, then surprised me by putting his arm around me and squeezing my shoulders reassuringly. "I know, Gari."

Just then, Bobby came in the room. "You idjits hungry?" he asked gruffly, and I could tell he was trying to take our minds off of what was going on.

"No, thanks, Bobby," I said, wiping my eyes roughly and sniffling a little. "I, uh, I think I'm gonna go to bed. Dean, could you check on Ella?" He nodded slowly, watching me with concern in his piercing green eyes.

I stood and went up the stairs to my room, then shut and locked the door behind me. I threw myself down on the bed and finally cried myself into a restless sleep, dreaming fitfully about the small chance of things getting better.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

It had been a week of pure torture for Sam, and a week of insomnia and worry for the rest of us. I was practically climbing the walls from cabin fever and fear that Sam would never get better.

Then, exactly a week from Sam's first episode, I felt something change. I didn't know what it was, but something felt different.

"Dean!" a voice called from the basement, and I instantly sprang to my feet. "Hey! Dean!"

_Oh my God! _I thought joyously. That's _what the feeling was!_

I sprinted down the stairs, beating Dean to the panic room door, and pulled the door open hurriedly. "Sam!" I exclaimed, rushing over and dropping down beside him. He awkwardly pushed himself into a sitting position, then grinned widely at me, making my heart flutter. _God, I missed that smile._

"Hey, Gari," he said warmly. "I—I think I'm clean. I feel... I dunno, different."

"I feel it, too!" I agreed happily. He didn't question me—he was used to my oddities by then. I started fiddling with the handcuffs, pulling a bobby pin out of my hair and getting to work.

Suddenly, a hand came out of nowhere and grabbed my wrist, stopping me right as I was about to get the first handcuff unlocked. "What're you doing?" Dean asked quietly.

"Can't _you _feel it?" I asked brightly, his suspiciousness not affecting my mood in the least. "He's clean; I'm sure of it!"

Dean looked at his brother searchingly. "Sammy?" he asked unsurely.

"I think she's right, Dean," Sam said, nodding his head. "I think I'm clean. I don't… I don't feel it inside of me anymore."

Dean released me reluctantly and I went back to unlocking the handcuffs. When his hands were free, Sam sat up the rest of the way, rubbing his wrists and grinning satisfactorily.

Dean gave me a sour look and said threateningly, "If you're wrong, you're _both _going back in here." I knew he was just worried, so I dismissed his attitude and freed Sam's legs as he went back up the stairs.

Sam put his feet on the floor and stood up, then so did I. Before he had time to even stretch, I slung my arms around his neck and locked him in a death grip. He chuckled and his arms went around me, lifting me up off the ground, and I couldn't help the girly, excited giggle that escaped my mouth.

"I was so scared," I confessed softly, squeezing him even tighter. "Seriously. You had me worried sick, Sammy."

He sat me down, but left his hands on my waist, and I refused to let him go. "I know," he said guiltily. "I'm sorry."

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him briefly. "Just don't do it again," I admonished sternly, becoming flat-footed again, but my face broke into another smile as he gave me those puppy dog eyes. He pressed his lips to mine and his hand slid under the hem of my shirt, leaving a trail of goose bumps. I rose back up onto my tiptoes to deepen the kiss, twining my fingers in his shaggy hair.

I pulled away after a minute and said, "God, I missed you."

"Of course you did," he said cockily, and I rolled my eyes.

"Are we really gonna have to have the whole 'becoming your brother' conversation again?" I asked with mock exasperation. I kissed him again, then took his hand and pulled him after me up the stairs.

"What are we doing?" he asked curiously.

"You guys said we could go kill something!" I said excitedly. "Man, am I ready to go kill something!"

His laugh made me feel weightless and carefree, and I knew that nothing—not even the _Apocalypse—_could make this a bad day.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

The next week, however, was _full _of bad days.

We had a case that was actually in Sioux Falls. Death was responsible (yes, the Horseman).The dead started rising, including Bobby's wife. She had given us a warning. Apparently, Mr. Satan thought we were a threat and his little pet King of All Reapers was coming after Bobby for helping Sam continue to say no.

It had been a hard time, and Bobby still hadn't gotten over it. And who would? He had to kill his wife _twice. _No one should have to do that.

Anyway, the next week had us in another run-down hotel. Ella and I were in one room and the boys were in the one right beside us. In the middle of the night, after we had been sleeping for a few hours, a loud gunshot woke us up.

"That… what's that?" Ella asked groggily, rubbing her eyes.

"Sounded like a—" Another shot sounded and I was instantly alert. "Gunshot!" I exclaimed, leaping out of bed and slinging open the door without even worrying about the fact that I was in a tank top and skimpy underwear.

The boys' door opened as I reached it, and two redneck-looking men stepped out.

"Well, hey there," one of the men said with a sleazy grin. Without hesitation, I drew my fist back and punched him on the nose so hard that he fell back into the other guy, completely unconscious.

"Walt!" the other exclaimed, backing further into the hotel room.

I stormed over to him and shoved him into a wall, slipping out my dagger and pressing it to his throat in one fluid motion. "Ella, check on the boys," I ordered, and she obeyed without question. "Who are you?" I demanded of the man.

"Roy!" he coughed. "I'm Roy!"

"What the fuck are you doing here, Roy?"

Just then, Ella gasped despairingly. "Gari!" she cried. "They—they're dead!"

"_What?" _I spun around quickly, dropping Roy to the ground with a loud thud. He started trying to get away, so, without looking, I slung my hand out behind me and said, "_Stay," _holding him to the wall with my powers.

I ran over to Sam's lifeless form and gasped. Blood was all over his stomach and his hand was limply hanging off the bed. I put two fingers to his throat, but there was no pulse. _Oh, God, no! _"Sam?" I said hesitantly. "Sammy!" I cried. "_Sam! _Wake up!"

"Gari," Ella said quietly, sniffling loudly, but I ignored her.

"Sam, _please!_" Ishook him roughly, breaking into hysterics. "_Sam! _I just got you back! You can't leave me!"

"Gari!" Ella said sternly, grabbing my arm and pulling me to my feet. "This isn't helpin' anythin'! I'm gonna go call Bobby. You needa chill out. Go take a shower or somethin'. They always calm ya down." She led me out of the boys' room and I followed numbly. "Be back in a sec," she said, pulling out her cell phone and shutting the door behind her.

I walked into the bathroom and undressed, then stepped under the hot water. Ella was right; I was already calming down. Hot water just had that effect on me.

As I let the stream from the showerhead flow over me, I realized something startling. I was always so protective of Ella, treating her like she was this defenseless little girl, when, in reality, she was doing a pretty good job of taking care of herself. And now, _she_ was protecting _me._

_They're not really dead,_ I thought. _They're too important. Some powerful being somewhere will bring them back. They _have _to come back. We can't have gone through all of this for nothing._

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. Ella was sitting on the corner of our bed, looking deep in thought. "Bobby doesn't know what to do," she told me. "He was really stressin' the point that we don't do anythin' stupid."

"What, like selling our souls?" I said dryly, though I wasn't really joking.

"Funny," she said, though I could tell she was considering it, too.

"We _could _call Cas…" I said, thinking aloud.

"Cas?" Ella asked. "The angel?" I nodded. "Call him!" she said eagerly.

"I don't really know if a former-still-kinda-half-atheist can summon an angel."

"Of course you can," another voice said, and I let out an embarrassing shriek of alarm. Ella and I turned and stared at the trench-coated angel, both sharing looks of absolute shock.

"Cas!" I yelped. "Don't _do _that!"

"The Winchesters are in Heaven," Castiel said calmly. "I've been in contact with them."

"So… so they really _are _dead?" Ella asked hesitantly.

"Yes. But I believe they will be back."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Cas?" I asked, throwing my arms up in exasperation.

"They didn't tell you?" the angel asked, mildly surprised.

"Tell us what?" Elle prompted.

"I would have expected them to tell you," he mused, seemingly to himself, then he looked back up at us. "No matter. They both have died before. They have a knack for returning."

"Wait, so you're tellin' me Sam and Dean've been _dead?" _

"Yes, Sam only once before now, but Dean many times. I brought him back the last time," Castiel said, sounding more than a little proud of himself. "My point is… the Winchester brothers have someone looking out for them. Someone very high up has great plans for them."

"You mean like… God?" Elle asked, her mouth hanging open in awe.

"I'm… not sure," Cas said, looking down at his feet.

"Cas, what's wrong?" I asked, studying the angel curiously.

"Nothing. It's not of import."

I chose not to comment on that, instead saying, "Ella, what happened to Walt and Roy?" Ella giggled nervously. "Elle, what did you do?"

"I… I kinda hogtied them and locked them in the boys' bathroom," she admitted. "We'll deal with them later, 'kay?"

"No, _I'll _deal with them _now_," I growled, getting to my feet.

"Gari—"

"I can get rid of them, if you prefer," Cas offered helpfully.

"That'd be nice," Ella said, grabbing my arm and pulling me back down. "I don't wanna let Gari get a hold of them."

I glared at her and said fiercely, "They _deserve_ to die, Elle. They _killed_ Sam and Dean. Even if they _are_ gonna come back, those bastards still deserve to die."

"So you're gonna go in there and kill a couple of humans?" she asked skeptically.

"Yes!" I faltered a little. "No… I dunno. They deserve to die. I'm positive about that."

"But ya know ya can't kill them."

_I dunno, I don't think I'd have that big of a problem with it. But she's right. I shouldn't. _

"No, I can't," I sighed, then turned to Cas. "Yeah, I don't care what you do with them. Just get them outta here." He nodded and got to his feet. I stopped him before he left the room. "So… you're sure they'll be back?"

"I'm almost certain," the angel said as he went outside. _Keyword: almost._

"'Kay, so, now we wait?" Ella asked, and I nodded.

"Now we wait."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

A few hours later, we were back in the boys' room, finally having decided to sit and wait in there for them to wake up.

"It should be soon," Castiel said, propping his head on his hand and staring at the brothers' bodies.

As if on cue, Sam gasped loudly and sat up, his hands going to his stomach and feeling the place where he'd been shot. Dean soon followed suit.

Ella and I simultaneously leapt to our feet. "Sam!" I yelped, throwing myself on top of him. "What happened to the whole 'no more worrying me' thing? This was worse than the panic room! You _died!"_

He blushed a little and said sheepishly, "Sorry…" I kissed him lightly, then let him go as I felt the odd looks we were getting from Dean and Ella.

"Do I get a welcome like that?" Dean asked Ella hopefully, wiggling his eyebrows.

Ella scoffed and snapped, "The hell ya do! What d'ya think you're doin', scarin' me like that? You—are—such—a—dick!" She punctuated each word with a punch to Dean's arm and he tried fruitlessly to push her back.

"I'm sorry!" he exclaimed. "I didn't mean to! Gari, would ya help me out, here?"

Sam and I laughed and I shook my head. "No way, man," I said, grinning. "You've gotta deal with this on your own."

"What did I do?" he asked Ella bewilderedly as he continued to ward off her punches. "It's not my fault I got shot!"

"I—know—but—I'm—just—so—_mad!"_ she yelled. After a minute, she calmed down and let her hands drop to her sides. Then she pulled a truly Ella move: she flung herself at Dean and started furiously kissing him.

"Oh, God," I said quietly, and I lifted up my hand to cover Sam's eyes. "Don't look, Sammy; it's too disgusting," I joked, receiving a distracted glare from Dean and a loud laugh from Sam.

Castiel cleared his throat, ruining their moment completely (thankfully). "What did you discover?" he asked the boys, and the mood in the room drastically changed from light and happy to dark and depressing.

"We believe now," Sam said brightly, and it seemed to me like he was trying to lessen the blow of what was about to come.

"Joshua said God's gone," Dean said, giving it to the angel straight. Castiel's face fell, and puppy dog eyes that were almost as pathetic as Sam's appeared. "He knows what's going on, knows what we're facing, but he doesn't care."

"Maybe… maybe Joshua was lying." Cas said, trying to be hopeful, but his voice was hollow.

"I don't think he was, Cas. I'm sorry," Sam said quietly.

The angel turned his back on us and turned his face to the ceiling, glaring up at Heaven through the cracked plaster. "You son of a bitch," he hissed, his voice shaking with fury and disappointment. "I believed in—" He turned back to us and sighed, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling something out of it. "I don't need this anymore." He threw whatever it was to Dean, who shook it out, exposing a bronze amulet. "It's worthless."

"Cas, wait," Sam said hurriedly, but there was a flap of wings and the crestfallen angel was gone.

"What's that?" Ella asked Dean, but he ignored her, still staring down at the amulet.

"We'll find another way," Sam said determinedly, turning to his brother. "We can still stop all this, Dean."

Dean finally looked up, and the hopelessness on his face shocked me. "How?"

"I don't know," Sam admitted, "but we'll find it. You and me, we'll find it."

"Don't forget us!" Ella piped up, kissing Dean's cheek reassuringly.

Dean stared at Sam for a minute, and I could tell that he didn't believe a single word that Sam said. I looked at Sam and I knew that he could tell, too.

"Dean, honey, what's wrong?" Ella asked worriedly. Dean shook his head, grabbed his bag, then walked toward the door. "Dean, c'mon."

Avoiding all of our eyes, the older Winchester paused at the door and let the amulet drop into the trash can, then walked out. Ella followed him doggedly.

Sam sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. He walked over to the trash can and bent over. When he came back up, I could see the amulet gleaming faintly in the dim lamplight.

"What's the deal with the necklace?" I asked as I walked over to him.

"I gave it to Dean when we were kids," Sam said quietly, tightening his hand around the charm. "I'm not letting him throw it away." I got the feeling that he wasn't just talking about the amulet.

"C'mon," I said softly. "Let's get outta here." Sam glanced at me, then back down at the amulet, finally shoving it into his pocket. I grabbed his bag and started to sling it over my shoulder, but he took it from me with a small smile. I twined my fingers in his and led him out of the hotel room.

I'd never felt so glad to be free of a place.


	19. Play The Game Tonight

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

Weird was normal when you were a hunter—hell, we killed _monsters _every day. I just never really knew how truly odd a hunter's life could be until we got with Sam and Dean.

About a week after the whole Heaven fiasco, we found ourselves in a camp full of people who were totally aware of the Apocalypse. They were led by the many prophesies of the pastor's daughter. Thanks to Cas, we discovered that the girl was actually the Whore of Babylon, sent to spread lies and paranoia.

_That _had been fun.

Day by day, I could see Dean losing hope. It showed in his eyes, in the stress lines on his face, even in the way he walked. It was killing me, and it was killing Ella, too. She kept going out of her way to try to cheer him up and, as annoying as her efforts were, I couldn't blame her.

There was a big problem with that, too, where Dean started thinking very unhealthy thoughts. He was starting to consider saying yes to Michael. And that was why we were back at Bobby's, all of us—including Cas—huddled in the study.

You know that whole "weird" speech? Well, the word got a new definition that day.

"Yeah, no, this is good, really," Dean said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Y'know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight… tonight's when the magic happens."

"Shut it, Dean," I snapped. I watched Sam out of the corner of my eye, gauging his reaction to Dean's hopelessness. He didn't look unsettled or anything, just… sad.

"You ain't helpin'," Bobby said, glaring at the older Winchester.

"Yeah, well, why don't you lemme get outta your hair, then?" Dean asked dryly.

"What the hell happened to ya?" Bobby asked, shaking his head.

"Reality happened. Nuclear's the only option we have left. Michael can ice the Devil, save a boatload of people."

"But not _all _of them," Ella said quietly, speaking up for the first time in about two days. She was taking Dean's submissiveness as a personal insult, and she couldn't stand that she couldn't fix him. "We gotta think of somethin' else."

"Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say, Ella," Dean snapped, and Elle flinched. I glared at him, but he ignored me. "But if Lucifer burns this mother down, and I could've done something about it, guess what? That's on me."

"Ya can't give up, son," Bobby said pleadingly.

"You're not my father," Dean growled at the older man. "And you ain't in my shoes."

Bobby sighed and opened a drawer in his desk, pulled out a gun, and sat it on the table. He pulled a bullet out of his pocket and stared at it until Dean asked, "What's that?"

"Every morning, I look at it," Bobby said quietly. "I think, 'Maybe today's the day I flip the lights out.' But I don't do it. I _never _do it. Y'know why?" He got angrier, almost yelling, "Because I promised _you _I wouldn't give up!"

We all stared at the old hunter in shock. Ella immediately started tearing up, about to say something, when Cas suddenly grasped his head and hunched over in pain.

"Cas, you okay?" Sam asked concernedly.

"No," Castiel groaned.

"What's wrong?"

"Something's happening."

"Where?" Dean asked, but the angel was already gone. "Yeah, see ya later!" Dean called bitterly.

"You do realize we're not letting you out of our sight from now on, don't you?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows.

"Yeah, I got that," he snapped.

"Just so we're clear."

Dean scoffed and walked into the kitchen, where Sam was propped against the fridge. "I'm gonna get a beer, d'you mind?" Dean asked rudely, and Sam moved out of his way.

Just then, I heard the flapping of wings and knew that Cas was back. "Help," the angel requested calmly.

"Y'all get in here!" Bobby called, and the four of us did as he said. Castiel had been supporting a boy's body, and as we walked in, he laid the body down on the couch and stepped back, exposing him to us.

"Who's _that?" _Ella asked bewilderedly.

Sam and Dean stared down at the boy, mirror images of shock on their faces. Finally, Sam murmured, "That's our brother."

"Oh, God," I said, walking out of the room and into the kitchen.

"Ya got _another _brother?" I heard Ella ask Dean accusatorily, and I could tell by her tone that she'd have her hands on her hips. "Ya got anythin' else you wanna tell me about? Like wives or kids or somethin'?"

I shook my head and grabbed a PBR out of the fridge. I'd bet Dean had a trail of kids all across the country, with the number of girls he'd been with.

I walked back into the living room as Sam said, "He's our half-brother, actually. He was eaten by ghouls." I raised my eyebrows at him and he shrugged his broad shoulders. "Long story." I offered him my bottle and he took a large swig, giving me a grateful smile as he handed it back.

"Everythin's a long story with y'all," Ella complained.

"Cas, what the hell?" Dean asked the angel, getting back to the more pressing matter at hand.

"Angels," Cas said.

"Angels?" I asked disbelievingly. "But why?"

"I know one thing for sure," Castiel said, leaning over Adam. "We need to hide him. Now." He put his hand on Adam's chest and the boy let out a painful gasp and woke up.

"What the fuck did you _do _to him?" I asked warily.

"I carved Enochian warding symbols on his ribs to hide him from other angels. I should probably do the same to you and Ella."

"Um, no, thanks," I said, taking a quick step back and pushing Ella behind me. "I have awesome, magnificent powers. I'll protect us."

Cas looked as though he was about to disagree, but he stopped when Adam asked, "Where am I?"

"It's okay," Sam said reassuringly. "Just relax. You're safe."

"Who the hell are you?"

"You're gonna find this a little… well, a lot crazy," Dean began, "but we're actually your brothers."

"It's the truth," Sam said earnestly. "John Winchester was our father, too. See, I'm Sam—"

"Yeah, and I'm sure that's Dean," Adam interrupted, sounding pissed. "I know who you are. And I guess they're Gari and Ella," he said, his eyes going to us and scanning Ella's body, lingering on her curves. Dean and I both stepped in front of her protectively, and she had to stand on tiptoes to see over us.

"How d'you know who we are?" Sam asked.

"They warned me about you."

"Who did?" Dean demanded.

"The angels," Adam said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Now where the hell is Zachariah?"

"Okay, that's it," I said before any hostilities could be shared. "I know I usually love to be in the middle of whatever the fuck you guys are up to, but this is family drama, and I don't want any of it. C'mon, Elle. I challenge you to a game of Go Fish." Ella giggled and nodded, then kissed Dean on the cheek and flounced to the kitchen. "Don't kill him, okay, boys?" I said lightly, pointedly glaring at Dean. "He may be a dickbag who's working with the enemy, but he's still your family. And that's all that matters to you, right, Deano?"

The older Winchester shoved me towards the kitchen and I laughed and stumbled to the table.

"Alrighty," Ella said, already having dealt the cards. "D'ya have a… red eight?"

"Go fish!"

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I was right; Adam _was _a dickbag. I had picked up on about half of the boys' conversation and it was all I could do to not get up and punch the guy's face into a bloody pulp. He was _so _disrespectful_. _There were Sam and Dean, being nice and totally awesome and trying to help him understand what was going on and that the angels were using him, but he just kept spitting their hospitality and acceptance back in their faces.

"Tell you one thing," Sam said over his shoulder to Adam as he walked toward Ella and me in the kitchen. We had played four games and each won two. We were currently doing a tie-breaker. "With an attitude like that, you would've fit right in around here."

"How's it going, Sammy?" I asked.

He sighed deeply and took another drink of my beer. "He just doesn't believe us. I mean, what are we supposed to do to make him see how wrong he is?"

"I can stab him or something," I offered, and Sam laughed. "You think I'm joking," I muttered, staring down at my cards.

"Well?" Ella prompted. "D'ya have it or not?"

"What?" I asked confusedly. "_Oh…" _I said then, realizing what she was talking about. "Nope, go fish!"

"Dammit," she sighed.

Sam watched the exchange with amusement, then said, "C'mon."

"Ha! I win!" I exclaimed triumphantly as I laid down my final match. "Victory is mine!"

"_Dammit!" _Ella repeated angrily, throwing her cards down on the table.

I smirked at her and she growled. "What were you saying, Sammy?" I asked the overgrown hunter politely. "I couldn't hear you over the sound of my _epicness!"_ Sam laughed at my excitement, giving me the kind of look that made my heart skip a beat.

"Where we goin'?" Ella asked curiously, and he glanced back at her.

"Panic room," he replied.

"Super-secret meetin', or did ya do somethin' stupid again?"

All traces of amusement drained from Sam's face and he forced a grin. "Meeting," he said stiffly, then he walked away.

I shot a death glare at Ella and she blanched, obviously not having meant for that to be offensive. _But let's face it,_ I thought, _she's never been that great at joking around._

I ran after Sam, catching up to him on the basement stairs. "Kinda nice when _she's _the one with the foot in her mouth, isn't it?" I said wryly, thankfully coaxing a small smile out of him.

"Sorry about that," he said sheepishly.

"Don't be. You've every reason to freak out over that. But you just have to ignore Ella's jokes. She's not that good at them."

"Yeah, I can see that."

I laughed a little. "Just be glad she didn't start knock-knocking."

Sam chuckled and walked into the panic room, whose door was left open, which happened very rarely. As we walked in, I noticed that Cas had a faint blush on his stubbly cheeks. _Didn't know angels could blush,_ I thought. _Hm. Learn something new every day._

"Cas," Sam said, "uh, why don't you, uh, go keep an eye on Adam?" The angel took the hint and left without a word.

"Is this really necessary?" Dean asked, sounding annoyed. "And where's Ella?"

"Upstairs, cleaning up the cards since she lost and threw them all over the floor," I said smugly as I walked over to the table and grabbed someone's glass of water. I took a swig, then made a face. _Ugh. Stale._

Sam answered his first question, saying, "Well, I mean, we got our hands full, Dean… A house full of flight risks."

"I'm not letting him do it," Dean said fiercely, and it took me a minute to realize what he was talking about. Then I remembered something I had picked out of their conversation with Adam: the angels told him that _he _was Michael's vessel.

"Who, Adam? No, I'm… I'm not either," Sam agreed halfheartedly, and I knew why. If Adam saying yes, meant Dean wouldn't have to, Sam would let Adam go. Anything to save his older brother. Sam also knew that by Dean saying he "wouldn't let" Adam give in, he was saying that he would take Adam's place.

"No, you're not getting me," Dean said, and I rolled my eyes.

"No, Dean, we're totally getting you," I said. "But what _you're _not getting is that you're not gonna do it, either."

"That kid's not taking a bullet for me."

"Dean…" Sam said pleadingly.

"I'm serious," Dean persisted. "I mean, think about how many people we've gotten killed, Sam. Mom, Dad, Jess, Jo, Ellen. Should I keep going?"

"It's not like we pulled the trigger," Sam said stubbornly.

"We might as well have. I'm tired, man. I'm tired of fighting who I'm supposed to be."

This seemed to strike a nerve with Sam. "Well," he said bitterly, "d'you think, maybe, you could take half a second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change? Maybe we could actually stick together?"

"I don't think so."

"Why not?" Sam asked, bringing out the puppy dog eyes. "Dean, seriously. Tell me. I—I want to know."

Dread bubbled in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't help thinking, _No, Sammy, you don't. Whatever Dean's thinking, you _don't _wanna know._

Dean sighed, running a hand over his face. "I just… I—I don't believe."

"In what?"

"In you," Dean confessed, looking down at the dirty floor. "I mean, I don't. I don't know whether it's gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but… I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you."

"How dare you?" I snarled furiously, shoving Dean. "How _dare _you?"

"Gari." Sam grabbed my arm and pulled me back, then turned to his brother. "So, you're saying I'm not strong enough."

"You're angry, you're self-righteous," Dean continued, and even though I was _so mad _at him, I saw how much it pained him to say that out loud. "Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time."

"Don't say that to me," Sam said quietly, his voice shaking. "Not you… of all people."

"I don't want to. But it's the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there's gotta be somebody there to fight him, and it ain't gonna be that kid. So, it's gotta be me." Dean stared at the ground again, making sure to avoid looking at Sam.

I was literally shaking with anger, and it took all the strength I had to not attack Dean on the spot.

Sam looked as if he was either about to break down or start throwing punches, and, due to my experience with the brothers' tempers, I took a wary step backward. Sam closed his eyes, took a deep, shaky breath, and walked out.

"Sam!" I called, but he ignored me and stomped up the stairs. I spun to face Dean angrily. "You're pathetic," I hissed. "You are utterly and completely _pathetic, _and you _disgust _me."

"Save it, Gari," Dean snapped, his voice slightly muffled by the hand hiding his face.

"No, Dean, I will not 'save it.' I'm gonna talk, and you're gonna listen." I clenched my fists, trying to hold back the wave of power and fury rising up inside of me. "Y'know a while back when I called you an arrogant, self-centered dick?" I asked.

"Yeah, so?" he said testily, dropping his hand to his side.

"I'd come to grips with the fact that I was wrong." I laughed mirthlessly, shaking my head. "But I was right. You_ are _arrogant. You _are _self-centered. And you are the most depressingly _hypocritical _person I've ever met." Dean stared at me curiously, also looking like he kind of wanted to strangle me. _Oh, the feeling is _mutual."You make all these inspiring speeches about 'sticking it to the man' and never giving up, but you're the first to cave!"

"You don't get it."

"You're right; I don't," I agreed sourly. "I don't get how you can be so strong, yet _so _weak. Sam looks up to you—it wasn't just something he did when you were kids—he _still _does. From what I've come to understand, he's never had anything but absolute faith in you. He's never stopped trying to prove himself to you, and all you do is ignore it! No, you make it _worse!"_

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the glass of water had started boiling, and I tried once again to restrain my powers.

I turned my focus back to Dean. "Every time he does something good, e_very time, _you break him down by reminding him of all the bad things! Why the _fuck _d'you do that?"

"Gari—"

"I'm not finished!" I yelled, and the cup exploded, showering us both with scalding water and shards of glass. Dean flinched as a fragment bit into his cheek. _So much for control. _"D'you _think _that helps anything?" I raged. "You keep telling him that he's not strong enough to resist Lucifer, but did you ever think what your vote of confidence could _do? _If you keep pushing him away, he's _going _to give in!"

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?" Dean said, sounding extremely agitated, but I could tell that my words had bothered him.

"He's your _brother, _Dean!" I exclaimed. "I want you to start _treating _him like it! I want you to stop tearing him down and have some faith in _him _for once! 'Cause if you don't, we're gonna lose him to Lucifer. And _that's _what's gonna be on you."

Ignoring the slack-jawed, affronted look on his face, I spun on my heel and stormed out of the panic room, still shaking with rage. _God, I hope I got through to him._

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Dean and Cas were gone. After searching every inch of Bobby's house, all we had found was what Sam had said was an angel-banishing sigil on the inside of a cabinet in the panic room.

A while later, we had discovered that Adam was gone, too.

"What the hell, Bobby?" Sam exclaimed.

"Watch your tone, boy," Bobby growled. "He was right in front of me, and he disappeared into thin air."

Suddenly, Castiel appeared, supporting a beaten and bloody Dean. Ella shrieked and ran over to him, somehow maneuvering the older Winchester's body to the couch.

"Because the angels took him," Cas said darkly.

"What the hell happened to Dean?" Ella yelped, using the sleeve of her sweater to wipe the blood off of Dean's face.

"Me," the angel said simply.

Ella jumped to her feet angrily. "What the hell? Why'd ya do that to him?"

"Not now, Ella," I said gently.

"What d'ya mean, the angels took Adam?" Bobby asked, sounding puzzled. "Ya branded his ribs, didn't ya?"

"Yes, Adam must have tipped them," Castiel said, shaking his head.

"How?"

"I don't know. Maybe in a dream."

"Well, where would they have taken him?" Sam asked.

"The Green Room."

"And where's that?"

"California."

"Well, now that we got that settled," Bobby said, "what're we gonna do about Sleepin' Beauty over there?" He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at Dean and stared expectantly at the rest of us.

Sam and I looked at each other for a minute, then nodded simultaneously. I glanced at Dean and couldn't help the smirk that spread across my face. _Oh, he _so _deserves this. _

Trying not to sound as happy as I felt, I said, "Panic room."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"Wait, he's coming with us?" I asked Sam incredulously as he and Dean came up from the basement.

"Gari…" he said warningly. "You know we need him."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "You better not even _think_ about doing something stupid," I spat at Dean. "You _know_ I'm gonna be watching you."

"Sure, whatever," Dean said, then he turned to Cas. "So, where we going?" Castiel didn't reply, but suddenly we were standing outside of an abandoned warehouse. "Okay… So where the hell are we?"

"Van Nuys, California," Castiel said.

"Where's the beautiful room?"

"In there."

We all stared at Cas as if he were crazy.

"The beautiful room is in an abandoned muffler factory in Van Nuys, California?" Dean asked, giving Cas an odd look.

I found myself thinking over what could go wrong and zoned out of the conversation completely.

According to the guys, angels were freaking powerful, and this Zachariah character was supposed to be a major player. The list of unfortunate events could go on and on, the worst on the list being that the angel would kill all of us—besides Dean, of course, because Dean would say yes.

I tuned back into the conversation right as Dean said, "Whoa, wait. You're gonna take on five angels?"

"Aren't ya powerless or somethin'?" Ella asked curiously.

"Yes," the angel said, answering both questions.

"Then isn't that suicide?" Dean asked.

"Maybe it is. But then I won't have to watch you fail. I'm sorry, Dean. I don't have the same faith in you that Sam does." Dean's face fell the slightest bit, but he didn't say anything, and Cas didn't seem to notice.

The angel pulled a box cutter out of his coat pocket and stared down at it pensively. I then noticed that he wasn't wearing his tie; instead, it was wrapped around his hand.

Sam eyed the box cutter warily. "What the hell are you gonna do with that?"

What Cas did with the blade was carve the angel-banishing sigil into his chest. I'd never thought angels could be hot in any way, but something about Cas unflinchingly taking a box cutter to the chest made him much more attractive than before. _Focus, Gari. _

Once he was done, he gave a single nod in our general direction and entered the warehouse.

"I hope he's okay," I said quietly.

"He will be," Sam assured me.

Suddenly, there was a lot of yelling and a blinding light, then there was silence. "D'ya think it's safe to go in?" Ella asked.

"Might as well find out," Dean said. He grabbed the doorknob and opened the door slowly. The room was empty. There was another door a little farther on, and we cautiously advanced on it. "Alright," Dean said, nodding once as if steeling himself. "I'm gonna go in there and get Adam. Sam, come in after me. Aim for Zach. No matter what happens, we're takin' that prick down."

Sam nodded his head in agreement, a grim but excited half-smile on his face.

"What about us?" I asked.

"You two are staying out here."

"No _way!"_ Ella and I protested together.

"There's no way you're leavin' us outta this!" Ella said, stomping her foot.

"You brought us this far; we're going in there with you!" I added.

"No, you're not," the brothers said simultaneously, Dean glaring at Ella and Sam glaring at me.

"Gari, you gotta stay here," Sam said pleadingly.

I looked up into his eyes and sighed. "You're really gonna pressure me into this, aren't you?" I asked, and he nodded. "Alright," I sighed. "But if you _die _again, I am gonna kill you." He grinned, exposing all of his teeth, and I rolled my eyes.

"You're kiddin' me!" Ella exclaimed. "Gari, really?"

"Ella, you know they've gotta do this," I said, and I couldn't believe the words were coming out of my mouth. Letting them go went against every fiber of my being, but they had to save Adam, and arguing would only waste time. "He's their brother. It's their business. And you know I'll stop you if you try to go." Ella huffed angrily, but she nodded.

"Come back, okay?" she said to Dean, hugging him fiercely. "And as _Dean, _not Michael."

"Alright, Ella," he said. "I will."

"You remember what I said to you, Dean?" I asked darkly, and he nodded.

Ella stood on tiptoes and kissed him softly, then let him go. Dean opened the door and entered the room, the door swinging shut behind him.

About five minutes later, Sam nodded at me, a small smile playing on his lips, and he, too, went into the Green Room.

We waited for what seemed like ages. Then, all of a sudden, there was an excruciatingly painful, high-pitched noise and I clapped my hands over my ears and fell to my knees. Ella did the same, squeezing her eyes closed.

The Green Room door opened and Dean came out, supporting Sam, and the door slammed shut behind them.

"No!" Adam yelled from behind the door, beating on it furiously. "Dean! Help! It won't open!" Dean shook Sam off and turned back to the door. He grabbed the doorknob, only to let it go as it glowed white-hot. "Dean, help!" Adam continued to yell. "Dean!"

"Hold on!" Dean said loudly. "We'll get you out! Just hold on! Adam! Can you hear me?" A white light shone through the bottom of the door, then faded just as quickly. Dean tried the doorknob again and twisted it, only to find the room empty. "Adam?"

Ella latched onto Dean, squeezing the life out of him. "You're alive!" she squealed, tears forming in her eyes. He hugged her back absentmindedly, staring at Sam over her head.

I glanced up at Sam and saw the look of awe on his face. He, like me, was surprised that Dean didn't say yes. But, man, I had never been happier to be wrong.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"So… d'you think Adam is okay?" I asked, leaning over the backseat of the Impala.

We'd stolen a car to get back to Bobby's, and now we were on our way to another hunt. Ella had fallen asleep against the window.

"Doubt it," Dean said. "Cas either. But we'll get them."

"So," Sam said.

"'So,' what?"

"I saw your eyes. You were totally rocking the 'yes' back there. _So,_ what changed your mind?"

"Yeah, I was wondering that, too," I said.

"Honestly?" Dean said, glancing at me furtively, then looking back at Sam. "The damnedest thing. I mean, the world's ending. The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you, and all I can think about is, 'This stupid son of a bitch _brought _me here.' I just didn't wanna let you down."

Sam suppressed a grin and said, "You didn't. You _almost _did. But you didn't."

"I owe you an apology," Dean said reluctantly. _Damn straight, you do._

"No, man." Sam shook his head, once again shocking me with his never-ending forgiveness. "No, you don't."

"Just… let me say this." Dean swallowed roughly and cleared his throat. I stared at him curiously, waiting for his long-overdue apology. "I dunno if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you anymore." Sam looked as if he were about to say something, but Dean continued. "I mean, hell, if you're grown-up enough to find faith in me… the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way."

Sam stared at his brother and simply said, "Sounds good."

I laughed happily and looped an arm around each brother's neck. "You guys are ridiculous," I said. "I love it!" Due to Dean's admittance, it seemed that things just might get a little bit better._ For now, at least, _I thought. _Might as well enjoy it while it lasts._


	20. Homecoming

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

The whole Apocalypse thing was really bringing everyone down. Even on other hunts, Ella and I would always catch Sam and Dean talking about the Lucifer problem. I couldn't stand how constantly on edge they were, and I just wanted the tension to disappear, or at least lighten up a bit.

"You know what I want more than anything?" I asked no one in particular, laying upside down on my bed and hanging my head off the end.

"My brother's innocence?" Dean suggested slyly, smirking, and Sam and I both blushed.

I laughed a little to cover my embarrassment. "I mean besides that," I said wryly, grinning as Sam blushed even deeper.

"What?" he prompted, fidgeting uncomfortably.

"To forget about all of this Apocalypse shit for a few days and do a job that's actually gonna occupy us," I said, flipping over onto my stomach and propping myself up on one of my elbows. "I'm tired of the paranoia and tension. Can we just _pretend_ to be normal hunters for a while?"

Sam and Dean shared one of their telepathic looks, then turned to look at me. "We better start looking for a case, then," Dean said finally.

"Already found one!" Ella squealed gleefully, jumping up from her bed and waving a newspaper in front of Dean's face.

"Where is it?" Sam asked, only the slightest trace of interest in his voice.

"Some Podunk town called Abbeville," Dean said, rolling his eyes, "South Carolina."

"That's like a two day drive," Sam sighed.

"Then we better get going," I said happily, sliding off of my bed.

Ella and I had been planning this for a while, ever since the day after the failed rescue mission. We'd figured a break would be nice.

Five minutes later, we were getting into our Impalas. "I'll lead, ya follow," Ella told Dean. "I've been there before." Dean nodded once and got in his car. Ella got in our car and we pulled out of the motel parking lot, the boys following right behind us. "I can't believe it worked!" she exclaimed, momentarily removing her hands from the steering wheel to clap triumphantly.

"I know," I agreed. "I never thought they'd go for it, not in a million years."

"I think it'll be good for them, though," Ella said. "For all of us, but mainly them. They need some time off, needa take a break from worryin' about Adam."

"I really hope he's okay, though," I said quietly. "I mean, he kinda came off as a douchebag, but he's their brother."

"Yeah…"

"Hey," I said suddenly, a small smile spreading across my face, "time to bring out Damien?"

"Oh, yes!" Ella exclaimed, clapping again.

I pulled out my iPod and plugged it in. "So, what d'you wanna listen to?"

"Hmmm… Marilyn Manson?" she suggested, and I grinned.

"'Beautiful People' or 'Sweet Dreams' first?"

"'Beautiful People,' then 'Sweet Dreams,' then the rest."

I pressed PLAY, then leaned back in my seat and tapped my foot on the dash in time to the music. _Man, I really hope our plan works._

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I nudged Ella awake as we pulled into the small town. "We're here," I announced as she sat up slowly and stretched exaggeratedly.

"Home, sweet home," she murmured groggily, her small hands rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "I haven't been back here in twelve years. It's different." Her voice had a bittersweet tone, like she was reliving her old memories. "Pull in there," she told me, pointing to a small building with a sign that labeled it "The Westbrook Motel."

I did as she said, muttering, "_This _is a motel? I've seen houses bigger than this."

"Hey, it's either this or a bed and breakfast, and I don't really wanna get poisoned again." I shrugged indifferently and got out of the car.

"Boy, Ella, you sure know how to pick 'em," Dean said as he walked over to us. "I'd rather sleep in my car."

"Be my guest," she said with a slight trace of bitterness, turning on her heel and marching toward the motel.

"What's with her?" Dean asked confusedly.

"It's her hometown," I explained. "She may have hated it, but she doesn't like other people to trash it. Besides, her mom's buried here, and her sister is, too. Well, kinda."

The brothers shared curious looks, then Sam asked, "What d'you mean, 'kinda?'"

"It's not my story to tell," I said, walking backward toward the motel. "You'll have to ask Ella about it." I turned and jogged to the motel, stopping abruptly when Ella came out and jangled a room key in front of my face.

"Only one room!" she said happily, a bright smile stretched across her face, completely back to her old self. "Looks like we're sharin'!"

I glanced at Sam and winked, grinning mischievously. He blushed and shoved his hands in his pockets, letting his shaggy hair fall and hide his red cheeks.

"C'mon," I said, snatching the key from Ella's hand and slinging my bag over my shoulder. The others followed me to the room, Ella humming "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" quietly. I put the key in the lock and opened the door with my eyes closed. "How bad is it?" I asked warily.

"It's actually not that bad," Sam said, sounding surprised.

"Eh, we've seen worse," Dean agreed.

When I opened my eyes, I found that they were right. The room was very plain—but surprisingly clean—with plain white sheets and slightly ratty beige bedspreads. "Someone check the bathroom," I said. "That's always the worst."

"I've stayed here before!" Ella said exasperatedly. "It's fine!"

Dean held his hands up in surrender and said, "Okay, okay, we believe you!" Ella glared at him for a minute, then nodded, apparently satisfied. "So what's the case?"

"Nine people 'committed suicide'"—she made little air quotes around the words—"by hangin' themselves in a dressin' room in the Opera House. Most recent was 'bout four days ago." Ella sat down on the edge of one of the beds, crossing one leg over the other.

"Any lore on the place?" Sam asked.

"Yep. 'Sposed to be real haunted by a lotta ghosts, but there's one story that's the most common." Ella paused for a minute, seemingly lost in thought, then continued with a nostalgic tone to her voice. "We used to stay there overnight on dares, before… before Camilla."

Sam and Dean shared another curious look and both looked back at Ella. "Who's—?" Dean started, but Sam shook his head fiercely.

"The lore? What's the lore?" Sam prompted.

Ella swallowed nervously, glancing at Dean for a split second, then staring at her hands. "Um, it was somethin' like this married white actress and this black man who was doin' some construction on the theater had an affair. The woman's husband found out and him and his friends hung the black guy. Later, they found out s_he _hung herself, too—in her dressin' room. But there's never been any malevolent activity or anythin' from either of the spirits, so I dunno what's makin' them act out now."

"Okay, you're filled in," I said, tapping my foot impatiently. "Can we go now?"

"Yeah, c'mon, y'all!" Ella said, jumping up and running out the door.

"She's a really happy person, isn't she?" Dean mused with something like affection in his voice, then he followed her out.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"What's with all the police cars?" Ella asked curiously as we pulled into to the Town Square. "S'there another death?"

At her last question, two men came out of the Opera House, pushing a gurney. "I'd say that's a yes," I said darkly, getting out of the car.

We walked toward the old building, straightening our business clothes and preparing to pull out our fake badges.

"Hey! You!" one of the officers called. "Who're you?" I could tell already that this Southern redneck drawl was going to get annoying _very _quickly.

"Agent Jett," I said smoothly, slipping my badge out of my pocket and flashing it briefly. "This is my partner, Agent Currie." I gestured at Ella, and she, too, pulled out her badge.

"Why's the FBI down here?" the man asked, and the way he pronounced his "I" grated on my nerves.

"Ya got nine people dead—now ten—that've been marked as 'suicides,'" Ella said, and I tried not to laugh at her business voice. It was just too funny to hear her being serious. "Ya think that's normal?"

The man looked at her and fidgeted a little. "Well, no, but—"

"Then I don't see the point of your question," I interrupted.

The officer fell into an uncomfortable silence for a minute, then said, "Can I help y'all in any way?"

"That's more like it," I said approvingly.

"Just tell us exactly what happened," Ella said, softening her tone a little.

"Her boyfriend found her strung up in her dressin' room after the matinee. Went up to bring her flowers," the cop said. "Shame, too. She was only fifteen."

"Where's the boyfriend?" I asked, and the cop pointed to a couple sitting on a park bench. "Thanks," I said, then Ella and I approached the kids.

"Yeah?" said the girl, glaring up at us defensively with strangely golden eyes. Her arm was supportively around the boy's shoulder, and he was slightly leaning into her.

I introduced us, then addressed the boy. "Are you the boyfriend?"

The girl answered for him. "Leave him alone, why don't ya?" she snapped. "His girlfriend just _died!"_

"Kaiti, it's okay," said the boy as he looked up at us. He was pretty nice-looking for a teenager, and I figured he'd be close to Winchester gorgeous when he got older. "Yeah, I found Maya," he said quietly. "What about it?"

"What's your name, honey?" Ella asked, kneeling down in front of him and giving him that wide-eyed, caring look of hers that made people instantly become attached and put their complete trust in her.

"David," the boy said, drawn in by Ella's kindness, as I knew he was going to be.

"David," she said sweetly, earning a glare from Kaiti. "Could ya tell me how ya found her?"

Kaiti glanced at David as if wondering what he was going to say. "She was in the play," he said. "I came to see it and brought her flowers. One of the other actors told me where her dressin' room was, so I went up there to see her. When I got there she was… y'know."

"Did you notice anything unusual about the dressing room?" I asked, keeping my voice perfectly neutral.

"You mean _besides _his girlfriend hanging from the ceiling?" Kaiti said harshly.

"You _do _realize that I'm a Federal Agent, correct?" I said threateningly, and she shrank back under my glare. I could tell she cared about David a lot, and that was why she was being such a bitch, but I wasn't going to take that attitude from anyone, especially a teenager.

"Yeah, there _was _somethin'," David said slowly. "On the mirror, in Maya's red lipstick. It was a name or somethin'. 'Obadiah Wilson.' But why'd Maya write that? I've never heard the name before, and she just moved here last year, so she hardly knows anyone."

"But she killed herself, so why does that matter?" Kaiti asked, somewhat rudely.

"Every detail matters," Ella said calmly. "Thanks for your help, David," she said, placing her hand on his shoulder reassuringly and standing up. "You, too, Kaiti."

"He's a kid, ladies," Dean said, sounding slightly annoyed as he came up behind us. "You'd be taking the term 'cougar' to the max."

"Jealous, Deano?" I teased, and he scoffed.

"Give him a few years, then maybe—" He stopped abruptly, then shook his head. "Nope, not even then." Ella laughed and latched onto Dean's arm and he grinned satisfactorily.

"Hey, who's Obadiah Wilson?" Sam asked as he walked up to us.

"No idea," Dean and I said simultaneously.

"He's the black man from the ghost story," Ella informed us. "So I was right; the spirits a_re _turnin' vengeful. I wonder why…"

"Ella!" a childish, Southern-coated voice called. "Hey, Ella!"

We turned to see two completely different-looking girls running toward us and waving enthusiastically.

One was tan with dyed black hair and wide eyes, and she was wearing camouflage flip-flops, cut off shorts, a Confederate flag shark-tooth necklace, and a pink shirt that said, "Dixie Girls." The other was my color pale with bleached white hair and slightly narrower eyes. She was wearing colorful, beat-up Converses, worn-in jeans with gigantic holes, and a Five Finger Death Punch concert tee.

"It _is _you!" the tan one exclaimed. "What're ya doin' back here?" she asked, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Um…" Ella said, staring at the girls with an absolutely blank expression.

"It's Jess!" the tan one reminded helpfully. "And Devon!"

"Oh my God!" Ella gushed, throwing her arms around the girls' waists, as they were each about my height. "Ya got so _big! _I didn't even recognize ya! Dev, you were five last time I saw ya, and Jess, you were only three!"

"Now, I'm sixteen," the pale one, Devon, said in a surprisingly quiet, deep voice that hardly had an accent at all. "And Jessa's fourteen. So you're like, what, twenty-four now?"

Ella nodded rapidly, grinning like crazy. "So you're 'bout to have a birthday, then?" she asked, and Devon nodded. "Lemme see… March first, right? Just a couple weeks!"

"Yep, I got a new car!" Devon said, starting to sound excited. "'67 Chevy Impala, black, four door, hard top! My parents went to New York to get it! We call her 'The Metallicar!'"

Even without looking at Dean, I knew his jaw would be on the ground. "Stop drooling, you pedophile!" I hissed. "She's not even seventeen!"

His mouth shut with an audible click and I gave a small grin, then fixed my attention back on Devon, who was now chattering animatedly with Ella. I wondered why she had seemed so shy before.

"You're gonna make her ears explode!" Jess admonished her older sister with a loud laugh.

"Which concert is that from?" I asked Devon, and Jess sighed enviously for some reason.

"What, this?" Devon responded, tugging on the bottom of her t-shirt happily. "It's from our local rock station's Birthday Bash! They headlined, and All That Remains, Hatebreed, and some other band were there, too! One of my friends took me to it!"

"Was it amazing?" I asked excitedly. "How was Ivan?"

"Oh my Rowling, it was _the _best show EVER!" Devon exclaimed gleefully, and I laughed at her enthusiasm. "Ivan was just as amazing live; _totally _orgasmic!"

"Ah, I wish I could see him! He's got _the _most magical voice in the _universe!"_

As I finished my sentence, I noticed that Sam and Dean were staring at me, expressions of amusement and surprise etched on their faces. I realized that they'd never seen me go all-out fan girl over anything before.

"You wanna see a picture of him?" Devon asked, pulling out her phone and recapturing my attention. She held it out to me and showed me the shot. "My friend and I were right up on the stage, so it's a fucking _epic _shot!"

"Holy _fuck, _he's beautiful," I said reverently, staring at Devon's phone. "You lucky bitch!"

I accidentally hit the left arrow key and found myself staring at a picture of an anti-possession tattoo. My stomach lurched. _Does she know about the supernatural? _I wondered, feeling panicked. "What's this?" I asked, trying to keep the suspicion from my voice.

"Oh, it's the tattoo I'm getting my eighteenth birthday. It's from my favorite book series, _Supernatural._" Sam and Dean shared an exasperated and uncomfortable look, and Sam shoved his hands in his pockets awkwardly. "It guards against demon possession," Devon continued, oblivious to the brothers' discomfort.

"So, why're ya here?" Jess asked Ella curiously. "It can't be just to visit; ya never visited before."

"I'm investigating the deaths at the Opera House," Ella said. "I'm with the FBI. So is Garideth, and so're Sam and Dean."

"_Sam and Dean?" _Devon gasped. "Those are the names of the brothers in _Supernatural!"_

Dean rolled his eyes, looking disgruntled, and Sam sighed in annoyance. "What's up with you two?" I asked.

Sam sighed and mouthed, "Tell you later."

"Devon thinks it's the ghosts of Obadiah and Emily," Jess told Ella, having completely ignored her sister's outburst. "I say she reads too much."

"Ah, shut up!" Devon snapped at her little sister. "You're just as obsessed as I am!"

"I'm just more selective about whom I show," Jess said primly, and the girls busted out laughing.

"So, you don't think it's suicide, either?" Devon asked, and Ella shook her head.

"Nope. _Ten _suicides? That's crazy," Ella said. "We're thinkin' serial killer. He's been hittin' up small towns 'round the country. I want y'all to stay outta town for a few days, just until we get this wrapped up, 'kay?"

The girls nodded solemnly, then Devon asked, "Did you find anything in the room?"

Ella looked to Sam, who shook his head. "Not really," he told Devon, who stared at him in awe, eyes soaking in his appearance as if he were the Elixir of Life and she was Voldemort. _She acts how I felt when I first saw him, _I thought amusedly. "We didn't really get a chance to look at much with all the other cops there. They get in the way."

"You could always check it out during the gala tonight," the teen suggested, suddenly shy and quiet again, obviously overwhelmed by the fact that Sam had spoken to her. "It's one of the biggest things to happen to A-town in years. It's celebrating the Opera House and the town's founding. It's an uber fancy affair; black tie and everything. The cops won't be paying any attention to who comes and goes. It'll be easy."

"You done this before or something?" Dean asked, sounding impressed.

"Sorta," she said, blushing deeply and pushing her hair behind her ear nervously. "We always hang out on the third floor during Awards Ceremonies. No one even notices we're gone." Devon shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "It's kinda pathetic how blind everyone is."

"Thanks, girls," Ella said, smiling warmly and hugging them again. "Remember what I said: stay home a few days. I still have your home phone; it hasn't changed, has it?" The girls shook their heads and Ella continued. "Good. Promise I'll call when we wrap this thing up. I missed y'all."

"We missed you, too," the sisters said together.

"Nice to meet you," I said, smiling at the girls.

"Ditto," Devon replied with a grin, and Jess nodded. "Bye, guys!" They waved to the boys and started off, only to stop when Dean called Devon's name. "Yeah?" she asked expectantly.

"Who's your favorite?" he asked, and she stared at him, totally confused. "Me—uh, Dean or Sam?"

"Oh, that's easy," she replied, smiling, and Dean's face lit up. "Sammy, of course. He's brooding and sweet and sensitive, like a puppy, but totally badass, too. Like in _Fresh Blood,_ when he chopped off Gordon's head with razor wire. _Damn, _that was sexy!" Dean's face fell and he nodded firmly, while Sam looked extremely triumphant and seemed to be holding back laughter. "Jess likes Deano the best, though, don't you, Jessa?"

Jess nodded enthusiastically and said, "Totally! He's _such _an ass, like, at times it's almost unbearable, but he's just hiding an extremely vulnerable, tender heart from the world. He uses his toughness as a front. It's…"

"Endearing?" Devon suggested, and Jess nodded.

Dean now looked a bit more pleased, but also very embarrassed and uncomfortable. This time Sam actually _did _laugh, and the girls shot him confused looks as they waved and walked away.

_Sam and Dean… there's no _way _they have books written about them, is there? _I wondered bewilderedly. _These boys just have way too many stories to tell. _

**Okay, there is actually tons of lore about Abbeville—it's one of those old Civil War Era towns where all kinds of shit happened. There are **_**tons **_**of ghost stories involving the Opera House, but none of the spirits have been reported to be malevolent. The Emily and Obadiah story that I included is just kind of a compilation of a few of the stories, but with the whole "vengeful spirits" twist. Apparently, there's this big house called the Burt Stark Mansion there where all the official people met to secede from the Union, and they also met there to sign the papers to surrender. They call the town the Birthplace and the Fall of the Confederation. (Or something like that. I just skimmed the info.)**


	21. Flirtin' With Disaster

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

"I'm not happy about this," I muttered to Ella as we walked down the sidewalk. "Why can't we just sneak in through the fire escape? Why do I have to buy a dress?"

"C'mon!" Ella said cheerfully. "It'll be fun! We can do each other's hair and make-up and get mani-pedis and—"

"Okay, I am _not _getting a mani-pedi," I interrupted. "I _refuse._" Ella rolled her eyes and giggled. "Besides, it's only for a night. And those pretty nails will get pretty fucked up if we end up burning a body."

"C'mon, Gari!" Ella pleaded. "Please just look at this as a good thing! We _never _get to treat ourselves to anythin' good! Don't ya wanna play dress-up, just for a night?"

I sighed. "Sure, whatever."

She squealed happily and led me into a store.

A few bells tinkled when the door swung open, announcing our presence. "Mom!" someone called from further back in the store. "Customers!" A girl came around the corner and I recognized her as Kaiti, the rude girl from earlier. "Oh," she said dully. "It's you."

"Hey, there," Ella said, instantly turning on her charm. "Kaiti, right?" Kaiti nodded. "We're goin' to the gala thingy tonight and we're lookin' for somethin' to wear. Ya got anythin' fancy?"

"Yeah, over there," Kaiti said, pointing to the back corner of the shop.

"Thanks," Ella said, smiling warmly. "How's your friend?"

"Doing good, considering," Kaiti replied, worry coloring her eyes and voice. "I just can't believe she's dead. I mean, she just moved here, didn't have a lot of friends—honestly, she was kind of a bitch—but she was okay. And _David_ finding her… That's gonna stay with him for a while." She stared off into space for a minute, seemingly lost in thought, then shook her head a little. "Sorry, d'you need help?"

"We'll let you know if we do," I said kindly. Her obvious concern for the boy moved me, and I couldn't help but to hope David would eventually come to his senses and notice her.

"Hey, Kaiti, d'ya know any of the other victims?" Ella asked hopefully.

"No, I don't," Kaiti said. "I've only lived here a few years and, believe it or not, I still don't know everyone. Sorry."

"It's fine," I said over my shoulder as Ella dragged me toward the dresses. As soon as we reached them, I sat down on the floor.

"What're ya doin'?" Ella asked confusedly.

"Refusing to shop," I said stubbornly. "You choose something for me."

"'Kay!" Ella squealed, already looking through the selection of dresses. "I hope the boys rented tuxes," she said. "I wonder how Dean'll look in a tux…"

"Okay, can you _not _drool over him in front of me?" I said agitatedly. "He'll look like everyone else: a douchey James Bond wannabe."

She completely ignored my comment, continuing on to say, "I bet Sam'll look like one of those celebrity's puppies that gets dressed up all the time." I opened my mouth to reply, but a sudden image of a puppy in a tuxedo popped into my head and I busted out laughing. Ella soon joined in, then choked out, "'Kay, I gotta focus now, since you're not doin' anythin' to help!" I stuck my tongue out at her and fell into a bored silence. "Wonder if this is what shoppin' for a prom dress is 'sposed to feel like…" she mused quietly. "Always wanted to go to prom."

I almost tried to comfort her, but she spun around at that moment, holding four or five dresses. "Here, go try these on!" she ordered, a smile stretching across her face. "And make sure to show me how ya look!"

"I'm never taking you shopping again," I told her as I got up and took the garments.

About ten minutes later, I walked out in the final option: a form-fitting black dress with a plunging neckline and a slit that went halfway up my thigh. I immediately knew that this was the one I was getting, but decided to show Ella, anyway. _God, I feel so vapid, _I thought disgustedly as I turned away from the mirror. _I am never _ever_ buying another dress as long as I live._

"Holy crap, you look _sexy!" _Ella exclaimed, jumping up and down excitedly.

"If I flash someone, you're on the top of my hit list," I grumbled, still not happy that she was sending me hunting in a dress. "And so do you," I said approvingly, taking in the sapphire blue dress that perfectly matched her eyes. "You look like a princess or something."

"Haven't ya learned by now?" she said jokingly, spinning in a circle. "I _am _a princess!" She giggled a little, then said, "Ooh, I almost forgot!" She handed me a pair of stilettos with the tallest heels that I had ever seen. "You're gonna be as tall as Sam!" she laughed.

"If you wanted to kill me, Elle," I said, shaking my head and staring at the death-trap shoes, "you could've just shot me or something. This is torture_._ Pure, cruel, medieval _torture."_

"Oh, shush! Ya hunt in heeled boots!"

"Yeah, but those are only a half an inch tall, and they're _boots!"_

"Just wear the shoes, Gari!"

I gave a defeated sigh. "Fine…"

Ella grinned triumphantly and said, "Now, get outta that dress so I can go ring it up!"

Taking the stilettos with me, I stomped back to the dressing room. _This is gonna be a _long _night._

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"Will you two hurry up?" Dean called from the bedroom, sounding extremely agitated. "This thing starts in fifteen minutes!"

"It's called a 'gala!'" Ella responded in a sing-song voice while dusting blush over her round cheeks.

"I'm not sayin' that word," Dean said stubbornly, and I could picture him crossing his arms in defiance. "That'd be like me speaking French: just not right." I imagined him shaking his head and smirking as he said that, and I laughed a little at the thought of him seducing Ella in French.

"What's wrong with French?" Ella asked me as I hooked her necklace. "I think it's pretty."

"That's the problem, Elle. It's _too _pretty," I replied, running bright red lipstick across my lips.

Ella had done all of my make-up, and I was actually quite surprised at how good it had turned out. However, when it came to my hair, I refused to let her touch it. It was going to stay straight and hairspray-free, no matter what she said. "Ready?" I asked, and she nodded and opened the bathroom door.

"It's about ti—!" Dean stopped abruptly at the sight of Ella, and she giggled in her adorable, little girl way and walked over to him.

"You look very classy," she said sweetly, kissing his cheek. "Like a sexier James Bond."

I pretended to gag and coughed, "Wannabe!" under my breath, and Ella rolled her eyes and laughed. "Get a room," I joked.

"Hey, you guys ready?" Sam asked as he entered the motel room. "We don't wanna be la—wow." Sam's jaw dropped a little when he saw me (which I absolutely _loved)_, then he quickly stammered out, "You, uh—you look nice." He blushed deeply and I grinned. I walked over to him and reached up to fix his collar. "Thanks," he said weakly, then cleared his throat nervously and repeated it with more conviction.

Devious thoughts popped into my head, and I started to think, _Maybe tonight doesn't have to be _all _bad. He's even more nervous around me than usual. Messing with him all night… Yeah, _this_ could be fun. _

I decided to try out my newfound power and lifted up the slightest bit, stopping only when my lips were centimeters away from his. "No problem," I whispered, licking my lips tauntingly, then turning to Ella and Dean as if nothing had happened. "So, are we leaving or what?" I asked them. Sam let out the breath that he had been holding and a satisfied grin crossed my face.

"Get a room," Dean joked, repeating my words from earlier and smirking widely. He still looked majorly uncomfortable, though, and was trying his hardest to hide it.

"Can we go?" Sam asked, a slight tremor still in his voice. I glanced at him and noticed that his face was just fading back to its original color. _Okay, this will _definitely _be fun._

"We could've gone sooner," Dean said slyly, "but you two were busy."

The blush that had disappeared from Sam's cheeks sprang up again, and I laughed out loud. "So not fair," he mouthed at me.

"I know," I mouthed back, winking at him, then I slid my arm through Ella's and pulled her out the door.

"Dude, she's feral," I heard Dean say quietly as they followed us out. "She's gonna eat you alive." I grinned and waited for Sam's irritated reply, but all I heard was a noncommittal grunt and Dean's snort of laughter at his younger brother's discomfort.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I never expected such a small town to become so crowded in less than four hours, but it did.

When we arrived at the Square, the place was _packed. _Dean started bitching about finding a parking place, then finally found one behind the Opera House and had to race another car to it.

After walking up an impossibly large hill, we came to wait in an impossibly long line of people vouching to get into the building. "Hey, Sammy, got any razor wire?" Dean asked, sounding annoyed. I was with him there.

"No…" Sam said, a puzzled look on his face. "Why?"

"I was thinkin' about pulling a Gordon Walker," Dean said seriously. Sam snorted and grinned, looking pretty proud of himself.

"So, those _Supernatural _books really are about you?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah, it's a really long story," Sam replied.

"I'm gonna have to hear it some time," I said with a smile. "I wish I could've seen that, though," I said wistfully. "Chopping off a vamp's head with razor wire. Sounds… sexy." I smirked at Sam flirtatiously and a faint blush crept onto his cheeks. I still couldn't get over how easy it was for me to make him nervous. _All this power is gonna go to my head, _I thought wryly.

Finally, after what seemed like years of waiting, the four of us made it into the audience chamber of the theater. It was bigger than I expected, looking capable of seating at least 200 people, if you added the balcony and box seats. The place was packed to the brim with attendees, and it was becoming difficult to stay together in the crowd.

Sam led us toward the back of the theater where the dressing rooms were located and we tried our best not to get separated.

"'Scuse me!" Ella said repeatedly as Dean shoved his way through the sea of people. "'Scuse me!" I looked behind me and saw how far away from us they were. I started to walk back toward them. "No, go on ahead!" Ella called, seeing what I was about to do. "We'll interrogate!"

As I nodded, Sam grabbed my hand and said, "Try to keep up!" I grinned and allowed him to guide me through the crowd, occasionally using my free hand to push people out of the way. Most of them, thankfully, were smart enough to move when they saw a determined giant headed their way. "Back here!" Sam said, dragging me backstage, then through a door and up two flights of stairs. He released my hand and I found myself mourning the loss of contact.

I followed him down the deserted hallway and into an empty dressing room. "Hey, I'm wearing that shade!" I commented upon seeing Obadiah Wilson's name scrawled across the mirror in Maya's lipstick, and Sam chuckled.

He pulled the EMF meter from his pocket and it immediately started flashing and beeping. "EMF's going nuts," he said, seemingly to himself.

I shifted back and forth on my feet, grimacing as the stilettos rubbed blisters on my heels. _Okay, I can't deal with this anymore. Sorry, Ella. _

"Gimme a second," I said to Sam, propping my right foot up on the cushioned bench and starting to unbuckle the accursed shoe. "These heels are _killing _me."

As I propped up my left foot, the slit in my dress separated, falling on either side of my leg, and Sam let out a quiet groan. "I wish you'd stop doing that," he said, a pleading note to his voice.

"Doing what?" I asked as I fiddled with the clasp on my shoe.

"_That,_" he said vaguely, and a quick glance showed me that he was staring up at the ceiling, seemingly in an attempt to avoid looking at me. "You've been messing with me all day."

"Messing with you?" I asked innocently, dropping my shoes to the ground and standing up straight. I cocked my head to the side curiously and bit my lip in pretend confusion. I noticed excitedly that his eyes went immediately to my lips and he swallowed nervously. "How?"

"By doing…" He trailed off, trying to find the right word, then gestured wildly at me and said, "_Everything!"_

I walked up to him slowly and hooked my fingers through his belt loops, then looked at him from under my eyelashes and asked slyly, "You mean like this?" I rose up on tiptoes and briefly brushed my lips against his, grinning as he swallowed nervously again.

"Y—yes," he stuttered, closing his eyes and exhaling deeply. "Like this." I smirked and started to turn away, but he backed me up against the wall, his hands pressed against the plaster on either side of my head, and growled, "Stop doing it."

My heart rate picked up to hyper speed at his sudden forcefulness, and I found myself unable to think of a witty retort. For the first time that night, _he _was making _me _nervous, and I found I rather enjoyed the sudden turn of events.

After a minute, I regained control and smirked again. "You like it," I teased, but there was a slight, excited tremor under my confident, joking tone.

There was a small moment when we just stared at each other, both breathing hard and waiting to see who would make the first move.

It was Sam. He crushed his lips to mine fiercely, pinning me against the wall. My arms snaked around his neck and I rose up on tiptoes again, deepening the kiss even more. His arms went around my waist, almost lifting me off the floor and pulling me impossibly closer.

Suddenly, instead of feeling the wall behind me, I felt the velvety cushion of the dressing room's bench against my back. His hand slid up my thigh, pushing my dress up around my waist. His jacket was on the floor, his shirt unbuttoned, exposing his muscular stomach. His mouth strayed to my neck, kissing the hollow of my throat. A shiver of absolute pleasure went up my spine, and a small moan escaped me.

The next thing I knew, there was a loud thud and we were on the ground.

After staring at Sam in utter shock for about a minute, I busted out laughing, laying my head on his chest and shaking with silent mirth until tears ran down my face. After a minute, he started laughing, too, and I could feel it rumbling in his chest.

"Perhaps a haunted dressing room isn't the best place for this," I said finally, my laughter fading to one of my rare giggles. I wiped the tears from my eyes and sat up.

"Maybe not," he agreed with a lopsided grin, getting to his feet, then helping me to mine.

"Maybe we should try a hotel room next time," I suggested, shrugging and smiling mischievously.

"Sounds like a plan," he chuckled.

I laughed and attempted to smooth down my hair, then shivered a little. "Is is cold in—?" I started, then stopped abruptly as I realized what was happening. "_Fuck," _I cursed, and a little cloud of fog came out of my mouth.

At that, Sam threw his arm out in front of me protectively, pushing me behind him. An eerily beautiful woman appeared in front of us, looking oddly peaceful for a murderous ghost. "Why?" she asked quietly, moving closer to us. Her serene expression twisted up into a grotesque mask of fury. "_WHY?" _she shrieked.

Sam lunged for his previously forgotten shotgun and pulled the trigger just in time, showering the spirit with rock salt. "_Run!" _he yelled, locking his hand around my wrist and dragging me after him. We descended the stairs rapidly, finally bursting out of the backstage area and running straight into Dean and Ella.

"What the hell took you so long?" Dean snapped. "I was gettin' groped the whole time! Freakin' cougars…"

"He was!" Ella laughed happily. "It was _hilarious!"_ Dean shot her what was supposed to be a glare, but he just couldn't get mad at her.

"You find anything?" Dean asked us.

"Besides a bloodthirsty ghost?" I said. "Nope."

Ella gasped. "Y'all saw Emily?" she asked, her mouth hanging open in awe. "I spent every weekend up here my whole life and I _never _saw her! _So _not fair! Was she beautiful?"

"Before she tried to kill us, yeah, she was gorgeous," I said, a slight sarcastic tone to my voice that Ella was completely oblivious to.

"Y'all are all covered in dirt," she noted curiously. "And, Gari, what happened to your hair?"

I blanked, unable to think of an appropriate response. My cheeks burned furiously and I glanced at Sam, wordlessly pleading for help. He blushed a little, but with a surprisingly steady voice said, "We got thrown around. Emily's tougher than she looks. And, man, they really need to sweep the floors around here." I shot him a grateful look and started kicking myself for not being able to think of an excuse.

"Are y'all okay?" Ella asked worriedly. I nodded, relieved that she bought the lie. I glanced at Dean, wondering if he did, too. Despite looking faintly disgusted, he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and grinned at me. _Oh, God, _I thought, rolling my eyes. _Just great._

"Where is everybody?" Sam asked, looking around at the vacant building.

"It cleared out pretty quick," Dean said. "Any idea where Emily's buried?"

"Oh, I coulda told ya _that!" _Ella said with a giggle. "She's buried in an unmarked grave at Trinity!"

"Well, why didn't you tell us this _before?"_ I asked, annoyance making my words harsh.

"Sorry," Ella replied, unaffected. "Didn't think about it. So, ya wanna go now, or later, when we're not in floor-length dresses?"

"Let's get it over with," I sighed. "We already have everything we need in the trunk. Plus, I'll feel pretty badass committing arson in a fancy dress."

Ella laughed and nodded in agreement. "Then let's go!"

"Where's Trinity?" Sam asked her.

"Right outside the Square," she replied. "It's a big pink church. Can't miss it!"

Sam and Dean shared a look, clearly thinking, _Pink?_ They shrugged simultaneously and headed toward the door. Ella ran to catch up with Dean and Sam fell back a little to wait for me.

Right as Dean and Ella crossed the threshold, the doors slammed closed. They spun around, pulling on the door handles, as Sam and I tried fruitlessly to push the doors open. "It's no good," Sam told them through the glass. "Go burn her bones!" Dean nodded and started walking away, and, with a reluctant glance at me, Ella did the same.

"So, what now?" I asked, leaning up against one of the doors.

"Now we wait," Sam replied, tightening his hold on his shotgun. "She locked us in for a reason. She'll show up soon."

"Actresses are such divas," I said jokingly, and he grinned. I tilted my head back against the door and closed my eyes, wishing Dean and Ella would hurry up so we could leave this pathetic little town behind us. _If I never come back, _I thought, _it'll be too soon._

"She said it's an unmarked grave, right?" Sam asked.

"Yep."

"So, this is gonna take a while." He leaned against the door as well, and I could feel him watching me.

"I can think of a few ways to pass the time," I said slyly, opening my eyes to watch his reaction.

His cheeks turned slightly pink and he said teasingly, "I thought we were waiting for a hotel room?"

"Eh, I changed my mind," I replied. "I do that a lot."

"I noticed," he chuckled. Just then, the lights started flickering, finally going out completely. The moonlight coming through the windows illuminated just a few feet in front of us. "Shit," Sam hissed under his breath.

Emily appeared, looking just as beautiful as before. "Why?" she asked softly, staring up at Sam. "Why did you kill him?"

"I didn't kill him," Sam said calmly. "He was killed a century ago. There's no way it could've been me."

"_LIES!" _Emily screeched, her face becoming twisted and ugly. She shoved Sam forcefully, sending him flying back into the door, and the glass cracked where his head hit it. His shotgun skidded across the floor, stopping at my feet, and I hurriedly picked it up and fired at Emily, who disappeared.

I ran to Sam and knelt down beside him. "You okay?" I asked, and he groaned.

"Ow," he said, then his eyes widened. "Gari, behind you!" I fired at Emily again, then helped Sam to his feet.

"Here," I said, touching his head where it had hit the window and willing it to heal.

"Thanks," he said, and I nodded. "What the hell's taking them so long?"

Emily popped up again, this time right in front of me, and she knocked me out of the way. I threw my hand out to catch myself and suppressed an agonized yell as my left wrist cracked. I cradled it against my chest and slid away from Emily, who continued to advance on me. I looked around wildly for Sam, finally seeing him lying unconscious on the opposite side of the lobby.

Right as Emily leaned over me, she let out a shriek and went up in flames.

"It's about damn time!" I grumbled as I got to my feet and walked over to check on Sam again. I shook him roughly and his eyes popped open. "Today is just not your day, is it?" I teased, grinning, and he glared at me weakly. "Are you bleeding anywhere?"

"No, don't think so," he replied, pushing himself into a sitting position. "What's wrong?" he asked, stretching my arm out and touching my wrist gently.

I winced a little and said, "I think I broke it when I tried to catch myself." He rotated it slowly and I let out a gasp of pain. "Yep, definitely broken. I hope my whole 'advanced healing process' is still working. Otherwise, I'm stuck with a broken wrist because I can't fucking heal myself. Yet again, I am reminded of how much my powers s_uck."_

"Just a little," Sam said with a small grin. "But only to you."

I smiled back and said, "Let's get out of here." He nodded in agreement. "I cannot _wait _to put this town in my rearview mirror."

"I'm with you on that one," he said as he helped me to my feet. "Now let's see if we can get Ella to leave without insulting her."

"Sounds like a challenge," I said. "I accept."

He laughed and shook his head; then we walked out of the Opera House.


	22. This Is Ourselves Under Pressure

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

Ella had convinced Dean to stay in Abbeville for one more day, to my annoyance. I couldn't really blame her, though. She had a lot of good memories associated with the town.

I was playing solitaire on my laptop when Sam came in the room. "Where are Dean and Ella?" he asked as he sat down across from me at the wobbly table.

"Cemetery," I replied, and he raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Ella wanted to say goodbye."

"Who's Camilla?" he asked suddenly, and I stared at him nervously. _Ah, shit. _"She's Ella's sister, isn't she? She's what got Greg into hunting."

I sighed and closed my laptop. I knew that Ella would have told Dean by now—she was taking him to Camilla's grave, so he had to know the story—but I wasn't sure if she wanted to be the one to tell Sam, or if she would leave it up to me.

Propping my head on my hand, I looked at Sam and said, "Yeah, she is."

"Well, what happened?" he prompted eagerly, then he blushed a little and looked down at the table. "Sorry, I didn't… You don't have to tell me. I mean, I know it's personal, so…"

"No, it's not that. I just don't really know if Elle wanted to tell you herself. But it couldn't hurt, I guess." _Alright, looks like I talked myself into it. I hope Ella doesn't mind…_

"You don't have to tell me," he said again, softening his gaze and giving me a weakened form of his puppy dog eyes.

I sighed, shaking my head and smiling slightly as I marveled over the effect he had on me. _Of course I'm gonna tell you, Sammy. Don't I tell you everything? _

"First of all, their mom died giving birth to Elle." I jingled the bells on my bracelet nervously, trying to decide how to begin. "Camilla was killed by a werewolf," I said finally. "She was twelve years old, and Ella was ten. Ella saw it happen, and Greg came in right as it was about to jump her."

I found myself picturing the event as I spoke, just as I had the first time I heard the story.

Ella would've been shorter, but probably not by much. She had a slightly more babyish face, but it was still framed by untamed strawberry blonde curls that highlighted her wide sapphire blue eyes. I could see her walking into the room and finding the werewolf hunched over Camilla's body. The monster hadn't ripped Camilla open yet, like it was waiting for something. However, claw marks ran from Camilla's shoulders to her wrists, and she was lying in a pool of her own blood. I could hear Ella screaming and alerting the beast of her presence, yet also letting Greg know that something was terribly wrong.

"Greg didn't know how to kill it, of course," I continued. "He wounded it, but it got away. And it took Camilla with it." I pictured the werewolf grabbing Camilla and busting through the window, leaving behind nothing but shattered glass, a puddle of blood, and a broken family. "Greg never stopped hunting that son of a bitch, and he made it his job to gun down every evil thing he could find. He never found the werewolf…" I trailed off as my eyes started watering, and I swallowed deeply and stared at the table.

"Gari, I'm sorry," Sam said softly. "I shouldn't have asked."

I ignored his remark, still staring down at the table, and said, "Ella went crazy when he died. She was always after that werewolf, dragging me all over the country to find it. She's scary when she's obsessed. I guess that's one of the reasons I hated John so much, even besides the obvious."

The atmosphere turned tense all of a sudden, and I knew why. Sam knew I was getting close to further explaining my hatred for his father. "Elle's obsessive nature reminded me of his, and I couldn't bear the thought of her ending up like him, and getting people killed for it."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Sam's direction. "What are you talking about?" he asked urgently. "Gari, what d'you mean? You told me Dad was basically responsible for Greg's death, but how…?"

"I'm surprised at you, Sammy," I said with a bittersweet smile. "I thought you would've figured it out by now." He leaned toward me, confusion and worry etched on his face. "John killed him, Sammy. He wasn't just responsible for it, he _did _it."

"How?" he asked tersely.

"Greg was possessed. He'd never come across demons before, didn't even know they were real, so there's no way he could've protected himself. John had the Colt, and he took the shot."

"But _why?_ Why wouldn't he exorcise him? Dad wouldn't just shoot without trying anything!"

"Yeah, well, you dunno who the demon was," I said quietly, biting my lip.

"Well, who was—?" Sam stopped abruptly, his mouth hanging open in shock as realization hit him.

"It was Azazel," I confirmed. "I didn't know it then, all I knew was he had yellow eyes. Then, when Britt told me about him, I realized he was the one."

"How did you know he had yellow eyes?" he asked, dread and pity filling his voice.

"'Cause I saw the whole thing." I stared down at my hands and twisted them around in my lap. "I was supposed to stay in the car, but I was reckless and cocky and thought I could help. I got there right before John pulled the trigger."

"But… but then Azazel should've died!" Sam said angrily, slamming his hand down on the table, and I flinched, then hesitantly placed my hand on top of his and glanced up at him, frowning at the frustration on his face.

"No, he made it out just in time. John shot Greg in the gut. It wasn't fatal enough to kill a demon, but it sure was fatal enough to kill a human. Greg bled out before we could even move him. He died in my arms. I've hated John ever since."

I wiped my eyes hurriedly, before any more tears could escape. "Sorry, I just never really talk about it, y'know? The only time Elle and I ever discussed it was right after it happened. She doesn't know that I saw it. John told her the story, but left out the part about me. And to think, if she had disobeyed Greg like I did and had gotten out of the car, she'd have seen him die, too. I can't imagine how broken she'd be."

Sam sat back in his chair, obviously trying to think of something to say. He finally started, "Gari, I—"

"I'm sorry," I interrupted him, and his shock at my seemingly random apology stopped him midsentence. I looked up at him and bit my lip. _I never thought I would ever say this._ "For always insulting John. And for taking my hatred for him out on you and Dean. He was your father, and he was a good man. He was just devoted to the cause, I guess. Just like all the others."

"That's no excuse," Sam said, frowning deeply. "That's at least two deaths he's responsible for, and we seem to follow in his footsteps. Because of him, Bill Harvelle and Greg died. And because of us, Jo and Ellen are dead, too. Maybe we really are cursed. And if the whole family theme keeps on, you and Ella could be next."

"Don't say that, Sammy!" I said fiercely, tightening my grip on his hand as he tried to pull away. "You aren't cursed—that's just ridiculous! You are _so _much better than John. He was a good man, but he let his hatred get in the way. _You _don't. You know there are more important things in the world than just ridding it of evil."

"You should've seen me after Jess died," he said quietly. _Jess? _"My girlfriend," he clarified, noticing the confusion on my face. "I was just like him, and I _hated _it. Everyone always says that Dean is just like Dad, but that's a lie. It's me. I'm the one who gets obsessive; I'm the one who's blind to everything but the cause."

"If that was the case, you wouldn't be here right now," I reminded him, a small smile playing on my lips.

He froze, at a loss for words. Finally, he gave a small laugh. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"When are you gonna learn?" I teased. "I'm _always _right."

He chuckled again and gazed at me thoughtfully. "Thanks," he said.

"No problem." Sam smiled a little, but it soon faded. "Sammy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said a little too quickly.

I raised my eyebrows skeptically, but didn't push it. If it was important, he'd eventually tell me. "So, I've got a question," I said.

He fidgeted uncomfortably. "Yeah?"

"What's the deal with the Horsemen? Why are you guys hunting them? I mean, I get that they're evil and need to be killed, but it seems like you have an ulterior motive or something."

"Oh," he said quietly. "That." It seemed I had reached the subject he had just been trying to avoid. I stared at him expectantly, and he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "The Horsemen each have a ring that gives them their power. Supposedly, the rings can be used to open Lucifer's cage in Hell. We're gonna get him to the edge and shove him back in."

"You're serious?" I said disbelievingly. "And you _really _think that'll work?"

He slid his hand away from mine and dropped it into his lap. Warning bells went off in my head and dread pooled in my stomach. _Oh, God. This _can't _be good._

"_I _don't," he said at last. "And, really, Dean doesn't either. He just wants to."

"So, then, new plan," I said with a shrug, trying to keep the apprehension from my voice. He was about to say something devastating; I just knew it.

"I have one."

"_And?" _I prompted. "What is it?" _Maybe I shouldn't have asked…_

"You can't tell Dean." The bad feeling kept getting stronger, even more so at that statement. _If he's keeping it from Dean, it _has _to be something bad. _I nodded slowly, though my telling Dean kind of depended on the information. Sam sighed again and shifted in his chair. Taking a deep breath, he looked at me and said, "I'm gonna say yes to Lucifer, and I'm gonna gain control and jump in."

In that moment, I could practically _see _my world crashing down around me. So many things had happened lately that had made me realize how much I cared for Sam. _I love him. _The realization hit me like a freight train. The thought scared me, especially since I had never believed in love before, not when it came to actually being _in love _with someone. Yet, here I was, falling head over heels for Sam Winchester. And, if he went through with his whole suicide mission, I was never going to see him again. There would be no coming back from that, not even for him.

I opened and closed my mouth repeatedly, trying to protest, but no sound came out. _He _can't _be serious; he _can't_! _I thought desperately. _There's no _way_! _

"N—no," I finally stuttered out. "No, Sammy, you can't!"

"I _have _to, Gari; don't you get it?" Sam said pleadingly, getting to his feet. "I started this—all of it! _I _let Lucifer out! I've gotta be the one to put him back in!"

"Sam, no! Please don't—!"

He slammed his hands down on the table in frustration and I shrank back in my chair. "Dammit, Gari!" he exclaimed. "You've gotta understand! I want you with me on this!"

"Sam," I said softly, "I'm with you on everything." I stood up slowly and crossed my arms over my chest, as if I could defend myself against whatever he was going to say. "But not this. This is _crazy, _Sam! You can't—!"

"So, what?" he interrupted angrily. "You don't think I'm strong enough or something? Y'know, you really _are _just like Dean." His voice was thick with disgust, but his bottomless eyes betrayed the hurt he was feeling.

"It's not that!" I protested, finally getting mad. "Why d'you _always _jump to that? I _know _you're strong enough, Sam, and so does Dean! And it _terrifies _us 'cause you know it, too!"

Sam came around the table and glared down at me. "Then what's the problem?" he asked, a small hint of actual confusion under his angry tone.

I laughed mirthlessly and threw my hands in the air. "Are you _serious?" _I exclaimed disbelievingly. I momentarily debated sharing my new revelation with him, but decided against it. Wasn't that kind of personal thing supposed to be shared in some kind of romantic setting or something?

"D'you not _see _how much Dean depends on you? How much _I _depend on you? How much we _care? _If you say yes to Lucifer and jump in the hole, we lose you. _Forever." _I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down. During my rant, papers had flown all over the room and the alarm clock had started beeping loudly. I closed my eyes momentarily, then opened them and said forcefully, "_That _is the problem, Sam. _Losing you _is the problem."

He looked away from me guiltily and simply said, "Oh."

"Yeah, so, think of another plan," I snapped. "One that _doesn't _involve your death."

"Gari, that's the only plan we've got," he said, the stubbornness back in his voice, and he glared down at me again.

"Sam, I—"

Just then, there was a knock on the door, and we both jumped. I started to move toward the door, knowing it was Dean and Ella, but Sam grabbed my arms tightly and held me in place.

"Gari, listen to me," he growled urgently. "You have to promise you won't tell Dean. I'll tell him eventually, but _not now._" I stared up at him blankly, taking trembling breaths and trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. _I was never this emotionally unstable before I met him. _He shook me roughly, a desperate and slightly wild look in his eyes. "_Promise me!"_

I didn't know what to do. I knew he could stop Lucifer, and I knew he was the _only_ one who could. While he was selflessly offering up his life to save the world, I was selfishly thinking only of what I would be losing if he did.

I pressed my lips together and exhaled shakily. "O—okay, Sammy," I whispered, my voice catching. "I promise."

Dean and Ella knocked on the door again, but we ignored it.

His expression softened and he loosened his grip on me. He frowned deeply, and I wondered what was coming next. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, and I realized that he was mad at himself for getting mad at me. "I just… I have to do this, Garideth. Please understand. Please."

"I—I do, Sam," I admitted reluctantly, and it was the truth. "I understand. I hate it. But if you think it's up to you, if this is what you really want, I understand."

"Thank you," he said, sounding extremely relieved.

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head in his chest. "You're welcome," I mumbled, and he chuckled a little. He held me close and rubbed his hand in small circles on my back, trying to convey the strength and sincerity of his apology. I refused to think about losing him anymore, instead deciding to just focus on being with him and living in the moment.

Dean must have finally gotten fed up and picked the lock, for he and Ella entered the room not five seconds later. Sam and I didn't break apart—I wasn't planning on letting him go for about, oh, the rest of my life.

"Thanks for letting us in!" Dean said agitatedly.

"We were waitin' out there for ages!" Ella added.

When neither of us responded, Dean said, "_Hello? _You can untangle now! Getting kinda uncomfortable, here!"

At that, I started laughing and finally released Sam. "You okay, Elle?" I asked her, and she nodded.

"It was nice seein' them again," she said with a sad smile, and Dean placed his arm around her shoulders.

"So, are we leaving tomorrow?" Sam asked.

"That's the plan," Dean replied.

"Let's go eat tonight, then!" Ella said. "I wanna take y'all to the Village Grill! It's the best restaurant _ever!"_

Sam and I shared a long, meaningful glance, then looked back at Ella. "Sure, babe," I said, smiling slightly. "Whatever you want."

As Ella squealed with delight, I started thinking about my conversation with Sam again. _There _has_ to be another way. _But as I thought it, something in my gut told me that there wasn't, and I had learned by now that my instinct, no matter what it was telling me, was _never _wrong.

I twined my fingers through Sam's and squeezed his hand tightly, plastering on a smile for Ella so she could enjoy her last night in her hometown.


	23. My Heart Is Chained To You

**I don't know if you've noticed, but each chapter name comes from a song, whether it's the song name or just a line in the song. This one, for example, is a line from the song "Not Strong Enough" by Apocalyptica featuring Brent Smith. It's also where I got the title _I'm Not Strong Enough to Stay Away_. If you go to my profile, you'll find a complete list of the songs that I used for chapters and titles. This also applies to my one-shots and my Castiel story. Just putting that out there.**

**Also, the song in this chapter is none other than "Not Strong Enough."**

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

"That was Bobby," Dean said as he snapped his phone shut. "He's got a lead on Pestilence. Sorta."

"So… you're leavin' again?" Ella asked dejectedly.

"Not tonight," he replied, sitting down beside her on their bed. "Tomorrow, though, yeah. Will you two be okay hitching a ride back to Bobby's?"

I glanced at Sam and saw the pleading look on his face, then looked back at Dean. "Yeah, sure," I said exasperatedly.

"Why can't we come with y'all?" Ella asked plaintively, and Dean sighed.

"We told you; we're not getting the two of you mixed up in this," he replied. "Right, Sammy?"

Sam nodded, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, then asked, "So, we have anything good? Or is this gonna be another wild goose chase?"

Dean ran a hand over his face. "I dunno," he said, his voice muffled. "Bobby said something about _Crowley _trying to help. Not so sure how eager I am to accept it again, after last time."

"Ellen and Jo," Sam said at the question on my face, and I nodded in understanding.

"What?" Ella asked.

Dean shot Sam a death glare, then turned to Ella. "Crowley gave us the Colt and told us it would kill Lucifer. But it didn't work. He claims he didn't know it wouldn't work, but he's a demon, so…"

"Anyway, two of our friends, Ellen and Jo Harvelle, died trying to help us," Sam finished.

"Harvelle?" Ella asked. "Like, Harvelle's Roadhouse?" Sam nodded. "I used to _love _that place!"

"Only 'cause you and Ash had a thing," I muttered, giving her a sly grin.

Sam busted out laughing at the look on his brother's face. "_What?_" Dean spluttered. "_You _and _Ash _had a _thing?"_

Ella blushed and hid her face in her hands. "It was only for a few months! And it was just sex!"

"_Just _sex?" Dean repeated bewilderedly, and I began to laugh, too.

"Hey, don't be a hypocrite!" Ella snapped back, her mouth in a small pout. "You're the biggest whore that's ever been!"

Dean's expression was priceless. I was doubled over from laughing so hard, my arms wrapped around my stomach, and I couldn't see myself stopping any time soon. "Guys," I gasped out, "Guys, please! Please stop! I—I can't breathe!"

The two of them turned to glare at me, and I fell off the edge of the bed, still laughing. I looked up through watery eyes and saw Dean crack a smile. Ella started to giggle, then it turned into full-blown snorts of laughter.

"Okay, yeah, fine, I'm a whore," Dean relented. "But I never had a thing for mullets!"

"But, c'mon!" Ella giggled. "It's the best of both worlds: all business in the front, party in the back! There's no _way _I could resist that!"

"Dr. Badass _did _have a way with the ladies," I added, finally catching my breath.

"'_Dr. Badass?'_" Sam echoed confusedly.

"Yeah, the sign on his door, remember?" I said. "It was like, 'Dr. Badass is IN.' And you could change it to OUT, too. It was cool. I wanted it."

"We saw him in Heaven," Dean said suddenly. "He saved us from Zach. He was wearing a luchador mask and a cape. It was pretty awesome."

"And the fact that he could navigate his way around everyone else's Heavens didn't make the 'Awesome' list?" Sam said, rolling his eyes.

"I was getting to that!" Dean said defensively, and Ella and I laughed.

Sitting on the floor and staring up at the three of them, I realized just how lucky I was.

The _Apocalypse _was going on around us, and here we were, joking around like nothing was wrong. I could try to pretend we were normal people goofing off, but it lessened the meaning of the situation. For once, I was thinking of what could happen to us all and not feeling sad in the least, unable to in the atmosphere that was surrounding me at the moment.

_Only us, _I thought happily, trying to hide my sappy smile. _Only us._

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"Dean and Ella are taking a walk," Sam said as he entered the motel room. "She wanted to show him around before we—What's wrong?" he asked, noticing my position.

I was sitting on the edge of our bed with my back to the door and my legs held to my chest by my arms, my chin resting on my knees, and listening to Abbeville's local rock station on the alarm clock/radio.

I looked at him over my shoulder, forcing a smile. "Nothing," I said unconvincingly, then turned to stare at the wall again.

"Yeah, right," he said, and I jumped, the closeness of his voice startling me. I hadn't realized he'd moved.

I didn't reply. I heard the opening notes of the song "Not Strong Enough" by Apocalyptica and reached over to turn up the radio, a childishly giddy smile on my face that soon faded. "This is my current favorite song," I told Sam, and I leaned up against him, mouthing the words. As the refrain was about to start, I said, "Listen to this part. It's important. And it's the best."

_There's nothing I can do!_

_My heart is chained to you,_

_And I can't get free…_

_Look what this love's done to me!_

"I like it," Sam said as the song ended. "I never listen to this stuff. Dean made a rule when I got back with him: 'Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.' Something like that."

I laughed. "That sounds like him."

"Why is it important?"

"It's not, really. It's kinda stupid, actually. Like something Bella Swan would do." He raised his eyebrows curiously. "Never mind," I said, smiling, then I frowned. "Just forget it."

"No, seriously," he persisted. "I promise I won't laugh."

I scrutinized him closely, making sure he was telling the truth, then sighed. He grinned triumphantly, and a smile reluctantly spread across my face.

"When I first decided I didn't hate you—no, when I first decided I liked you—well, more than just liked—this song made me think of you, especially the refrain. Cheesy, I know." I looked down and let my hair hide the blush that was burning my cheeks.

"Just a little," Sam teased. He pushed my hair back behind my ear and I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. "It's not. Really." I noticed that he was faintly blushing, too. _Well, that wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be._

I turned the radio back down and leaned on him again. He put his arm around me and I closed my eyes, content to stay like this for as long as possible. "Gari, what's wrong?" he asked again, but softly, like he was afraid of what I would say.

"Dean's going to fall apart when you leave. You haven't even told him yet," I said, my voice a mere whisper. "And Ella's going to because of him, and even more when he sends her away. And you know he will. She always gets so attached to everyone."

"And what about you?" There was a faint trace of dread in his voice, and I couldn't bring myself to speak for a minute.

"I'll leave them," I managed finally, and as I spoke the words, I was certain that they were the absolute truth. "I'll shut down my emotions to deal with it, and Elle will freak and try to comfort me. You _know _how much worse that makes it; I won't be able to take it. So I'll leave, and try to forget, and just keep fighting, and try not to lose it."

A silence descended upon us, only disturbed by the low-playing Korn song coming from the radio. _Jonathan Davis's voice does _not _fit the moment… _

"You're not gonna try to bring me back?" Sam asked at last, surprise thinly veiled under his casual tone.

I opened my eyes. "Only if you want me to," I replied, shrugging a little. "I figured you wouldn't."

"Oh," he said, sounding even more surprised. "You're right; I don't want you to. 'Cause then I'd have to get you outta there, and we'd just go back and forth sacrificing ourselves for each other."

"Not a very healthy relationship." I said dryly.

"Nope."

"I keep telling myself, 'We can find another way; we've got time.' But we don't, do we? There _is _no other way, or if there is, we don't have the time to find it. After Pestilence, all you have to deal with is Death. Looks like the end of the road."

"If only Dean were so accepting," Sam said wistfully. _He doesn't get it—I'm not accepting, I'm just… resigned. Hopeless. Defeated._

"They all know us so well," he continued. "They know we'll do anything to save each other, no matter what. I feel like they're counting on Dean to show up, that they've already marked him as dead. Lucifer told me that the only reason Dean is still alive is because he knows I'll never say yes if he kills him. But I know that as soon as I say yes, if I can't control Lucifer, Dean will be the first to die. And I dunno what to _do._" He ran a hand through his shaggy hair and sighed, staring down at the floor. "I dunno what to do…"

I sat up and stared at him for a second, then said, "You do whatever you think is right, Sam. I don't want you to go—I don't know what I—_we'll—_do, but I know you're going regardless. And you have every right to. It's your choice, and if you think it is, then it's your responsibility, too. I know I said I understand, and I do—kinda. I understand that you feel responsible for this, but I don't understand why you seem so _willing _to sacrifice yourself_. _But I'm trying to, and that's why I'm not gonna to try to stop you. You know what you're capable of better than anyone else, and I trust you more than anyone, even more than Ella—she's too easily persuaded. I'm prepared to follow you every step of the way and to kick Dean's ass into submission, too."

I kissed him softly, letting my lips linger on his for a moment longer than I had planned. I pulled away finally and said, "So just make sure this is what you really want, and not just something that you feel obligated to do. I wouldn't wanna lose you for that."

He gazed at me thoughtfully, and it was all I could do not to break down in tears and throw myself on him, never to let him go. _Wouldn't you know it, _I thought dryly. _The only guy I've ever loved is destined to bring about the end of the world as Lucifer's vessel, and he's willingly giving in to gain control and lock himself and Satan away for all of eternity._ _Nice work, Gari. _

"I… I do want this," Sam said, but he didn't sound so sure. "I want him gone, and I want… You don't get it… The guilt… Gari, I can't… I have to fix this."

"No, Sammy, you don't!" I protested. This was the response I was afraid of, knowing that his guilt for letting Lucifer out was the main reason he wanted to be the one to stop it. "We can leave it up to someone else!"

"Gari, I—"

"Honestly, Sam!" I interrupted. "Why d'you and Dean feel like everything is your fault, and you're the only ones who can do anything about it? Leave it up to Heaven; make _God _come out of hiding!" I didn't mean to say the name with so much disgust, but it was habit—even more so now that I knew He was real, but that He just didn't care. "You two are only human! If He's so high and mighty, why doesn't He just get His almighty ass down here and _do _something about this awful, fucked up mess we're in?"

"I know," Sam agreed. "But no one else knows what's going on. We're the only people who do."

"Besides those paranoid, misled idiots following the Whore of Babylon," I muttered.

"True…"

"Well, let _them_ deal with it!" I yelled angrily, leaping up from the bed and clenching my fists. I couldn't hold it in any longer. All the fury that I had been feeling finally exploded out, shaking the room and causing the pictures to fall off the wall. To my surprise, it didn't faze Sam in the least. "_They _have faith! _They _believe we'll win, with _God's_ divine help! Let _them _have their perfect faith and trust and go kill themselves off for _God!"_

I glared up at the ceiling, which was now cracked and snowing plaster down on us, and threw my arms out to my sides. "Feel free to strike me down if I piss you off!" I snarled. "Or do you not _care _about that, either?"

"Gari, please," Sam said, grabbing my hand and pulling me back down beside him.

"I don't wanna lose you, Sam," I said, clutching his hand for dear life.

"Yeah, I know. And I don't want you to. But there's no other way."

"Sam, I—" I stopped myself from what I was about to say. Something in my head kept telling me, _Not yet._

"What?"

"Never mind," I said dejectedly. "I was just going to rant some more." He grinned and opened his mouth to say something, but I pointed at him warningly. "If you tell me I'm cute when I'm angry, so help me, I will _murder _you."

"Alright, alright," he chuckled, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Can we just… not tell Ella and Dean about any of my freaking out? I don't wanna spoil Ella's mood."

"Sure. You okay now?"

I laughed mirthlessly. "What d'you think?" I said scathingly, and Sam grinned again. "Y'know what, I'm gonna be all optimistic like Ella and 'live in the now!'" I made air-quotes around the words and pasted a huge smile on my face.

"Okay, stop," Sam laughed. "That's just scary."

My face fell. "Yeah, I know," I pretended to pout. "Pessimism is more my strong suit."

He chuckled and said, "You wanna go find Dean and Ella? They were walking to the Square."

"Sure," I said, and I got to my feet. "But let's take the Impala, please. I wanna drive it."

"It's your funeral," Sam said with a laugh as he picked up the keys from the table and tossed them to me.

"Well, before Dean can kill me, he has to catch me." I jangled the keys happily as we left the room. "And I'm the one with the vehicle," I said deviously.

I took off running for the sleek black car and slid into the driver's side. "Sex on wheels," I sighed happily, caressing the steering wheel, and Sam shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. _Live in the moment, _I thought as I cranked up the car and we sped off.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

That night, lying next to Sam, I had the first peaceful sleep I'd had since I couldn't remember when.


	24. I Believe In Yesterday

**The song Gari sings to Ella is "Yesterday" by the Beatles. It's also what the title of this chapter is taken from.**

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

When I woke up, I felt like something was missing. I instinctively reached out to Sam, only to discover that he was no longer there. _Oh. That explains it. _

The second it sank in that he was gone, all of my dark thoughts began seeping back into my head.

They were going after Pestilence, so that meant only Death was left. Our time was up. Once they got Death's ring, Sam would carry out his plan, no matter what Dean said or did, and he would be gone forever. Even though I knew he would come back to say goodbye, there was already an ache in my chest whenever he was any distance away from me. _That's great. I'm already losing it._

"Dean?" Ella called suddenly, her baby voice thick with sleep, jolting me out of my thoughts.

"They're gone, Elle," I told her, opening my eyes and staring at her across the dark room.

"Oh," she said sadly. She sat up and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "They didn't even say goodbye…"

I got up and went over to her, sitting down on the bed and hugging her tightly. "They probably just didn't wanna cause a scene. You know we always throw bitch fits when they leave," I said as I petted her hair soothingly. "Besides, they'll be back," I added with more confidence than I felt. "They always come back. We're just too irresistible."

"I know," Ella said quietly, my futile attempt at humor completely ignored. "But what if they don't? Ya know they're not gonna let us help them with Lucifer. They're gonna be out there all alone. How're they s'posed to fight him and live? What if they don't come back?"

I didn't reply, unable to answer her question. _No, Dean has a chance,_ I wanted to say, _but Sam doesn't. _I wanted to tell her _so _badly, but I knew that she would tell Dean, and Sam didn't want him to know yet.

"Gari, what're you hidin' from me?" she asked, and I froze.

"Nothing, babe," I lied quickly.

She sat up and stared at me, cocking an eyebrow skeptically. "Yeah, right. I know ya better than anyone. I can tell when you're not tellin' me somethin'. You and Sam are keepin' secrets."

I stared back at her, searching my mind wildly for some bullshit story to tell her, but coming up with nothing. "You can't tell Dean." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. _That's a promising start. Copy Sam's words from when he told you. 'Cause you took it _so _well._

She hesitated, then nodded slowly. "Alright," she said finally. "You're the only one who could make me keep secrets from him, y'know."

I nodded. "I know. And I'm sorry I'm making you. But I'm not supposed to say anything, either. In fact, Sam would probably kill me if he knew I told you."

Ella giggled a little, then became serious at the distraught look on my face. "They're going after Horsemen. The rings that give the Horsemen their power can be used together to reopen Lucifer's cage in Hell."

Ella looked shocked, but she just said, "Okay. Suicide mission. Okay." She squeezed her eyes shut for a minute, trying not to cry. "So what's the secret?" she continued shakily.

I bit my lip in hesitation. _He's gonna kill me, _I thought. _But _technically, _I only promised not to tell Dean. Fuck, he's gonna kill me._

"Sam is gonna say yes to Lucifer," I said at last.

"Do _what?" _Ella exclaimed, her eyes wide with disbelief and terror.

"He's gonna gain control, and he's gonna jump in."

"D'you really think he's str—?"

"Don't you _dare_ finish that sentence!" I snapped angrily. "He is _completely _strong enough. I have all the faith in the _world_ in him. He can _definitely_ do this."

Ella stared at me for a long time, and finally my fierce defensiveness faded and I closed my eyes.

"So he's gonna sacrifice himself to save the world?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"And he hasn't told Dean yet?"

"Nope."

"And ya really think it'll work?"

"Yeah, Elle, I do," I answered, finally looking back up at her. "And so does he. With this plan, we have a chance."

"So… so when I was freakin' out about them not comin' back…?" She trailed off, sounding guilty and uncomfortable.

"Yeah, he won't," I said with a nod. For some reason, no tears formed in my eyes. I was devastated beyond belief, but I guess I had worried and cried over it so much that I just couldn't anymore. "This time, yeah, but next time…"

"Gari," she said plaintively, hugging me close to her. I could feel her tears spilling onto my shoulder. "I didn't mean to—I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay, babe," I replied softly. "You didn't know. But Dean _will _come back. Lucifer knows that Sam will never say yes if Dean dies. He'll live." _But Sam won't._

"What're ya gonna do?" she asked me, sniffling. "When Sam's gone? How will ya—?"

"Cope?" I finished for her. "I'm not totally sure, Elle," I said, and it was partially true. "But, y'know, I'll manage. I always do." I bit my lip again, for this time, tears started brimming in my eyes.

"Are you still tired?" I asked. "It's 6:00 a.m.; we can sleep some more."

"I dunno if I can," she mumbled, her voice muffled by tears and the fact that her face was still buried in my hair.

"Sure you can," I said, making her lie down and laying her head on my shoulder. "We can stay in town a little while longer, if you want."

"No, I wanna go. This place brings back too many memories. I feel… shadows… everywhere."

"Shadows?" I asked, immediately catching on to her reference.

"Ghosts," she replied with a sigh as she closed her eyes. "Hey, Gari?"

"Yeah, Elle?"

"Ya remember that night Dad was gone on a hunt and he left us alone in that motel room and I had a nightmare 'bout Milla?"

I recalled the night perfectly, down to the fact that she was wearing her old Beatles t-shirt and her Pink Panther pajama pants. The shirt was still in the bottom of her suitcase. I'd caught her sleeping with it after Greg died.

"Yeah, Elle, what about it?"

"Will ya sing me a lullaby, like ya did then?" She sounded nervous asking me, but I didn't know why. I'd do anything to make her feel better.

"Sure, Elle," I said, kissing her forehead, my own voice cracking a little as I picked up on the devastation in her innocent voice. "_Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now, it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday..."_

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"Yeah, Jess, it's safe now," Ella said into her cell phone. "Yeah, we caught him. No, tell Dev it _wasn't _a ghost; don't get her hopes up. 'Kay, I'll try to come back soon. I'll miss y'all, too." I motioned for her to hand me the phone, and she said, "Hey, Jess, Gari wants the phone."

I took the device and put it to my ear, saying, "Hey, Jess, can I talk to Devon? I have to ask her something."

"Sure," Jess said.

"Gari? It's Devon!" The older sister sounded super excited to hear from me, and I smiled warmly into the phone.

"Hey, Dev, I gotta ask you something."

"Sure, anything!"

"Those _Supernatural _books… What are they about?"

That particular subject had been bothering me since we first heard about the books from the sisters and saw Sam and Dean's reaction. Sam had confirmed that the books _were _about them and said he would tell me more about them later, but he hadn't yet.

"Oh, it's about these two brothers who travel the country hunting supernatural creatures," Devon replied happily. "They take place over about three years. The first year is mainly about finding their father, the second deals with Sam's psychic powers, and the third deals with the year leading up to Dean going to Hell. Carver Edlund may not be the best writer, but he's a freaking _genius! _I've read the series about a million times, and I never get tired of it! I still cry every time one of them dies, too!"

"Wait, what?" I asked, surprised. Castiel had told Ella and me that the boys had died before, but I had been skeptical. And when Devon had said that Dean went to Hell, it didn't really register with me at first. "If they die, shouldn't the series end?"

"Oh, no," Devon said matter-of-factly. "They sell their souls for each other to bring the other back—well, Dean did for Sam. I dunno what Sam is gonna do to get Dean outta Hell, seeing as Edlund stopped writing. It's kinda complicated to explain." _Yes, Sam and Dean have _a lot _to tell us about… _

"I love them so much that I've got two copies of each!" Devon rambled. "One hardback and one paperback! If you want to, you can borrow the paperback copies!"

"Y'know, thanks, but I'm a bit too busy for reading right now," I said. "But maybe I'll go out and buy them when I get the chance."

"Sounds great!" Devon exclaimed. "They're little-known, so they're kinda hard to find. I got mine online. And don't let the low popularity fool you—not many people know about them, but the people who do are the most loyal followers since Star Wars!"

"Thanks, Dev," I laughed. "I'll try to find them."

"Okay! Get in touch with me if you do! I wanna know what you think!"

"Sure. I'll give the phone to Ella now. Nice meeting you, Devon."

"You, too!" she said as I passed the phone back to Ella.

"Dev, yeah, it's me," Ella said with a smile. "Course I will! I said I would, didn't I? I know, I'm gonna miss ya, too! Alright, bye, Dev!" Ella hung up the phone and looked at me, bittersweet emotion in her eyes. "I really am gonna miss them," she told me.

"I know," I said. "We'll come back someday. Sooner than twelve years from now."

Ella giggled and nodded. "Good!" She looked around the room, apparently feeling the lack of the boys' presence as much as I was. "Ya wanna go now?"

"Yeah, I'm tired of this room. It's too lonely."

"Yeah, it is."

Just then, my phone rang. "Hello?" I said into the mouthpiece.

"Gari?"

"Dean? Why are you calling me? Ella's phone is on." Ella stared at me, eyes wide with confusion, and I returned the look. _It's gotta be about Sam._

There was a slight hesitation on the other end. "It's Sam," Dean said, confirming my theory.

"Yeah, what about him?" I asked, careful to keep my voice as neutral as possible, knowing that if I started to freak out without even knowing what was wrong, I wouldn't be able to calm down.

"It's… ah… Look, I'll give you the details when you get here," he rushed out. "Just… just hurry up and get here."

"Get _where, _Dean? What's going on?"

"Did you _really _have to call the witch?" I heard a bored voice say. Whoever it was had an accent that sounded like a cross between British and Scottish.

"Who's that?" I asked, somehow knowing the answer before he said it.

"Um, that's Crowley," Dean said, sounding uncomfortable. "Y'know, the demon who—"

"Yeah, I know," I interrupted. "Just tell me where to meet you, and we'll be there as soon as possible. And Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"_Please _don't be planning something that could potentially jeopardize your brother's sanity. 'Cause if you are, I will not hesitate to kick your ass."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Ella and I arrived at the destination before Dean.

Honestly, I had no clue where we were. After about five minutes of listening to Crowley and Dean argue over the best way to get to a certain one of Crowley's hideouts, I had passed the phone to Ella. (I had never been all that great with directions.)

She had then insisted that, instead of hitchhiking, we should steal a car so we could set our own desired pace. It was a very inconspicuous black Toyota Camry, and we had taken it from a used car sale lot, so _technically, _it didn't belong to anyone.

I jumped out of the car before it came to a full stop and jetted to the door of the abandoned house.

I hammered on the door vigorously until Sam opened it, a look of shock on his face. "Gari?" he said confusedly. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll let you know when I do," I replied, pushing my way past him inside the building. It was pretty decrepit, which surprised me. Demons were usually a little fancy, and what little I knew about Crowley made me expect something much better from him. "All I know is Dean called and told me and Ella he'd meet us here soon." I followed Sam up the stairs and leaned against the wall.

"Why're y'all workin' with Crowley?" Ella called as she entered the house. She joined us in the room and looked at Sam curiously. "He's the one who got Ellen and Jo killed, ain't he? How're y'all trustin' him?"

"We're _not _trusting him," Sam said adamantly. "We're just using him. He's our last hope at getting the Horsemen rings."

"And why is Dean with him and you're here alone?" I asked.

Sam sighed in frustration. "Apparently, he doesn't like me or trust me and he's tired of me always trying to kill him." He ticked the points off on his fingers, then ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I can't say I blame him."

I laughed a little, coaxing a reluctant half-smile from him. "How long have you been waiting?"

"I dunno. A few hours, I guess. Feels like years."

"He'll make it back, alright? Stop worrying so much," I assured him with more conviction than I felt.

Suddenly, we heard the roar of the Impala and all jumped to our feet. "He's back!" Ella exclaimed, relief flooding her features.

"Told you so," I shot at Sam, and he grinned.

We all went back downstairs into a side room and saw who could only have been Crowley. "Ah, so the little witch is here," the demon said, giving me a once-over with contempt-filled eyes.

He completely ignored Ella, instead smirking at me in a way that clearly stated that he knew something I didn't. I felt the slightest bit of panic, but dismissed it quickly, reasoning, _There's probably a hell of a lot of things he knows that I don't. It doesn't mean it's personal._ But the way he looked at me _felt _personal.

Sam's eyes darted to me for a split second, then he looked back at Crowley. "Where's Dean?" he asked.

"Now…" Crowley said, "for the record, I'm against this. Negotiating a high-level defection—It's very delicate business."

"What are you talking about?"

"I begged Dean not to come back. We should be miles away… from _you,_" the demon said, and I wondered if he could ever answer a straight question. "He replied with a colorful rejoinder about my 'corn chute.'" Sam scoffed, and Crowley continued. "So, go ahead. Go—ruin our last, best hope. It's only the end of the world."

Sam pushed past Crowley to get back to the main room of the house, and Ella and I followed. Ella let out a small sigh of relief when she saw Dean, and if he hadn't been in the process of tying a hooded someone to a chair, I knew she would've attacked him with one of her spine-crushing hugs.

Dean looked up and saw us standing there. He nodded at me, in what seemed to be a grateful way. Why he was thanking me, I didn't know, but I smiled the slightest bit in acknowledgement.

"Sam," he said as he laid eyes on his brother. His tone was wary, and I had a sinking feeling that whoever was under that hood was the reason he had called me.

"What's going on, Dean?" Sam asked, staring at the hooded figure in confusion.

"I need you to stay on mission, okay? _Focused."_

"I don't understand." Sam looked at his brother, seeking an explanation. "What's all this about?"

"I'm doing this 'cause I trust you."

"Trust me to w_hat?"_

"Sam?" the hooded figure said, sounding gleeful. He cleared his throat loudly. "Sam, is that you?"

Dean grabbed the hood as if to pull it off. He hesitated for a second, and when he resumed, I almost stepped forward to stop him.

Underneath was a normal guy, just very beaten and bloodied. _A demon, _I concluded. _I don't get it. What's the big deal? We see demons all the time._

"_Brady?"_ Sam gasped, eyes wide with disbelief. Dean watched his brother closely, seeming to be expecting Sam to do something insane. _Oh. Sam knows him. Of course. We _cannot _catch a break._

The demon called Brady chuckled, and a sinister grin crossed his face. "Brady hasn't been Brady in years. Not since… oh, middle of our sophomore year?"

"_What?"_ Sam said sharply, and I detected the slightest tremor in his voice, a sign that he was barely holding back a raging fury. _This is about more than just his friend being a demon…_

"That's right," Brady said, the grin growing with every second. "You had a devil on your shoulder even back then. Alright, now, let it all sink in." Brady watched Sam expectantly, cruel anticipation etched on every line of his bruised face.

"_You son of a bitch_," Sam hissed, some sort of realization dawning on him. "You son of a bitch!" He advanced on Brady, but Dean stepped in and held him back. "You introduced me to Jess!" _Jess… his girlfriend. The one that… Oh, God._

Brady cackled, and the sound of his maniacal enjoyment filled the air. "Ding, ding! I think he's got it!"

Sam struggled to get past Dean, but Dean was doing an excellent job of holding the larger man at bay. "Dammit, Sam!" Dean said, his voice strained from effort.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Sam snarled at Brady, but the demon just grinned and laughed.

Dean pushed Sam out of the room and finally released him, but made sure to block the doorway.

"Sammy…" I said slowly, reaching out to him, but he shied away from me, looking disgusted and enraged at the very thought of me touching him.

My eyes stung and I blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. I had never seen anything as frightening as the anger in Sam's eyes, eyes that were normally so gentle and caring, and even though I knew I wasn't the cause of it, at the moment, that fury was directed at me.

"Back off, Gari," Dean warned quietly, and my hand numbly dropped to my side. Ella took my hand and pulled me out of the boys' battleground.

"Get out of my way!" Sam demanded, moving toward his brother.

"No," Dean said, striving to keep his voice calm.

"Get out of my way, Dean," Sam repeated.

"There is only _one _way to win, and it ain't by killing that thing in there," Dean tried to reason.

Sam opened his mouth angrily to reply, but Crowley appeared and Sam closed his mouth. "Well, sounds like you've got him nice and fluffed," the upper-class demon said, sounding annoyed. "Thanks _so _much." He walked into the room with Brady and began to try his own approach.

"Listen to me," Dean said forcefully, and Sam reluctantly looked him in the eyes. "We need Pestilence to get at the Devil, and we need Brady to get to Pestilence."

"_Why?" _Sam snapped. "Because _Crowley_ said so? Because we trust him now? Like I trusted Ruby? Or like I trusted Brady back at school?" He shook his head, a twisted, mirthless smile playing on his lips. "You're such a hypocrite, Dean. You're trusting a _demon! _The goddamn _King of the Crossroads!_"

"Well, what choice do we have?" Dean shot back, finally getting mad. "We got nothing, Sam. _Nothing. _Crowley is the only advantage we got, and I'm gonna use him."

"Whatever, man," Sam said, turning away and storming up the stairs.

Ella and I stared at Dean, and he turned and met my eye. "He's just pissed," he told me. "Just let him cool down. Go up there and check on him. You too, Elle."

We went up the stairs right as Crowley came back into the room. He threw a snarky comment at Dean, but I didn't hear what he said.

"Hey, it's fine," Ella said, squeezing my hand reassuringly. "He was only mad at Brady. He didn't know what he was doin'."

"I know," I said softly.

"Gari?"

I spun around to face Sam, looking up into his eyes, which were now filled with regret. "Yeah, Sammy?"

"I'm gonna leave y'all alone," Ella said quietly and she backed down the hallway.

"I'm sorry," Sam said once she was gone.

"I know. It was nothing."

"Don't say that," he sighed, shaking his head. "I freaked. And I scared you. So yeah, it's something."

"Don't worry about it," I said emotionlessly.

Truthfully, I was still scared. I'd seen him angry before—and a lot of times it was because of me—but never had I seen that much raw _hatred_ come from him. I had never been so terrified in my life, and that paralyzing fear had been caused by the man I loved. "Are _you _okay?" I asked him, trying to take the focus off of me.

"Am I—?" He laughed disbelievingly. "Seriously?" I gazed back at him, waiting for his reply. He laughed again. "No, honestly, I'm not. I see what you did there, by the way."

"What d'you mean?"

"Changing the focus." _Dammit. _"I'm gonna make it up to you. I don't want you to be scared of me."

He looked down at me with those puppy dog eyes and I knew he'd stay true to his word. He really would do whatever it took to make up for scaring me. He just didn't know that I had already forgiven him, and I was slightly intrigued by the prospect of seeing just how far he would go. But I decided to put an end to his regret right then.

I rose up on my tiptoes and kissed him softly. "You don't have to make anything up to me, okay?" I said. "I forgive you completely."

He smiled, but it faltered. "Can you stay up here for like five minutes?" he asked, suddenly urgent. I stared at him for a moment, then nodded. "No matter what you hear, don't come downstairs. And keep Ella up here, too."

"Sam, what are you—?"

"I'm not gonna kill him," he promised. "I just need to hear the story from him."

"Alright," I said reluctantly, and he turned and went down the stairs.

A second later, I heard Dean calling Sam's name and beating on a door. Then he started calling mine and Ella's names, too. I glanced back at the room Ella was in. The door was closed, and I would bet that she was listening to the iPod. I wouldn't have to worry about her. After a few minutes of deliberating, I crept down the stairs to listen to what Sam and Brady were saying.

"…our favorite." Brady was talking. "So I hooked you up with a pure, sweet, innocent piece of tail." _Jess? _"And then I toasted her on the ceiling." He paused, presumably at some reaction from Sam. "That's right—Azazel might've put the hit out on Jessica, but, _man, _I got to have all the fun!"

I peeked around the corner and saw that Sam was holding the knife that could kill demons. His hand twitched around it as Brady finished the sentence, and if Brady noticed, he either didn't care or was a very good actor.

The demon laughed. "Y'know, she thought we were friends, too. Let me right in. She was baking cookies." He let out another laugh and I saw Sam's shoulders tense up even more. "She was so surprised… so _hurt _when I started in on her."

Sam remained silent, instead choosing to respond by pressing the knife against Brady's throat.

"C'mon!" Brady coaxed mockingly. "Do it if it'll make you feel better!" I heard the slightest intake of breath and knew that Sam had merely nicked the demon. "Do it, Sammy!" Brady continued. "Do it! C'mon! C'mon!" He laughed again, then sighed happily.

Sam stood up and left the room, to my surprise. Brady just watched him, an amused look in his eyes.

"Gari, I know you're there," Sam said, sounding tired.

I came out of hiding and shrugged apologetically. "I got curious," I said guiltily. "You know how nosy I am." Sam grinned slightly and rolled his eyes.

"Well, looks like you got a new plaything, Sammy boy," Brady called, and we both spun to face him. "I must say, I think I like this one better. She looks like she's got some fight in her. I like 'em _feisty_. You do have a thing for blondes, though, don't you?" he teased.

Sam made a low, growling noise in the back of his throat and started over to Brady again.

I reached out and grabbed his arm in an attempt to hold him back. "Let it go, Sammy," I said as soothingly as I could manage through my anger. _That bastard better be glad it's not up to me what we do with him._ Sam relaxed slightly and exhaled deeply through his nose. "Just let it go," I repeated.

"Yeah, Sammy, let it go," Brady echoed.

"Shut up, dickhead," I spat at him, and I slung out my hand and clenched my fist, imagining the demon smoke being balled up inside of it.

Brady choked a little and swallowed roughly. I released him after a minute. "Bitch," he coughed.

"You'll have to do better than that," I retorted smoothly. Just then, Dean resumed banging on the door. "Maybe you should let him out now?" I suggested to Sam, and he nodded.

Dean began to pound on the door more forcefully. "Hey, hey, hey!" Sam said quickly. "Alright! Wait! I'm gonna open it!"

A second later, Dean stumbled out, looking majorly pissed off. "What happened?" he snapped.

"Nothing," Sam said.

"My ass," Dean scoffed, then he turned to me. "What happened?"

Sam stared at me pleadingly. _Yeah, I know. I was gonna lie already, Sammy. Gah, you'd think he'd know how I work by now. _

"Seriously, nothing happened," I lied. "Just a douchebag demon being a douchebag demon and talking in circles."

Dean cocked an eyebrow disbelievingly. "Dean, I'm fine," Sam assured his older brother.

"Yeah? And what about Brady?" Dean asked skeptically.

Sam sighed. "Like you said… we need him."

"Good, now that's settled, what do we do with him?" I asked.

"Leave that to me," Crowley said, appearing suddenly in the room. "Oh, and Garideth, we _really _need to talk. I have some information I believe you'll find quite… ah… _interesting."_ With a smug glance at me, he turned his back and walked into the other room.

"You have any idea what he's talking about?" Dean asked.

"Not in the slightest."

_Crowley's been dropping hints this whole time that he knows something about me. But what could it be? I already know every weird thing there is to know about me. There _can't _be something else, can there?_

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Ella and I were sitting in the upstairs room when we heard the howl.

We shared panicked looks, neither of us having any clue what it was, but both of us knowing that it couldn't be good. Without a word to each other, we sprinted down the stairs, arriving right as something busted through the kitchen window.

"What the _fuck_ is _that?" _I shrieked, staring at the grossly deformed creature. It was dog-like in a way, but the features were marred by bloody tatters of flesh and tissue hanging off in rivulets. A sort of darkness surrounded it, making its already horrific features look even more grotesque.

"Hellhound!" Sam yelled, firing a shot at the creature but missing completely. He suddenly stopped and stared at me. "Can you—can you _see _it?"

"Of _course _I can see it, Sammy, it's right there in front of you!" I yelped. "What, you _can't?"_

"No! No one but angels and demons can!" _Oh, yay. Another abnormality. _"Tell me where it is!" Sam ordered.

"Just gimme the fucking gun!" I snapped, jerking it from his hands and firing two shots into the hellhound's massive skull. It shook its head back and forth a few times, then snarled, even angrier than before. "How d'you kill it?"

"You don't!"

"Well, that's promising," I said darkly. "Ella, go help Dean. I'll keep it distracted. Just stay on the wall, okay?" Ella nodded once and did as I said. I fired at the beast again, but it was barely fazed.

Suddenly, I caught sight of another one. I had thought the first one was big, but it was _nothing_ compared to this one. Had it been beside me, it would've come up to my shoulder, maybe higher. I felt the color drain from my face as the possibility that we would not make it out of there alive dawned on me. Sam noticed. "What?" he prompted urgently. "What is it?"

"He's got a friend…" I choked out, and Sam froze.

"How big?"

"Colossal. We are _doomed. _Nice knowing you, Sammy." Sam stared at me bewilderedly, trying to decide if I was serious or not. (And honestly, I was trying to figure that out, too.)

A call of "Sic him, boy!" sounded through the house and the gigantic hellhound pounced on the smaller one. Crowley, Dean, and Ella skirted around the fighting monsters and ran toward us.

"It belongs to _you?" _I exclaimed, and Crowley smirked at me and shoved me forward.

Dean grabbed Brady—who I had completely forgotten about—by the sleeve and dragged him toward the exit, pushing Ella in front of him. "Go, go, go, go!" he urged.

Once we were safely outside, Crowley turned around to face the house and, with his trademark smug grin, said, "I'll wager one thousand my pup wins."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

The alley made me feel like I was in some kind of mob movie and we were exchanging drugs or money or something. I supposed it _was _a good place for our secretive business to be held.

Brady handed Crowley a folded up piece of paper and said, "Yeah, I'm sure Pestilence will be there."

Dean looked at Crowley for confirmation. "What do you think?" he asked.

"It's good," he told Dean, then he turned back to Brady. "You've got no reason to lie, have you? Like I said before, you're in my boat now."

"You've screwed me," Brady said angrily, "for eternity."

"Nah, won't last that long. Trust me."

"You okay, Sammy?" I asked, feeling him fidget beside me. Giving his hand a small squeeze, I looked up at him and saw something like anticipation on his face. He nodded slightly, but didn't say anything, never once taking his eyes off of Brady.

"Where are you going?" Brady called, sounding confused, as Dean and Crowley walked past us to stand beside Ella.

"Gari, c'mon," Dean said, and I looked back behind me to see that he was putting down a salt line.

"What are you—?" I began, but Crowley broke in.

"I'm going to do you a favor," he said to Brady, his smirk growing. He then looked to Sam and me. "I expect we'll be in touch." He grinned at Sam, then disappeared.

"Gari, c'mon," Dean repeated, and I suddenly got it.

Sam released my hand and I took a small, reluctant step back, then turned and joined Dean and Ella on the other side of the salt line.

"What is this?" Brady asked, the slightest tremor in his voice.

Dean laughed mirthlessly. "All those angels, all those demons, all those sons of bitches—they just don't get it, do they, Sammy?"

"No, they don't, Dean," Sam replied, sounding faintly amused, and I looked down and saw the glint of a knife in his hand.

"You see, Brady…" Dean said, a small smirk on his lips, "we're the ones you should be afraid of."

Brady scoffed, but it was cut off slightly when the demon-killing knife came into full view in Sam's hand. "I bet this is a real moment for you, big boy," he said, striving desperately for the nonchalant, mocking tone he normally possessed, but it was tainted with fear. "Gonna make you feel all better?"

"It's a start," Sam said, nodding slightly in agreement.

Brady continued to talk, beginning to ramble out of fear. "Gonna make up for all the times we yanked your chain—Yellow-Eyes, Ruby, _me?_ Hell, even your little bitch over there has demon blood in her!" I felt Dean and Ella stare at me, but I pointedly kept my eyes on Sam and Brady. "But it wasn't all our fault, was it? No, no, no, no. You're the one who trusted us. You're the one who let us into your life, let us whisper in your ear over and over and over again."

I didn't like where this was going. Brady may have been rambling, but he still knew what he was doing. He knew what to say to piss Sam off the most, to make him dwell on it long after it had been said.

"Ever wonder why that is, Sammy?" the demon continued. "Ever wonder why we were so in your blind spot? Maybe it's because we got the same stuff in our veins and, deep down, you know you're just like us." He lunged at Sam, but Sam dodged easily, bringing the blade up to nick Brady just a little. "Aaah!" Brady panted. "Maybe you hate us so much because you hate what you see every time you look in the mirror. You ever think of that?" He laughed mockingly. "Maybe the only difference between you and a demon… is your Hell is right here."

Brady grinned, looking extremely triumphant, then, before he could react, Sam grabbed him and drove the knife into his stomach, shoving it deeper and deeper as Brady's body sparked with an orange glow that fizzled out after a minute.

Sam dropped the body and wiped the blade off on his jacket, glaring down at the body with disdain. "Interesting theory," he said, his voice sounding uncharacteristically emotionless. Without looking at any of us, he turned and walked out of the alley.

Dean and I looked at each other, and I was almost positive that the fear and worry in his eyes was echoed all over my face.

"What d'we do now?" Ella asked plaintively.

Neither of us answered.


	25. There's No Time To Deny That I Need You

**Warning: this chapter contains extreme chick flickiness. So yeah, just bear with me on this one. It is also **_**veryyyyyyyyyyyyyy **_**short.**

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

I'll admit, I was kind of avoiding Sam. I knew after the thing with Brady, he'd need all the support he could get, but I couldn't give it to him. Not after everything that I'd overheard of his and Brady's conversation.

_So he still loves his old girlfriend. So what? What did you expect? She was _murdered. _By a _demon. _The same demon that killed his mom. Of _course_ he still loves her. And even if he didn't, just because you love him doesn't mean he loves you._

I told myself that repeatedly for the next few days. I knew I was being selfish and insecure, but I couldn't help it. I could never match up to Jessica, no matter how hard I tried or how much time had passed.

He knew that I was avoiding him, too. But of course, he was Sam, so he didn't push me into talking to him or anything like that, simply giving me small glances and slight smiles whenever he caught me staring at him. God, he was just too _good!_

_And, anyway, you'll never know how he feels unless you confront him about it. So if it's such a big deal, don't sit here moping. _Do _something about it._

…_Yeah, like _that _will happen._

Ella noticed my mood, of course. She didn't know why I was acting the way I was, but she noticed. And, being Ella, she tried everything she could to fix me, including letting me drive her Impala and actually making breakfast for me (which she burned, by the way, but it's the thought that counts, right?).

And then it happened. Ella and I were playing Go Fish in Bobby's kitchen when Sam came in to get a beer from the fridge. I kept my eyes on my cards and pretended like I hadn't noticed him. "Go fish," I told Ella, my voice trembling slightly, and she sighed.

"We're gettin' nowhere with this," she replied, beginning to get annoyed, and I couldn't blame her. "No matches _at all, _and we've been playin' for _forever. _Maybe we should just start over."

"Alright, sure," I agreed, and I started to collect the cards to shuffle them.

"Hey, Gari?" Sam said hesitantly.

_Oh, no. _"Hm?" I replied, not looking up.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"About what, Sammy?" I shuffled the cards, then sat them back down on the table.

"Just… please? Outside?"

Ella kicked me under the table and I shot her a death glare. She gave me a look that clearly said, "Get your ass outta that chair and go talk to him!"

I sighed and got to my feet. "Yeah, okay," I told Sam, walking straight past him and out the front door. I heard him behind me and stopped when we were about in the middle of the junkyard. "Yeah?" I said as I turned around to look at him.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked, getting straight to the point.

"I'm not avoiding you, Sammy," I said innocently.

"That's bullshit, Gari, and you know it." I stared at the ground guiltily. "It's because of what Brady said, isn't it?" he persisted. "About… about Jess? How I reacted to it?"

"No, it isn't," I protested, not very convincingly. "I mean, he was just saying that to get a rise out of you; he could've been lying, you know that, right?"

"Are _you _trying to comfort _me?" _he asked incredulously, and I shrugged. "You're the one who's been weird all week!"

"So?"

"_So, _you don't get to do that!" he argued.

"Oh, so there's a rulebook or something?"

"Why d'you always do that?" Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head in exasperation.

"Do what?"

"Every time someone tries to worry about you, you turn into a bitch. You worry about people all the time; why not let someone return the favor every once in a while?"

"I'm sorry that I'd much rather _not _have the focus on me!" I snapped, finally putting some emotion into my voice. "I'm sorry I can take care of myself! I'm sorry that that's kinda been required! And who _cares_ what's the matter with me, what with everything that's been happening lately?"

"_I _do!" Sam shot back. "_I _care! Can't you just _accept _that you're not alone? You don't _have _to be the tough one all the time! Let _me _worry about _you, _for once!"

"That's just not me, Sammy, and you know it. I'm not like you. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve for everyone to see."

"Gari, c'mon. I can tell you're breaking down, and I can tell Dean and Ella and Bobby are, too. We're getting closer to the end. We get Death's ring and I'm gone. D'you_ really_ wanna spend what little time we have left hiding how you feel?"

"You sound ridiculous, d'you know that?" I snapped, but my voice cracked. He had struck a nerve, and I was pretty sure he knew it. I clenched my fists in frustration, then took a deep breath. "You sound like some sappy guy in a chick flick! It's pathetic!"

Sam stared at me, clearly hurt, but I couldn't take it back, even though it hadn't been true. His being so open with his emotions wasn't pathetic at all. In fact, it was the most endearing thing about him, the thing that had drawn me to him in the first place.

He seemed to consider me for a minute, then simply said, "Whatever, Gari." He turned his back on me and began to walk away.

_Stop him! Say anything, do anything, just stop him! _

"You still love her, don't you?" The words tumbled out of my mouth without my permission, and they sounded just as selfish and insecure as I knew they would. But they had the desired effect, causing Sam to freeze almost instantly. _Shit, shit, _shit. _Why that? Why did I have to say _that_?_

"I… I'm sorry," I croaked, tears pooling in my eyes. _Hiding my feelings, am I? Well, how about now? _"I didn't mean to—"

"Yeah," he said quietly, keeping his back to me. He sounded strangely apologetic. "Yeah, I do."

"Oh," I said meekly. "Well, that… that's understandable…" And it was. It _really _was. _Doesn't make it hurt any less, though._

"But I love you more."

His reply didn't register at first. I was standing there, wallowing in self-pity like the bitch that I am, and it took a minute for what he said to click.

"You… you _what?" Oh, smooth. _Real _smooth._

He turned to me slowly, and the expression on his face showed that he was just as shocked as I was. A second later, he nodded, as if agreeing with himself that it was true. "You heard me," he said, taking a step closer.

_This… this isn't… I've _got _to be dreaming. He… he_ loves_ me? _It was just too impossible for me to comprehend. I didn't deserve him _at all. _He was _much _too good for me. "But… but…" _Okay, _why_ am I protesting? _"But I'm bitchy and controlling and vindictive and potentially evil and part witch and part demon and…"

"So?"

"So… so…" _So _what_? He _loves _you! _Sam _loves you! _

He stared down at me expectantly, a faint look of amusement on his face, like he was enjoying watching me struggle to come up with excuses as to why he shouldn't feel the way he did.

"Just accept it," he said finally, grinning the slightest bit.

So I did. I stared back up at him, trying desperately to get the words out, but finding them stuck in my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut momentarily, and the tears that had been resting in them for all that time finally spilled over. I opened my eyes and smiled at the worry on his face.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, his hand reaching up hesitantly to brush a tear from my cheek.

I laughed, a little breathlessly. "Yeah… yeah, I am." _Biggest understatement of the millennium._

He gave me a confused look, and I could already tell that he was trying to work out why I was crying and what he could do to make it better. And, of course, his concern only made me want to cry more.

I knew I had to speak up. If I kept quiet for much longer, he would start to think I didn't feel the same, and he would regret telling me. I couldn't handle that.

This time, the words flowed out easily, naturally, like I was always meant to say them. "I love you, too, Sammy."


	26. The Hands That Threaten Doom

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

Sam had finally decided it was time to tell Dean about his plan, and it was _not _going well.

"What the _hell _is wrong with you?" Dean yelped, and Ella placed her hand on his arm comfortingly.

"Dean—" Sam tried.

"No, don't 'Dean' me. I mean, you… You've had some stupid ideas in the past, but this…" Dean glanced at Bobby, then at me. I looked at the floor guiltily. "D—did you two know about this?"

"About what?" I asked innocently.

"About Sam's genius plan to cram the Devil down his throat!"

"Um… kinda?" I said meekly, and Bobby just nodded. I was about to tell him that Ella did, too, but I couldn't cause him to be angry at her, even if it would take the focus off of me.

"Well, thanks for the heads up!" Dean snapped.

"Hey, this ain't about us," Bobby said defensively.

Dean glared at the older hunter for a minute, then turned back to his brother. "You can't do this."

Sam sighed. "That's the consensus."

"_No_, it isn't," I contradicted fiercely, shooting daggers at Dean with my eyes. "He _can _do this, Dean, and you know it. You're just too scared to admit it."

Dean opened his mouth angrily to reply, but his phone rang suddenly. "This isn't over," he said, then he lifted it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Thank you," Sam mouthed at me, and I smiled slightly in acknowledgement.

"Cas?" Dean said, sounding immensely relieved.

"Cas?" Ella and I echoed hopefully.

"Is he okay?" Sam asked.

Dean shrugged. "We all thought you were dead," he said into the phone. "Where the hell are you, man?"

We all waited impatiently while Dean talked to the angel—Ella was twirling her hair around her finger, I was jingling the bells of my hunter's bracelet like always, Bobby was tapping his foot, and Sam was watching, just watching.

"Alright," Dean said. "Well, look, no worries. Uh, Bobby's here. He'll wire you the cash."

"I will?" Bobby asked, and Dean gave him a reproachful look, then continued talking.

He hung up after a minute and said, "Well, good news: he's fine."

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest. Ever since I first met the angel, I'd had an immediate attachment. Something about his cluelessness and misunderstanding of humans was endearing, and when he had disappeared in Van Nuys, I was worried he was dead. Hearing he was okay was the best news we'd had in a long time.

"What's the bad news?" Ella asked, narrowing her eyes.

Dean sighed and closed his eyes briefly. "He's human. No smiting, no flying, _nothing."_

"Oh. Well, that's just fucking fantastic," I said scathingly, but Dean obviously didn't find it funny.

"Dammit, we could've used him," Sam said, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, fighting Pestilence didn't seem so daunting with someone who's immune to sickness on your team, did it?" I asked, and both brothers rolled their eyes at me. "What? I'm just saying…"

"Lemme guess," Ella said suddenly, looking at Dean. "We're staying here."

"That's the plan," he replied flatly.

"Course it is."

"I hope you're aware that we will_ not _be staying behind when you go after Death," I said seriously. "He's the most dangerous Horseman, so you'll need all the help you can get."

"Gari—" Sam started, but Dean interrupted.

"No, Sammy… Maybe she's right."

"I know I'm right; I'm always—Wait, what?" _Did Dean just _agree _with me?_

"You're right," he said again. "Pestilence shouldn't be too hard to handle compared to War and Famine, so there's no point in you coming for this, but, honestly, now that I think about it, we should've taken you two with us for Famine. Probably would've helped, especially when it came down to actually getting the ring."

"_Or_ they would've just gotten addicted to something and been as useless as Cas," Sam pointed out, staring at his brother in disbelief. _Yeah, I'm just as weirded out as you, Sammy._

"_Or _Gari could've been immune to it and could've stopped you from drinking demon blood," Dean shot back.

I could tell that Sam was getting pissed, so I stepped in. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, boys. Dean, thanks for the vote of confidence. And I mean that. But stop taking verbal swings at your brother. And Sam, just get over it. We're going after Death _together. _End of discussion. Capiche?" I crossed my arms stubbornly, daring them both to say something.

Sam looked like he wanted to argue, but I glared up at him and he kept his mouth shut, to my surprise.

"So y'all better get goin', then," Ella said, "if ya plan on catchin' Pestilence before he makes everyone all sick."

"She's right; you boys better get a move on," Bobby agreed.

Bobby helped the boys pack up while Ella and I stood by and watched.

Once they were ready, we followed them outside. Ella threw her arms around Dean and squeezed him tight. I could tell she was trying hard not to cry. "Come back, okay?" she said quietly.

"Don't worry, Elle," he replied, a cocky grin on his face. "We can't die yet; we haven't even reached the boss fight!"

"Don't joke like that!" she exclaimed, frowning deeply, then she buried her face in his chest again. "Ya gotta come back. Ya just gotta."

"Hey, we will," he assured her, all seriousness now. "Hey, you know I love you, right?"

My eyes widened in shock. _Did he just say what I think he said? No _way. _Dean Winchester… in _love_?_

"Yeah, I know," Ella said, her bottom lip quivering. "Love ya, too."

He kissed her forehead and said, "See you soon," then pulled out of her embrace.

I was still getting over the shock of what had just happened, and apparently so was Sam, for neither of us spoke.

"You idjits better hurry it up," Bobby said, and I nodded.

"Sammy, I just want you to know…" I began slowly.

"Yeah?"

"…if you come back with syphilis, we're so over."

Sam laughed and rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the concern," he said sarcastically.

"Anytime, Sammy," I replied with a grin. "Seriously, though. Be careful out there."

"Always am," he said.

"Then why d'you always get your ass kicked?"

"Oh, will you two shut up?" Bobby said agitatedly, then fixed his glare on Sam. "Get movin', boy!"

Sam and I laughed at his gruffness. "Alright, alright, I'm going," Sam said, putting his hands up in mock surrender.

I stood up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek lightly. "I'm serious!" I told him warningly. "No syphilis!"

He chuckled and slid his arm around my waist, bringing me closer and pressing his lips to mine. "No syphilis," he agreed as he pulled away.

"Have fun!" I called after the boys as they drove off, and Ella waved vigorously.

"And now we wait," she said, then she turned and went back inside, Bobby following close behind.

I watched the dust trail left by the Impala gradually disappear, then sighed. "And now we wait."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

The boys were back fairly quickly, and they had Castiel with them. Ella and I had both welcomed the angel—um, human—with smothering hugs that seemed to make him extremely uncomfortable. I didn't know why, though, considering how little respect for personal space he had.

We were currently in the process of discussing what the next move was.

"Well, it's nice to actually score a home run for once, ain't it?" Bobby asked, sounding hopeful, but at the look on Sam's face, he faltered. "What?" he asked warily.

"Last thing Pestilence said: 'It's too late,'" Sam replied.

"What's that mean?" Ella asked.

"I dunno."

"We're just a little freaked out that he might've left a bomb somewhere," Dean said, worry and stress just barely coloring his voice. "So please tell us you have actual good news."

"Chicago's 'bout to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die." We all stared at the older man in disbelief, but Cas was the first to speak up.

"I don't understand your definition of good news," the former angel said, and Ella and I tried to hide our grins.

"Well…" Bobby started, "Death, the Horseman—he's gonna be there. And if we can stop him before he kick-starts this storm, get his ring back—"

"I don't really think it's gonna be that easy, Bobby…" I said slowly.

"Hell, I'm just tryin' to put a spin on it."

"Well, Bobby, how'd you put all this together, anyways?" Sam asked.

Bobby glanced at the ground, looking _very _guilty for some reason. "I had, y'know… help," he said evasively.

"What d'you—"

My question was cut off by Ella shrieking at the sudden appearance of Crowley.

"Don't be so modest," the demon said smugly. "I barely helped at all. Hello, boys. Girl. Witch. Pleasure, et cetera." He nodded at me slightly, his self-satisfied grin getting larger. _Why does he always smile at me like that?_ He looked back at Bobby. "Go ahead. Tell them. There's no shame in it."

"Bobby? Tell us what?" Sam asked curiously.

"World's gonna end," Bobby said gruffly. "Seems stupid to get all precious over one little… soul."

"You _sold _your _soul?"_ Dean yelped incredulously.

"Oh, more like pawned it," Crowley corrected. "I fully intend to give it back."

"Well, then, give it back!"

"I will."

"Now!"

"Did you kiss him?" Sam and Ella asked simultaneously, and Bobby turned faintly pink.

"Ella!" I exclaimed the same time Dean called Sam's name.

"Just wondering…" Sam said, and Ella stifled a giggle.

"No!" Bobby said, a little too quickly. Crowley smirked and pulled out a cell phone. On the screen was a picture of the two of them kissing, Bobby looking absolutely revolted and Crowley looking extremely triumphant. Bobby's face was now beet red. "Why'd ya take a picture?"

"Why'd you have to use tongue?" the demon responded, and Ella and I busted out laughing.

Everyone else was silent until we finished, then, after giving us his best death glare, Dean said, "Alright. Y'know what? I'm sick of this. Give him his soul back _now._"

"I'm sorry," Crowley said, "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" I asked suspiciously.

"I won't, alright?" he admitted. "It's insurance."

"What are you talking about?"

"You kill demons," he said. "Gigantor over there has a temper issue about it. But you won't kill _me_… as long as I have that soul in the deposit box." I had to admit, it was pretty smart. It's what I would've done, had I been in Crowley's place.

"You son of a bitch," Bobby growled.

"I'll return it," Crowley said. "After all this is over and I can walk safely away. Do we all understand each other?"

"No, I don't think so," I said casually. I reached my hand out and clenched it into a fist, willing the demon to writhe in pain. "Give Bobby his goddamn soul," I snarled.

Crowley gave a small, fake cough and smirked at me. "Sorry, darling. Parlor tricks don't work on me. I could definitely feel something, though, so don't give up on that particular power. Now, with some proper fuel, maybe you'd have a chance."

I dropped my hand to my side, breathing hard from overexertion, and Sam steadied me as I swayed a little. "What are you talking about now?" I said breathlessly.

"Not now. We'll talk soon, Garideth. There's something I've just been _dying _to tell you." With another smirk, the demon disappeared.

"You okay?" Sam asked me, and I nodded. He turned to Dean and said, "Hey, um, can I talk to you? Alone?"

Dean glanced at me like he expected me to know what was going on, and I shrugged. I was just as clueless as he was. "Okay…" he said hesitantly, then he followed Sam out of the house.

"This can't be good," Ella said, shaking her head.

"It never is."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Crowley had informed the boys that Pestilence was currently in the process of spreading the Croatoan virus, a virus that apparently turned people into vicious and aggressive monsters (put simply, demons), and calling it the vaccine for the swine flu. According to the boys, it was supposedly what had happened at the Lost Colony of Roanoke when America was first being settled. They'd faced it twice before, and it seemed to be a real pain in the ass.

Crowley was still adamant about only working with Dean, so the rest of us—Bobby, Cas, Sam, Ella, and I—were going to try to stop the Niveus Pharmaceuticals vans from leaving the factory. (Apparently, Niveus was just a big front for Pestilence's plan of covering the world in disease. And of course, our dear friend Brady had been the vice president of distribution.) It was getting down to the wire, and we were all in a frenzy to get packed and ready.

"Alright," Dean said as he walked over. "Well… good luck stopping the whole zombie apocalypse."

"Yeah," Sam said nervously. "Good luck killing Death."

At first I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous that sounded, but then I realized that the ridiculousness wasn't funny at all. Dean was going to try to kill _Death. _We didn't even know if that was possible, and we were taking reassurance from a _demon. _It felt like a total suicide mission to me. _But that's the Winchester way, right? Suicide missions?_

"Yeah." Dean said, and I could tell that he was trying to keep his voice steady. He knew how slim our chances were, too, but he was trying not to show it.

"Remember when we used to just… hunt wendigos?" Sam asked, getting a nostalgic, far-away look on his face. "How simple things were?"

Dean almost smiled, but he seemed to stop himself. "Not really." Ella and I watched the exchange quietly, not wanting to ruin the moment.

Sam frowned. "Well, um…" He pulled out the demon-killing knife and offered it to his brother. "You might need this."

"Keep it," Crowley said nonchalantly as he appeared. He handed Dean a small, wickedly curved blade_. A scythe. Of course. That's kind of poetic. _"Dean's covered. Death's own. Kills, golly, demons and angels and reapers and, rumor has it, the very thing itself." _Oh, _very _poetic._

"How did you get that?" Castiel asked, his monotonous voice filled with a sort of awe.

"Hello—King of the Crossroads." He smirked, looking very self-satisfied, as always. "So, shall we? Oh, wait, yes, slight change of plans."

"What d'ya mean, 'change of plans?'" Bobby asked.

"I mean, Garideth, you're coming with us," the demon said matter-of-factly.

"I am?" I said, surprised.

"Yes, you are. There's four of them. Hate to admit it, but they're capable. But yes, I'd like the chance to talk to you, somewhere you aren't surrounded by an overprotective moose and a clingy 'girlfriend.'" _Did he just call Sam a _moose_? What the hell? And what is he playing at? What can he possibly have to say to me?_

"Um, alright," I agreed slowly. "I mean, that is, if everyone else is okay with it." I looked around at the others, noticing the reluctance on both Sam's and Ella's faces, but no one said anything. "Okie dokie, then. I guess I'm going after Death, too."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

The car ride to Chicago was… awkward, to say the least.

I sat quietly in the back seat while Dean and Crowley sat quietly in the front. The smirk never left Crowley's face, and it was definitely unnerving me. The fact that he brought me with them to _talk _was just weird. I didn't know why he couldn't just say whatever he wanted to say to me back at Bobby's, or any other place. Yeah, I didn't want Dean to be alone on this, but I didn't like splitting up with Ella. I knew that Sam and the others would look after her, but I was still worried.

"Can you… turn on some music or something?" I asked finally. "This silence is annoying." Both men ignored me. "Okay… Never mind, I guess." I fell silent again, crossing my arms and sliding down in the seat. I started humming "Sweet Child O' Mine," earning a glare from Dean. "Sorry…" I muttered.

The rest of the time passed in the same uncomfortable silence. Finally, we were in the city. It was enormous. Ella and I made a point to never take jobs in big cities, so this was a major experience for me. I pressed my face to the window, soaking all of the sights. The buildings were so big, and there were so many people; it was overwhelming, and I felt like a little kid on her first trip to Disney World. (Speaking of which, I had never been there, either.)

"Would you stop gawking?" Crowley said, rolling his eyes.

I turned and stuck my tongue out at the demon, and he smirked. "Let me have my moment!" I said. "I've never been in a big city before!" He shook his head and stared through the windshield again. I could've sworn I saw the corners of Dean's mouth twitch upward at the corners, and I smiled.

"Hey, let's stop for pizza," Crowley suggested suddenly.

"Are you kidding?" I snapped disbelievingly, and Dean stared at the demon incredulously. "You're on me for looking out the window and now you wanna stop for pizza when we're after _Death?"_

Crowley shrugged. "Just heard it was good. That's all. Up ahead." Dean and I followed Crowley's gaze. "Big, ugly building. Ground zero. Horseman's stable, if you will. He's in there."

"How d'you know?" Dean asked.

"Have you met me?" the demon shot back. "'Cause I know. Also, the block is squirming with reapers. I'll be right back." He disappeared, then reappeared not five seconds later. "Boy, is my face red. Death's not in there."

Dean sighed, as if he was trying to control his temper. "You wanna cut the cute and get to the part where you tell me where he is?"

"Sorry. I don't know."

"Wait, _what?" _I exclaimed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean said, getting angrier and angrier. "Wait a minute. You don't _know?"_

"Signs pointed. I'm just as shocked as you." He sure didn't look like it. He was annoyingly calm, as always.

"Bobby sold his soul for this!" Dean yelped.

"Relax. All deals are soul back or store credit. We'll catch Death in the next doomed city."

"_Millions, _Crowley. Millions of people are about to die any minute!"

"True. So I strongly suggest we get out of here."

"No way," I said stubbornly. "We've gotta evacuate the city somehow. We can't let all of these people die."

"So, what?" Dean said, his voice only slightly betraying the panic he was feeling. "Call in a bomb threat? A thousand bomb threats? I mean, how the hell are we s'posed to get three million people outta Chicago in the next ten minutes?"

"Hey, um, where'd Crowley go?" I asked, noticing that the demon had disappeared.

Dean looked around wildly. "_C'mon!" _

I suddenly caught sight of Crowley standing across the street at the pizzeria from earlier. "Over there," I told Dean.

The demon started talking, but we couldn't understand him. "What?" Dean asked loudly. "I can't hear you!"

Crowley reappeared suddenly, and I suppressed a shriek. "I said I found him. Death—he's in there."

"You coming or…?" Dean asked.

"I'd rather not," Crowley said. "Garideth and I have some catching up to do."

"Wait, so, he's supposed to go in there _alone?" _I asked, shocked. "That's total suicide!"

"The whole thing's suicide, Garideth, in case you haven't noticed."

"Yeah, but… Dean, you're seriously going in there alone?" I looked at the hunter worriedly. _There's no _way _he can do this. He's gonna _die_!_

"Don't worry about it, Gari," he said, trying to keep calm. "He's just another reaper. I've dealt with reapers before."

"Yeah, but he's _Death! _The _daddy _reaper! Please, let me come with you!"

"Gari, chill out. I'll be fine." He opened the door and started to get out of the car. I grabbed his arm and stopped him. He sighed and looked back at me. "Promise I'll be back, okay?"

"You better," I threatened. "Ella will _kill _me if I let you die!"

"Yeah, I know." He grinned at me reassuringly. "So, you gonna let me go?" I released his arm reluctantly and he slid out of the car. "Now, I'm gonna leave you two alone for a few minutes," he teased. "Think you can get along?"

"Oh, shut up," I said with a roll of my eyes. "Go kill Death!" He smirked and shut the door, then walked across the street to the pizza parlor.

"It's amusing," Crowley said, appearing in the back seat beside me.

"What is?"

"Your attraction to them. Sam, I get. He's your sex toy. But Dean? I imagine you two don't get along very well."

"_W—what?"_ I spluttered. "_Sex toy? _Sam and I aren't—! We haven't—!"

"Oh, of course you haven't." Crowley smirked knowingly.

"We _haven't!"_ I protested. "It's the truth!"

He raised an eyebrow at me, clearly amused at my indignation. "And _how _long have you been together?"

"A while, but circumstances aren't really the best, I mean we don't really have the time—how is this your business, anyway?"

"Just curious." He shrugged innocently.

"Just—just… no." I shook my head vehemently, shocked at the nerve of this demon. I mean, demons were notoriously nosy, but to just straight up _ask _me about my _sex life? _It was just wrong! "Okay, that _can't _be the reason you wanted me to come along. What d'you have to say to me, and why the hell couldn't you do it some other time?"

"This is a _private _conversation," Crowley said. "I needed to get you away from those pesky Winchesters and that pathetic little girl."

"Don't you _dare _talk about Elle like that!" I growled. "She's not _pathetic. _She's _perfect. _She's one of the best hunters I've ever seen, and I love her to death. So keep your fucking mouth _shut."_

"Sorry, no offense meant," the demon said, the smirk reappearing on his face. "Now, I have something very important to tell you. Try not to take it too hard."

"Just get on with it, Crowley. Whatever you've got, I know I've heard worse."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." A sense of dread washed over me at his words. _This _can't _be good._ "That witch you met in California—"

"Britt?"

"Yes, her. The little traitor."

"What are you talking about?"

"She told you your history, if I'm not mistaken. About your mother, your powers, all that jazz."

"And?"

"And I'm guessing she mentioned something about demon blood?" At the look on my face, he grinned. "I'll take that as a yes, then. What all did the lovely witch tell you?"

"She—she told me that the demon who lead my mother's coven fed me his blood when I was a baby," I said hesitantly, not liking where this was going. "She said that's what helped my mom's powers carry over to me. And that's why I can kill demons with my mind. And she said she thought I didn't need to drink demon blood because of my powers."

"Well, well, well. She's smarter than I thought," Crowley said appreciatively. "Or _was. _I heard you disposed of her rather nicely. Thanks for that. She was quite the thorn in my paw."

"You're… welcome?" He grinned and nodded. "Okay, seriously. Get to it."

"Tsk, tsk. So impatient," he said teasingly. "That's not a trait to be proud of."

"_Crowley. _Tell me!"

"Alright, if you insist." He settled back into the seat of the Impala, crossing his hands over his abdomen, and fixed me with an expectant and amused look. "I'm the one."

"'I'm the one?'" I echoed. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means I made you what you are. My blood courses through your veins. You should feel honored; you're the only one I've ever deemed worthy. Your mother w_as _my favorite pupil. I felt I should repay her many, _many_ years of service."

I was glad I was sitting down. The world started spinning around me and I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. It didn't work, and I just started hyperventilating. _No, no, no, no, no, no, no! This… this _can't _be true! He's a demon; he's lying! He's lying to upset me! _But I knew in my heart he was telling the truth. _Okay… okay. So, what, does that mean he, like, _owns _me or something? And does that mean _he _killed my mom?_

"Say something, darling. You're beginning to worry me."

I glared at the demon, and he gave me a smug grin. "So… so did you kill my mom?" I asked finally, still feeling a little light-headed.

"Afraid so," he informed me. "She tried to run with you, realized she couldn't, and left you behind. But then she learned what I was planning to do with you. She came back just in time to see me pour the blood into your hungry mouth. Naturally, I couldn't let her live after that." He shrugged. "I can say one good thing about Azazel: he had style. Slicing her open and burning her on the ceiling… Now _that _was fun."

"You fucking son of a bitch!" I snarled, diving across the seat at the demon, but he just disappeared. "Come back here, you fucking _coward!_" I yelled. "I'll _kill _you! I _swear _I'll kill you!" I inhaled sharply, trying hard not to break down. My body shook with the effort of restraining my tears, and I let out a dry, choked sob.

I'd never felt so muchraw _hatred_ in my entire life, not even for my father. What my father had done was wrong, so _terribly_ wrong, I mean, he _abused _me, a little girl—but he did it because he felt lost without my mother. What Crowley had done—what _all _demons did—was just for the hell of it, and that made it so much worse in my eyes.

And the worst part was that I couldn't even remember it. I wanted to remember her face, how she looked, even if she _was_ pinned to the ceiling. Dad had gotten rid of all pictures of her, so I didn't even know what color hair or eyes she had. And I didn't remember moving, either. I never knew that the house I had grown up in was a different house from the one my parents originally had. Dad still had almost everything of Mom's, so I guess I just never pieced it together—and, of course, _he_ would never tell me anything like that. _He _would barely even _look _at me. I had always wondered if maybe that was because I looked like Mom, but had been too afraid to ask.

The car door opened suddenly and Dean slid in the driver's seat. "Did you get it?" I asked, noticing with satisfaction that my voice didn't betray that anything had happened. He held up the ring triumphantly. "Nice! What about Death? Did you kill him?"

"No, he… he gave it to me," he replied, still looking slightly awed.

"He _what?"_

"Said Lucifer had him bound, and he didn't like it. Said he'd love to get rid of him."

"That's _great!" _I exclaimed, and he nodded, but he didn't look very happy. "Wait… If he just _gave_ you the ring, why d'you look like someone shot your puppy?"

He glared at me for a minute, then looked away. "He gave it to me… for a price."

"You didn't—you didn't sell your _soul, _did you?" I asked worriedly.

"He's a reaper, Gari, not a demon."

"Okay, yeah, then what was the price?"

"I let Sam carry out his crazy plan."

"Ah. Um, so does that mean—?"

"No, I'm not," he said stubbornly.

"Dean, you just lied to _Death." _I said incredulously. "_Death!"_

"You think I'm just gonna let Sammy sacrifice himself like that?" he asked harshly. "What kinda person would I be? What kinda _brother _would I be?"

"A _good_ one!" I shot back. "I know you're scared of losing him; I am, too! Hell, I'm terrified! In case you haven't noticed, I _love _him, Dean!" Dean glanced at the steering wheel uncomfortably, and I continued. "But this is something he wants to do, and he _can _do it! He knows it, and I know it, and _you _know it, too! You've gotta let him do this, Dean. You've gotta show him that you believe in him. 'Cause whether you do or not, he's going through with it. But your support could mean the difference between him winning or losing. He _needs _you, Dean."

"Not gonna happen, Gari." He cranked up the car and pulled out of the parking spot. "I'm sorry, but no. There's no way in Heaven _or_ Hell I'm lettin' my little brother swan dive into that hole. So forget it."

I leaned back in the seat and sighed. _He _has _to let Sam do this. He _has _to be there for him. We've gotta talk him into it somehow. The fate of the world kinda depends on it._


	27. You'll See We Can Have It All

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

The next day brought a _huge _surprise.

Sam and I were in Bobby's junkyard, sitting on the Impala and drinking beer and altogether just enjoying each other's company when Dean walked up to us, looking slightly guilty and _very _uncomfortable.

"Dean?" Sam said. "What's going on?"

After a brief second of reluctant hesitation, Dean said, "I'm in."

_He's _what_? _"In with…?" Sam asked, confused. _Really, Sammy? You _know _what he's talking about!_

"The whole 'up with Satan' thing. I'm on board."

Sam's eyes widened, disbelief all over his face. "You're gonna let me say yes?"

"No," Dean said, and Sam frowned, confused once more. "That's the thing. It's not on me to _let _you do anything. You're a grown—well, _over_grown—man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play."

Sam stared at his brother, unsure whether he was being serious or not. "That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say." _That makes two of us…_

Dean shrugged. "Might be. I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is… Y'know, watching out for you…" He shifted uncomfortably, not meeting Sam's eye. I could imagine how hard this must be for him. Dean wasn't one to talk about his feelings, and here he was, doing that _and _telling Sam he was in with the crazy plan. "It's kinda been my job, y'know? But more than that, it's… it's kinda who I am. You're not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I gotta grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance. But… but I do know that if anybody can do it… it's you."

His little monologue rendered us both speechless for a minute. I couldn't believe that Dean had just admitted he was wrong, and apparently, Sam couldn't either. He was finally putting faith in his brother, finally showing him that he was there, and I had never been more proud to know Dean Winchester. It was all I could do not to hug the life out of him.

"Thank you," Sam said finally, seeming to have some trouble getting the words out.

"_If _this is what you want," Dean said sternly. "Isthis _really_ what you want?"

Sam sighed and glanced at me, and I gave him a small, encouraging smile. "I let him out," he said. "I gotta put him back in."

Dean looked even more depressed than he had when he first came outside. "Okay," he said quietly. "That's it, then." He turned and walked back up to the house.

I leapt down off the car and Sam shot me a questioning look. "I'll be right back," I told him, and I jogged after Dean.

"What now, Gari?" he asked as I fell into step beside him.

"Thank you," I said simply.

"For what?"

"You _know _what," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, well, it's about time I let him grow up," Dean said, looking away from me as we stopped in front of the steps. "This is his choice. Least I can do is support it."

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I hugged him tightly and said, "Well, aren't you just the best big brother ever?"

He cleared his throat awkwardly and asked, "Um, Gari? What're you doing?"

"Hugging you," I said, feeling very emotional. "You need a hug. You both need hugs. Ella was right. Hugs make the world a better place. How about we go get her and Sam and Cas and Bobby and just all have a big group hug?"

"Okay, okay, _enough_," he said, pulling himself out of my grasp. "Who are you and what have you done with bitchy Gari?"

"Sorry, I couldn't help it." I shrugged. "Really, though, Dean. Thank you. I'm so proud of you. This is gonna help him. A lot. Now that he knows you support him, he's gonna have even more faith in himself. We've got an even bigger chance now."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He shook his head like it was nothing, but I knew my words made him feel good, even if we were still talking about losing his brother.

"Um… one more thing, though…" I said hesitantly, remembering a vital piece of information that Sam had told me before Dean came to talk to us.

"Yeah?" he asked tensely, wary of my suddenly serious tone.

"You're not gonna like this…"

"Just tell me."

"Alright… Cas told him that he's gonna have to drink a whole lot of demon blood."

"Okay." Dean stared at me emotionlessly, but I could see in his eyes how much that freaked him out. "Why?"

I watched him concernedly for a second before continuing. "Supposedly, Nick—the vessel he's in now—is chugging gallons every day, and according to Cas, Nick is still wearing down pretty quickly." Dean nodded in agreement and I went on. "For Sam to support Lucifer at all, he has to drink an assload of the stuff. Otherwise, he'll spontaneously combust. Something like that…"

"Well, that's… That's not good." He looked utterly horrified and disgusted.

"He's saying yes to Lucifer and you're this worried about the _demon blood?_" I asked incredulously. He glared at me and I looked away. "I'm sorry. I know how touchy the blood subject is for you. It is for me, too. But really, Dean. I think that's the least concerning thing we have to deal with."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

It had been _ages _since I'd had one of my weird dreams.

I was in Dean's room at Bobby's, and I was sitting on the corner of the bed. I looked down at my hands—_Ella's _hands—and stared in shock at the small plastic device.

_What the—?_ _A _pregnancy test_? _The indicator showed positive. _Elle's _pregnant_? With _Dean's _baby? _Holy fuck_! There's no _way_!_

"Dean…" Ella called faintly, her hands shaking almost as much as her voice. "Can ya… can ya come here, please?"

"What is it, Elle?" he asked as he walked over to her, completely oblivious to what was going on.

"I… I…"

"Ella, what—?" He stopped midsentence, finally having seen what she was holding. "W—what is _that_?"

"It's a pregnancy test," she replied, trying to keep her voice calm.

"And… and what do the two lines in the thingy mean?" he asked, his voice getting slightly higher.

Ella swallowed deeply, still staring down at her hands. "They mean… they mean it's positive, Dean. They mean I'm pregnant."

"_What?_" Dean gasped, looking like he was about to pass out.

"Dean, honey, ya okay?" she asked worriedly. "Maybe ya should sit down. Don't want ya fallin' on me."

He dropped onto the bed beside her, looking utterly bewildered. "But… but _how? _I used—"

"Nuh-uh, not every time," Ella broke in. "That night after Adam, when I thought ya were gonna say yes to Michael… Soon as we got back, remember? Gari and Sam were researchin' that spirit, the little boy one."

"Oh, God…"

"What're we gonna do, Dean?" Ella asked, beginning to freak out. "I don't wanna raise a baby in this life! And not durin' the Apocalypse!"

"So, what, you thinking abortion or something?" Dean asked, shocked.

"No, course not!" she snapped, looking offended. "Ya really think I could do that? It's a _baby, _Dean! It's _our _baby!"

"Okay," he said slowly, putting his arm around Ella and squeezing her shoulders reassuringly. "We'll figure it out, okay?"

"'Kay…" she said, leaning into him. "Don't tell Gari, 'kay? I don't want her to go crazy on me. And don't tell Sam, either. Hell, just don't tell anyone. We're gonna keep this to ourselves till we figure out what to do." Dean nodded in agreement. I was a little hurt that they weren't going to tell me, but it backfired on them anyway, so I couldn't complain that much. "I'm so sorry, Dean," Ella said quietly, and I could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.

"What? Why're you sorry?"

"For this. Ya got enough on your plate with Sam and Adam and the Apocalypse, and now ya gotta deal with me and the baby and all this, too." Tears ran down her cheeks and she sniffled loudly.

"Hey, hey, don't say that," he said, pulling her even closer. "Don't be sorry, okay? I can handle it. _We _can handle it. Hell, we fight _monsters _for a living, Elle; how hard can raising a kid be?"

Ella giggled and murmured, "Yeah, guess you're right. We got this." She sat up and smiled at him. "Now I gotta start thinkin' of baby names! Y'know, they gotta be somethin' significant, have some kinda meanin', other than just bein' pretty. This is gonna take a lotta thought, y'know."

Dean smiled at her affectionately, making me feel even more intrusive than I had before, and I wished desperately that I could stop eavesdropping on their private conversations. _Well, if I had any power over it, I wouldn't be seeing it in the first place. This is ridiculous. They're having a _baby_! Should I tell Sam? Or Bobby? Or Cas? Or maybe I should just not say anything. Yeah, that'll probably be best._

"You're gonna make a great daddy," Ella said happily.

Dean shook his head and sighed. "Well, we'll have to see about that." I could tell what was going on in his mind right then. I knew that neither he nor Sam wanted kids. Neither of them wanted to raise them up in a world full of monsters, and both of them were scared they'd turn into John.

"Hey, you're not John, okay?" Ella said, having realized the same thing. "You're better than him. You're gonna raise this kid right." Dean didn't reply. "Hey, look at me," she ordered, taking his face in her hands and staring into his eyes. "You and Sam turned out fine regardless, didn't ya? This baby—it's lucky to have a daddy like you. Y'know, I didn't wanna raise a kid in this either, but if I gotta, I'm glad it's with you." She kissed him softly, then said, "I love ya, Dean."

He stared back at her, shocked and touched by her words. Then, with his trademark smirk, he said, "Love you, too."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I shot bolt upright, my thoughts going a million miles an hour.

_Ella is _pregnant_! She's gonna have a _baby_! This changes _everything_! She can't go with us for the boss fight; she can't get anywhere near Lucifer! The baby could die! And even though she said she didn't want it, she wants it now, and it would _crush _her if she had a miscarriage. But they aren't gonna tell us, so what do I do? Should I tell the others? Or at least Sam? He'll know what to do, won't he? At least, I hope so. And even if he doesn't, he needs to know this, and talking to him might calm me down._

Having made up my mind, I slowly got out of bed and snuck across the hall to Sam's room. Technically, Ella and I were supposed to stay separate from the boys, but I couldn't blame Ella for sneaking into Dean's room to tell him that. She'd probably end up staying there, too, but that didn't matter. If I could go back to sleep, I'd stay with Sam as well.

I opened the door slowly and shut it back, hoping that the loud clicking noise only happened on our door. It didn't. I winced, hoping no one heard it, then watched as Sam moved a little in response to the noise. I knew not to get close to him to wake him up, seeing as he kept a knife under his pillow and would probably wake up swinging.

"Sam!" I whisper-yelled, but he slept on. "Sammy!" Still nothing. I crept closer and repeated his name.

This time, it did the trick. Sure enough, he sat up quickly, knife in hand. "What… Gari?" he said groggily when he realized it was me. "What's going on?"

"Put the knife down and we'll talk," I said wryly.

"Sorry." He did as I said, then I walked over and sat down beside him on the bed.

"Okay, what I'm about to tell you is top secret information," I began, and he raised his eyebrows expectantly. "_No one _is supposed to know this, but, due to my awesomeness, I _do._"

"Gari, seriously? Just tell me."

"Ella's pregnant!" I said, a little more loudly than I planned, and I clapped my hands over my mouth and glanced at the door, waiting for Bobby or Dean to come busting in at any minute.

"She's _what?" _Sam gasped, no longer looking tired at all.

"Yeah, she is!" I confirmed with a nod. "Her and Dean are gonna have a baby!"

"How d'you know?"

"Oh, I have these totally random dreams where I can see through Ella's eyes. I've had them since I was locked in the panic room. No big deal," I told him, waving my hand dismissively.

"Oh, of… of course," he said, looking slightly overwhelmed.

"Is this _really _the weirdest thing about me?" I asked skeptically.

"No, guess you're right. So, when were they planning on telling us?"

"They weren't. They were gonna keep it a secret from us. Something about keeping it to themselves until they know what to do. So what do _we _do? Do we confront them about it or…?"

"No," Sam said, shaking his head. "We're just gonna act like we don't know. If they wanna tell us, they'll tell us."

"Alright, sounds good," I agreed. "Hey, um… can I stay in here?" I asked hesitantly.

"Not scared Bobby's gonna find you?" he teased.

"Ha! I can handle Bobby! Have you forgotten how amazing I am?"

"No, I haven't," he said, and I smiled. "Okay, come here."

I crawled under the covers and snuggled up to him, breathing in the smell of books and Hollister and the faintest trace of alcohol. "Goodnight, Sammy," I murmured happily.

"Night, Gari."

I fell asleep within the next five minutes, and I had no more dreams.


	28. Let's See How Far We've Come

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

Sam and I stuck to our decision to keep our knowledge of the pregnancy a secret from Dean and Ella. They would tell us on their own time—what little of it we had left. Meanwhile, we had much more important things to do.

"So was I right?" Bobby asked as Sam, Dean, and Cas exited the building.

"As always, Yoda," Dean confirmed with a roll of his eyes. "Two stunt demons inside, just like you said."

"Did you get it?" I asked, and Dean nodded.

"Yeah, all the go-juice Sammy can drink." He stared at me with reluctance and disgust in his eyes, and I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. I knew this was taking its toll on him. Not only was he about to lose his brother, but he was also about to see him chugging an assload of demon blood.

"Ya okay, honey?" Ella asked him, twining her fingers through his.

"Not really," he said nonchalantly, then focused his attention on Bobby. "What d'you got?"

Bobby shuffled through the papers he was holding, scanning them for important information. "Not much," he said. "These look like omens to you? Cyclone in Florida, temperature drop in Detroit, wildfires in L.A…."

"Wait," Dean stopped him, an apprehensive look in his eye. "What about Detroit?"

Bobby gave him a weird look, then said, "Temp's dropped about twenty degrees, but only in a five-block radius of downtown Motown."

"That's the one," Dean said, his voice full of certainty. "Devil's in Detroit."

"Really?" Bobby asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Far as foreboding goes, it's a little light in the loafers. Ya sure?"

Dean glanced at his brother, who was helping Cas load the jugs of blood into the trunk of the Impala. Sam returned the look with confusion, then Dean turned away. "Yeah," he said. "I'm sure."

"What's going on?" Sam asked as he walked over to us, Cas following behind him like a lost puppy. _He _does _kinda have that look… It's awfully cute. _

"Dean knows where Luci's gonna be," I told him, and Dean smirked at my shortening of Lucifer's name.

"And where's that?"

"Detroit—where else?" Dean broke in.

"Oh." Sam fell silent and looked at the ground.

"So, ready to head out?" Dean asked. I shrugged noncommittally and Sam gave a firm nod.

"Wait a sec!" Ella protested. "D'we _have_ to go straight there? Are we _that_ eager to die? We can just stop somewhere halfway; it's gonna take us drivin' all night to get there, anyway—why not stop at a motel or somethin'?"

"I agree with Ella." I looked at Sam pleadingly, and I could tell he was with Ella and me.

"Okay…" Dean said slowly, glancing at Bobby and Cas for approval.

"I don't see the point in delaying the inevitable end," Cas said, "but I'm not eager to die."

"Bobby?"

The older hunter sighed. "Sure, we'll find somewhere."

"Alright," Dean said. "Cas, you're gonna have to ride with Bobby. C'mon, Ella." He started walking toward the Impala and totally missed the hurt look that the former angel gave him.

Bobby saw it, though. With a look of amusement on his face, he said, "Why don't ya let the angel—uh, man—ride with ya? I'm an old geezer—I'd just bore him to death with stories of the good ol' days."

Castiel perked up immediately, turning to stare pleadingly at Dean. His obvious bond with Dean was kind of funny, but also quite adorable.

Dean sighed. "Alright, fine. Ella, Gari, make some room for the angel." Former_ angel, _I mentally corrected, but I didn't say anything, afraid of hurting Cas's feelings.

We all piled into the Impala, Sam and Dean in the front, as always, and Ella, Cas, and me in the back. We waved goodbye to Bobby, who had agreed to follow us, and drove off.

Ella and Cas were snoring within the first couple of hours, Ella leaning against the left window and Cas against the right. Dean glanced into the rearview mirror and grinned. "Aw, ain't he a little angel?" he said with a babyish voice.

"Angels don't sleep, Dean," I reminded him quietly, leaning forward and crossing my arms on the back of the front seat.

The brothers shared a worried look, then both turned back to stare out of the windshield.

"Sam," Dean started, "I got a bad feeling about this." _Oh, no. Here we go…_

"Well, you'd be nuts to have a good feeling," Sam replied lightly in an attempt to conceal the tension beginning to spread through the car. I rolled my eyes and almost called him out, but Dean beat me to it.

"No, you know what I mean. _Detroit_. He always said he'd jump your bones in Detroit. Here we are!"

"Here we are…" Sam echoed softly, and Dean continued.

"Maybe this is him rollin' out the red carpet, y'know? Maybe he knows somethin' that we don't!"

"He has a point, Sammy," I said quietly, and Sam turned to look at me. "We're going into this blind as a fucking bat."

"Look, I'm sure he knows a _buttload _that we don't," Sam said, his eyes flitting between me and his brother. "We just gotta hope he doesn't know about the rings." He was quiet for a minute, then a determined look crossed his face. _Oh, this isn't a good sign…_ "Hey, um, on the subject, Dean… There's something I gotta talk to you about."

"What?" Dean asked apprehensively. I suddenly knew what was coming, and I dreaded being pulled into it.

Sam hesitated a minute, shooting a nervous glance at me, then said, "This thing goes our way and I… Triple-Lindy into that box, you—you know I'm… _not _coming back."

"Yeah, I'm aware," Dean retorted testily.

"So you gotta promise me something."

"Okay, yeah, anything." I knew he'd change his mind once Sam told him the promise.

"You gotta promise not to try to bring me back."

The tension in the car exploded at that point.

"_What_?" Dean yelped, jerking his head to glare at Sam and accidentally pulling the steering wheel with him. I glanced at Ella and Cas nervously, but they slept on. "_No_! I didn't sign up for that!"

"Dean—" Sam protested weakly, but his brother continued to rant.

"Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like fucking _Graceland_! You want me to just sit by and do _nothing_? And _you_!" Dean exclaimed, glaring at me in the rearview mirror. "You always gotta put your two cents in; why aren't you sayin' anything?"

"I've already had this talk with him—back in Abbeville," I said, not meeting his eye. "And no matter how much I _hate _it, I agreed. We can't go back and forth selling our souls for each other. It'd be the most vicious circle in all of history."

Dean looked like he was about to say something else, but Sam broke in agitatedly, finally having lost his patience. "Once the cage is shut, you _can't _go poking at it, Dean! It's too risky!"

"No, no, no, no," Dean said adamantly. "As if I'm just gonna let you _rot _in there!"

"Yeah, you are!" Sam snapped. "You don't have a choice!"

"You might've got Gari to agree," Dean said, taking a deep breath in an effort to calm down, "but you can't ask me to do this." He glared at me as if I had betrayed him, which, in a way, I guess I had. He had expected me to be on his side, to fight with him, and now he was alone and defenseless against his brother's unshakeable will.

"I'm sorry, Dean," the younger Winchester said, and I could tell that he meant it with every fiber of his being. "You have to."

Dean was silent, staring at the seemingly unending road ahead of us. He would've looked completely at ease had it not been for the way he was white-knuckling the steering wheel. "So," he said finally, sounding like it was taking all of what little self-restraint he had to stop himself from yelling. "Then what am I—what are _we _supposed to do?"

I glanced at Sam, and he nodded. We had already discussed this.

"First off, before Sammy says anything, we know Elle's pregnant," I said. Dean shot me a bewildered look, but didn't ask how. "No, go ahead, Sam," I encouraged, watching Dean out of the corner of my eye.

Sam set his jaw stubbornly, already anticipating an argument over his response. "You stay with Ella," he said simply. "You go find a nice house somewhere, get ready for the baby, do whatever you need to keep it and her safe. You go live some normal, apple pie life, Dean. Promise me."

Dean stared at his brother in shock, unsure of what to say. He looked at me and asked, "What about you? What are _you _gonna do?"

I shared a long look with Sam, then glanced at Dean. "I'm leaving," I told him.

"What about Ella?"

"She's got you, and soon she'll have the baby, too. She'll be okay." I wasn't sure if I was trying to reassure myself or him.

"Oh," he said uncomfortably.

"You have to promise me, Dean," Sam said again. "Promise me!"

Dean turned away from me and looked at his brother with a long, sorrowful, heartbroken expression that killed me inside. "Okay, Sammy," he said quietly, and I just barely detected the crack in his voice. "I promise."

The rest of the ride was in total silence.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Ella and Cas were both still snoozing when we got to the motel. I carefully climbed over the front seat and out the passenger side door so as to not wake them.

As I shut the door, I noticed that Cas's face was pressed against the window and squished into a funny expression. I grinned and pulled out my phone to take a picture, then hesitated. _Will I really want a memory of all this? _I asked myself, but I took the picture anyway.

Bobby walked toward us, tossing one room key to me, one to Dean, and keeping one for himself. "Oooh, we get to be unsupervised?" I teased the older man.

"Last night on Earth, right?" he responded gruffly, and my grin instantly faded. "Make the most of it. 'Sides, I figure you kids are responsible enough to be on your own." I nodded, then walked back to the car to get Ella and Cas.

I opened the door on Ella's side and squatted down. "Hey, babe," I said, gently shaking her. "Time to wake up. We're here."

She opened her eyes groggily and said, "I got a crick in my neck."

"Probably because you slept the whole way." I smiled as she rubbed her eyes like a child and yawned widely. "Guess what?"

"What?" she asked me absentmindedly.

I dangled mine and Sam's room key in front of her. "Bobby got us separate rooms!" She perked up instantly, reaching for the key, but I jerked it away. "Nuh-uh, this one's _mine,_" I said happily. "Dean's got yours."

She jumped out of the car instantly, running up to Dean and pulling on his arm, saying, "C'mon, let's go!" He laughed at her enthusiasm and allowed her to drag him along, looking pretty excited himself.

I walked over to Cas's side and tapped loudly on the window, busting into hysterics when he immediately awoke and found that his drool had temporarily glued his face to the glass. When he finally managed to pull away, the whole right side of his face was brilliantly red. "It isn't funny," the ex-angel glowered at me.

"Yes!" I gasped between peals of laughter. "Yes, it is!"

He glared at me moodily and got out of the car, repeating "It isn't funny" and looking so adorably pathetic.

"Aw, c'mon, Cas!" I said, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Lighten up. So you're a human, so what? So are we!"

"_They a_re," Castiel corrected me. "_You're _not."

I felt a spark of irritation, but ignored it, saying "_Ob_viously. I'm just saying. And I'm _nothing _compared to an archangel. I'm not any more useful than you are. At least _you _have a trench coat."

He looked down at his vessel's clothes, more wrinkled and dirty now than they had ever been, and said, "It _is _my favorite article of Jimmy's clothing."

"Exactly," I said. "And guess who _doesn't _have an awesome trench coat?"

"You?"

"Bingo. So lighten up. This _is _our last night on Earth, after all. Like Bobby said, might as well make the most of it."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I was lying on the bed beside Sam (still fully clothed—don't go getting any ideas—yet), staring up at the ceiling like I had been for the past two hours.

We had been talking—just talking—about anything and everything that popped into our heads.

I had told him about Greg and how broken he and Ella had been when they found me, how warmly they had accepted me, loved me. He told me more about John, and how he and Dean grew up, and about his years at Stanford.

It was nice just to act like normal people every once in a while, even if the conversations were totally _ab_normal.

"Hey, Sam?" I said suddenly, having just remembered something, and he looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Yeah?"

"Are those _Supernatural _books really about you and Dean?"

"Yeah, they are," he said, grinning a little.

"You wanna explain that?" I raised my eyebrows expectantly, and he chuckled.

"Well, there's this guy named Chuck Shirley, and he's a prophet—"

"A prophet named _Chuck_?" I interrupted skeptically.

"That's not the weirdest part," Sam assured me. "See, he tunes in to our future. He sees 'The Winchester Gospel,' or something like that."

"Dude, you have your own prophet?" I exclaimed. "Sweet!"

He laughed and said, "Maybe to you, but it's pretty annoying when you're the one he's seeing."

"Why's that? Wouldn't that help? You could use him for information!"

"Yeah, that part's cool," he agreed, "but what's not cool is that before he knew he was a prophet, he used his visions to write the _Supernatural _books."

"So your whole life—it's all in those books?"

"No, just about three years. They start when Dean came to get me from Stanford, and end with him going to Hell."

"That's interesting…" I mused. "I'm _definitely _gonna have to read those…"

Sam chuckled again, then said, "Be my guest, but don't blame me for his bad writing."

I laughed too, then stared at him thoughtfully as another random question entered my head.

"What are you thinking about now?" he asked curiously.

"Adam," I replied, and Sam frowned. "We never found out what happened to him."

"Ella didn't tell you?" he said, surprised.

"Tell me what?"

"He's Michael's vessel now. The angels finally gave up on Dean and took him instead."

"Oh."

"We couldn't save him," Sam said, and an immense amount of guilt filled his voice. "We're his family. We should've been able to do something." He clenched his jaw in frustration and closed his eyes. "Seems like we can't save anyone lately. We're bad luck. Cursed. It's a wonder you and Ella are still alive."

"Hey!" I said indignantly, sitting up, and he flinched, opening his eyes and staring at me. "You're about to save the world! And what'd I say about the whole cursed thing? It's bullshit! You're not allowed to think like that!" He looked at me like a scolded child, reverting to his puppy dog eyes. I lay back down beside him, my head on his chest, and he slipped his arm around me. I looked up at him and lifted my hand to his face, forcing him to meet my eyes. "You're _not _allowed to think like that," I repeated quietly, then kissed him softly.

"Okay," he agreed once I pulled away.

"_Okay,_" I echoed firmly. "No more negativity. If this really _is _our last night on Earth, we're gonna make the most of it." He gave me a sly grin and I rolled my eyes. "Perv," I teased, though I was thinking the exact same thing.

He suddenly grabbed the hand that was still resting on his face. "I meant to ask, but never got around to it," he said. "What's it for?" He lightly traced his finger along the inside of my left wrist, across the tattoo I'd had for about two years, and a trail of goose bumps followed his touch. "'Chase the morning,'" he read quietly.

"It's a song from a movie," I replied. "'Chase the morning, yield for nothing.'" I sat up again and held out my right wrist to show him the rest. "I love the song _and_ the movie _so much. _Plus, it's an excellent mantra."

"Mhm," Sam agreed, sitting up as well, then surprising me by gently kissing the "Chase." I bit my lip, sure that he could feel my increased pulse in my wrist.

"Is—is this the only one you have?" I asked, moving my right hand to rest on his shirt, right where I knew his anti-possession tattoo would be.

"Yeah, I have too many scars as it is," he mumbled against my wrist.

"Scars are sexy," I teased, trying to stop trembling as his mouth left my wrist and started trailing up my arm. He gave me that tempting half-grin and I'm sure my heart must have skipped about ten million beats. _Why is he the only guy who's ever been able to do this to me? _"I have one, too. Uh, the tattoo, I mean," I said, a bit breathlessly, pulling down my shirt to expose the matching tattoo and the long scar beside it. Sam stopped kissing me to stare at the scar. "My first wendigo," I explained, and he chuckled and pulled me closer.

"So… should I give you the 'last night on Earth' speech," he said, half-grinning again, "or would that be too overused and lame?"

"It's both," I replied, trying to hide my painfully obvious anticipation. "But it's cute."

"And d'you think it would work?"

I bit my lip again to hide my smile. "Definitely."

He was kissing me before I even finished the word. I ripped open his shirt, running my hands over his perfect abs. "Someone's in a hurry," he smirked against my lips.

"You're one to talk," I retorted, biting his bottom lip playfully. "Jumping on me like that. Shame on you!"

He gave a throaty chuckle, sliding his hands under my tank top and undoing my bra without once removing his mouth from mine. _God, I hate clothes,_ I thought as I attempted to get my pants off without breaking contact with Sam.

He moved his mouth to my neck and kissed me with surprising force. My hands grasped in his shaggy hair, holding him impossibly closer to me, and my now-naked legs tangled with his. His hands slid down my body and I moaned his name, pleasure-induced chills breaking out all over my skin.

Let's just say we _definitely _made the most of our last night on Earth.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Surprisingly, I woke up first.

I sighed contentedly as I opened my eyes to stare at Sam's sleeping form. He looked so young, so peaceful, and it killed me to think that soon, he would be fighting Lucifer for control of his own body and mind.

I grabbed my cell phone from the bedside table and took a picture of him, smiling slightly. I snuggled back down beside him for a minute, drawing warmth and comfort from his naked body, then kissed his jawline.

I disentangled myself from him cautiously, not wanting to wake him, then walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, getting in once it was hot enough. Steaming hot showers always helped comfort me and helped me think clearly to figure out my problems. This time, however, it didn't really do the trick.

Sam was going to be gone soon, and I had no clue what I would do. _I never expected to be so dependent on someone. I'm supposed to be the strong individual, the Eowyn type, who doesn't need a man to make her happy. But here I am, knowing that I'm going to fall apart as soon as he says yes._

Sam was awake when I got out of the shower, fastening his belt buckle and looking troubled. However, he brightened up when he saw me. "Morning," he said, giving me one of his adorable lopsided grins.

"Morning," I replied, walking over to him and dropping my towel, then standing up on tiptoes and kissing him fiercely.

We broke apart after a minute, both of us breathing kind of hard. "What was that for?" he asked me, playing with a strand of my wet hair.

"Just 'cause," I said, shrugging nonchalantly.

He stared at me thoughtfully, knowing "just 'cause" wasn't the reason at all. "Alright," he said finally. "Dean just called. We gotta head out. Get dressed, okay?"

"You sure that's what you want?" I teased, wrapping my arms around his neck to press us together.

He kissed me briefly, then said, "Go," laughing as I pretended to pout.

I put on a clean set of clothes and grabbed my bags, deciding to just let my hair dry on its own. "You ready?" I asked him, and he nodded. "Then c'mon. Don't wanna keep Deano waiting."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

"Demons. Least two dozen of 'em," Bobby said, walking down the dark backstreet toward us. "You were right—somethin's up."

"More than 'somethin','" Dean said, staring up at the old building. "He's here; I know it." Ella slid her arm through his and laid her head on him in an attempt to be comforting, but it wasn't working.

I leaned up against the Impala, watching Sam's every move and committing him to memory—how his shoulders were slightly hunched out of insecurity and an effort to keep the attention off his height, the way he clenched his jaw when he was determined, how his eyes changed from green to brown to a mixture of the two, the way his hair fell in front of his face, causing him to push it back every few minutes. I had to remember him_ exactly _the way he was.

He walked over to Bobby, hands shoved in his pockets. _Here come the goodbyes. _

"See ya 'round, kid," the older hunter said, his voice full of paternal love.

"See ya 'round," Sam replied, smiling sadly.

They hugged for a second, then Bobby stepped back, his hands gripping Sam's shoulders tightly. Tears glistened in his eyes and clogged his throat as he said fiercely, "He gets in, ya fight him tooth and nail, ya understand? Keep swingin'. Don't give an inch."

Sam nodded once, then walked over to Cas, extending his arm to shake the ex-angel's hand. "You take care of these guys, okay?"

"That's not possible," Castiel said gravely, shaking Sam's hand.

Sam rolled his eyes and sighed, the corners of his mouth twitching upward the slightest bit. "Then humor me."

A look of realization crossed Cas's face and he looked away embarrassedly. "Oh, I'm supposed to lie." The former angel plastered on an over-exaggerated, crooked grin and, in a weird, slurring voice, said, "Uh, _sure,_ they'll be _fine._"

Sam squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "Just—just stop talking," he said with a sad sort of grin.

Ella launched herself at Sam, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Take him out, big guy!" she cried, her tears staining his shirt. He laughed and hugged her back, then she let him go, wiping her eyes and sniffling loudly.

"My turn," I said as I walked over to him. He looked down at me, gorgeous hazel eyes in full puppy dog mode. I locked my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, tears springing to my eyes.

"Hey, don't cry," he said quietly, and I looked down, pressing my lips into a thin line in an attempt to obey. He lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him, and kissed me softly. I stretched up on tiptoes to deepen the kiss, not caring that everyone else was watching. This was the last time I would ever be able to kiss him, and I planned to make the most of it.

Dean cleared his throat uncomfortably and we reluctantly broke apart. "If you two are done…" he said, giving me an awkward but sympathetic look.

I looked back at Sam, balling my hands into fists around his shirt, and hissed, "Never give in. Keep fighting, Sam. I _know _you can do this. _I know it._" I kissed him again, briefly but fiercely. "I love you," I whispered as I released him.

"I love you, too."

Sam walked over to the open trunk of the Impala and stared down at the jugs of demon blood. He glanced at his brother, who was standing beside him with apprehension and anxiety in his eyes. "You mind not watching this?" he said casually.

Though he directed his request at Dean, we all turned away immediately.

About five minutes later, the trunk slammed shut and we turned back around. "Okay," Sam said, his body trembling with sudden adrenaline. "Let's go." Dean gave Bobby a look full of dread, then followed his brother. I watched as Sam walked toward the building with an unsettling amount of confidence. "Alright!" he called, slinging his arms out to the sides. "We're here, you sons of bitches! Come and get it!"

As they reached the building, a few demons came out and stared at the boys menacingly. "Hey, guys," I heard Dean say, his tone snarky and mocking, and I couldn't help but smile a little. "Is your father home?" The demons ushered the boys inside and we were left to wait. _We do that a lot with them…_

No one spoke. Ella and I finally went and sat on the hood of the Impala, and Cas soon joined us, perching like a bird on the very edge.

A bright light flashed from the top window and I jumped off the hood in alarm, only to be held back by Bobby. "Let me go!" I begged. "What if something's wrong?" I strained against his grasp, but it was no use.

"There's nothin' we can do, kid," he said calmly. I finally gave up and went limp, leaning against the older hunter for support.

Soon, the door to the building opened and Dean slowly walked out.

I broke free and ran to him, stopping abruptly as I took in the hopelessly broken, defeated look in his eyes. "No…" I breathed, tears instantly welling up and running down my cheeks. _He made it. That's the reason Dean's so heartbroken. Lucifer couldn't have won. It's not possible! _But I was lying to myself. It was obvious why Dean looked the way he did.

"He couldn't fight it," he croaked, and I watched as a single tear rolled down his face. "He's gone."


	29. My Soul Is Still Strong

**Warning: trippy sex scene. Not graphic, just… trippy.**

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

"It's starting," Castiel stated, staring at the window display of TVs showing the urgent news reports of natural disasters breaking out everywhere.

"_Thank _you, Captain Obvious," I snapped.

"Yeah, ya think, genius?" Dean added testily.

"You don't have to be mean," Cas said glumly.

"So what d'we do now?" Ella asked, her voice quiet and hopeless.

"I suggest we imbibe copious amounts of alcohol and just wait for the inevitable blast wave," the ex-angel answered in all seriousness.

"Yes, thank you, Bukowski," Dean said, rolling his eyes. "How do we _stop it_?"

"We don't," Castiel said matter-of-factly. "Lucifer will meet Michael on the chosen field and the battle of Armageddon begins."

"And, well, where's this 'chosen field?'" Dean asked, sounding annoyed.

"I don't know."

"Well, there's gotta be _something _that we can do!" I flinched at the amount of desperation in Dean's voice.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas sighed, staring down at the ground. "This is over."

"You listen to me, you _junkless sissy_," Dean growled threateningly, clenching his fists as though he wanted nothing more than to strangle the former angel. "We are _not _giving up! Bobby?" He looked to the older hunter for support. "_Bobby?_" he repeated when he didn't get a reply.

"There was… never much hope to begin with," Bobby said sadly after a while. "I dunno what else to do."

Silence fell over us as his words sank in, each of us dwelling on our own abysmal thoughts. _Is there really no hope left?_

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

After that encouraging discussion, we went back to our separate vehicles—this time Cas was going with Bobby. We hadn't left yet, for Dean had decided to make an urgent phone call. He was now talking to the prophet, Chuck Shirley.

They were talking about what happened with Sam, and Dean was losing his temper, his voice rising to an almost-yell. He calmed down after a minute, then started asking questions. I hadn't really been paying attention, but once I heard him mention the 'title fight,' I listened attentively.

"Stull Cemetery…" Dean said pensively. "Wait… I know that—that's an old bone yard outside of Lawrence! Why Lawrence?" I heard mumbling on the other end and Dean nodded. "Alright, Chuck. You know of any way to short-circuit this thing?" Another string of mumbling and an exasperated eye roll from Dean. "Well, d'you know what's gonna happen next?" Dean sighed deeply and closed his eyes for a second. "Alright, thanks, Chuck." He shut his phone and tossed it to the side.

"Hey!" Ella exclaimed as it hit her.

"Sorry, Elle," he said quietly. "Used to someone else sitting there."

Ella's expression softened and she looked away. "It's okay." I could tell by her voice that she was tearing up. He reached over and squeezed her hand reassuringly, and she turned back to him and gave him a watery smile.

Dean got out of the car and I followed suit, wondering what was up. Ella sat patiently in the passenger seat, giving me a questioning look but not moving.

Bobby and Cas walked up to us, Bobby staring at Dean with a suspicious look on his face. "Ya goin' someplace?" he asked. "You're goin' to do somethin' stupid. Ya got that look."

"I'm gonna go talk to Sam," Dean said, looking the older hunter right in the eye. I nodded once, my thoughts confirmed. I knew he wasn't going to give up on his brother that easily.

"You just don't give up."

"It's Sam!"

"If ya couldn't reach him here," Bobby said, shaking his head, "you're certainly not gonna be able to on the battlefield."

"It's worth a shot!" I spoke up finally, ready to back Dean on anything, especially if it would get me closer to Sam.

"Well, if we've already lost, I guess I got nothing to lose, right?" Dean glared at Bobby, daring him to argue, and Bobby looked away.

Castiel walked closer to Dean, getting in his face like he always did, and said slowly, "I just want you to understand—the only thing that you're going to see out there is Michael _killing _your brother."

Dean looked at the angel with broken, defeated eyes, the eyes of a man who wanted nothing more than to die. "Well," he said, his voice cracking, "then I ain't gonna let him die alone."

I closed my eyes, wishing I hadn't heard that. Knowing how little hope he had left certainly didn't make me feel any better about the mission to talk to Sam. "C'mon, let's get going, Dean," I said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over us.

"No," he said quietly.

"'No?'" I echoed. "What? You… you're gonna listen to them? You're not going?"

"No, I'm going," he assured me. "But you and Ella—you aren't. I'm not lettin' you two die. I'm not risking it."

"You can't do this!" I argued. "You can't leave me behind! You _know _how much I need to see him, Dean! You _know _how much I love him! You can't go without me!"

He ignored me, knocking on the window to alert Ella, and she got out of the car. "What's goin' on?" she asked.

"You and Gari stay with Bobby and Cas, okay?" he said.

"What're ya gonna do?"

"He's going to find Sam," I told her, "and he _thinks_ he's going alone."

"Gari…" Ella began. "It's his brother. It's his decision."

I stared at her disbelievingly. _How can she say that? How can she just let him go? _"You think this will stop me from following you?" I snapped, turning to Dean. "Stull Cemetery. Lawrence, Kansas. I can get there, too."

"Stay here," he said to Ella, ignoring me again. She gave a reluctant nod and stepped away from the car. With a stern look in my direction, he drove away, leaving us behind.

"You girls comin'?" Bobby asked, walking back to his van, and Cas followed slowly.

"You know I'm not, Bobby," I said, and he grinned.

"Yeah, I do. Guess I'll see ya on the battlefield, kid."

I grinned back, glad to know that he wasn't going to let Dean go out there alone, either. "See you there."

I spotted a fairly new black Camry—those things were _everywhere_—and headed over to it.

"What're ya doin'?" Ella asked confusedly.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I replied as I pulled on the door handle and found it unlocked. _Idiots,_ I thought, shaking my head. _People should really lock their cars. _"I'm stealing a car. I'm gonna find Sam." I turned to Ella expectantly. "You coming? I could really use your help hotwiring it. You know you're better at this than I am."

She tapped her foot nervously, then said, "'Course I am! Dean's out there!"

"Then get your little ass over here and help me." She nodded, determination filling her big blue eyes. "We've got a party to crash."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

At first I could remember that I was napping in the backseat of a stolen Camry. A second later, however, I didn't even realize that I was dreaming.

A tall, shirtless man was leaning against the wall, giving me a sexy half-grin that made my heart stop.

"Sam!" I exclaimed, jumping off of the bed I was on and running to him. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my face into his warm, muscular chest. _Oh my God, he's okay!_

"Guess again," he said slyly, and I leaped back in alarm.

"_Lucifer,_" I hissed in disgust and fury. "What do _you _want?"

"To understand what Sam sees in you," Lucifer replied, giving me a sly grin that made my skin crawl. _That expression should _never _be on Sam's face._

"And what's the point of that?" I snapped, crossing my arms.

"He finds it infuriating when you cross your arms like that," he commented, ignoring my question. "It means you're going to put up one hell of a fight." I dropped my arms to my sides angrily, fists clenched. "You don't have to pretend you're not attracted to me—I can see it in your eyes. Your attraction to Sam overwhelms everything else, doesn't it?" I stared at the ground, biting my lip so hard I drew blood. I refused to give him the satisfaction of watching me squirm. "You don't have to be ashamed of it," Lucifer said, a touch of amusement in his voice. He stepped closer to me and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "He's always loved your hair."

A shiver went up my spine at his touch, and I cursed myself internally. _He's not Sam! Snap out of it!_ But no matter what I was thinking, I was torn. My body was reacting to Lucifer as if he were Sam, but my mind knew clearly that what I was feeling was wrong, that it was all a lie.

"Get—get away from me," I warned shakily, taking a step back.

He stepped forward again. "Are you sure that's what you want?" he teased. He lifted my chin with his forefinger, staring down at me with a curious expression. "Humans really _are_ such interesting creatures," he said softly, his lips inches from mine. "Annoying, pathetic, hairless _apes _that all deserve to die—but interesting." My breath hitched in my throat at the close proximity, even though I was screaming at myself that he was _not Sam_.

Lucifer's lips brushed mine slightly and I subconsciously lifted up on my tiptoes to deepen the kiss. One of his hands tangled in my hair while the other went to my back, pressing me closer. His mouth trailed to my neck and I softly moaned Sam's name.

The spell was broken instantly. I shoved him away, a deeply nauseous feeling in my stomach. "What the _fuck_—?!"

"That was all you," he interrupted smugly. "I set the trap, but _you _took the bait. You humans and your emotions. It's almost comical how much you feel."

"What I _feel _for Sam is the only thing stopping me from tearing you limb from limb right now!" I yelled, my body shaking as my emotions warred against each other.

"Lying to the Devil," Lucifer said, shaking his head in disappointment. "How… efficient."

"What are you talking about?" I prompted harshly.

"The truth, Garideth. The truth is you're excited by me. I'm dangerous, and you love it. The demon part of you, the part that _maggot_ Crowley created, it's thirsting for this like nothing else. And with your previous attraction to Sam, you won't hold out on me for long." He smirked triumphantly, like he had already won.

"Wanna bet?" I snarled.

"Oh, I'm afraid I'd win that one." Lucifer grabbed me suddenly, pulling me close to him again. I felt like something was draining away inside of me and I struggled to break free to no avail.

"What are you _doing_?" I yelped frantically.

"Doing away with your unnecessary emotions," he replied calmly.

"What—_how?_"

"I'm an _archangel_, Garideth. I can do whatever I want." He smirked again. "There goes grief," he said, "and nostalgia. Righteousness and self-respect." The more emotions that Lucifer drained away, the more I found myself fixated on his chest, his jaw, his eyes, his lips.

"_No! Stop!_" I cried as I realized why he was doing it. I felt almost completely drained, but I was getting angrier by the second and still focusing completely on Sam's—now Lucifer's—perfect lips. "You son of a bitch!" I shrieked, beating my free hand on his chest and struggling more than ever to get away. "What the _fuck _did you _do _to me?!"

"I told you," Lucifer said slowly, as if talking to a child. "I did away with your unnecessary emotions."

"Why did you leave _anger_?!"

"I find that, when it comes to lust, anger is a better fuel than joy."

_Lust. That explains it._ That explained why I couldn't stop staring at him, why my pulse was pounding just by watching him stand there, why I felt like going feral and jumping on him at any minute.

"You can give in to it," Lucifer said softly, his voice—_Sam's _voice—pure music to my ears. "Sam will enjoy it, I promise. And you have no emotions that will get in your way."

Anger boiled up inside of me at his words—_How _dare_ he even utter Sam's _name_?!—_but before I could deny anything, Lucifer crushed his lips to mine.

My body reacted instantly, just as it had before, my hands locking around his neck and pulling him impossibly closer, and I let out a breathy sigh as his tongue entered my mouth.

He pulled away for a second. "It's okay," he whispered, his slightly chapped lips tickling my ear. "He's enjoying this, too." By that point, I didn't know who "he" was, and I honestly didn't care.

We fell back onto the bed, Lucifer catching himself and leaning over me. I then realized that I was naked and briefly wondered how, but then he started trailing kisses down my stomach and I lost my train of thought. I ran my fingers through his shaggy hair, unable to get enough of him.

Lucifer's mouth connected with mine again—but only for a moment—then he let his lips trace the veins in my neck. Once again, a soft moan of "Sam" escaped me, but by then, I was too far gone.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

As we lay on the bed, Lucifer's arm around my waist and my back to his chest, the realization of what a horrible, traitorous thing I had done still hadn't hit me. Though my anger had faded, it was taking Lucifer's restraining grasp to stop me from acting on my continuous lust.

"Hmmm," Lucifer started, and I could feel the sound reverberating in his massive chest. "I think I understand now," he mused.

"What d'you understand?" I asked, flipping over to face him and kissing his jaw.

"What Sam sees in you."

With that final, confusing statement, I woke up abruptly, gasping and shaking uncontrollably as my emotions came rushing back, and it took me a minute to remember where I was. _You're in a car—a Camry. You're with Ella. Lucifer's gone. He was never here in the first place. It was a dream. It was _just _a dream. _

But I knew it wasn't. I knew that Satan liked to invade people's dreams, that he had often done so to Sam. Just because it was a dream didn't mean it wasn't real. It was _very _real. And that made it so much worse.

Ella looked at me with concern and asked, "Ya okay, Gari?"

"Yeah…" I said quietly. "Just a nightmare… You want me to drive now?"

"No, it's okay. Y'know I like drivin'. We'll be there in an hour or so."

I curled up in my seat, trying to contain the despair and disgust that was threatening to overwhelm me. _What have I _done_?_ I thought desperately, breaking into silent, wracking sobs and pressing my forehead against the cool window. _Oh, Sam… I'm _so_ sorry…_

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

We got to Stull Cemetery just in time to see Dean drive up to Michael and Lucifer in the Impala, blaring "Rock of Ages" as loud as it would go. After ditching the Camry at the entrance, we snuck up behind gravestones, trying to get closer to the boys, and as we did, I heard Dean say, "Howdy, boys! Sorry, am I interrupting something?" I grinned at the pure Dean-ness of it. Ella and I finally made it to a gravestone right behind the Impala, and we heard Dean say to Lucifer, "Hey, we need to talk."

Lucifer walked toward him, giving a small, mirthless laugh and shaking his head. "Dean, even for you, this is a whole new mountain of _stupid._"

"I'm not talkin' to you," Dean said casually. "I'm talkin' to Sam."

"You're no longer the vessel, Dean," Michael said, and I frowned when I saw that he was, in fact, Adam. The kid may have been a total ass, but he didn't deserve to be ridden by a self-righteous angel. "You got no right to be here."

Dean unflinchingly looked Michael in the eye and said, "Adam, if you're in there right now, I am _so sorry._"

"Adam isn't home right now," Michael replied, and his tone surprised me. _I thought only demons were douchey._

"Well, then, you're next on my list, buttercup." I had to admire Dean's ability to keep his cool during that confrontation. I was only secretly watching and I was already scared shitless. "But right now, I need five minutes with him," Dean added, jerking his head toward Lucifer.

"You little _maggot_," Michael growled. "You are no longer a part of this story!"

"Hey, ass-butt!" a familiar, raspy voice called suddenly, and I turned my head just in time to see Castiel throw a Molotov cocktail at Michael. The archangel burst into flames and, with an angry, pained cry, disappeared. _Way to go, Cas!_ I cheered silently.

"_Ass-butt_?" Dean asked disbelievingly, and Cas shrugged. Ella and I darted forward to where we were now hiding behind the Impala and peeked through the window.

"He'll be back," the ex-angel said, sounding pretty proud of himself, "and upset. But you got your five minutes."

"Castiel…" Lucifer began, a sinister tone to his voice, as he advanced on Cas. "Did you just _Molotov… _my _brother_… with _holy fire_?"

Cas backed away slowly, hands held up in surrender and terror etched on every line of his face. "Um… no…"

"_No one _dicks with Michael but _me_," Lucifer snarled, snapping his fingers. Castiel exploded instantly, and I clapped my hand over Ella's mouth to stop her from screaming. _No, no, _no_!_

Dean's eyes widened slightly, but that was the only evidence of his panic. "Sammy?" he said hesitantly, and Lucifer whipped around to glare at him. "Can ya hear me?"

"Y'know, I've tried to be nice, for Sammy's sake," Lucifer said, taking a step forward. _You're not allowed to call him that!_ I thought irrationally. I didn't know why it mattered to me so much, but it did. Lucifer had no right to call him "Sammy." Only Dean and I could do that.

He clenched his hands into fists around Dean's jacket, making it impossible for the hunter to escape. "But _you _are such a _pain _in my ass." He threw Dean backwards, and Dean's head hit the Impala's windshield, causing cracks to ripple out through the glass.

A bullet suddenly fired into Lucifer's back, and we all turned to see Bobby holding up a smoking gun and breathing heavily. He fired another round, but it didn't work, and he shrugged.

With a sick, demented grin, Lucifer made a twisting motion with one hand and Bobby's neck snapped loudly. I pressed my free hand over my mouth to stop from crying out and felt hot tears pour over the hand silencing Ella. _No, he's not dead! He can't be dead! _Bobby_! _"_No!_" Dean cried in anguish.

"_Yes_!" Lucifer hissed, grabbing Dean's leg and pulling him forward, then drawing his hand back and punching him in the face so hard that he spun around and fell onto the hood of the Impala.

"Sammy?" Dean tried again, blood dripping from his mouth. "Are you in there?"

Lucifer decked him again, saying, "Oh, he's in here, alright. And he's gonna feel the snap of your bones. _Every. Single. One._ And we're gonna take our time!"

Lucifer hit him again and again, and though I couldn't see his face, I could imagine how awful it must look, judging by the amount of blood on Lucifer's fist. It was taking all of my willpower not to try to help him, but Lucifer would just kill us, too. And I couldn't let Ella die.

"Sam," Dean rasped. "Sammy. It's okay, it's okay. I'm here, I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you. I'm not gonna leave you!" Ella was sobbing, the sound muffled by my palm, and I was shaking uncontrollably as I tried to suppress tears.

Lucifer drew back his fist to deal the final blow, and I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled Ella into my arms. She shouldn't watch this, and I couldn't bear to. Tears leaked out from under my eyelids and fell into her hair.

After a minute, I opened my eyes to see Lucifer just standing there, frozen, his fist still drawn back. At first, I thought he was staring at me. Then I realized that he was staring fixedly at a spot on the Impala.

Suddenly, his fist uncurled and dropped to his side. He released Dean and I winced as the hunter fell to the ground. "It's okay, Dean," he said, and I realized with a shock that this was _Sam,_ not Lucifer. He had gained control. "It's gonna be okay. I've got him."

Sam pulled the still-connected Horsemen rings out of his pocket and turned away from his brother, then walked over to the empty space in the middle of the cemetery and threw the rings on the ground. He muttered an incantation, taking a step back as a gaping hole opened around the rings. He glanced at Dean, sharing one last, long, telepathic look that seemed to hold an infinite amount of words and emotions. With a slight nod at his brother, Sam stepped closer to the edge.

I couldn't do it—I couldn't let him go without saying goodbye.

"Whatever happens," I said, my voice almost inaudible as I whispered into Ella's ear, "do _not _leave this spot." Then, before she had a chance to question me, I leapt to my feet and ran out from behind the Impala. "Sam!" I cried, stopping a few feet behind him.

Right as he was about to take the last step, he froze, then turned around and saw me. "_Gari_?" he said incredulously. He took a step toward me. "What are you—?"

I threw myself at him, the salty taste of my tears mingling with my interruptive kiss. He kissed me back passionately, his arms going around my waist and lifting me off the ground, and I almost forgot why I was doing this. "I couldn't let you go," I said quietly as I pulled away, and I buried my head in his chest, fighting the urge to break down. "Not without saying goodbye."

"I'm glad you're here," Sam said warmly.

"Sam, I—I have to tell you something. It—it's important. And… it's bad."

"What is it?"

"I—I slept with Lucifer," I rushed out. I had to explain, had to apologize. He had to know that I had no control. "I didn't mean to; he—he came to me in a dream and I thought he was you but he _wasn't _you and then he took away all of my emotions except anger and lust and I gave in and Sam, I'm _so sorry_—I never meant to do anything like that, I—"

"Hey, it's okay, I know," he assured me.

"You—what?" I asked disbelievingly.

"You wouldn't _believe _how full of himself Lucifer is. He was bragging about it from the moment it happened." I could tell by his voice that he was smiling. "It's not your fault. He tricked you." I couldn't reply, shocked as always by his willingness to forgive. "You gotta let me go now, okay? He's fighting for control, and I dunno how long I can keep this up. I gotta go."

I squeezed him tightly, unwilling to obey. "I love you, Sammy," I said hoarsely.

As I pulled back, he grinned—a true, beautiful Sam Winchester grin—and said, "I know."

I let out a strangled laugh at that, closing my eyes and leaning into him again. I fisted my hands around his shirt and kissed him briefly but fiercely, then took a step back. "Bye, Sam," I whispered, smiling sadly.

Suddenly, a wracking cough shook my body and blood poured out of my mouth. Pain ripped through me, unlike any I'd ever felt, and I fell to the ground, convulsing as I coughed up more blood. "_Gari_!" Sam yelped in alarm, reaching for me.

"Stay out of this, _filth_!" Michael hissed at me, and Sam spun around, an expression of terrifying rage on his face. "Sam!" Michael said loudly. "It's not gonna end this way! Step back!"

"You're gonna have to make me!" Sam snarled, shooting me one last glance.

"I have to fight my brother, Sam!" Michael yelled. "Here and now! It's my destiny!"

Sam ignored him, closing his eyes and taking a step back toward the hole. He started to fall, but the archangel grabbed his arm. With a determined look of finality on his face, Sam grabbed Michael and pulled him into the Cage.

The hole sealed up instantly, the Horsemen rings reappearing in the center. I immediately stopped coughing and dragged myself over to them, emitting deep, gasping sobs that caused me to inhale dirt with every breath. I grasped the rings tightly as Dean came and fell to his knees beside me.

"He's gone," I choked, pressing my face into the ground. Despair crushed me from the inside, making it even harder to breathe through my sobs. "He's gone."


	30. Sometimes Goodbye Is a Second Chance

**I just wanna say thanks to everyone who finished up this story with me—special shout-out to my very best friend (in real life, too), HeadStuckInTheClouds, who has helped me through so much and continues to help me through the sequel—and thanks to all of you who are reading this after it's been complete for however long. This story really is my baby. And, sure, my writing skills have progressed so far from when I first started, but this story—even the sorta dreadful beginning—will always have a special place in my heart. And it means more than the world to me that you people seem to love it as much as I do.**

**I don't own _Supernatural _or any references to anything else you may recognize.**

**So, without further ado, I give you the final chapter to **_**I'm Not Strong Enough to Stay Away**_**! **

After a while, I pushed myself onto my knees and saw a now-perfect Dean and a self-satisfied Castiel.

"_Cas_?" I exclaimed hoarsely, my throat sore from crying. "But—but you were _dead_!"

He shared a look with Dean that made me think they'd already talked about this and I just hadn't been paying attention. "God brought me back," he said triumphantly. "I'm an angel again."

"That's great," I croaked, forcing a smile, though I'm sure it looked more like a grimace, especially with the blood all over my face. I got to my feet slowly and handed the rings to Dean, saying, "Death probably wants his back."

He fixed me with his piercing green eyes as he took the rings, then surprised me by putting his arm around me and squeezing briefly. "Sorry for leavin' without you," he said quietly.

"I'm not sorry for following you," I replied, and he chuckled mirthlessly.

"Gee, what a surprise."

From out of nowhere, Ella launched herself at him, burying her face in his chest and sobbing. "I thought ya were gonna die!" she cried, her voice muffled by his shirt. He hugged her back tightly, like she was the only thing keeping him from breaking down, and I looked away when I saw a tear roll down his face.

I suddenly saw Bobby getting to his feet and looking around in wonder. Before I was consciously aware of doing it, I was hugging the older hunter desperately. He was the closest thing I'd had to a father since Greg, and when I saw him die, I didn't know what I was going to do. All I could think about was losing another father.

He hesitantly hugged me back, then let go and said gruffly, "What're ya tryin' to do, kid? Kill me again?"

I released him and stepped back. "Sorry," I said, sniffling a little. "You just scared the shit outta me, old man—how d'you think I'm gonna react?"

He patted my shoulder awkwardly and I forced another smile.

I turned to Castiel, who was watching our displays of affection uncomfortably. "There's… nothing you can do?" I asked hesitantly, my voice full of wary hope.

"I'm sorry," the angel said, his deep, monotonous voice betraying no emotion.

Anger rose up inside of me. _How can he be so uncaring, and so _useless_? He's an _angel_, and apparently he's one of God's_ _favorites! He should be able to _do _something!_ "Oh, so there's a limit on how many people you can resurrect?" I snapped, but Castiel just stared at me calmly, as if he had been expecting my outburst. "What's the point of you coming back if you can't _do _anything?" I raged, clenching my fists. Clouds rolled in and I knew I should try to control my powers, but at that moment, I couldn't care less. "Why _you_, and not _Sam_?"

"Gari…" Dean said warningly as Cas narrowed his eyes. "Don't piss off the nerd angels…"

"No, Dean," Castiel said darkly, an odd tone to his voice. "She needs to say this."

"You're _useless_!" I yelled at the angel, and a loud clap of thunder sounded. Neither of us reacted, both glaring too fiercely to notice.

"I've saved your life, Garideth, or have you forgotten that?" he retorted. The way he decided to hold that over me only infuriated me more. _He saved me from a _demon_! A demon that I could've taken by myself!_

"Compared to what I'm feeling now, being dead would be a_ relief_!" I screamed, angry and despairing tears springing to my eyes. I brushed them away roughly and continued. "I wish Michael had _killed _me! _Anything _would be better than this!"

"Don't talk like that!" Ella exclaimed, aghast.

"Your boyfriend's thinking it, too; he's just too afraid to say it!" I ranted, and she flinched away from me. "He came here to talk to Sam, but if that didn't work, he was hoping Lucifer would kill him! I heard what he said in Detroit!"

"Is that true?" Ella asked Dean, and he looked away. She put her hand over her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut despairingly.

"I would have just brought you both back," Cas said, and I whipped my head around to glare at him again.

"_Why_?" I cried. "Why are _we _so important, but Sam has to be stuck in that cage?"

"It is God's—"

"Don't you_ dare _preach to me about 'God's will!'" I snarled, stepping closer to the angel and yelling in his face. "If _God_ is so magnificent, where is He now? If He's so powerful, why can't he bring Sam back?"

"I thought you believed now," Ella reminded me hesitantly.

"Oh, I believe." I glared at her for a second, then faced Castiel again. "I believe he's a fucked up,_ shitty _excuse for a father who finds entertainment in watching his precious '_creations_' live out their pathetic, miserable lives down on this Hell called Earth! How's _that _for belief?"

I then found out what happens when you piss off the nerd angels.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

When I woke up, I noticed two things: one, I had absolutely no clue where I was, and two, the whole left side of my face was throbbing fiercely. I touched it gingerly and pain shot through me. "_Ow_," I groaned.

"You're awake!" Ella exclaimed, and I sat up slowly, looking around with my good eye and realizing that I was on Bobby's couch.

"What happened?" I asked groggily, fruitlessly trying to open my left eye.

"Cas punched ya," she reminded me unconcernedly.

"Don't feel bad for me, now," I said sarcastically.

"Oh, I don't—you deserved it," she replied. "How'd _you_ feel if someone talked 'bout Greg like that?" I looked down at my lap, a small bit of guilt bubbling up in my stomach. _If someone talked about Greg like that, it would be the last thing they ever did._ "Exactly," she said, as always knowing just what I was thinking. "So how d'ya feel?"

"Like I just got punched by an angel," I deadpanned, and she giggled. I glanced up at her, noticing how disheveled and worried she looked, and I frowned. Only Dean and I could make her do that. "Elle, you—you know I'm sorry, right? For yelling at you? I didn't mean to—I was just—"

"I know," she interrupted, squeezing my hand once. "Ya were just upset. 'Course ya were upset. Sam's gone and—"

"Stop, Elle." Despair fell over me once again as she said _his _name. _Is it supposed to hurt this much? So much that I can't even hear his name? Or even think it? _ "Please. Just—stop."

"I'm sorry, Gari, I didn't mean—" The hurt on her face made me feel so guilty. She was just trying to be comforting, as always.

"I know. It's okay." I racked my brain for a way to change the subject. "Um… where is Cas, anyway?"

"In Heaven, I guess. He's 'the new sheriff in town'—that's how Dean put it. Why?"

"I guess I'm gonna apologize," I muttered.

"Really?" Ella said, surprised. "Wow, how hard did he hit ya?"

"Shut up," I snapped halfheartedly. I got to my feet shakily and stared up at the ceiling. "Castiel?" I called. "Cas? Can you come down here, please?" Nothing happened. "Cas?" I tried again. "I… I want to apologize."

The angel appeared in a flurry of wings and cocked his head to the side, his baby blue eyes boring into me. "I'm listening."

I walked over to him, staring down at my feet. "I… I shouldn't have said—I didn't mean—" I paused, biting my lip and trying to figure out what to say, how to make my only half-sincere apology sound like it meant something. "I'm just—I'm sorry. I know He's your father, and I know if someone talked about Greg like that, they'd be dead before they could finish a sentence. So… forgive me?" I held my hands behind my back, trying to look innocent. I really was sorry for insulting his father, but I wasn't sorry for what I said. Everything I said was true, it was what I believed in, and _nothing_ would make me change my mind.

Castiel scrutinized me for a moment, then seemed to be satisfied. _He actually bought that?_ "I apologize as well," he said, and he really did sound sorry. "I believe I… flew off the handle?" He looked to Ella for approval of his choice of words, and she nodded appreciatively.

"I was dissing your dad," I said with a shrug, trying to put some emotion into my voice, but I just couldn't do it. _What does what an angel think of me matter when _he _is gone? Who cares if Cas hates me? I deserve it—I deserve all the hate in the world. If I knew more about my powers, maybe I could've saved _him_. Maybe I could have found another way to stop Lucifer. _"And I was being a bigger bitch than usual. You had every right to punch me. Don't worry about it."

"Still," the angel said, stepping closer to me. "I can at least do this." He touched my injured face gently, and suddenly the pain stopped.

I felt it wonderingly, blinking as I got used to it being healed, and said, "Man, you sure know how to apologize." I turned to Ella then. "Where's Dean?" I asked. "How is he?"

"He's arguin' with Bobby," she said sadly. "He's been arguin' with everyone, even me. I don't like bein' yelled at, 'specially by him, but I've been tryin' not to fight back 'cause of—"

"He'll be fine, Elle," I broke in, ignoring the aching pain that hit me when she almost said _his _name again. "He'll come around. I promise."

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

We had been at Bobby's for about a week. I hadn't seen Cas since the first day, but I didn't really care. Dean was sulking, and so was I.

I kept having nightmares, replaying _his _death in my head, and no matter what I did, they wouldn't stop. They started with Lucifer beating Dean, then jumped to _him_ and Michael falling into the cage. I always woke up as the hole resealed. Thankfully, I never woke up screaming. Elle would never leave me alone if I did. I actually considered pissing Cas off again, just so I could get some rest.

Ella was so comforting that it was annoying—just how I had predicted, exactly what I'd told _him._ _I'll have to leave soon. I can't handle this much longer. _The only reason I was still sticking around was because I hadn't figured out a way to break it to her yet.

I was currently lounging on Bobby's couch, having finally decided to leave. My fingers twisted in the cord of the necklace Bobby had given me that morning. There was an identical one around my neck. The one in my hands was for Ella.

She and Dean walked into the room at the perfect moment, followed by Bobby. "Get up," Dean said, slapping my foot. "We're goin' to Kentucky."

"You promised him, Dean," I said quietly as I stood up. "No more hunting. Normal. Safe. That's it."

"I—I know," he said, looking down at his feet. "We're not hunting monsters."

"Then what are you doing?"

"House-hunting."

My eyes widened in surprise. Some part of me had thought that he wouldn't obey his brother's wish, but I should have known that he would. "Oh," I said, shifting my weight awkwardly.

"So're we goin' or not?" Ella asked, hands on her hips.

"_You _are," I replied. "_I'm _not."

"What're ya talkin' 'bout, Gari?" she asked confusedly.

"Here," I said, taking her hand and closing it around the necklace. "Take it."

"What's it for?" She looked at me warily, fear growing in her sapphire blue eyes.

"Hold it by the string over a map and spin it clockwise three times, then say 'quaerere,'" I directed. "I have a matching one, see? With it, you can always find me."

"Gari…" Ella started, her voice now thick with worry. "What's goin' on?"

"She's leaving, Ella," Dean told her quietly.

"_What_?" she cried, dropping the necklace in shock. Tears brimmed in her eyes and I bit my lip. _Please don't cry, Elle. _Please _don't cry. _"No, ya can't!"

"I have to, babe," I replied, keeping my voice as emotionless as possible. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!_

"_Why_?"

"I can't stay. I just… I can't, Ella. Being on my own right now—that's what's best for me. You and Dean are gonna live a normal life. You know I can't do that. I can't just stop being a freak. I'm _not _normal, Ella, and I'm not gonna pretend that I am."

"I don't care! Ya can't leave me!" she yelped, tears rolling down her face, and she threw her arms around my waist. "Ya _can't _leave me!"

"Ella…" I began slowly, prying myself out of her grasp. "You'll have Dean. And you've got a baby on the way."

"Twins," she whispered, and I almost didn't catch it.

Then it clicked. "_Twins_?" Dean and I exclaimed simultaneously.

"I went yesterday. Boy and a girl. Due November second. Y'all were mopin' around and didn't even notice I was gone."

Dean blanched, his face drained of all color, but he didn't say anything.

I ignored his minor panic attack, saying, "Then that's an even bigger reason for you and Dean to move on. I need time to think, to sort through everything."

"But—but we've been together forever!" She grabbed me again, breaking into sobs. "We can't split up now!"

"Ella, you gotta let her go," Dean said, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"_No_!" she protested fiercely, her grip on me tightening. "No, ya _can't, _Gari! Ya _can't_!"

I squeezed her tightly, fighting back tears to no avail. _When she cries, I cry. When she laughs, I laugh. Whatever she does, I do. We're one in the same. She's my best friend, my _sister_, the only one who's been there through _everything_. I can't live without her. Why am I leaving her? _"Elle… please…"

She pulled away from me, sniffling and wiping her eyes. "Is this… _really _what ya want?" she asked hoarsely.

_Oh, _God, _no. No, I never wanna leave you. I'm so scared to be without you. But I _have _to. _I plastered on a hopefully convincing smile and said, "Yeah, Elle. It is." She flew at me again, hugging me so tightly that I could barely breathe. "Besides," I choked out, "it's not like you'll never see me again. This isn't goodbye." _I just can't stop lying, can I?_

"'Never say goodbye,'" Ella quoted, and I joined in, grinning wryly, "'because saying goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.'"

"Man, we are such dorks," I said with a small laugh.

"Okay," Ella said, sounding slightly happier. "Do what ya needa do. Just promise you'll come back."

I hesitated for the briefest moment. "I promise."

"Swear on the River Styx?"

"Really, Elle? You're making me use a demigod oath?"

"It's unbreakable!" she argued. "So say it!"

"I swear on the River Styx."

"_And _on the precious?"

"And on the precious," I sighed.

Bobby and Dean watched our exchange with amusement, then Bobby stepped forward. "See ya 'round, kid." I froze in place, blinking rapidly. _Those are the last words he said to—_ Bobby seemed to realize that, too, for he quickly pulled me into an awkward hug. "I expect I'll be seein' ya a lot. Y'know you'll be needin' my help with somethin' or other soon, since it's the first time you're on your own and all."

"Yeah," I said, closing my eyes, "I'll miss you too, old man."

He released me and stepped back, his face red and a slight sadness in his eyes. "Idjit," he muttered, and I grinned.

I turned to Dean, and he met my gaze, a small smile on his face. "You take care of her, alright?" I threatened, only half-joking. "I'll kick your ass if anything happens to her, and you _know _I'm capable."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he chuckled, rolling his eyes. "My nose still hurts every now and then."

I laughed a little at that, staring at him thoughtfully. Here was this man I had hatedso fiercely for so long, and now it was taking all of my willpower to leave him behind. I trusted him with my life—even more importantly, with _Ella's _life. He was the brother I never had, and I could see he felt the same way about me.

I stepped forward and hugged him, closing my eyes and once again feeling the prickle of tears. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "for everything I've done, and for everything that's happened to you. You deserve better, Dean. _No one _deserves more than you."

"Take care of yourself, Gari," he said gruffly. "And… don't be a stranger, okay? Soon as we find a place, you'll know." He let me go and gave me his trademark smirk, the smirk that used to make my blood boil with anger and annoyance. Now it just made me want to cry.

Ella hugged me again. "Call me and check in sometime, 'kay?" I nodded. "Love ya, Gari."

"Love you too, babe."

With a final glance at the people I loved most, I turned and walked out of Bobby's house without any intention of ever going back.

**And there you have it, folks. That's the end.**

**But then again… nothing ever really ends, does it?**


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